Letters from the Outside, In, KK to TBW, #5

Thomas, Thomas, Thomas,

I just got your letter. I’m so happy to hear from you. Apparently you wrote it on the 5th but I mailed you one on the 5th so I hope you got that one too by now.

I’m not too scared of the silliness that is the swine flu. No one here seems to notice. With all the crazy bacteria all over this City I don’t think anyone is too concerned. I did, however, have food poisoning about two weeks ago and thought I was going to die. It was awful.

I get why you would fall into periods of depression or feeling antisocial. But please keep writing. Even if it really does come down to a : “Howdy Kelly. Still here, XOXO. Thomas” type of thing. From different circumstances, of course, there are times when I feel incapable of writing anything. I hate that feeling. Like I’ll write a blog entry, and it is forced or an email to someone, and it is just so hard that I wonder if it is coherent at all. Like do they understand what I’m trying to convey? I feel like that when I write to you too sometimes.

I think the only way to be inspired to write, or inspired to do anything, really, is to submerge yourself into some form of art. Music, films, books… I know you definitely have a big deficit of art where you are, but honestly, most art comes out of pain anyway, and I assume you have a big heap of that. So try your hardest to let it inspire you.

For example, there was this like 8000 word essay in the New York Times Magazine by Daphne Merkin (famous memoirist) that was so totally overindulgent and played. I mean, I suffer from depression too and do not discount how awful it can be. However, this was like an exercise in narcissism. She didn’t say anything new, and I was generally unimpressed. Lauren Slater (Prozac Diary) has written way more eloquently about it; Hell, Elizabath Wurtzel has too. (Prozac Nation.) Anyway, I’ll Google the article now and see if I can print it out for you so you can see what I mean. Today I read all these blogs saying the same thing I thought. She did, however, use her depression and inability to do anything to eventually write a long missive on just that. That I admire. I admire she had the gumption and wherewithal to actually get published in the NYT Magazine and have the cover story. Even with a topic that is played out. [Ed.: If you want to read the article I was referring to and that I printed out for him here it is: A Journey Through Darkness]

Everyone keeps mentioning Lithell’s controversial book, “The Kindly Ones,” and I looked it up, but it doesn’t seem appealing to me.

I just read a really interesting book called THE KEY. It was self-published by Whitley Strieber so it is hard to get, but was really worth it. Whitley Strieber was a science fiction writer for years and then had some odd experiences he began to write about under the genre of non-fiction. I have read all his non-fiction stuff and much of it deals with extraterrestrials, weather changes and metaphysics. He wrote the book, The Coming of the Global Superstorm which was the basis for that cheesy action movie, Day After Tomorrow. Anyway, The Key discusses what he believes happens to you when you die. It seemed very close to what I have always thought. What do you think happens to you when we die? I am not religious at all. In fact I loath religion—not God—but religion. I absolutely believe in God but not the conventions of religion. If that makes any sense… I don’t want to bore you by going on and on about what I believe…

I hope you enter that short story contest! Can you send me what you submit? I want to see. If you actually won money, isn’t that a problem? Isn’t there a law that prevents inmates from making any money? If you want to submit a story about a love, relationship, dating event to New York Press, let me know. I can give you the details of how to do so. They take all submissions—850 words max----and they pick the best for their weekly column. As you know I used to write the dating/sex column for them. They now don’t have a writer doing it. Now they do Flavor of the Week where people just submit a dating/sex/relationship column (you’ve read some of mine) and the best gets published. Worth a shot. It’s just a stamp, right? At first they had to center around NYC, but I have recently seen a few that are written by people from other places. One written by an inmate would probably raise some eyebrows. Just a thought. If you want to see some of the ones recently published, I can send them on. Let me know.

In my letter from May 5th I wrote all about seeing the 20/20 special with you and your Dad in it. If for some reason you didn’t get that letter, let me know and I’ll resend my thoughts/questions on it.

It has not been warm enough hear to go to the pool and besides it doesn’t open until the last week of June and this year on June 28th I’m going to Alaska on a cruise. So the pool will have to wait until at least July 6th. I’ve always wanted to go to Alaska.

As for the “loss and longing…” I had a very odd childhood—I’ll tell you about it sometime---so I totally am a pretty dark person in ways. And I certainly have dated some interesting characters to say the least. Again, I tend not to write too much about myself to you because you are far more interesting than I am. You situation is pretty unusual. I’m just a whiny woman in NYC who had an odd upbringing. Just like a billion others.

I have tons going on. Tons of projects—writing and otherwise. Some fun, some not so fun. This week alone I have a press event I’m hosting for a client, then Wednesday night I’m going to see God of Carnage on Broadway starring James Gandolfini, Jeff Daniels, Hope Davis and Marcia Gay Harden. It has gotten great reviews, and I’m looking forward to seeing it. Then a friend invited me to a cocktail party for Bobbi Brown (she has a makeup line) so I’ll get to wear a pretty dress and drink champagne. Then Saturday is my bday. All I want to do, though, is lay in bed and read and watch movies.

Glad you liked my Goa story. It’s a great place. I was there for three weeks over Xmas/New Years in ’07.

I see that you finally have a blog entry up. Apparently, you wrote, that you tried unsuccessfully to get it up for a while. Anyway, I’m so interested in this psychological interview. What did they ask or do? What was the dr. like? What was the purpose of their evaluation? I want details! I’m sure you are bored of writing about it after the long entry, but did you ever find out what they have concluded about your psychological makeup? I suspect because the word “sociopath” is tossed about in many things written about you they were trying to see if that was really your diagnosis. Not sure how they go about doing that. Anyway, I hope that the result was one that you were okay with.

I’m including a short funny story from the New Yorker that cracked me up. It’s called “Making Friends” and it is about a plane trip from Hell.

I’m also including a tiny black and white picture of myself. It is from ’04. All the recent pictures I have of myself are on my computer and I could print them out, but don’t’ have a color printer right now. It’s me on my wedding day—found a bunch of them in my drawer and figured I’d send on alone so you can see a bit better who you’ve been typing to. I’ll try to send a recent color one soon. I’ll probably have a bunch taken this week b/c of my bday. In fact I have to get a professional headshot taken this week so I’ll send you on of the proofs if you want.

Anyway, adios for now.


Kelly