Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #18

Dear KK---
Hello again! Let me finish what we were talking about yesterday, and then return to your first letter...then again: "Men Plan, God Laughs", so we'll see if I can make that happen, given your letters' strange power to make me wander far and wide...

Once again, sorry you were "floored" by the very tragic story of another "KK". But they're only initials--and as I tried to make clear, it seems that every girl or woman with those initials in whatever combination claims them as her own. And again, why not? The alliteration is irresistible. So far I have not met people with identical names, both beginning with "K".

Much sadder is the inevitable fallout from suicide. The accusations and blame came years later...You are so right--that "suicide is always such a tragedy"; especially for those who remain to try to ponder the almost always unknowable: WHY? As you can imagine, her family struggled with that at the time, and I'm sure continue to do so today. I was reading a story, reprinted from the Times about the fallout from the recent suicide of Nicholas Hughes, son of Sylvia Plath & Ted Hughes--and already there is analysis & recriminations from the [sometimes] fanatical followers of Ms. Plath and those who knew Mr. Hughes only as the brilliant scientist he was.

Anyway, thank you for your condolences. But I am fine (not ecstatic, but OK!) talking about it--now. And to repeat: I'm not squeamish about it; you did not upset me; and nothing you could ask could "irk" me. I totally understand your curiosity---just as I am very curious about the side of you that is a "very dark person who knows the pain of life". I want to explore that completely if you will allow us to do so. And of course, I promise to let you explore & know me as deeply as you wish. With that in mind-let me return to your first letter, and begin with the question of dating: Did you have a type?

***

Trying to be objective-I would say no, insofar as a particular "look" is concerned; but the mind & brain are something else again. Sexuality and sensuality are far more than looks and appearance--intelligence, curiosity, sense of humor, and an ability & willingness to commit totally emotionally...But I have strong feeling that you know that. [KK--What this means is of course a whole other letter or letters!] But again, as I mentioned yesterday, it's been my experience that relatively few men and women are willing to explore that depth of a relationship.

Wow! Hope I'm not getting too deep in the weeds here, but I did want to answer... Continuing with your letter:

David Sedaris: I am familiar with what he writes, but I've not had the pleasure of reading any of his books. I've read some excerpts and reviews and (I think) some short pieces--and what I read was very funny. Do send that most recent New Yorker piece, about the train-smoking, low-life crush.

[On a related note--and trying to provide you with a glimpse into dealing with incarceration: Laughing & humor are very important to both physical & mental health. By now I can probably tell you the plotlines ++ of all 180 Seinfeld episodes and many more. We've already discussed STARVED...how about ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA?]

With the dark & the bleak...plus humor...can you imagine that black comedy is one of my favorites.

Thanks for the New York magazine piece on Cindy Sherman, et. al. Plus I like your attitude about New York, KK! I actually like your attitude about most everything. By the way, the other New York stories with Cindy Sherman's were also intriguing, especially one of the true survivors: Larry Kramer. I've followed his life story (or tried to) since reading the late Randy Shilt's landmark work on the early days of the AIDS pandemic: And The Band Played On

Look forward to whatever you can send re Cindy Sherman & her work. Good luck with your printer.

[A brief but important aside: Some day the full story of the greatest pandemic since the Black Plague will be told. AIDS of course. And especially the utterly shameful neglect & ignorance of the 1980s in America. With no leadership at all from those entrusted with health care and common sense.

There is easily an entire letter on this subject, but let me go for now.]

As you may recall "Hell Hole" focused on several state facilities. Much, much better here in comparison. No roommates. As much as I can, will try to give you a sense of the "experience" in a future letter(s). You might be surprised (or maybe not, you are very perceptive) that there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. Pretty much go non-stop M-F---and catch up on weekends.

THE KINDLY ONES by Jonathan Lithell [Ed.: Both Swango and Whitaker both seem highly interested in this book.] is one of two hugely controversial European novels that have recently been translated and published in the U.S. THE KINDLY ONES (French) is the massive tome---a memoir by an ex-Nazi SS member. The other book is WETLANDS , German, a "feminist" novel apparently controversial for her explicit & graphic subjects and writing. Both were highly praised by European critics---not so much this side of the pond.

However--always a fan of l-o-n-g, complex novels, I have them both on my future reading list once they come out in paperback.

Two related points:

>Another massive but brilliant novel I want to read is INFINITE JEST, the magnum opus of still another recent tragic, mind-numbing suicide, the author Dave Eggers [Ed.: in the next letter he corrects himself and says he mis-typed and knows the author is David Foster Wallace.], who killed himself last year.

>Haven't really mentioned what else can be sent in here. Paperback books -- any size--so long as they are sent from a publisher or bookstore. A relative of mine routinely uses AMAZON.com. Same with individual copies of magazines/sent from a bookstore. And of course, subscriptions to newspapers and magazines are fine.

God and religion: As you might surmise from my comments on the Cistercians, I think of religion as an individual, contemplative, meditative act. Organized mega-religions seem to have a fairly awful track record historically & currently. More on this as we get to know each other more closely.

Thanks again for your lovely photo! To answer your question, I would very much like to see other photos--whether "hard copies" or printed out like your "K**** Jewelry Designs" tag. Again, I understand the color printer problem. Send whatever you can, when you can, KK! Feel free to include Mini if you like! He seems to be at your side much of the time anyway!

Hey, I actually finished your first letter! OMG! When I write again (like tomorrow) - your second letter plus Mike Tyson film. <All the reviews have been simply brilliant!>

You take care & be safe. Hope to hear from you again soon---and more from me later tonight. Be well, KK.

Yours,

Michael