Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Swango, #13

Hello Michael,

This letter will consist mostly of questions. Because we have had so many letters going back and forth, it is hard to keep track, but I have so many questions. Some I asked already and they haven’t been responded to. Others, are new.

Today is a Saturday, my favorite day. I walked the dog, did errands, bought a vintage dress from the 60s—I collect vintage clothes and wear them often—went to the used bookstore and bought a ton of postcards which, you, no doubt will get some notes on, and then I went to buy a small vacuum as mine has lost its will to gather up dog hair.

Then I got TWO letters from you.

So questions, questions, questions:

1-You mention in your letter you have a will to discuss anything and everything with me and that you really want to know me. Why? Why do you want to get to know me and why are you willing to tell me anything? I can only imagine you don’t respond this way to anyone who writes you. Or maybe I am wrong. Explain.

2- I have finished reading the book written about you and your crimes called BLIND EYE by James Stewart. I mentioned this in a previous letter. Have you read this book? If so, is it true and accurate? If not, what is inaccurate? At the end of the book Mr. Stewart writes that you would not speak with him, and I’m wondering, have you spoken to him since? Why or why not?

3- You speak lovingly of KK (may she rest in peace), but on the internet and in the book it states you had given her touches of arsenic. Not that it contends that killed her—clearly it was a suicide—but given your past and interest in poisoning people, why KK?

4- Speaking of poison and murder, what about it interests(ed?) you? Was there a sexual pleasure of poisoning and killing? Was it just a control thing?

5- Many contend you are a sociopath, and I assume you know what that word means, but in essence it means you were either born without a conscience or developed into a man without one. Would you say that is true? Have you always felt different? Or that there was some sort of hole that couldn’t be filled? Did you feel love? It says that sociopaths are charming, bright, lack empathy and enjoy causing pain. I am not judging you; I just want to understand. Please be forthcoming. From what I understand therapy doesn’t cure a sociopath, nothing does. It is just some people’s nature state of being.

6- Do you still get the thoughts or urge to kill or poison?

7- You mentioned your crimes were caused by a fundamental “bad heart,” but that is now fixed. As I asked before what did you mean by “bad heart” and how did you fix this issue?

8- The book talks about your interest in murders and disasters. It said you liked keeping scrap books of horrific events. Do you still enjoy this?

Getting back to your letter, yes, I have seen Cache. I love movies of that sort. In fact, I just saw a really interesting and dark movie called Just Another Love Story. It is from Denmark and so twisted. A suburban man with a wife and two kids is driving on the highway with them. His car stalls and a woman who is driving behind him crashes into him. It has a domino effect and others also crash and all die except she is in a coma. The man goes to visit her in the hospital and her family just assumes he is the new boyfriend they have never met. He continues not to tell them of their mistake and visits. She gets out of the coma but is blind and has amnesia and they “re-connect” and are in love. Oddly they tell him that she is now pregnant and that she became so in the hospital. He knows it isn’t his. There is a guy in a wheel chair covered in bandages that is always lurking about. He suspects this man had sex with her while she was in a coma. He chases the man but as they near a corner the guy flees and leaves only the wheel chair. The married guy in love with the coma girl works for the police as a photographer so they have the prints on the wheelchair run. Turns out they belong to the girl’s real boyfriend who they had learned had died before in Asia, having been shot in a hotel room. The movie had opened with this girl (who later gets into the accident) shooting the boyfriend. So now as the movie progresses we find out the boyfriend she met while traveling in Asia was a drug runner and tried to attack her so she shot him. She immediately left Asia and came home to Denmark and was driving erratically from the airport to her parents about to tell them when she got into that accident. As she heals she is allowed to leave the hospital and she and the new boyfriend (who has now left his wife and kids) go to her rich family’s cottage to spend time together. As they are having dinner a knock at the door reveals the real boyfriend---the crazy one. Scary stuff.

I am also a big fan of Atom Egoyan who has a new movie out that I want to see called ADORATION. He is a Canadian filmmaker whose film EXOTICA is one of my all-time faves. Have you seen any of his movies?

As for the “KK” references, I am not so narcissistic to think I’m the only KK. I didn’t realize you knew so many. Wow! Although I suppose when one thinks about it, I know many MS’s. Ha!

Music could be a whole letter, for sure. I can’t listen to music for long periods of time because I get awful migraines. However, if is music I like and know the words to, I can get into it. My favorite band is Nirvana. I have every cd and even saw Kurt Cobain in concert—his last NYC concert before his death. I like Perry Ferrell (from Jane’s Addiction & Porno for Pyros) and also saw them play twice. I like old skool rap music a lot and have a huge collection. I like the sound tracks to David Lynch’s movies and own many Julee Cruise cds. I LOVE the ONCE soundtrack. Did you see that movie? One of my very favorites. I even went to see the band play in Central Park. I heard there is going to be a Broadway musical made of ONCE. Such a sad love story. Oh, and Tom Waits. I like his early ballads. He sings lullabies for the dysfunctional. Love him!

As for knowing the pain of life, I surely do. I will explain in subsequent letters. I don’t write too much about myself because, frankly, you are far more interesting than I am. I mean, you have a book written about you, are in jail for life, are rumored to have murdered 60 people… I am very boring in comparison so I am way more interested in hearing the whys of all of this. If you have specific questions, though, I will gladly answer.

I’ll close this letter out with a bit about my upcoming birthday which is in exactly one week (May 16th). As you know, I will be 39. (ugh!) I don’t have that much planned but will go see God of Carnage on Wednesday. Then on the day of my birthday my friend Stef will take me to a Korean spa to get a scrub, massage, steam, etc. and afterwards we’ll eat at a Korean restaurant where you can cook your own food at a grill in your table. I have signed up for a writing class and 2 cooking classes coming up soon, and I mentioned I am going to Alaska. This Thursday, a friend, who is a beauty writer, has invited me to a party celebrating Bobbi Brown (she makes make-up/perfume/etc.) so I’ll get to wear a dress and drink some cocktails. YUM!

I’ll sign off here as I must get on with my day before it gets too dark out to continue errand-running.

Be well.

KK

P.S. Enclosed is a short, funny article from The New Yorker called, “Making Friends”.