Dear KK---
Hi. I have your letter written last weekend. And it is very hard to imagine you having a weekend with nothing planned! Are you sure there was not a break in the Space/Time Continuum over New York City-sort of a "Ghostbusters" situation! Very curious to hear your thoughts on "I've Loved You So Long" as well as Kristin Scott Thomas's performance.
And to return your surprise at seeing my mention of that film; I felt the same way when I saw you mention the Diane Arbus <
u> purported biopic "FUR" . I will definitely cross that film off my list!
Thank You, Thank You! When you like M. Night Shyamalan's films, it is easy to believe you are alone in the universe. [I picture big-eyed alien critics panning his films on Alpha Centauri & beyond...]. While I have more important topics to discuss with you from your letter [I will discuss more on the subject of incarceration, psychology, etc., I promise--and I appreciate you realizing that I can't discuss everything or go into certain details...]
I must say a few things about M. Night Shymalan's films: (For some reason, it seems necessary to say all three name when referencing the director.)
>The criticism of "THE VILLAGE" probably surprised me the most. Maybe I was just a dim bulb that day, but I was stunned by the surprise twist: when Bryce Dallas Howard climbed over that wall into the 21st Century! If there were "obvious" clues I certainly missed them. Talk about a transformative moment in a film.
One capsule summary says the film "evolves into a self-parody at some point before becoming downright ridiculous." KK-I simply fail to understand where the brutal criticism comes from.
> "THE SIXTH SENSE" : His first major* film and, of course, highly praised. A couple of years ago I had a chance to watch it late at night when I could give it my full attention: And watching carefully-you see that the "ghost" of Bruce Willis never touches any of the people so as to defy the illusion that he is a ghost. It's very subtle--but as you realize how deftly M. Night Shyamalan manages to pull it off--you become increasingly impressed.
* Did you see his first film, "WIDE AWAKE" filmed in 1995 & released in 1998-a year before "The Sixth Sense" (99) by his direction.
> "UNBREAKABLE" : To me, this is his true "sleeper" film. once again, I saw the film with very little preamble-so I knew very little about it, going in. A fascinating story as it went along, with Willis gradually realizing his imperviousness to harm- except drowning juxtaposed with his"opposite" : Samuel L. Jackson: afflicted with the very real disease osteogenesis imperfecta. And once again, I did not "see" the twist-that Jackson was a god-complex terrorist who was hunting for someone just like Willis.
I will tell you this, though,: On a few occasions in the news I have read or heard of disasters (train, plane, automobile, etc.) in which there was "a lone survivor apparently uninjured". And I instantly wondered if...!
> "SIGNS" was interesting the first time, but I sort of put it on his "second tier". Same with "LADY IN THE WATER" . Perhaps not his best-but not the deserving of brutal criticism it received.
I believe he has a new film in the works.
Have you hear anything about it?
I believe you have many years to look forward to past 39, KK! Clearly your energy level is that of someone age 19. Odd you should mention that though: There is a new "quirky" (hate that word) NYC cop drama called "The Unusuals" which just started (reminds me a bit of "Hill Street Blues"...) - seems promising. It start (among others) Harold Perrineau [Michael on "LOST"] as a police detective convinced he is going to die at age 42. That partially explains his insistence on wearing a bullet-proof vest every moment...
Sorry to cut this very short. Less time than I thought-and clearly I've barely scratched the surface of your brilliantly intriguing and interesting letter!
However, I must add: You dated Eric Schaeffer?!! OMG! I LOVED the F/X series "STARVED". Absolutely outstanding; unfortunately, too cutting edge even for F/X. More to say about that in my next letter, which will begin once this brief missive goes in the mail.
So take care. I'm sure after your rare unplanned weekend, the next month is filled with receptions at MOMA, the Guggenheim, Lincoln Center, and Gracie Mansion; numerous dates or more with New York's most eligible men! :) ...And of course-your cute little dog, Mini, and more movies...always more movies....
Must more to follow, KK. And send all you can when you can. Thanks!
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Congrats on Mini as Pet of the Month!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #12
Hi KK---
I ran across this article on Mickey Rourke and his recent brilliant role in the "Wrestler"; plus I saw it was going to be released on DVD tomorrow. So thought I would send it along to you. As you pointed out a few week ago: the contrast between the Cary Grant-like image on p. 1 vs. the stunning transformation on p. 2 is simply astounding.
As I wrote in the margin: Curious if you saw the 07 film: "Before the Devil Know You're Dead." Directed by the "venerable" Sidney Lumet, it starred Philip Seymour Hoffman & Ethan Hawke, as brothers who decide to rob a jewelry store for some easy money to pay their debts. I believe the store is run by their parents... Naturally things go from bad to worse. I did not see the film, but it looked and sounded pretty good at the time.
Today--as I'm sure the whole world knows from the media-is the tenth anniversary of Columbine. Still another U.S. place name whose mere mention conjures up violence. [Oklahoma City, Virginia Tech, Waco, ad infinitum]. It remains a huge story in Colorado. Apparently a new book by Dave Cullen shatters many of the stories that were accepted as truth for years: i.e. "trenchcoat mafia" never happened; the girl shot for saying she believed in God--never happened.
Besides the Mickey Rourke article, thought of you as well when I saw a story on the first new medication for migraines in over then years. They of course mentioned Imitrex as their current best option. Anyway---the new medication [phonetic spelling] is "TELL-CAJ-I-PAN."
According to the report, on one of the evening newscast, the new medication has shown great promise, and it attacks the root cause of migraines--believed to be a neurochemical imbalances that causes the blood vessel changes that result in migraines.
I'm sure you can google and find out more. I will tell you I have great empathy for anyone who suffers from migraines. I had a girlfriend who had them---and it was excruciating to watch her totally shut down periodically when they would hit.
TV NOTE: On last week's "LOST", I counted five different time frames: the 1) Now of the current story line which is 1977 on the island 2) Ben Linus stealing Rousseau's baby Alex in 1988/3) Ben with the growing Alex sometime in the early 90s/4) In LA before the return to 1977, which of course was = 07/5) F/B to 1974-when Sawyer & Juliette , et al began wkg for Dharma.
No one who hasn't followed the series could possibly understand these intricacies without an outline!
I ran across this film review reprinted from the Times:
"FORBIDDEN LIE$" "Cool-headed, lighthearted and outrageously entertaining, "Forbidden Lie$" is documentary-as-striptease, a careful peeling of claim & counterclaim to reveal one of the most complex literary scandals of our time.
Performing this dance of the seven veils is Norma Khouri, the Jordanian-born writer whose popular 03 memoir: Forbidden Love (known in the United States as Honor Lost), purported to recount the honor killing of her best friend, Dalia, but when the Australian journalist Malcolm Knox publicly accused Ms. Khouri of fabricating her inflammatory story--and concealing her identity as a Chicago real estate agent under investigation by the F.B.I.-she abandoned her children to a neighbor and went into hiding.
Crossing continents and genres, director Anna Broinowski's distinctively styled movie blends candid interviews and tongue-in-cheek re-enactments into what can only be described as a literary Whydunit. Brilliantly edited...for suspense rather than chronology, the movie is a she-said-they-said puzzle whose particulars pale besides Ms. Khouri's devastating charisma and resilient intellect. Cooperating fully and flirtatiously bobbing & weaving her way around every factual trap laid for her, the writer refuses to cave. Were her lies pathological or, as she claims, necessary for her family's safety? AT times even her filmmaker seems unsure."
--Jeannette Catsoulis
I seem to recall reading about this at the time. It reminds me a bit of the whole brouhaha over James Frey, who I recall you mentioned in one of your first letters. In fact, you know him personally, don't you?
Anyway---"FORBIDDEN LIE$" sounded intriguing, plus I wondered if you had any additional info on Ms. Khouri?
Word today of the death of J.G. Ballard author extraordinaire. Because of the powerful influence of Hollywood, he was mentioned as the author of the book that was adapted into the film "Empire of the Sun", Steven Spielberg director.
But as an enormous science-fiction fan, I know him for his prolific & bizarre & strange & thought-provoking novels & short stories. He is one of those British authors I got to know well from those bookstores in Africa.
If you have the time - can you send me any "appreciations" or Ballard analyses that you can find on the web? Thank you!
Must get this in the mail, but a couple more things:
>Also out of the DVD now is the Kate Winslet film "The Reader". Curious if you saw that film. Supposed to have had lots of heavy breathing & nudity, but also an outstanding story & plot & characterizations. Actually, I want to read the two novels on which Winslet's two films were based: REVOLUTIONARY ROAD: Yates THE READER: Bernard Schlink (sp?)
>Finally--ran across this "Doonesbury" & "Dilbert". They seemed to illustrate the dating scene that you so aptly write about in some of your columns & blogs!
Take care & hope to hear from you soon. Stay safe.
Yours
Michael
P.S. Just received your letter written last weekend=SUN 12 APRIL--with an India article & lots of good stuff. / Looks like I'll be writing more this evening & tomorrow.
Take care
[Ed.: included in this envelope were the mentioned Rourke article and two comic strips. Oddly, the Doonesbury one features a woman and man on a subway. The man is wearing an EYE PATCH(!) and the woman asks him out. He seems hesitant and she is very eager. He then tells her no b/c she is worried (stuttering) that she is too hot for him. So she points out that she isn't because she has a big nose. I find this interesting because I just bought an eyepatch to wear to have some pictures of myself taken while wearing it. I have been noticing people wearing eyepatches lately. Obviously for medical reasons, but I thought it'd make a cool picture.]
I ran across this article on Mickey Rourke and his recent brilliant role in the "Wrestler"; plus I saw it was going to be released on DVD tomorrow. So thought I would send it along to you. As you pointed out a few week ago: the contrast between the Cary Grant-like image on p. 1 vs. the stunning transformation on p. 2 is simply astounding.
As I wrote in the margin: Curious if you saw the 07 film: "Before the Devil Know You're Dead." Directed by the "venerable" Sidney Lumet, it starred Philip Seymour Hoffman & Ethan Hawke, as brothers who decide to rob a jewelry store for some easy money to pay their debts. I believe the store is run by their parents... Naturally things go from bad to worse. I did not see the film, but it looked and sounded pretty good at the time.
Today--as I'm sure the whole world knows from the media-is the tenth anniversary of Columbine. Still another U.S. place name whose mere mention conjures up violence. [Oklahoma City, Virginia Tech, Waco, ad infinitum]. It remains a huge story in Colorado. Apparently a new book by Dave Cullen shatters many of the stories that were accepted as truth for years: i.e. "trenchcoat mafia" never happened; the girl shot for saying she believed in God--never happened.
Besides the Mickey Rourke article, thought of you as well when I saw a story on the first new medication for migraines in over then years. They of course mentioned Imitrex as their current best option. Anyway---the new medication [phonetic spelling] is "TELL-CAJ-I-PAN."
According to the report, on one of the evening newscast, the new medication has shown great promise, and it attacks the root cause of migraines--believed to be a neurochemical imbalances that causes the blood vessel changes that result in migraines.
I'm sure you can google and find out more. I will tell you I have great empathy for anyone who suffers from migraines. I had a girlfriend who had them---and it was excruciating to watch her totally shut down periodically when they would hit.
TV NOTE: On last week's "LOST", I counted five different time frames: the 1) Now of the current story line which is 1977 on the island 2) Ben Linus stealing Rousseau's baby Alex in 1988/3) Ben with the growing Alex sometime in the early 90s/4) In LA before the return to 1977, which of course was = 07/5) F/B to 1974-when Sawyer & Juliette , et al began wkg for Dharma.
No one who hasn't followed the series could possibly understand these intricacies without an outline!
I ran across this film review reprinted from the Times:
"FORBIDDEN LIE$" "Cool-headed, lighthearted and outrageously entertaining, "Forbidden Lie$" is documentary-as-striptease, a careful peeling of claim & counterclaim to reveal one of the most complex literary scandals of our time.
Performing this dance of the seven veils is Norma Khouri, the Jordanian-born writer whose popular 03 memoir: Forbidden Love (known in the United States as Honor Lost), purported to recount the honor killing of her best friend, Dalia, but when the Australian journalist Malcolm Knox publicly accused Ms. Khouri of fabricating her inflammatory story--and concealing her identity as a Chicago real estate agent under investigation by the F.B.I.-she abandoned her children to a neighbor and went into hiding.
Crossing continents and genres, director Anna Broinowski's distinctively styled movie blends candid interviews and tongue-in-cheek re-enactments into what can only be described as a literary Whydunit. Brilliantly edited...for suspense rather than chronology, the movie is a she-said-they-said puzzle whose particulars pale besides Ms. Khouri's devastating charisma and resilient intellect. Cooperating fully and flirtatiously bobbing & weaving her way around every factual trap laid for her, the writer refuses to cave. Were her lies pathological or, as she claims, necessary for her family's safety? AT times even her filmmaker seems unsure."
--Jeannette Catsoulis
I seem to recall reading about this at the time. It reminds me a bit of the whole brouhaha over James Frey, who I recall you mentioned in one of your first letters. In fact, you know him personally, don't you?
Anyway---"FORBIDDEN LIE$" sounded intriguing, plus I wondered if you had any additional info on Ms. Khouri?
Word today of the death of J.G. Ballard author extraordinaire. Because of the powerful influence of Hollywood, he was mentioned as the author of the book that was adapted into the film "Empire of the Sun", Steven Spielberg director.
But as an enormous science-fiction fan, I know him for his prolific & bizarre & strange & thought-provoking novels & short stories. He is one of those British authors I got to know well from those bookstores in Africa.
If you have the time - can you send me any "appreciations" or Ballard analyses that you can find on the web? Thank you!
Must get this in the mail, but a couple more things:
>Also out of the DVD now is the Kate Winslet film "The Reader". Curious if you saw that film. Supposed to have had lots of heavy breathing & nudity, but also an outstanding story & plot & characterizations. Actually, I want to read the two novels on which Winslet's two films were based: REVOLUTIONARY ROAD: Yates THE READER: Bernard Schlink (sp?)
>Finally--ran across this "Doonesbury" & "Dilbert". They seemed to illustrate the dating scene that you so aptly write about in some of your columns & blogs!
Take care & hope to hear from you soon. Stay safe.
Yours
Michael
P.S. Just received your letter written last weekend=SUN 12 APRIL--with an India article & lots of good stuff. / Looks like I'll be writing more this evening & tomorrow.
Take care
[Ed.: included in this envelope were the mentioned Rourke article and two comic strips. Oddly, the Doonesbury one features a woman and man on a subway. The man is wearing an EYE PATCH(!) and the woman asks him out. He seems hesitant and she is very eager. He then tells her no b/c she is worried (stuttering) that she is too hot for him. So she points out that she isn't because she has a big nose. I find this interesting because I just bought an eyepatch to wear to have some pictures of myself taken while wearing it. I have been noticing people wearing eyepatches lately. Obviously for medical reasons, but I thought it'd make a cool picture.]
Monday, April 27, 2009
An Unexpected Letter:
Today I got a letter from a prisoner I have never written to. Yet his prison is the same federal prison as Raffaello Follieri's. As you may remember Raffaello and I were writing to each other for a while, and then he abruptly stopped. After two months of not hearing from him, I sent him a card two weeks ago just saying hi and got no reply, so I assumed he doesn't want to correspond anymore. But it's so odd to give his prison friend my address. Here is that letter I received today:
[All typos/spelling mistakes are the author's.]
Dear Kelly,
My name is Anthony Bucci, and I am a friend of Rafael Folieri's at FCI Loretto. I am writing you to introduce myself and to speak to you on a business and friendly level...Hello Kelly...my pleasure...lol
I understand from talking to Raf that you are a writer and I have read a few of your articles. I like your style. I am in the process of writing a book called "Infinity Crew" which I need some help with...I am looking for someone to edit it and to work with in the future...I am not going to get into a lengthy and in depth letter about what the book is about because you may not even be interested. It is a Gangster book with a classic plot which I hope to eventually make into a movie. I have some connections in the industry that are waiting to read it and go from there.
Now getting to me. I am a 6'0" 225 lbs Italian, 46 years old and currently single. I am doing a 21 year sentence but should be getting this conviction overturned in the near future. I am college educated and looking for a friend also. I take friendship very serious and can tell you that you will not find a more loyal person to associate with. I saw your picture and read your articles (even the risque one) and liked what I saw and read. I am a handsome guy myself and can send you a picture if you are interested. Let me know. I did not want to be forward and send a picture on my own and disrespect you in any way.
Kelly, if you are interested in talking more about either working together or conversing with a great guy don't hesitate to drop me a line...you won't be sorry, trust that, Ciao Bella...
Sincerely yours,
Anthony
[All typos/spelling mistakes are the author's.]
Dear Kelly,
My name is Anthony Bucci, and I am a friend of Rafael Folieri's at FCI Loretto. I am writing you to introduce myself and to speak to you on a business and friendly level...Hello Kelly...my pleasure...lol
I understand from talking to Raf that you are a writer and I have read a few of your articles. I like your style. I am in the process of writing a book called "Infinity Crew" which I need some help with...I am looking for someone to edit it and to work with in the future...I am not going to get into a lengthy and in depth letter about what the book is about because you may not even be interested. It is a Gangster book with a classic plot which I hope to eventually make into a movie. I have some connections in the industry that are waiting to read it and go from there.
Now getting to me. I am a 6'0" 225 lbs Italian, 46 years old and currently single. I am doing a 21 year sentence but should be getting this conviction overturned in the near future. I am college educated and looking for a friend also. I take friendship very serious and can tell you that you will not find a more loyal person to associate with. I saw your picture and read your articles (even the risque one) and liked what I saw and read. I am a handsome guy myself and can send you a picture if you are interested. Let me know. I did not want to be forward and send a picture on my own and disrespect you in any way.
Kelly, if you are interested in talking more about either working together or conversing with a great guy don't hesitate to drop me a line...you won't be sorry, trust that, Ciao Bella...
Sincerely yours,
Anthony
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #4
Dear Kelly,
It's so cold out, raining heavily and windy. The cold seeps in through the window cracks and chills me. I get so sleepy and subdued in rainy weather. I bet it kills you in the icky weather to walk Mini. This week he gets to go to his big family reunion. Yay! I love dogs. I never had one of my own as a kid. I raised two Golden Retrievers and trained them through levels I and II for a handicapped assistance dog program. Barclay is with an 11 year old boy named Jacob who has cerebral palsy, is mostly blind and has seizures. Dewey is now in advanced training and will be going to a 15-year old girl with severe depression as a companion and a segueway to social interaction. They were great dogs. I love them, as if they were my children. I read once where Leona Helmsley left her dog 12 million dollars and several grandkids got $0. What a kick in the nuts.
Why would you read a memoir of someone who irritates you? That would be like me reading the autobiography of Rush Limbaugh. No thanks I'll keep my sanity, thank you very much.
you said you'll be taking a 2 week class in June on how to get published. What is your goal? What sort of writing do you want published? Do you have a genre in mind?
Thank you for the non-fiction book proposal parts. I still haven't decided if I want to do self publishing with a Print On Demand company or go with a publisher. I don't' want to give up all my rights to them.
Why are the ratio of women to men so high in New York City?
I admire what John Walsh did with his devastation over his son Adam being murdered; to turn a hurt/anger/loss into something positive. I do not like how that positive idea becomes persecutory and untruthful-sensationalized for the same of television ratings. There was so much they said on there that wasn't true about me. They are okay with ruining my image because they deem me to be less of a person. It becomes a moral issue for them. So, is it ethical to slander a person in the name of justice? How about is it ethical to knowingly lie in the name of ratings in order to fun a good, justice seeking program? That's utilitarianism. It should be illegal. I get that AMW catches people who have done very bad things and are a danger to society. I can tell you from personal experience that the real danger to our society aren't the ones on AMW.
What is the name of the book the young man's father wrote? {Ed.: She is talking about Bart Whitaker's father's book, Murder by Family. How did you learn about it? Who are your top five authors who are not bestsellers and what subject do they write about?
I just finished Long Quiet Highway by Natalie Goldberg. It's her story of how she came to her personal transcendence through writing and through Zen. My friend sent me her book and a week later an autographed card from a book reading she did in St. Louis. There were parts that moved me. Made me think. Enjoyable to move through those spaces with her. I hope my book is enjoyable and inspirational to others. It focuses on transformation on the human spirit, integrity, choices, direction and living life with a purpose. It just happens that I learned this through drugs, murder, prison, escaping and a ton of positive and purposeful activities along the way.
Life is funny that way.
I've had migraines on and off since I was 8 years old. I've taken Fioranol, Midrin, Imitrex, Inderaol and lots and lots of Tylenol. After your motorcycle accident, do you still ride? My friend used to ride a lot until she came upon a deadly crash one day that was so intense she gave her cycle away that very day.
My father rides on weekends into the mountains and along the west coast with his wife. Next month, they are planning a long several week trip to Yosemite Nat'l Park. Last time, they went to see the Grand Canyon. How beautiful to experience life on the open road, so close to nature and that huge expanse of sky!
Hey--if there's so many woman in NYC, maybe you should start dating women? That would enhance your dating life and be fun to blog about!
Who was the famous person you dated? And how did you meet him?
What do you think your purpose in life is, Kelly? What do you want to do with the rest of your life? When you die, what will people say at your funeral?
I hope this finds you well. Take care.
Sarah
It's so cold out, raining heavily and windy. The cold seeps in through the window cracks and chills me. I get so sleepy and subdued in rainy weather. I bet it kills you in the icky weather to walk Mini. This week he gets to go to his big family reunion. Yay! I love dogs. I never had one of my own as a kid. I raised two Golden Retrievers and trained them through levels I and II for a handicapped assistance dog program. Barclay is with an 11 year old boy named Jacob who has cerebral palsy, is mostly blind and has seizures. Dewey is now in advanced training and will be going to a 15-year old girl with severe depression as a companion and a segueway to social interaction. They were great dogs. I love them, as if they were my children. I read once where Leona Helmsley left her dog 12 million dollars and several grandkids got $0. What a kick in the nuts.
Why would you read a memoir of someone who irritates you? That would be like me reading the autobiography of Rush Limbaugh. No thanks I'll keep my sanity, thank you very much.
you said you'll be taking a 2 week class in June on how to get published. What is your goal? What sort of writing do you want published? Do you have a genre in mind?
Thank you for the non-fiction book proposal parts. I still haven't decided if I want to do self publishing with a Print On Demand company or go with a publisher. I don't' want to give up all my rights to them.
Why are the ratio of women to men so high in New York City?
I admire what John Walsh did with his devastation over his son Adam being murdered; to turn a hurt/anger/loss into something positive. I do not like how that positive idea becomes persecutory and untruthful-sensationalized for the same of television ratings. There was so much they said on there that wasn't true about me. They are okay with ruining my image because they deem me to be less of a person. It becomes a moral issue for them. So, is it ethical to slander a person in the name of justice? How about is it ethical to knowingly lie in the name of ratings in order to fun a good, justice seeking program? That's utilitarianism. It should be illegal. I get that AMW catches people who have done very bad things and are a danger to society. I can tell you from personal experience that the real danger to our society aren't the ones on AMW.
What is the name of the book the young man's father wrote? {Ed.: She is talking about Bart Whitaker's father's book, Murder by Family. How did you learn about it? Who are your top five authors who are not bestsellers and what subject do they write about?
I just finished Long Quiet Highway by Natalie Goldberg. It's her story of how she came to her personal transcendence through writing and through Zen. My friend sent me her book and a week later an autographed card from a book reading she did in St. Louis. There were parts that moved me. Made me think. Enjoyable to move through those spaces with her. I hope my book is enjoyable and inspirational to others. It focuses on transformation on the human spirit, integrity, choices, direction and living life with a purpose. It just happens that I learned this through drugs, murder, prison, escaping and a ton of positive and purposeful activities along the way.
Life is funny that way.
I've had migraines on and off since I was 8 years old. I've taken Fioranol, Midrin, Imitrex, Inderaol and lots and lots of Tylenol. After your motorcycle accident, do you still ride? My friend used to ride a lot until she came upon a deadly crash one day that was so intense she gave her cycle away that very day.
My father rides on weekends into the mountains and along the west coast with his wife. Next month, they are planning a long several week trip to Yosemite Nat'l Park. Last time, they went to see the Grand Canyon. How beautiful to experience life on the open road, so close to nature and that huge expanse of sky!
Hey--if there's so many woman in NYC, maybe you should start dating women? That would enhance your dating life and be fun to blog about!
Who was the famous person you dated? And how did you meet him?
What do you think your purpose in life is, Kelly? What do you want to do with the rest of your life? When you die, what will people say at your funeral?
I hope this finds you well. Take care.
Sarah
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A Question to Readers:
Now that you have had access to the letters I get from the inmates as part of my Letters from the Inside project, what would you like me to write to them? Or more importantly, what would you like me to ask them? What are you thinking of this project? Any comments?
Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Swango, #11
Michael:
Wow! Two letters in one day. Today I trudged to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Are you familiar with this area? Wmsburg. is a place I hate. It is a very artsy part of Brooklyn where all the annoying hipsters live. If you like trust fund, unwashed-haired kids from the Midwest with tattoos and no sense of purpose, well, then, Billysburg is for you. I went there to pick up money from a store that I sell jewelry I design at. (That sentence is grammatically wrong, btw. I’m just too lazy to fix it.) I don’t think I’ve mentioned that I make jewelry. It’s pretty interesting and certainly doesn’t earn much money but a few hundred here and there helps keep me in movies and books. I will paste in the tags I attach to all my pieces:
Anyway, it was very cold and pouring out today so I made the trek there and was surprised I was owed more than anticipated. I also took some of my clothes to a consignment shop in that area. They buy used designer or vintage pieces. They selected a few pieces and used the credit to buy a vintage leather motorcycle jacket. You know, cause I was ‘born to be wild’ and all. I hope you can hear the sarcasm.
I have so much work to do and it is already 8:08pm. I’m waiting for In Treatment, starring Gabriel Byrne, to come on. Oddly, you mentioned it in your letter. It is an ok show, but it makes me tense. The people who see him with their problems stress me out. They all annoy me.
Back to your letter. Let me try to answer the questions posed.
I have thought of creating a book of my blog entries, but honestly, if I were to write a book, I’d probably write a memoir. I have had a very weird and interesting life. I haven’t mentioned much of it here and may or may not in the future, but suffice it to say I have had many wacky things happen to me. I feel trapped in a Seinfeldian Hell.
I hated the movie FUR, but loved the book about Arbus. Yes, it was the Bosworth bio I read. She was a visual genius for sure. Her photos were very harsh and almost scary. She went places such as nudist colonies, carnivals, drug dens, etc. to capture the essence of “freaks.” Yes, a friend calls me the literary Diane Arbus. I know you have only read my goofy dating columns and upbeat blog entries, but I am a very dark person. I know the pain of life and enjoy writing about it. Diane was obviously creative and a depressive. I guess that is why he compares us.
The Guggenheim and Museum of Nat. History parties I referenced were not private invite only. The Guggenheim has an event every first Friday of the month where they open the museum from 9-1am, have a dj, drinks and allow people to drunkenly roam the circles of art. I also belong to an art membership organization called GENART which allows members to go to private art showings, film screenings, concerts and fashion shows. Coincidentally I just won 2 free tickets to go see the new documentary by James Toback about Mike Tyson, aptly called, “Tyson.” I am a big fan of boxing. I used to date an executive producer at SHOWTIME who would get me into big boxing events. I got to sit next to Don King once, ringside, in Atlantic City. I also flew to Vegas for a big Holyfield fight. It is a beautiful, albeit gory, sport.
I’m now onto Letter 2 from Swango: No migraine today, thankfully.
As for dachshunds, I did not have one growing up. I had a very odd childhood that is too long to get into. I have just always liked them because they are funny looking, silly and have very dominant personalities. I like that they have attitude. Mine is snoring on a chair behind me.
I didn’t notice any of those bookstores in India, however, I know exactly what you are talking about. I was on a small island once, Caye Caulker, off the coast of Belize—no cars at all b/c it is just 3 miles. However, there was a book café where you could leave a book and take a book. Likewise when I was in Venezuela this summer there was also something similar. I, did, however, leave a ton of books in the apt. I rented in India. I like leaving bits of “myself” and my things in places I travel. I wonder who gets them next…
Paul Janka is guy who graduated from Yale. He is a weird guy. Model good looks and very smart, but crazy. He wrote a manifesto about how to get laid in NY without spending a dime. It wasn’t really even tongue-in-cheek. It was serious and mean. I actually became ‘friends’ with him and went on a mock-date so I could write
about it. I did so online, contending that he has a severe compulsion disorder. It is sad. He has since been on Dr. Phil and has a show in the works for MTV. He also was accused of trying to sexually assault a girl he was on a date with. SCARY! I run into him sometimes in the subway. He is an odd character, but has always been nice to me. He is not-so-affectionately known in internet circles as “the worst man in the world.”
I just watched the latest ALICE episode. It is about a 26 year old Brazilian girl, Alice, who lives in a coastal town in Brazil called Las Palmas. Her father commits suicide and she goes to Sao Paolo for his funeral. She meets her step-sister there and her lesbian aunt. She has a fiancé in Las Palmas. She misses her flight b/c she is partying and decides to stay in Sao Paolo. She doesn’t explain to the boyfriend and sort of begins a new life there in Sao Paolo. That’s the gist of it. The City plays a central character role; I like seeing Brazil.
I will try to find the Post article about my firing online. I have searched for it and can’t seem to get a full article, but I believe it is linked up on my Wikipedia page. I will try to find it and print it out for you. I no longer do any reporting for GMTV. I was only filling in for a reporter over the holidays. It was so fun! Have you been to England? I have only been to London, and I loved it. I always say I’d never live anywhere but NYC, but if I absolutely had to go elsewhere, it’d be London.
Ah, so you’ve seen your Wikipedia listing. Ok. So I Googled you today. OMG! It didn’t say much I didn’t know—many poisonings, murders and subsequent jail time. However, the thing that floored me is that it mentions you dated someone you called “KK.” It says her name was Kristin Kinney and that you were engaged to her and that she was upset upon realizing you were being investigated and that you had done jail time. She left you to move back to where her family was and ended up killing herself. It also says she was found with arsenic in her and that her family suspected you may have given her it. Of course, my sincerest condolences go to you and her family. Suicide is always such a tragedy. I can’t even imagine how awful… However, “KK?” Really? You didn’t think to tell me this coincidence? It is pretty shocking that you had a KK that was very prominent in your life. And then I wrote to you, signing as I usually do, “KK.” What do you think about this? It is very unnerving.
I know you are probably squeamish about this whole thing, and it is not my intention to upset you, however, I’m very curious. Curious about KK. The poisonings… I also am interested in understanding how you feel about something. Online it says you are a sociopath. (I know the clinical definition and assume you do too.) Do you feel you are one? I’m not a doctor, clearly, so I have no idea. How do you feel about that word? Were you born without, or grew to have, no conscience? I’m not judging, just curious. Do you get pleasure out of others’ pain? Again, this is not me being critical—clearly I am absolutely opposed to any crime, including murder and do not condone any illegal actions---but I just want to try to understand.
I also see here that there was some sort of book written about you called BLIND EYE. Have you read this? Do you know of it? I’m assuming it would not be very flattering… Should I get a copy?
And last on this awkward topic, you cannot write about a “bad heart” and not explain. Come on, now. What exactly do you mean you had a bad heart? I assume you don’t mean physically as in heart problems. You say you no longer have a “bad heart.” After you define “bad heart” then what cured it?
You have children! I realize they are far away, but do they write to you? Do you know what they look like? Are you still friendly with their mothers? Also, what was your first wife like? I told you all about my annoying ex-husband, so it is your turn. Although I’m not suggesting your wife was annoying….
This letter is already 3 pages so I’ll save my blog entries for next time. I will send you another Outside the Box, I hopefully haven’t sent before and some more short blog entries.
I must get into bed now and watch In Treatment and stay up late reading the latest New York, New Yorker and Harpers. Tomorrow is a busy day. Hope all my questions haven’t irked you.
‘Night.
KK
Wow! Two letters in one day. Today I trudged to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Are you familiar with this area? Wmsburg. is a place I hate. It is a very artsy part of Brooklyn where all the annoying hipsters live. If you like trust fund, unwashed-haired kids from the Midwest with tattoos and no sense of purpose, well, then, Billysburg is for you. I went there to pick up money from a store that I sell jewelry I design at. (That sentence is grammatically wrong, btw. I’m just too lazy to fix it.) I don’t think I’ve mentioned that I make jewelry. It’s pretty interesting and certainly doesn’t earn much money but a few hundred here and there helps keep me in movies and books. I will paste in the tags I attach to all my pieces:
Anyway, it was very cold and pouring out today so I made the trek there and was surprised I was owed more than anticipated. I also took some of my clothes to a consignment shop in that area. They buy used designer or vintage pieces. They selected a few pieces and used the credit to buy a vintage leather motorcycle jacket. You know, cause I was ‘born to be wild’ and all. I hope you can hear the sarcasm.
I have so much work to do and it is already 8:08pm. I’m waiting for In Treatment, starring Gabriel Byrne, to come on. Oddly, you mentioned it in your letter. It is an ok show, but it makes me tense. The people who see him with their problems stress me out. They all annoy me.
Back to your letter. Let me try to answer the questions posed.
I have thought of creating a book of my blog entries, but honestly, if I were to write a book, I’d probably write a memoir. I have had a very weird and interesting life. I haven’t mentioned much of it here and may or may not in the future, but suffice it to say I have had many wacky things happen to me. I feel trapped in a Seinfeldian Hell.
I hated the movie FUR, but loved the book about Arbus. Yes, it was the Bosworth bio I read. She was a visual genius for sure. Her photos were very harsh and almost scary. She went places such as nudist colonies, carnivals, drug dens, etc. to capture the essence of “freaks.” Yes, a friend calls me the literary Diane Arbus. I know you have only read my goofy dating columns and upbeat blog entries, but I am a very dark person. I know the pain of life and enjoy writing about it. Diane was obviously creative and a depressive. I guess that is why he compares us.
The Guggenheim and Museum of Nat. History parties I referenced were not private invite only. The Guggenheim has an event every first Friday of the month where they open the museum from 9-1am, have a dj, drinks and allow people to drunkenly roam the circles of art. I also belong to an art membership organization called GENART which allows members to go to private art showings, film screenings, concerts and fashion shows. Coincidentally I just won 2 free tickets to go see the new documentary by James Toback about Mike Tyson, aptly called, “Tyson.” I am a big fan of boxing. I used to date an executive producer at SHOWTIME who would get me into big boxing events. I got to sit next to Don King once, ringside, in Atlantic City. I also flew to Vegas for a big Holyfield fight. It is a beautiful, albeit gory, sport.
I’m now onto Letter 2 from Swango: No migraine today, thankfully.
As for dachshunds, I did not have one growing up. I had a very odd childhood that is too long to get into. I have just always liked them because they are funny looking, silly and have very dominant personalities. I like that they have attitude. Mine is snoring on a chair behind me.
I didn’t notice any of those bookstores in India, however, I know exactly what you are talking about. I was on a small island once, Caye Caulker, off the coast of Belize—no cars at all b/c it is just 3 miles. However, there was a book café where you could leave a book and take a book. Likewise when I was in Venezuela this summer there was also something similar. I, did, however, leave a ton of books in the apt. I rented in India. I like leaving bits of “myself” and my things in places I travel. I wonder who gets them next…
Paul Janka is guy who graduated from Yale. He is a weird guy. Model good looks and very smart, but crazy. He wrote a manifesto about how to get laid in NY without spending a dime. It wasn’t really even tongue-in-cheek. It was serious and mean. I actually became ‘friends’ with him and went on a mock-date so I could write
about it. I did so online, contending that he has a severe compulsion disorder. It is sad. He has since been on Dr. Phil and has a show in the works for MTV. He also was accused of trying to sexually assault a girl he was on a date with. SCARY! I run into him sometimes in the subway. He is an odd character, but has always been nice to me. He is not-so-affectionately known in internet circles as “the worst man in the world.”
I just watched the latest ALICE episode. It is about a 26 year old Brazilian girl, Alice, who lives in a coastal town in Brazil called Las Palmas. Her father commits suicide and she goes to Sao Paolo for his funeral. She meets her step-sister there and her lesbian aunt. She has a fiancé in Las Palmas. She misses her flight b/c she is partying and decides to stay in Sao Paolo. She doesn’t explain to the boyfriend and sort of begins a new life there in Sao Paolo. That’s the gist of it. The City plays a central character role; I like seeing Brazil.
I will try to find the Post article about my firing online. I have searched for it and can’t seem to get a full article, but I believe it is linked up on my Wikipedia page. I will try to find it and print it out for you. I no longer do any reporting for GMTV. I was only filling in for a reporter over the holidays. It was so fun! Have you been to England? I have only been to London, and I loved it. I always say I’d never live anywhere but NYC, but if I absolutely had to go elsewhere, it’d be London.
Ah, so you’ve seen your Wikipedia listing. Ok. So I Googled you today. OMG! It didn’t say much I didn’t know—many poisonings, murders and subsequent jail time. However, the thing that floored me is that it mentions you dated someone you called “KK.” It says her name was Kristin Kinney and that you were engaged to her and that she was upset upon realizing you were being investigated and that you had done jail time. She left you to move back to where her family was and ended up killing herself. It also says she was found with arsenic in her and that her family suspected you may have given her it. Of course, my sincerest condolences go to you and her family. Suicide is always such a tragedy. I can’t even imagine how awful… However, “KK?” Really? You didn’t think to tell me this coincidence? It is pretty shocking that you had a KK that was very prominent in your life. And then I wrote to you, signing as I usually do, “KK.” What do you think about this? It is very unnerving.
I know you are probably squeamish about this whole thing, and it is not my intention to upset you, however, I’m very curious. Curious about KK. The poisonings… I also am interested in understanding how you feel about something. Online it says you are a sociopath. (I know the clinical definition and assume you do too.) Do you feel you are one? I’m not a doctor, clearly, so I have no idea. How do you feel about that word? Were you born without, or grew to have, no conscience? I’m not judging, just curious. Do you get pleasure out of others’ pain? Again, this is not me being critical—clearly I am absolutely opposed to any crime, including murder and do not condone any illegal actions---but I just want to try to understand.
I also see here that there was some sort of book written about you called BLIND EYE. Have you read this? Do you know of it? I’m assuming it would not be very flattering… Should I get a copy?
And last on this awkward topic, you cannot write about a “bad heart” and not explain. Come on, now. What exactly do you mean you had a bad heart? I assume you don’t mean physically as in heart problems. You say you no longer have a “bad heart.” After you define “bad heart” then what cured it?
You have children! I realize they are far away, but do they write to you? Do you know what they look like? Are you still friendly with their mothers? Also, what was your first wife like? I told you all about my annoying ex-husband, so it is your turn. Although I’m not suggesting your wife was annoying….
This letter is already 3 pages so I’ll save my blog entries for next time. I will send you another Outside the Box, I hopefully haven’t sent before and some more short blog entries.
I must get into bed now and watch In Treatment and stay up late reading the latest New York, New Yorker and Harpers. Tomorrow is a busy day. Hope all my questions haven’t irked you.
‘Night.
KK
Friday, April 24, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #11
KK---
Hello again! Too bad about the Imitrex. A relative of mine suffers from migraines, and he says Imitrex is the best medicine he's ever used. [Yes, he knows he is in the minority--since women suffer migraines far more often than men.] Any change your insurance will cover it again at some point?
There's something we have in common---love of books. Your analogy of a demented squirrel hoarding nuts sounds about right! Several times In the past I've been forced by sheer numbers & space to "cull" my collection. Always an excruciating process.
So what is this true love you seem to have for dachshunds? Clearly Mini is a joyful part of your life. Did you have a weiner dog when you were a child, or did they come in to your life via a friend or lover or the sheer mechanics and limitations of Manhattan apartment living?
A word about bookstores in Southern Africa, which may be the same in India (you can tell me). Almost every city that attracts tourists and/or ex-pats has several "trade-in" bookstores. You can either purchase the thousands of used books, or pay a smaller fee and trade-in your used books for others. Either way is dirt-cheap. Because of the volume & variety, you find paperbacks there from Britain & Australia & South Africa that you might otherwise never see. Thus did I discover Patricia Highsmith's* amazing series of Ripley novels: The Talented Mr. Ripley is only the first in a series of five or six outstanding & details explorations of the charming but utterly conscience-less Tom Ripley...AND the brilliant novels of Iris Murdoch...AND the South African novelist J.M. Coetzee...among others. Will make a note to discuss those authors in future letters.
Thank you for clarifying "Outside the Box" vs. "Unbearable Heaviness of Being." Either the Observer writer got it wrong or I somehow misunderstood what she wrote. Anything you can send from either source is most appreciated. Do tell me one thing about your infamous "open letter' though Who was Paul Janka and why did your editor force you to write the letter?!
*AND her 20 or 25 other novels--always different, always dark, and no happy ending. She wrote Strangers on a Train, the basis for the Hitchcock movie. Book is better.
HBO-L/When you decide to get HBO you go all the way, don't you? ALICE definitely sounds different. If you have time, can you send me a brief description of the series? Although I've not seen it, I have read & heard a lot about "IN TREATMENT" with Gabriel Byrne. Apparently a critical hit. Perhaps it will show up on LIFETIME at some point. Curious what you think about Season I.
While it may be a long story and all very familiar to you -- the story of what happened four years ago with your firing & blog sounds like a New York media sensation! I won't ask you to recount every step--but could you send the text of the full-page N.Y. Post article?
And do you still do any reporting for UK TV? If I didn't make it clear earlier, I am a huge Anglophile-modern English authors, English films [especially 60s & 70s], etc. AND UK politics--even more of a blood sport there than here. Prime Minister's Questions live on C-SPAN at 0500 hrs Mountain Time on Wednesdays. Keep an eye on (GEEK ALERT!) Mr. Cameron. I believe he will be the next P.M.
I have actually read the WIKIPEDIA entry regarding my sad history. Multiple factual error/I'm not sure if Google would do any better. However--allow me to make this comment, which may surprise you: Not only did a series of bad decisions and bad acts put me here--but I also (I have learned) had a bad heart. That person--in those ways--seems as distant to me now as Alpha Centauri. I no longer have a bad heart. Though I remain here, I can assure you it makes a tremendous difference in my outlook on the world in general and my attitudes on virtually everything.
Regarding the personal info: Again, probably not on Google! Married once in Virginia, for about three years. No children from that marriage. But two lovely children with two women in Africa--both living in Zambia. One girl, one boy--both now tweens. Both healthy & doing well. Cannot say any more. But thanks for asking!
***
Must get this in the mail. In my next letter I will talk about your LOL holiday shopping story about finding the perfect pair of jeans!
However, before I close, a brief mention of an incoming film with Amy Adams & Meryl Streep: "Julie & Julia" [August 7th] Streep plays celebrity chef Julia Childs & Adams play a blogger ! Julie Powers. Written & directed by Nora Ephron.
Doesn't really sound like my kind of film--but I always keep an open mind. And as you said, Amy Adams is brilliant.
One more thing, KK. I find it somewhat charming that you don't want to send your Paul Janka letter because it is "not well-written" and "way too graphic!" Are you kidding! :-) You would not believe some of the "stories" I have received unsolicited - "graphic" would be the mildest term I would use.
In any even, trust me that my sensibilities and life experiences cover anything & everything that you can imagine. And I don't say that lightly. I should add that I'm not proud of every thing, but there it is. On the plus side, I never sit around wishing I could do A or B or C...or X or Y or Z.
I hope to discuss whatever comes to mind with you [see page 4], and I hope you will feel free & unfettered to do the same.
You take care and hope to hear from you soon. Be good.
Yours, Michael
Hello again! Too bad about the Imitrex. A relative of mine suffers from migraines, and he says Imitrex is the best medicine he's ever used. [Yes, he knows he is in the minority--since women suffer migraines far more often than men.] Any change your insurance will cover it again at some point?
There's something we have in common---love of books. Your analogy of a demented squirrel hoarding nuts sounds about right! Several times In the past I've been forced by sheer numbers & space to "cull" my collection. Always an excruciating process.
So what is this true love you seem to have for dachshunds? Clearly Mini is a joyful part of your life. Did you have a weiner dog when you were a child, or did they come in to your life via a friend or lover or the sheer mechanics and limitations of Manhattan apartment living?
A word about bookstores in Southern Africa, which may be the same in India (you can tell me). Almost every city that attracts tourists and/or ex-pats has several "trade-in" bookstores. You can either purchase the thousands of used books, or pay a smaller fee and trade-in your used books for others. Either way is dirt-cheap. Because of the volume & variety, you find paperbacks there from Britain & Australia & South Africa that you might otherwise never see. Thus did I discover Patricia Highsmith's* amazing series of Ripley novels: The Talented Mr. Ripley is only the first in a series of five or six outstanding & details explorations of the charming but utterly conscience-less Tom Ripley...AND the brilliant novels of Iris Murdoch...AND the South African novelist J.M. Coetzee...among others. Will make a note to discuss those authors in future letters.
Thank you for clarifying "Outside the Box" vs. "Unbearable Heaviness of Being." Either the Observer writer got it wrong or I somehow misunderstood what she wrote. Anything you can send from either source is most appreciated. Do tell me one thing about your infamous "open letter' though Who was Paul Janka and why did your editor force you to write the letter?!
*AND her 20 or 25 other novels--always different, always dark, and no happy ending. She wrote Strangers on a Train, the basis for the Hitchcock movie. Book is better.
HBO-L/When you decide to get HBO you go all the way, don't you? ALICE definitely sounds different. If you have time, can you send me a brief description of the series? Although I've not seen it, I have read & heard a lot about "IN TREATMENT" with Gabriel Byrne. Apparently a critical hit. Perhaps it will show up on LIFETIME at some point. Curious what you think about Season I.
While it may be a long story and all very familiar to you -- the story of what happened four years ago with your firing & blog sounds like a New York media sensation! I won't ask you to recount every step--but could you send the text of the full-page N.Y. Post article?
And do you still do any reporting for UK TV? If I didn't make it clear earlier, I am a huge Anglophile-modern English authors, English films [especially 60s & 70s], etc. AND UK politics--even more of a blood sport there than here. Prime Minister's Questions live on C-SPAN at 0500 hrs Mountain Time on Wednesdays. Keep an eye on (GEEK ALERT!) Mr. Cameron. I believe he will be the next P.M.
I have actually read the WIKIPEDIA entry regarding my sad history. Multiple factual error/I'm not sure if Google would do any better. However--allow me to make this comment, which may surprise you: Not only did a series of bad decisions and bad acts put me here--but I also (I have learned) had a bad heart. That person--in those ways--seems as distant to me now as Alpha Centauri. I no longer have a bad heart. Though I remain here, I can assure you it makes a tremendous difference in my outlook on the world in general and my attitudes on virtually everything.
Regarding the personal info: Again, probably not on Google! Married once in Virginia, for about three years. No children from that marriage. But two lovely children with two women in Africa--both living in Zambia. One girl, one boy--both now tweens. Both healthy & doing well. Cannot say any more. But thanks for asking!
***
Must get this in the mail. In my next letter I will talk about your LOL holiday shopping story about finding the perfect pair of jeans!
However, before I close, a brief mention of an incoming film with Amy Adams & Meryl Streep: "Julie & Julia" [August 7th] Streep plays celebrity chef Julia Childs & Adams play a blogger ! Julie Powers. Written & directed by Nora Ephron.
Doesn't really sound like my kind of film--but I always keep an open mind. And as you said, Amy Adams is brilliant.
One more thing, KK. I find it somewhat charming that you don't want to send your Paul Janka letter because it is "not well-written" and "way too graphic!" Are you kidding! :-) You would not believe some of the "stories" I have received unsolicited - "graphic" would be the mildest term I would use.
In any even, trust me that my sensibilities and life experiences cover anything & everything that you can imagine. And I don't say that lightly. I should add that I'm not proud of every thing, but there it is. On the plus side, I never sit around wishing I could do A or B or C...or X or Y or Z.
I hope to discuss whatever comes to mind with you [see page 4], and I hope you will feel free & unfettered to do the same.
You take care and hope to hear from you soon. Be good.
Yours, Michael
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #10
Dear KK--- April 13, 2009
I have your letter and your card* in front of me. You really are endlessly fascinating and entertaining; and if you think I've said that about many people either before or after I came here, you would be mistaken.
So, KK---when are you going to get your columns & blogs together for a book and write a NY Times Bestseller ala Chelsea Handler, et al? I do a lot of reading--even more lately thanks to you--and your columns deserve to be turned into Volume I and II and ... Just a thought, though, I'm sure it is not original with me!
Beginning with your card, which was written first: As often happens over the weekend I saw a brief but fact-heavy investigative report on CNN re the death of Natasha Richardson. The timeline is damning on several key points. First, it appears she languished in the ER at the small community hospital near the resort for over an hour. Critical time in an epidural hematoma. She should have been sent immediately to the trauma center in Montreal. But the real "killer"--possibly literally--was the 2 1/2 hour ground transport time to Montreal. No air transport available. The bottom line is this: She was apparently injured around 12:40...she did not ARRIVE in Montreal at the trauma center until 7:00pm: 6 1/2 hours post-injury. The report didn't say if she had immediate surgery on arrival---but with that type of injury, the brain damage may well have been irreversible and fatal by that time.
Yes, I did see the news of the suicide of Nicholas Plath. Given the historical irony, I was surprised the story was not covered more. It was barely mentioned, in fact. Sylvia Plath is not the literary & tragic icon she once was. On a more personal note, I have lost someone close to suicide. You never ever really know why... [Ed.: He is referring to KK.]
your reading the Diane Arbus biography reminded me of that most unusual film from 06---based on that biography:
"FUR: AN IMAGINARY PORTRAIT OF DIANE ARBUS" 06 Directed by Steven Shainberg Starring Nicole Kidman, Robert Downey, Jr. "Attempting to explore famed photographer Arbus' artistic awakening in metaphoric terms, this film (set in 1958) follows her evolution from a stifled upper-class N.Y.C. wife & mother to an artist who's open to a world of society's outcasts that her parents taught her to shun.
Downey plays a fugitive from a freak show with a furry body who moves in upstairs. He's a fictitious character in this "imaginary portrait" that tells us a little about a very intersting woman. Ambitious and intriguing, with Kidman perfectly cast, but a strange, unsatisfying film. "Inspired By" Patricia Bosworth's biography of Arbus. KK: Is this the biography you are reading, or another one?
Despite several other reviews similar to the above at the time, I reallyl wanted to see this film. Because of Kidman's lead role, it recieved a lot of buzz at the time---which made its critical demise all the more devastating.
Even a three-line entry in one of those omnibus encyclopedias makes you want to know more about her: "DIANE ARBUS (1923-1971)" U. S. photographer noted for her black & white photographs of the strangeness of ordinary people, particularly children. Born Diane Nemerov, she died a suicide. Her autobiography, Diane Arbus, was published in 1972.
So-as you can see from the above, I am only superficially familiar with Ms. Arbus--and I am most interested in everything you glean from reading her biography. The comment that you are a "literary" Diane Arbus...please tell me more! As I said, endlessly fascinating and entertaining :)
Speaking of her photos of children, I recall seeing a stunning photograh of a family in the 1950s that had eleven or twelve girls--no boys. And they were all lined up by height wearing the same exact outfit. The photo was by Diane Arbus. Not sure if it was meant to look like a happy family photo, but in the hands of Ms. Arbus my recollection is of something akin to a German eugenics film from the early 20th century. I've never forgotten that photo. Strange, the effect of a single image...
***
"Touched By A Pigeon" is a perfect example of a story/"slice-of-life" that belongs in that book with 50 or 60 others!
Not only did I learn about NYC pigeons, but very funny as I've learned to expect from most of your writings. A pigeon that loses his will to live... pigeon pox!...and the sad reality of [ahem] pigeon suicide...?! [Ed: He is referencing a blog entry I wrote years ago called, "Touched By A Pigeon," about how a friend was teaching me how to ride a bike back when I lived in Hell's Kitchen. Whilst waiting for him to get the bike, I came across a neighbhorhood guy holding a pigeon. He explained there was nothign wrong with the bird, except it had lost its will to live. He had me pet it and it was soft like a bunny. A passerby noticed and screamed at how dirty it was and I was zapped back into reality and started itching and breaking out into hives. We left for our bike ride and an hour later while crossing Ninth Avenue on my way home, I saw it---dead in the middle of the road. And I just knew it walked into traffic on purpose.]
That's just your card! Let me get this in the mail now, and delve into your letter. Part II to follow shortly.
Take care and stay safe in the big bad city. Write when you can--more from me tomorrow.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Are all your Guggenheim & MOMA parties "invitation" only? I imagine you know lots of people in your line of work...
* Nice by the way: Fountain House Collection to enlighten the attitudes regarding the mentally ill. [Ed.: He is referencing the notecard I sent; it was made by a non-profit involving mental health research.]
I have your letter and your card* in front of me. You really are endlessly fascinating and entertaining; and if you think I've said that about many people either before or after I came here, you would be mistaken.
So, KK---when are you going to get your columns & blogs together for a book and write a NY Times Bestseller ala Chelsea Handler, et al? I do a lot of reading--even more lately thanks to you--and your columns deserve to be turned into Volume I and II and ... Just a thought, though, I'm sure it is not original with me!
Beginning with your card, which was written first: As often happens over the weekend I saw a brief but fact-heavy investigative report on CNN re the death of Natasha Richardson. The timeline is damning on several key points. First, it appears she languished in the ER at the small community hospital near the resort for over an hour. Critical time in an epidural hematoma. She should have been sent immediately to the trauma center in Montreal. But the real "killer"--possibly literally--was the 2 1/2 hour ground transport time to Montreal. No air transport available. The bottom line is this: She was apparently injured around 12:40...she did not ARRIVE in Montreal at the trauma center until 7:00pm: 6 1/2 hours post-injury. The report didn't say if she had immediate surgery on arrival---but with that type of injury, the brain damage may well have been irreversible and fatal by that time.
Yes, I did see the news of the suicide of Nicholas Plath. Given the historical irony, I was surprised the story was not covered more. It was barely mentioned, in fact. Sylvia Plath is not the literary & tragic icon she once was. On a more personal note, I have lost someone close to suicide. You never ever really know why... [Ed.: He is referring to KK.]
your reading the Diane Arbus biography reminded me of that most unusual film from 06---based on that biography:
"FUR: AN IMAGINARY PORTRAIT OF DIANE ARBUS" 06 Directed by Steven Shainberg Starring Nicole Kidman, Robert Downey, Jr. "Attempting to explore famed photographer Arbus' artistic awakening in metaphoric terms, this film (set in 1958) follows her evolution from a stifled upper-class N.Y.C. wife & mother to an artist who's open to a world of society's outcasts that her parents taught her to shun.
Downey plays a fugitive from a freak show with a furry body who moves in upstairs. He's a fictitious character in this "imaginary portrait" that tells us a little about a very intersting woman. Ambitious and intriguing, with Kidman perfectly cast, but a strange, unsatisfying film. "Inspired By" Patricia Bosworth's biography of Arbus. KK: Is this the biography you are reading, or another one?
Despite several other reviews similar to the above at the time, I reallyl wanted to see this film. Because of Kidman's lead role, it recieved a lot of buzz at the time---which made its critical demise all the more devastating.
Even a three-line entry in one of those omnibus encyclopedias makes you want to know more about her: "DIANE ARBUS (1923-1971)" U. S. photographer noted for her black & white photographs of the strangeness of ordinary people, particularly children. Born Diane Nemerov, she died a suicide. Her autobiography, Diane Arbus, was published in 1972.
So-as you can see from the above, I am only superficially familiar with Ms. Arbus--and I am most interested in everything you glean from reading her biography. The comment that you are a "literary" Diane Arbus...please tell me more! As I said, endlessly fascinating and entertaining :)
Speaking of her photos of children, I recall seeing a stunning photograh of a family in the 1950s that had eleven or twelve girls--no boys. And they were all lined up by height wearing the same exact outfit. The photo was by Diane Arbus. Not sure if it was meant to look like a happy family photo, but in the hands of Ms. Arbus my recollection is of something akin to a German eugenics film from the early 20th century. I've never forgotten that photo. Strange, the effect of a single image...
***
"Touched By A Pigeon" is a perfect example of a story/"slice-of-life" that belongs in that book with 50 or 60 others!
Not only did I learn about NYC pigeons, but very funny as I've learned to expect from most of your writings. A pigeon that loses his will to live... pigeon pox!...and the sad reality of [ahem] pigeon suicide...?! [Ed: He is referencing a blog entry I wrote years ago called, "Touched By A Pigeon," about how a friend was teaching me how to ride a bike back when I lived in Hell's Kitchen. Whilst waiting for him to get the bike, I came across a neighbhorhood guy holding a pigeon. He explained there was nothign wrong with the bird, except it had lost its will to live. He had me pet it and it was soft like a bunny. A passerby noticed and screamed at how dirty it was and I was zapped back into reality and started itching and breaking out into hives. We left for our bike ride and an hour later while crossing Ninth Avenue on my way home, I saw it---dead in the middle of the road. And I just knew it walked into traffic on purpose.]
That's just your card! Let me get this in the mail now, and delve into your letter. Part II to follow shortly.
Take care and stay safe in the big bad city. Write when you can--more from me tomorrow.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Are all your Guggenheim & MOMA parties "invitation" only? I imagine you know lots of people in your line of work...
* Nice by the way: Fountain House Collection to enlighten the attitudes regarding the mentally ill. [Ed.: He is referencing the notecard I sent; it was made by a non-profit involving mental health research.]
Books Written About These Inmates:
I specifically chose these people to write to without knowing very much about them except that they were called "sociopaths" by psychologists in their trials and that they were shown to have above average intelligence. They were known to be charming and good looking. I read just the basic information to know what they were convicted of and where they were being held. I specifically didn't want to read the books that were written about them and their crimes because I wanted to go in fresh and forge a pen pal relationship with them without knowing any of the back story. And that is what I did.
So now that I have a relationship with Pender, Swango, Whitaker and Smith, I decided to read the books written about them. I started with Ken Whitaker's(Bart's father) book, Murder By Family. Ken is a very religious man and the narrative is peppered with religious belief and sentiment. Juxtaposed with the incredibly intellectual voice Bart has, I noted how different father and son's styles were. Not too much stood out in the book except that towards the end Bart writes his father letters explaining his crime. I found it particularly interesting that he said something along the lines of, "I never respected people less smart than I am." It does seem from reading each of their writing, that Bart is way more eloquent, has a much bigger vocabulary and is far more well-read. The only other part that was really noteworthy was how Bart, in that typical sociopathic way, writes in circles about why he did this. His commentary about the "masks" he wore and the hole he had inside of him which made him incapable of feeling love, was enlightening.
Then I read James B. Stewart's bestseller, Blind Eye. Keep in mind I have already had a relationship with Swango for months before embarking on the reading of this book. I was really taken with how horrifying his actions and words were. I wanted to remember these things so they'd stick in my head when I read his letters. Swango writes about two letters a week to me, each around 10 pages.
The things that were particularly noteworthy about Swango were:
- Since he was very young he kept scrapbooks of clippings of murder, death and tragedy. Many people are quoted in this book as saying they'd see him cutting out articles about mass death with an eerie look of satisfaction on his face. He was also fascinated with serial killers. He was quoted as saying, "That's just great. I wish I had been there," in reaction to watching a story on the news about a man who went into a McDonalds and shot 21 people. "Every time I think of a good idea, someone beats me to it."
- He connected sex and death. He was quoted as saying, "Do you know what I'd like to do to you?" After describing in lurid detail what he called a "sexual fantasy" he said it would culminate with him plummeting a hatchet into the back of the woman's head.
- He was also quoted as saying, "The best thing about being a doctor is coming out of the ER with a hard-on to tell some parents that their kid died from head trauma."
- Swango said the ultimate call while being an EMT was to be called to the site of an accident in which a busload of children had been hit head on by a tractor trailer filled with gasoline. He said he'd like another bus to plow into the wreckage, causing a massive explosion throwing children's bodies into barbed wire fences.
- In this book, Swango also says, "Wouldn't that be great? To travel around the country killing people. Just moving on, killing some more--a great lifestyle!"
- He was married to a woman named Ruth Duma. The marriage lasted for 3 years.
- He said he hated fat people so much he dreamed of slicing them through with blades attached to his shoes.
- The book discusses how he was a big movie buff. So interesting that he still is. If you read his letters to me, they almost always discuss movies. Even many that he does not have the ability to see.
Probably the thing that stands out the most about this book, for me, is all the text about KK. Besides sharing her initials with me, she had the same look I do--the same coloring. She was supposedly very funny and Lucille Ball-like. My ex-husband Wm. used to actually call me "Lucy" because of sense of humor. Like me, she had been married before and her marriage only lasted a very short time. She had a very bad childhood. She kept a diary/journal during the last year of her life with Swango, chronicling events and her depression. She ended up killing herself. Once autopsied they found ample quantities of arsenic in her system that was said to explain her horrible migraines and breakdown.
I recently ordered three books on the Susan Smith murder case: One written by her mother, another written by her ex-husband and one written by a psychologist. I will write what stands out to me after I read them and get a few more letters from her.
There is currently no book about Pender yet, but she tells me she is working on one herself.
So now that I have a relationship with Pender, Swango, Whitaker and Smith, I decided to read the books written about them. I started with Ken Whitaker's(Bart's father) book, Murder By Family. Ken is a very religious man and the narrative is peppered with religious belief and sentiment. Juxtaposed with the incredibly intellectual voice Bart has, I noted how different father and son's styles were. Not too much stood out in the book except that towards the end Bart writes his father letters explaining his crime. I found it particularly interesting that he said something along the lines of, "I never respected people less smart than I am." It does seem from reading each of their writing, that Bart is way more eloquent, has a much bigger vocabulary and is far more well-read. The only other part that was really noteworthy was how Bart, in that typical sociopathic way, writes in circles about why he did this. His commentary about the "masks" he wore and the hole he had inside of him which made him incapable of feeling love, was enlightening.
Then I read James B. Stewart's bestseller, Blind Eye. Keep in mind I have already had a relationship with Swango for months before embarking on the reading of this book. I was really taken with how horrifying his actions and words were. I wanted to remember these things so they'd stick in my head when I read his letters. Swango writes about two letters a week to me, each around 10 pages.
The things that were particularly noteworthy about Swango were:
- Since he was very young he kept scrapbooks of clippings of murder, death and tragedy. Many people are quoted in this book as saying they'd see him cutting out articles about mass death with an eerie look of satisfaction on his face. He was also fascinated with serial killers. He was quoted as saying, "That's just great. I wish I had been there," in reaction to watching a story on the news about a man who went into a McDonalds and shot 21 people. "Every time I think of a good idea, someone beats me to it."
- He connected sex and death. He was quoted as saying, "Do you know what I'd like to do to you?" After describing in lurid detail what he called a "sexual fantasy" he said it would culminate with him plummeting a hatchet into the back of the woman's head.
- He was also quoted as saying, "The best thing about being a doctor is coming out of the ER with a hard-on to tell some parents that their kid died from head trauma."
- Swango said the ultimate call while being an EMT was to be called to the site of an accident in which a busload of children had been hit head on by a tractor trailer filled with gasoline. He said he'd like another bus to plow into the wreckage, causing a massive explosion throwing children's bodies into barbed wire fences.
- In this book, Swango also says, "Wouldn't that be great? To travel around the country killing people. Just moving on, killing some more--a great lifestyle!"
- He was married to a woman named Ruth Duma. The marriage lasted for 3 years.
- He said he hated fat people so much he dreamed of slicing them through with blades attached to his shoes.
- The book discusses how he was a big movie buff. So interesting that he still is. If you read his letters to me, they almost always discuss movies. Even many that he does not have the ability to see.
Probably the thing that stands out the most about this book, for me, is all the text about KK. Besides sharing her initials with me, she had the same look I do--the same coloring. She was supposedly very funny and Lucille Ball-like. My ex-husband Wm. used to actually call me "Lucy" because of sense of humor. Like me, she had been married before and her marriage only lasted a very short time. She had a very bad childhood. She kept a diary/journal during the last year of her life with Swango, chronicling events and her depression. She ended up killing herself. Once autopsied they found ample quantities of arsenic in her system that was said to explain her horrible migraines and breakdown.
I recently ordered three books on the Susan Smith murder case: One written by her mother, another written by her ex-husband and one written by a psychologist. I will write what stands out to me after I read them and get a few more letters from her.
There is currently no book about Pender yet, but she tells me she is working on one herself.
Cast of Characters:
I've decided to concentrate Letters from the Inside on these main prisoners. I have been posting letters from all and just wanted to take this opportunity to recap on who they are and why they are in prison.
1) Dr. Michael Swango - Swango was a doctor accused of killing up to 60 people via poison. He non-fatally poisoned even more. He is in prison in Colorado for life. There was a book written about him and his crimes called BLIND EYE by James B. Stewart. Click HERE for his Wikipedia entry.
2) Thomas Bart Whitaker - Whitaker is a young man accused of enlisting someone to kill his family. His father survived the attack and has very publicly forgiven him. Whitaker is currently on Death Row in Texas. He recently appeared on Oprah along with his father. His father wrote a book about Whitaker and his crime called: MURDER BY FAMILY Read a brief summary: HERE
3) Sarah Jo Pender - Pender is a woman who had her roommates killed. She was put in prison with a lengthy sentence. I believe eight years into serving her sentence she broke out of jail and was out on the lamb for months. America's Most Wanted profiled her and her escape and she was caught. She then appeared on the show discussing her crime. She is currently in prison for life in Indiana and serving a full year in isolation. You can read more about the case HERE
4)Susan Smith - Smith was convicted of killing her two young boys by putting them into her jeep and driving them into a lake. Read more HERE She is currently serving a life sentence in South Carolina with a possibility of parole in 2024.
***
In addition to these four main inmates, I also have written to:
- Richard Allen Davis - WIKIPEDIA ENTRY. He is currently serving life in California for kidnapping and killing 12-year old Polly Klauss. After receiving his first letter I decided to not to pursue writing back to him. Even so, he sent me another letter. I didn't respond.
- Raffaello Follieri - Most known for dating actress Anne Hathaway, Follieri got a four-year federal prison sentence for swindling people out of millions. I have decided not to include him in this project because he is not like the others. More HERE.
- Ann Miller Kontz - She was convicted for poisoning and killing her Aids-researcher husband. She is currently serving a 25-year sentence in North Carolina. You can read her story HERE
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Letters from the Outiside In, KK to Swango, #9 and #10
As I said before, I alternate between typing letters to prisoners and sending small handwritten cards. The typed ones I keep saved on my computer; the handwritten ones I do not have copies of. I won't post all I send to them, but occassionally I'll post what I have sent so you can see my tone and understand some of the topics they discuss in answer. So here are the two last ones I sent to Swango. I will post his letter of reply this week.
Hello Michael,
It is pouring out today. This is one of the few weekends I have nothing planned. I headed to the video store as I wanted to rent, I Have Loved You for So Long. Alas, the store didn’t have it, but it is my next Netflix coming and should be here Tuesday. Imagine my raised eyebrows when later, I opened your letter and saw you reference it. Likewise I was supposed to see Lymelife with a friend but he was detained at the airport and couldn’t make the movie. I will try to go next Friday to see that. It is the only movie currently in theaters I haven’t seen that I want to. Yesterday’s Netflix was Donkey Punch. Are you familiar with it? Three Irish girls are on vacation in Mallorca and meet 3 guys who take them on a yacht they work on. The girl gets accidently killed and the remaining ones battle it out. The boys want to dump her body overboard and say she was drinking and fell; the girls want to report the homicide.
On Saturdays I have a routine. At 8:30pm I walk the dog and pick up the first Sunday edition of the Times. Then I come upstairs and watch America’s Most Wanted and 48 Hour Mystery and onto Sat. Night Live if it isn’t a repeat. On the weekends I usually cook something big and special, but this weekend I’m not into it. I’ll just order something in. I think tonight maybe Peking Duck.
I finished reading the Diane Arbus biography—are you familiar with her and her photography---and tried to watch FUR a movie based on her life. It was so awful I stopped watching after 35 minutes. Ugh. Just ugh. I have to remember to Google her to see her famous photos. I would love to send you pictures from Cindy Sherman and Diane Arbus but right now my color printer doesn’t work and in black and white probably wouldn’t be as good. I may buy a new color printer in the next month or two so we’ll see…
I turn 39 next month. May 16th. I had this dream a few years ago that I was told I would die at 39. It keeps popping back into my head. I have some enemies out there…. I bought a ticket to see a Broadway show that I will see the week of my birthday. It is getting great reviews and a few friends saw it and loved it. It is called God of Carnage and stars James Gandolfini (of Sopranos fame), Hope Davis, Jeff Daniels & Marcia Gay Harden.
Here is the gist: Two ostensibly civilized married couples meet up to sort out a playground fight. The son of one couple (Jeff Daniels and Hope Davis) has broken two of the teeth of the son of another (James Gandolfini and Marcia Gay Harden). At first diplomatic niceties are observed, but as the meeting progresses and the rum flows, huge tensions emerge and the gloves come off, leaving more than just their liberal principles in tatters.
Funny you should mention M. Night Shmayalan. I LOVE all his movies. Most people have panned the last few, but I love him. He writes fairy tales for the old and disillusioned.
I would love to hear more about your incarceration. Why? What it is like there? I realize you are in for life, but if you could get out, what would you do? I have written to another prisoner who is in for life and she is not allowed TV, etc. It sounds like you have access to television and movies. You even mention the food isn’t awful. I suspect it all depends on which jail you are in, but from what I’ve read it is awful. What are your feelings about all of this. Clearly you are an extremely bright man, so you are very aware of the whys and hows and must have some serious feelings about this whole situation. You mentioned you can’t tell me certain things for legal reasons, and I understand about that. But tell me all you are allowed to.
Thank you for enclosing the clippings. I actually read that Times article about Netflix by Wilson when it came out. In this Sunday’s NYT one of my new clients is profiled in the real estate section. It is a very big deal and they are very happy about this.
I am enclosing another New Yorker article—this one written by Woody Allen about Bernie Madoff. It is funny.
I may want instantly on Netflix the old Paul Newman movie: The Drowning Pool (’75). Do you know it?
Are you familiar with the actor , writer and director Eric Schaeffer? He has a show on Showtime called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” Prior to that he wrote and starred in a great show on F/X called Starved, a Seinfeldesque comedy centered around 4 NYers with eating disorders. He did six movies: My Life is in Turnaround, Fall, If Lucy Fell, Wirey Spindell, Never Again and most recently, Mind the Gap. I am friends with him and went on a few dates with him. I wrote a very interesting piece about how when I first saw Fall in the early 90s I told my friends I’d date him someday. They rolled their eyes. When I married my husband it turned out his friends were a band that did the music for Fall. Still, they long since lost touch. Then after my divorce, the first blind date I went on was with an audio engineer who was approached by Schaeffer to do audio for his latest movie. The date said Schaeffer was an asshole and wouldn’t give me his number. Thirteen years and 2 close calls but still no meeting. Finally my ex-husband told me about Eric’s new memoir, a book called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” I messaged him on Myspace and we met and dated. I did some publicity for his book and we fizzled out. Then later while he was filming the series, I was actually included, mentioned on a few of the episodes. In one he calls me and you can hear my voice. Odd how life works. I got to go to the premiere of the show which was really fun. Anyway, wondered if you knew his work and what you thought of it. He has another season of his show coming out on Showtime.
I entered my dachshund, Mini, in a contest for Pet of the Month and he won! His picture will be in the paper starting on Thursday and run for 4 weeks. When it appears I will try to cut it out for you to see.
You asked about India. I wrote something about my trip that got published. I’ll paste it in here and sign off for now.
--Kelly
***
[Next letter I sent him.]
Hello Michael,
Just got your letter. Today is April 18th. In response to your letter, I have seen Tell No One. Great flick. Very spooky. I always see French movies like that. Love them. I am very familiar with KST’s work. She is such a good actress. I cannot, however, ever get into anything about vampires. I find that ridiculous, even if well-written. I am not about fantasy or willing suspension of disbelief. I have still not seen the Education of Charlie Banks. I think I’m opting to wait until it comes out on video in June.
As for the article I wrote with and about my husband, yes, we had a very volatile relationship once we lived together. Prior, things were very good. I am SO Type A---glad you can see that from my letters---and very anti-drug. That article, while harsh, was something Wm. willingly participated in and those quotes from him were verbatim. He and I had that type of dynamic. He sort of even liked being written about, even if unfavorably. We had similar senses of humor. One of the problems was that my ex-husband was not into reading, studying, etc. I am very exact, on top of bills and goals and quite neurotic. He is very laid back and likes to take shortcuts. Just two different types of people.
Now how about you? I asked in a previous letter---I’m assuming you haven’t gotten it yet---if you were married or had children. Prior to your incarceration did you date much? Did you have a “type?”
Are you familiar with David Sedaris’ books? If not, they are hysterically funny. He writes about his gay life, his wacky family, his travels, etc. I love his stuff. In fact, he just had another published this week in the New Yorker. I’d send it but I’m not sure how you feel about him. This one was about how he was traveling by train, years ago when smoking was acceptable, and how he met a low-life type man who he got a crush on.
In this letter I’m enclosing a piece from New York Magazine—a small snippet from Cindy Sherman, that photographer that I just saw the movie about. I wish you were familiar with her work, and as I said I will try to print some of her famous stuff out when I get access to a color printer. New York Magazine did an issue about famous people and their stories about the first week they moved to NYC. Cindy’s was interesting. I remember mine. The day I moved into NYC to a sixth floor walkup, I lost my job and my boyfriend. Typical NY story. NY knocks you on your ass and only the strong figure out a way to stay here. I’ll never leave. I also lose a bit of respect for those that leave.
I’m glad you appreciated Hell Hole. Clearly you know more about the jail experience than I ever will, but I found it interesting. How does your facility compare? Do you have friends there? Roommates? I want to hear more about what you experience in jail.
You mention a Cistercian monastery which made me wonder if you have a religion. What are your thoughts about God and religion?
I am not familiar with THE KINDLY ONES but will Google and find out what you are referencing.
I am also enclosing a clipping of my dog Mini and the article about him winning PET OF THE MONTH. Cheesy, but so cute.
Lastly, I’m enclosing a blurry snapshot of me I happened upon whilst cleaning out my desk drawer. I send it, even though it is a few years old, so you can see what I look like. I have tons of recent pictures of me on the computer, but again, no color printer, so this is one of the few hard copies I own, aside from a wedding picture, which I would send if you were interested in seeing it.
--Kelly
Hello Michael,
It is pouring out today. This is one of the few weekends I have nothing planned. I headed to the video store as I wanted to rent, I Have Loved You for So Long. Alas, the store didn’t have it, but it is my next Netflix coming and should be here Tuesday. Imagine my raised eyebrows when later, I opened your letter and saw you reference it. Likewise I was supposed to see Lymelife with a friend but he was detained at the airport and couldn’t make the movie. I will try to go next Friday to see that. It is the only movie currently in theaters I haven’t seen that I want to. Yesterday’s Netflix was Donkey Punch. Are you familiar with it? Three Irish girls are on vacation in Mallorca and meet 3 guys who take them on a yacht they work on. The girl gets accidently killed and the remaining ones battle it out. The boys want to dump her body overboard and say she was drinking and fell; the girls want to report the homicide.
On Saturdays I have a routine. At 8:30pm I walk the dog and pick up the first Sunday edition of the Times. Then I come upstairs and watch America’s Most Wanted and 48 Hour Mystery and onto Sat. Night Live if it isn’t a repeat. On the weekends I usually cook something big and special, but this weekend I’m not into it. I’ll just order something in. I think tonight maybe Peking Duck.
I finished reading the Diane Arbus biography—are you familiar with her and her photography---and tried to watch FUR a movie based on her life. It was so awful I stopped watching after 35 minutes. Ugh. Just ugh. I have to remember to Google her to see her famous photos. I would love to send you pictures from Cindy Sherman and Diane Arbus but right now my color printer doesn’t work and in black and white probably wouldn’t be as good. I may buy a new color printer in the next month or two so we’ll see…
I turn 39 next month. May 16th. I had this dream a few years ago that I was told I would die at 39. It keeps popping back into my head. I have some enemies out there…. I bought a ticket to see a Broadway show that I will see the week of my birthday. It is getting great reviews and a few friends saw it and loved it. It is called God of Carnage and stars James Gandolfini (of Sopranos fame), Hope Davis, Jeff Daniels & Marcia Gay Harden.
Here is the gist: Two ostensibly civilized married couples meet up to sort out a playground fight. The son of one couple (Jeff Daniels and Hope Davis) has broken two of the teeth of the son of another (James Gandolfini and Marcia Gay Harden). At first diplomatic niceties are observed, but as the meeting progresses and the rum flows, huge tensions emerge and the gloves come off, leaving more than just their liberal principles in tatters.
Funny you should mention M. Night Shmayalan. I LOVE all his movies. Most people have panned the last few, but I love him. He writes fairy tales for the old and disillusioned.
I would love to hear more about your incarceration. Why? What it is like there? I realize you are in for life, but if you could get out, what would you do? I have written to another prisoner who is in for life and she is not allowed TV, etc. It sounds like you have access to television and movies. You even mention the food isn’t awful. I suspect it all depends on which jail you are in, but from what I’ve read it is awful. What are your feelings about all of this. Clearly you are an extremely bright man, so you are very aware of the whys and hows and must have some serious feelings about this whole situation. You mentioned you can’t tell me certain things for legal reasons, and I understand about that. But tell me all you are allowed to.
Thank you for enclosing the clippings. I actually read that Times article about Netflix by Wilson when it came out. In this Sunday’s NYT one of my new clients is profiled in the real estate section. It is a very big deal and they are very happy about this.
I am enclosing another New Yorker article—this one written by Woody Allen about Bernie Madoff. It is funny.
I may want instantly on Netflix the old Paul Newman movie: The Drowning Pool (’75). Do you know it?
Are you familiar with the actor , writer and director Eric Schaeffer? He has a show on Showtime called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” Prior to that he wrote and starred in a great show on F/X called Starved, a Seinfeldesque comedy centered around 4 NYers with eating disorders. He did six movies: My Life is in Turnaround, Fall, If Lucy Fell, Wirey Spindell, Never Again and most recently, Mind the Gap. I am friends with him and went on a few dates with him. I wrote a very interesting piece about how when I first saw Fall in the early 90s I told my friends I’d date him someday. They rolled their eyes. When I married my husband it turned out his friends were a band that did the music for Fall. Still, they long since lost touch. Then after my divorce, the first blind date I went on was with an audio engineer who was approached by Schaeffer to do audio for his latest movie. The date said Schaeffer was an asshole and wouldn’t give me his number. Thirteen years and 2 close calls but still no meeting. Finally my ex-husband told me about Eric’s new memoir, a book called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” I messaged him on Myspace and we met and dated. I did some publicity for his book and we fizzled out. Then later while he was filming the series, I was actually included, mentioned on a few of the episodes. In one he calls me and you can hear my voice. Odd how life works. I got to go to the premiere of the show which was really fun. Anyway, wondered if you knew his work and what you thought of it. He has another season of his show coming out on Showtime.
I entered my dachshund, Mini, in a contest for Pet of the Month and he won! His picture will be in the paper starting on Thursday and run for 4 weeks. When it appears I will try to cut it out for you to see.
You asked about India. I wrote something about my trip that got published. I’ll paste it in here and sign off for now.
--Kelly
***
[Next letter I sent him.]
Hello Michael,
Just got your letter. Today is April 18th. In response to your letter, I have seen Tell No One. Great flick. Very spooky. I always see French movies like that. Love them. I am very familiar with KST’s work. She is such a good actress. I cannot, however, ever get into anything about vampires. I find that ridiculous, even if well-written. I am not about fantasy or willing suspension of disbelief. I have still not seen the Education of Charlie Banks. I think I’m opting to wait until it comes out on video in June.
As for the article I wrote with and about my husband, yes, we had a very volatile relationship once we lived together. Prior, things were very good. I am SO Type A---glad you can see that from my letters---and very anti-drug. That article, while harsh, was something Wm. willingly participated in and those quotes from him were verbatim. He and I had that type of dynamic. He sort of even liked being written about, even if unfavorably. We had similar senses of humor. One of the problems was that my ex-husband was not into reading, studying, etc. I am very exact, on top of bills and goals and quite neurotic. He is very laid back and likes to take shortcuts. Just two different types of people.
Now how about you? I asked in a previous letter---I’m assuming you haven’t gotten it yet---if you were married or had children. Prior to your incarceration did you date much? Did you have a “type?”
Are you familiar with David Sedaris’ books? If not, they are hysterically funny. He writes about his gay life, his wacky family, his travels, etc. I love his stuff. In fact, he just had another published this week in the New Yorker. I’d send it but I’m not sure how you feel about him. This one was about how he was traveling by train, years ago when smoking was acceptable, and how he met a low-life type man who he got a crush on.
In this letter I’m enclosing a piece from New York Magazine—a small snippet from Cindy Sherman, that photographer that I just saw the movie about. I wish you were familiar with her work, and as I said I will try to print some of her famous stuff out when I get access to a color printer. New York Magazine did an issue about famous people and their stories about the first week they moved to NYC. Cindy’s was interesting. I remember mine. The day I moved into NYC to a sixth floor walkup, I lost my job and my boyfriend. Typical NY story. NY knocks you on your ass and only the strong figure out a way to stay here. I’ll never leave. I also lose a bit of respect for those that leave.
I’m glad you appreciated Hell Hole. Clearly you know more about the jail experience than I ever will, but I found it interesting. How does your facility compare? Do you have friends there? Roommates? I want to hear more about what you experience in jail.
You mention a Cistercian monastery which made me wonder if you have a religion. What are your thoughts about God and religion?
I am not familiar with THE KINDLY ONES but will Google and find out what you are referencing.
I am also enclosing a clipping of my dog Mini and the article about him winning PET OF THE MONTH. Cheesy, but so cute.
Lastly, I’m enclosing a blurry snapshot of me I happened upon whilst cleaning out my desk drawer. I send it, even though it is a few years old, so you can see what I look like. I have tons of recent pictures of me on the computer, but again, no color printer, so this is one of the few hard copies I own, aside from a wedding picture, which I would send if you were interested in seeing it.
--Kelly
A Message to Readers
I am not happy with the Tumblr platform. It is not showing the images of the scanned letters,even though I have included them. Pender draws pictures like flowers and clouds on her envelopes and letters; Swango underlines incessantly all over the page. Tumblr isn't showing my formatting of underlining.
I will be moving this to Blogspot shortly. Once I have time to do this and set up a LetterfromtheInside.blogspot.com I will send the few I have given access to this, passwords to get onto to that one.
One other thing. A few entries down, I reference this great recent article in the New Yorker called HELL HOLE. I cannot link to it as you would need a subscription to that magazine to read it. However, if you can get your hands on a copy of it, do so. I have sent hard copy of this article to each of the prisoners I write to and several of them comment on it in their return letters to me. The gist of the 10-page article is that solitary confinement---which my prisoners face---is psychologically damaging and could be considered torture.
I will be moving this to Blogspot shortly. Once I have time to do this and set up a LetterfromtheInside.blogspot.com I will send the few I have given access to this, passwords to get onto to that one.
One other thing. A few entries down, I reference this great recent article in the New Yorker called HELL HOLE. I cannot link to it as you would need a subscription to that magazine to read it. However, if you can get your hands on a copy of it, do so. I have sent hard copy of this article to each of the prisoners I write to and several of them comment on it in their return letters to me. The gist of the 10-page article is that solitary confinement---which my prisoners face---is psychologically damaging and could be considered torture.
Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Whitaker
Dear Thomas,
Hello! I just got your letter and am always so anxious to read them. It sucks that you had someone you wrote to for a year who was being deceptive. What did this pro-Death Penalty fellow hope to gain by writing? How did he finally tell you? Was he mean?
I can only reiterate that I enjoying writing to you and getting your responses so I’m not going to “flake out” and stop writing. There are periods when I’m busier than others so I may not always be so prolific or swift. You owe me no apology. Dude, I’m just the type of person who is going to question and push and all you have to do is tell me to politely cut it out or that you are uncomfortable discussing certain things. I’m very curious by nature. But I am not malicious. I was just trying to understand why you did what you did.
I know that article about my ex-husband was mean and very snarky. However, my ex-husband knew full-well what I was going to write. He agreed to be interviewed for that and his quotes in it are verbatim. We also interacted with each other like that. It was just the nature of our relationship—our dynamic. I was paid to editorialize about my relationship with him. However, you and I do not have an intimate relationship like I had with my husband. Semi-good natured ribbing in the press was something he expected and even kind of enjoyed. This is what I was getting at when I said I may post your letters or parts on my blog, but that I’d offer no editorialization. I didn’t mean that I don’t care or have thoughts, feelings, opinions….What I meant by that is that I wouldn’t ridicule them, agree or disagree, or insert myself into them or your experience at all. If I posted anything you said, it’d stand alone and anyone who read could draw their own conclusions without me trying to sway opinion in one way or another. I entered into writing to you with a very open mind, and I am committed to continuing to do so. I am not going to say anything bad about you either privately or publicly. No reason for me to.
Clearly, I do not condone murder, violence or crime of any sort. But beyond that, you are simply Thomas to me. Someone I think is incredibly intelligent but also very flawed. I’m both of those things too.
As for me, I do not want to get an MFA all that much. I enjoyed applying to Columbia and if on a miracle of a chance I got in, I’d feel like I won the lottery. I didn’t, and so I have no desire to apply elsewhere, like NYU, the New School, etc. I am, however, taking a writing course this summer---a short one—on how to get non-fiction published and how to write a non-fiction book proposal. Speaking of writing, I keep checking MinutesBeforeSix and there hasn’t been anything new there from you in months. What’s up with that?
I’m also signed up for a cooking class. I studied the basics of French cooking a year ago and would like to continue. I enjoy cooking and do it often. It is very relaxing. The classes are fun because they are also social. At the end of the five –hour session you sit together and drink wine and eat the five-course meal you have worked to prepare together.
I went to a Knicks/Nets game last night and had a hot dog. It was fun. I saw Spike Lee pacing courtside. The Knicks won. Tomorrow night I’m going to the Public Theater to see a play. Saturday night a visit with an ex-boyfriend—someone I dated before I was married. Life chugs along. I get bouts of sadness and gloom. I’ve always been like that.
I don’t read supermarket-lit like James Patterson either. And I try to stay away from anything that the masses love. Oprah book club picks=FAIL! I finished the Diane Arbus bio—she was a very famous photographer who committed suicide in the early 70s and was known for photographing “freaks.” I finished your father’s book. I’m now starting on another book—fiction this time—but can’t seem to get into it. I like non-fiction way better than fiction. Reality is always more interesting than fantasy.
I have this continual sense of loss and longing. Always waiting for something that seems like a bit of dust in the corner of my eye. I can’t never focus on exactly what it is. Arghhh… Just so restless all the time.
I entered my little dog in a Pet of the Month contest (this is what soon-to-be 39 year old single women do) and he won, so MINI will be in the local paper. I’ll try to get a few copies and send you the little write-up on him.
My birthday is May 16th, and I cannot believe I’m going to be 39. It sounds so old, yet I feel like I’m caught between being 12 and 100. I thought by 39 I’d feel I was a responsible adult. I just feel like an idiot most of the time. An idiot capable of paying rent, but an idiot nonetheless. I look around and think, “How did I get here?”
Anyway, I hope your arm isn’t causing you any pain right now and that you somehow get another radio. Do you keep letters that are written to you or do you throw them out? Or do the guards take them from you when you are done reading them? Who else do you write to?…I am assuming you have friends from home or people who reached out after reading about your case. I guess you must get hate mail too…
I’ll close by pasting in a piece I wrote about my trip to India. Hope it helps you pass a bit of time.
Be well, --KK
Hello! I just got your letter and am always so anxious to read them. It sucks that you had someone you wrote to for a year who was being deceptive. What did this pro-Death Penalty fellow hope to gain by writing? How did he finally tell you? Was he mean?
I can only reiterate that I enjoying writing to you and getting your responses so I’m not going to “flake out” and stop writing. There are periods when I’m busier than others so I may not always be so prolific or swift. You owe me no apology. Dude, I’m just the type of person who is going to question and push and all you have to do is tell me to politely cut it out or that you are uncomfortable discussing certain things. I’m very curious by nature. But I am not malicious. I was just trying to understand why you did what you did.
I know that article about my ex-husband was mean and very snarky. However, my ex-husband knew full-well what I was going to write. He agreed to be interviewed for that and his quotes in it are verbatim. We also interacted with each other like that. It was just the nature of our relationship—our dynamic. I was paid to editorialize about my relationship with him. However, you and I do not have an intimate relationship like I had with my husband. Semi-good natured ribbing in the press was something he expected and even kind of enjoyed. This is what I was getting at when I said I may post your letters or parts on my blog, but that I’d offer no editorialization. I didn’t mean that I don’t care or have thoughts, feelings, opinions….What I meant by that is that I wouldn’t ridicule them, agree or disagree, or insert myself into them or your experience at all. If I posted anything you said, it’d stand alone and anyone who read could draw their own conclusions without me trying to sway opinion in one way or another. I entered into writing to you with a very open mind, and I am committed to continuing to do so. I am not going to say anything bad about you either privately or publicly. No reason for me to.
Clearly, I do not condone murder, violence or crime of any sort. But beyond that, you are simply Thomas to me. Someone I think is incredibly intelligent but also very flawed. I’m both of those things too.
As for me, I do not want to get an MFA all that much. I enjoyed applying to Columbia and if on a miracle of a chance I got in, I’d feel like I won the lottery. I didn’t, and so I have no desire to apply elsewhere, like NYU, the New School, etc. I am, however, taking a writing course this summer---a short one—on how to get non-fiction published and how to write a non-fiction book proposal. Speaking of writing, I keep checking MinutesBeforeSix and there hasn’t been anything new there from you in months. What’s up with that?
I’m also signed up for a cooking class. I studied the basics of French cooking a year ago and would like to continue. I enjoy cooking and do it often. It is very relaxing. The classes are fun because they are also social. At the end of the five –hour session you sit together and drink wine and eat the five-course meal you have worked to prepare together.
I went to a Knicks/Nets game last night and had a hot dog. It was fun. I saw Spike Lee pacing courtside. The Knicks won. Tomorrow night I’m going to the Public Theater to see a play. Saturday night a visit with an ex-boyfriend—someone I dated before I was married. Life chugs along. I get bouts of sadness and gloom. I’ve always been like that.
I don’t read supermarket-lit like James Patterson either. And I try to stay away from anything that the masses love. Oprah book club picks=FAIL! I finished the Diane Arbus bio—she was a very famous photographer who committed suicide in the early 70s and was known for photographing “freaks.” I finished your father’s book. I’m now starting on another book—fiction this time—but can’t seem to get into it. I like non-fiction way better than fiction. Reality is always more interesting than fantasy.
I have this continual sense of loss and longing. Always waiting for something that seems like a bit of dust in the corner of my eye. I can’t never focus on exactly what it is. Arghhh… Just so restless all the time.
I entered my little dog in a Pet of the Month contest (this is what soon-to-be 39 year old single women do) and he won, so MINI will be in the local paper. I’ll try to get a few copies and send you the little write-up on him.
My birthday is May 16th, and I cannot believe I’m going to be 39. It sounds so old, yet I feel like I’m caught between being 12 and 100. I thought by 39 I’d feel I was a responsible adult. I just feel like an idiot most of the time. An idiot capable of paying rent, but an idiot nonetheless. I look around and think, “How did I get here?”
Anyway, I hope your arm isn’t causing you any pain right now and that you somehow get another radio. Do you keep letters that are written to you or do you throw them out? Or do the guards take them from you when you are done reading them? Who else do you write to?…I am assuming you have friends from home or people who reached out after reading about your case. I guess you must get hate mail too…
I’ll close by pasting in a piece I wrote about my trip to India. Hope it helps you pass a bit of time.
Be well, --KK
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Susan Smith, #2
Dear Kelly,
Hi to you! Yes, I did get your letter along w/the card of your dog on the front. I do so apologize for not writing sooner. I have been going through so much the last couple of months. I've been very stressed and depressed. I got moved on March 12 to a building I hate. Anyone under mental health care was moved to either Phoenix A or Phoenix B. They want all of us living together. I was not happy about the move and though I have adjusted, I still don't like it. On Montague, where I lived before, I lived in a quad with 35 others. I had springs on my bed, I could turn my room light on & off when I wanted, I could use the bathroom in privacy, the locker was bigger. On this building, there's a toilet & sink in the room, the room light stays on from 5:30am until 11:00pm every night, the lockers are 1/2 the size from Mont., the beds are hard metal, and 127 other people share the dayroom. It's 100% different. The only good thing is I only have one roommate whereas I had 2 in Mont. I would rather deal with an extra person than to live back here. Nothing is padded and there are no chairs anywhere except in the game room. It's a hard way to do time. We are stuck here as long as we take medication and I need my meds. We are going to work on making improvements where we can, starting with the light situation. It's ridiculous for these lights to be on 17 1/2 hours a day.
I've really been dealing with some other issues as well and it's just been difficult. Please forgive me for not writing. I'm going to respond to your letter. I do not have access to a computer, but I do have a television. No cable. Just your basic networks. I watch a good bit of tv due mostly to boredom. I watch "Dancing with the Stars," "Cold Case," "Ghost Whisperer," "Castle," "American Idol," "CSI," and "Prison Break." Those are the main shows. Do you watch much t.v.?
I also read The Glass Castle and it was quite interesting. I like to read those type books, too. I haven't read Running With Scissors, though. Is it good? I loved Marley and Me and want so much to se the movie. Have you seen it?
Like you, I love to travel. Unlike you, I haven't really had the opportunity to do much of it. It's a dream of mine to travel all over the world. I love the beach so I want to go to Hawaii, The Virgin Islands, Cayman Islands, anywhere exotic. I'd also like to go to Australia. Love the accent. :)
You mentioned in your letter you were enclosing a story from "Our Town" you had published, but you didn't include it. It was not with your letters. Will you re-send it?
Have you met anyone special in the last 2 months? What happened to your marriage? I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Marriage is tough and I don't know that I'll ever marry again. He would have to be pretty special.
Today is Easter so Happy Easter to you! Holidays are always hard. It's so beautiful outside & warm. A perfect day for hiding eggs and having fun outside. We always played softball or badminton when the family was all together. I sure miss those times, you know?
I'll close here. Hope all is well with you. I apologize again for not writing sooner. I'll do better. Take care and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Smiles & hugs,
Susan
[Ed.: There is a sticker of a dog pasted onto her stationary. I will take a photo and attach shortly.]
Hi to you! Yes, I did get your letter along w/the card of your dog on the front. I do so apologize for not writing sooner. I have been going through so much the last couple of months. I've been very stressed and depressed. I got moved on March 12 to a building I hate. Anyone under mental health care was moved to either Phoenix A or Phoenix B. They want all of us living together. I was not happy about the move and though I have adjusted, I still don't like it. On Montague, where I lived before, I lived in a quad with 35 others. I had springs on my bed, I could turn my room light on & off when I wanted, I could use the bathroom in privacy, the locker was bigger. On this building, there's a toilet & sink in the room, the room light stays on from 5:30am until 11:00pm every night, the lockers are 1/2 the size from Mont., the beds are hard metal, and 127 other people share the dayroom. It's 100% different. The only good thing is I only have one roommate whereas I had 2 in Mont. I would rather deal with an extra person than to live back here. Nothing is padded and there are no chairs anywhere except in the game room. It's a hard way to do time. We are stuck here as long as we take medication and I need my meds. We are going to work on making improvements where we can, starting with the light situation. It's ridiculous for these lights to be on 17 1/2 hours a day.
I've really been dealing with some other issues as well and it's just been difficult. Please forgive me for not writing. I'm going to respond to your letter. I do not have access to a computer, but I do have a television. No cable. Just your basic networks. I watch a good bit of tv due mostly to boredom. I watch "Dancing with the Stars," "Cold Case," "Ghost Whisperer," "Castle," "American Idol," "CSI," and "Prison Break." Those are the main shows. Do you watch much t.v.?
I also read The Glass Castle and it was quite interesting. I like to read those type books, too. I haven't read Running With Scissors, though. Is it good? I loved Marley and Me and want so much to se the movie. Have you seen it?
Like you, I love to travel. Unlike you, I haven't really had the opportunity to do much of it. It's a dream of mine to travel all over the world. I love the beach so I want to go to Hawaii, The Virgin Islands, Cayman Islands, anywhere exotic. I'd also like to go to Australia. Love the accent. :)
You mentioned in your letter you were enclosing a story from "Our Town" you had published, but you didn't include it. It was not with your letters. Will you re-send it?
Have you met anyone special in the last 2 months? What happened to your marriage? I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Marriage is tough and I don't know that I'll ever marry again. He would have to be pretty special.
Today is Easter so Happy Easter to you! Holidays are always hard. It's so beautiful outside & warm. A perfect day for hiding eggs and having fun outside. We always played softball or badminton when the family was all together. I sure miss those times, you know?
I'll close here. Hope all is well with you. I apologize again for not writing sooner. I'll do better. Take care and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Smiles & hugs,
Susan
[Ed.: There is a sticker of a dog pasted onto her stationary. I will take a photo and attach shortly.]
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Thomas Bart Whitaker, #4
Dear Kelly,
First off, I want to thank you for sending me that excellent article written in The New Yorker. More often than I like to admit, I feel myself losing it in some ways, and it is somewhat comforting to know that these periods of loss of self-control are common to men held in isolation, and not something specific to me. It is a product of context, in other words, a function of simply being a human being. It is also nice to know that there are at least a few people out there willing to look at these types of issues... Lamentably, very few of them located south of the Mason Dixon line. Nonetheless, I will take progress, regardless of its form. I've been going through one of those...shall we say "off" periods lately, and I owe you an apology. I had a pretty close pen-pal )whom I had been writing for nearly a year) turn out to be a member of a pro-DP organization (the ridiculously named "Justice for All"), and have had to come face-to-face with the realization that our entire relationship was little more than a fact-finding expedition. If I had actually said something negative, I have no doubt that this data would have found its way into the hands of the Attorney General for Texas. I'm just...tired, so tired, of meeting [Ed: illegible] men/women, or people who flake out on me or disappear without a trace. I guess I have entered into all of my recent pen-pal relationships with a sense of fatalism, already imagining how you (or anyone) are going to screw me. Forgive me? It wasn't fair of me to do this. I guess I foresaw a version of your blog where you give me the same treatment you hit your ex with. Yikes. As for the rest of what I meant about my inane "colossal damage" comment, I guess we will cross that path if we come to it.
I guess I should note that my life has been pretty rough lately. I'm on edge. I keep getting kick-doored by the shakedown crew...eight times so far. its been a mystery to me as to why they are so bloody convinced I have some serious contraband, but one of the guards resolved this conundrum last night. Seems someone keeps calling up to the unit, claiming I am calling them on a cell phone. No proof of this allegation is required, indeed, all of these callers have asked to remain anonymous from the prison officials. Reminds me of the old days in the Inquisition when anyone could say anything without proof, and have them tortured. I think they know I don't have anything but...power unchecked does what it wants to the point now where anytime I hear the gate pop, I'm preparing to get run in on. All I would have to do to stop this is stab a guard. See the fucked up lesson they teach? And either way, I lose. Violence is not the path I went to take. And so I get my books torn up, my sheets stepped on, etc. etc. I lost my radio last Wednesday and they are not selling them in the commissary until "maybe" late summer...see why I get a little nuts sometime? Add to that the fact that I can't find an attorney to help me with my medical issues...meh. Pain is a tyrant, and I know I would win a lawsuit against them, but who wants to help an inmate? Certainly not the ACLU; they shot me down, as it wasn't a class action suit (i.e: not enough cash involved.) How much do you charge per hour of therapy? I can pay in Ramen noodles.
I hate pity parties...just trying to explain my last letter, I guess. Sometimes the armor we put on ends up betraying us.
My paralegal course is going pretty well. I'm about sick of contractual law by this point. I had to take a step back from completing my BA. Ordered a book on correspondence courses which was written by an ex-prisoner for prisoners, so maybe I can reboot the whole enterprise with some better data. I also (finally) received my FAFAS form from Uncle Sam, so maybe I can get my hands on a grant of some sort. The fed seems to want to pay for everything else right now :-) I think the possibility of a Texas convict getting a Pell grant to be roughly equivalent to Mahmoud Amzdinz---however-the-fuck-you-spell-this-fuckface's-name-jad deciding to spontaneously attend a Gay Rights parade. But, I would try rather than leave a possible option unsearched. Have you given some thought to maybe working on your Masters at another school besides Columbia? Seems like there ought to be plenty of options in a city like NYC.
What do I like to read? Hm...by this point, anything I can get my hands on. I generally keep my distance from the James Pattersons of the world, so I find books written solely for money or "market" share to be a little too pedestrian. My last order from Amazon consisted of "The Kite Runner" by Hosseini, "[Ed.: illegible] Key by King (a gift for my friend Jeff, whose bday is this week), something by Sagan, and something by [Ed.: illegible] Warrag. I really need to cut back on this shit, but boredom is king around here, and at some point you are going to bow down to him. Seems like I did read something by that author, David Sedaris...a book review, I think. Something about drug abuse? "Going Down in Flames" or something to that affect? Bleh, I am so disconnected, Kelly, it hurts. Every once in a while, you get some table crumbs tossed to you from the living, but otherwise life has pretty much passed you by. You do things to convince yourself otherwise, but the truth never really escapes you. Maybe its not so different in the real world, except the distractions are better.
"Alice" sounds entertaining. There was a pretty decent novella I sometimes watched in Mexico, which took place in Rio. They simply dubbed the Mexican over the Portuguese, also. Can't remember the name of it for the life of me... had a portion of the show filmed in Morocco, also. Most of the novelas were pretty trashy, and it is hard for me to accept a version of reality where everyonej is perfect looking, all the bloody time. It never ceased to amaze me how people with little more than a pot to piss in could become so engrossed in the tales of the ultra-wealthy, without one iota of anger. Didn't they understand that all the rich pretty residents of Mexico City attained their wealth at the expense of the populace? When I asked this, the answer surprised me: of course they knew. They also knew that that was the way things had always been and always would be. Made me sad.
Well, what's new in your life? Work going well? The weather has started to best up so I am staring to brace for the dog days of summer. Take care of yourself, Kelly, until next time.
TBW
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #8
Dear KK---
Sorry for the delay in responding to your series of sparkling letters! I could truly listen to you all day and then some... Unfortunately I had some legal letters to take care of--and they always take longer than one thinks. I had hoped to get this out to you on Thursday. Depending on time, this may or may not be another two-part letter. C'est la vie.
Let me begin by telling you that the stamps are amazing, with your (to me) "iconic" photograph! Do you know many people who take advantage of that unique option from the post office?
I'm actually not surprised at your comments re "SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK". Before it came out there was quite a bit of buzz over another film by Charlie Kaufman--whose body of work was fairly impressive: "Being John Malkovich"; "Adaptation"; "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".
A note on "Being John Malkovich"--to me just an amazing film--so original, and despite its totally bizarre premise-hung together very well. I barely recognized Cameron Diaz at first!
Anyway, then "SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK" went to the critics. And the Times Manohla Dargis gave it this astonishingly brilliant review-calling it one of the best films of the year, and giving Oscar nods to almost everyone in the film. However: the general criticism was summed up best by a reviewer I saw on TV, who said, that "if ten people saw the film: One would absolutely love it and nine would hate the film and probably walk out before it was over.
*Brief Digression: Because you mentioned a shared fascination wit names. Your name is delightfully alliterative-so I mist ask you -- what was your maiden name? Not so quick off the tongue? My name: not so much.
A name I think is also great: EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY I have the same fascination with words--some are just beautiful to see and pronounce, period: INCANDESCENT ++, MESMERIZE
* As you've probably learned by now, my letters & even sentences tend to wander & digress considerably. I guess I treat letters as more of a conversation. My role model must be Laurence Stern & Tristam Shondy!
Back to your most-appreciated comments on the film (you are the first person I know who has actually seen it). It sounds as though Kaufman became "too clever by half", to use a once popular phrase. My understanding was that as Hoffman/Cotard began building his "model" of New York City, it gradually grew larger and larger & more & more complex until it eventually consumed everything in his life. plus I gather there was a lot of self-referential circular logic; i.e.-A true-to-life "model" of Cotard's New York would also include Cotard building a model of New York, and so on...mirrors within mirrors.
Sounded very ambitious and very difficult to pull off. And I tend to believe your reaction than a single review by a clearly "smitten" Ms. Dargis.
Thanks-If I get a chance to see it, I will tell you what I think.
On the brighter side, it appears "Sunshine Cleaning" lived up to its good reviews. I did see "Junebug" and agree with you on the film and Ms. Adams. So many movies, so little time. I am impressed by the number you see. Then again, only in New York or L.A. would you even have the chance! : Regarding the ones you mentioned:
>I also saw a review of "Goodbye Solo" apparently the story of a Senegalese cab driver in Winston-Salem, NC and his interaction with a "mysterious white Southerner." Sounds original and well-written.
>"Education of Charlie Banks" - Fred Durst's directorial debut-the "At the Movies" reviewers seemed to like it.
>"Shall We Kiss?" (French). This one I have not heard of; but I am a huge fan of French cinema. Past & current.
Did You See Kristen Scott Thomas in the French Film
Kristin Scott Thomas is another actress who I will watch in almost any film. Here she is just riveting-playing her role obviously underweight, pale skin and no makeup. (It's on DVD now).
I hesitate to recommend it, since "PRIMER" was clearly not your cup of tea. :-) But that's one of the reasons. I am so intrigued & fascinated-you have strong & intelligent opinions & I love that.
Digression: Anything you wish to talk about is simply fine with me. It sounds like you've had enough of the "male perspective" on things to last you a lifetime-but despite being where I am presently, I've lived a very full life in every sense of the word--places, people (male & female) emoticons, travels. So feel free to go in any direction you want, KK, I'll follow.
Hope you don't mind me giving my personal reactions to your "Out of the Box" columns / and (when you send them!) your "Unbearable Heaviness of Being" diary-cum-blog. To me to whole point of what you write is to shine a light on the vast array of human experience for each person who read it.
Back to films: Thinks for the additional comments on "Two Lovers". It seems like Gwyneth Paltrow hasn't been in many films lately. "PROOF" '05 [film adaption of the play.] was interesting [I'm a mat geek, what can I say?]I have not seen "Possession", but wanted to beacause it was directed by Neil LaBute.
Joaquin Phoenix is always worth watching. Until he grew the giant beard in this latest incarnation [ is it a hoax, or not? ] I'm sure "the ladies" watched him on scrren for more than just his acting.
I think I'm the only person liked M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village" ...
Two fascinating Phoenix films-both under-appreciated in my opinion: "Clay Pigeons"; and the harrowing, brutal film, "8MM". You cannot make a film about a "snuff film" and not have it to be brutal & bleak & disturbing. But good-or so I thought.
"Walk the Line": I think the reason he wasn't more honored for his work in that film was because co-star Reese Witherspoon seemed to overwhelm the critics-and of course took home the Oscar for "Best Actress."
Ran acorss, the enclosed items concerning two current films:
>LYMELIFE-"the late - 70s set Long Island cousin of "American Beauty."
>"BAADER-MEINITOF COMPLEX" (German) (German cinema also a favorite of mine.) [Actually, as you can probably tell there are very few films I would not go to see with you or watch on DVD!]
***
In watching again the first & second seasons of "Lost" - I think the episode that clinched it for me was early in the 2nd Season: "ORIENTATION." That's the one where they showed that bizarre & utterly mesmerizing training film from The Dharma Initiative. To me, that opened up so many questions-and I haven't stopped asking since.
Not sure if you saw the most recent two episodes. There is a fascinating conversation about the island's time travel. Miles (or it it the other "scientist"?) Miles (or is it the other "scientist"?) believes that where they are NOW IS their "present" - but for the child Ben and all the others it is their "past". At the same time?! Clearly a logical contraction - or is it?
<Now you can see why I want to read the script of "PRIMER" to find out exactly what the director thought was going on!> The paradoxes of time travel are endlessly interesting...
I have not seen "9 1/2 Weeks" for quite some time, but I vividly recall the scene with the song "You Can Leave Your Hat On."
A couple of years ago. I saw some photos of Mickey Rourke and did not believe it was the same same-so radically had his appearance changed.
Sorry to drop that comment about Madoff without proper context. If you think of the federal system as a series of funnels--everyone is initially funnelled into intake centers like MCC-essentially pre-trial or pre-sentencing incarnation. Because of that these places are not set up for long-term stays. Once Madoff is sentenced, he will go to a "better" place from his point of view.
Actually, this goes to a larger issue which I want to discuss in greater detail. Let me get my thoughts together and share it with you in a future letter. Essentially it is this: Remember Orwell's famous line from ANIMAL FARM: "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others" ? To paraphrase: While it may be correct that "all prison is awful", it is also correct that "some prison" is far, far more awful than others. Indeed there are as many degrees of gradation in incarceration as there are degrees of freedom.
KK-Madoff & this subject are clearly much more "serious" than some others-but with no w/p editing possible-my letters often have no rhyme or reason, insofar as level of importance, etc. & order.
***
Continuing with your mini-series of letters.
>I do not know the photography of Cindy Sherman-although her name does sound familiar. Plus I've seen some photo spreads of particular actors/ actresses dressed as various personas. Send a couple of the photos from her exhibition. It sounds like she takes it to a whole other level.
>You know, it may not be Africa, but India is about as exotic as it gets. Do tell me more about that adventure. And it sounds like you have the rarest of all human creatures: someone you can travel with-for long periods of time-without throwing them of the cruise boat or train!
From some of your columns, I had the idea that you were quite the cook! You mentioned chicken curry-did you bring back any extra-special recipes or techniques from India/or has that always been a favorite?
My favorites? Can't name one but like you I will name several: Seafood: esp. scallops, crab, shrimp-whether broiled, sautéed, fried, etc. Those "unhealthy" meats-steak & pork. One thing I did in Africa was eat virtually every game meat you can imagine. Ostrich, giraffe, wildebeest. And no-they don't all taste like chicken! however, having lived in the south much of childhood-fried chicken is part of my DNA-the crispier & more deep fried the better. I know-amazing I'm still here; however, the diet here is actually quite balanced and healthy.
I must get this in the mail, but I still have more to talk about & discuss from your letters. Mainly those brilliant articles you so kindly sent: "Author, Author" by David Sedaris, "Hell Hole" and "Sex and the Single Bed" by KK.
By the way, I truly love the New Yorker. Feel free to share anything from that magazine at any time.
So I will get those comments out to you pronto. "Part 2"
I ran across this column by Michael Wilson from the Sunday NY Times. [I see it on occasion]. It reminded me so much of your column, I thought I would send it along. You've probably already seen it & read it, but on the off chance that was one of your busier weekends...
Like I said-More to follow shortly. Stay warm, stay safe, and hope to hear from you again soon. Look forward to more of your columns and your BLOG/diary (exactly what do I call it?!)
P.S. We must talk about these migraines.
[Ed.: He enclosed the aforementioned film reviews and this article from the NYT, which I had, indeed, already read: Who Ordered Gigli?
Friday, April 10, 2009
Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Swango & Whitaker
Recently I was asked what I write to these inmates and if I will include them in my Letters from the Inside project. I posted the first intro letter I send to most of them. After that I alternate between typing up letters of response to theirs--these I keep saved on my computer--and handwriting small cards. Obviously the cards I do not have copies of.
However, I will post my two latest writings to Thomas Bart Whitaker and Swango, respectively.
I try never to say anything about my feelings towards their crimes. To clarify, of course I have feelings about that and their writings, but it is not my intention to bad-mouth or exploit them either to them personally through letters or online. Hence my rule of trying not to editorialize. I post their writings (and my own) for you to have a reaction. Whatever it may be... I don't want to lead your opinions. That is what art is, isn't it? Letting the viewer feel whatever they are going to and not trying to dictate what the "right" response is?
***
Hello Thomas:
This letter will be written in fits and spurts. I am sitting here with the most dastardly migraine ever. In 2005 I was in a serious vespa accident with my friend Stefani (She was the driver; I was on the back.) A van hit us head-on, but luckily I saw it coming and just let go and flew off without being hit. My friend was not so lucky. She was actually hit by the van and flipped over the bars. Both of her arms were broken in so many places she has metal rods in them and was in casts for well over six months. She has had multiple surgeries and had brain damage. It has been years and she is almost back to normal. Her brain injury has cleared up considerably and she recently had a baby. I was in the delivery room as her birth coach. Because of this accidentI hurt my jaw in itI get awful migraines from TMJ. I have one now and am trying to distract myself by writing.
I am thinking of you because I am reading your father's book. I am almost finished. I assume you have read it. The part at the end makes total sense. About the masks, and all. Not feeling you had an identity or strong sense of self. Again, these seem to be your fathers words so Im not sure you exactly said that I just wanted to say that I will try to keep from having any expectations of you. Im sorry if my questions were heavy and stressful. We can keep it light
If anything I ask is upsetting or makes you feel that I am expecting somethingor too much of somethingjust ignore it or tell me to shut up.
I read you used to bicycle. I have never learned to ride a bike. I grew up really poor. We were on welfare. So I never learned. I also never learned to drive a car. I admire that you were so proficient at it (the bike riding), covering such long distances. I have tried but almost never can do it. However, oddly, once I was on a small, three mile island off the coast of Belize called Caye Caulker, and there were no cars. We rented bikes for $2 for the day. I got on, and miraculously I rode all around with no problem. It was really surprising. I guess it was of the sand and no traffic. The only hazard were chickens running about. When I returned home, that summer I got on a bike at the beach and immediately fell off. Try as I might I couldnt do it. The magic was gone.
I also learned you were engaged! Did you ever get to speak to the fianc again? Do you write to each other? This may be a touchy subject, so of course, feel free to ignore it
Actually my ex-husband and I are friends now. We both enjoy ribbing each other but our relationship is not contentious. We arent very close, but we keep in touch.
I keep going to your blog anxiously waiting for another posting. I assume it is quite time-consuming, especially with your schooling and others things like letters to write. Still, those blog entries are so well written.
I had promised to send some blog entries so Im going to paste in a sampling below.
Be well.
KK
***
Hello Michael,
Just got your 2nd letter. You are catching me with another migraine. I usually take Imitrex but my insurance doesnt cover anymore so they gave me a replacement, Relpax, which works. However, it seems that when I take it I get rebound headaches. Luckily today is a Saturday and I only had planned to run some errands and go to the used bookstore. There is this great bookstore in the basement of the local library that is housed in an old brownstone. I love that place. I am almost done with the Diane Arbus bio. So Im up for a new book. However, I literally have shelves of books I havent read that I want to. I hoard books like a demented squirrel would nuts.
So today I walked my little dachshund, Mini, and a lady informed me the famed Dachshund meetup in Washington Square Park is April 25th. I have never been but I am going to try. Mini would love it and I love weiner dogs.
Thanks for the kind comments on the samplings from Outside the Box. I need to clarify something though. The dating column is what you have been reading and what is referenced in the Observer article. The blog, The Unbearable Heaviness of Being, is not anything to do with dating/sex. It is merely a recounting of my days and quirky happenings I observe in NYC. I have been writing it for over 9 years and its premise is that a single woman in NYC cant have and keep these three things: a great job, an affordable, safe apt. and a stable relationship. The minute I try to get the third, the other one or two fall off. Its kinda mathematical. I sent you in the last letter that I mailed yesterday a sample blog entry. It is about a pigeon.
I read your Richardson info. with interest and have not heard even rumors of any kind of investigation. While I do know many NY journalists I specialize in doing PR only for the real estate industry so I have no access to those who would be doing serious investigative reporting. I am going to Google this later to see if there are any mentions on the web of an investigation or any inkling of error on the doctors/hospitals part.
As for Dexter, yes, it is on my list of things to rent. I have so many things I want to see that it will take time. Right now Im enthralled with a series called ALICE on HBO-L (Latin) that I can watch ON-Demand with English subtitles. It is my new fave show and I eagerly look forward to Mondays to see the new one. Youd like it Im sure b/c it takes place in Sao Paolo and the lead, Alice, is very pretty and interesting. I am also trying to rent the first season of In Treatment starring Gabriel Byrne. The new ones start tomorrow but I need to see the first season first. I didnt have HBO for a long time so I have a lot of catch-up to do now that I have it.
I will send more of my writing, of course, and am pasting in a blog entry below. Also, I will not send the Letter to Paul Janka for several reasons. It was forced upon me to write by the editor of the paper and I hated doing it. It was not well-written and way too graphic and completely inappropriate to send.
And quickly, yes, in 2005, I was fired for having a blog. It is a long story, but back then blogs were new things. I never wrote about my job or companyonly my own life and certainly nothing perverted, graphic, etc. I was wooed by another company to work for them and quit my job. My boss took it very personally and my newly hired asst. who I hated was promoted within one week to my job. No matter, I was gone. But then my old boss wooed me back with a much higher salary and I decided to go back. My evil asst. was livid that she was once again an asst. and hacked into my blog (it was passcoded then as it is once again) and passed it around the office. My ex-boss was angry at the disruption and fired me. He said Id never work in real estate in NYC again. It was daunting and I was very upset. He was working, however, on the assumption that Id want to keep my firing quiet, but instead I publicized it. The NY Post picked up the story, doing a full-page article on it; Crains followed. I was invited on tv shows, etc. I parlayed it into starting my own firm and the rest is history. It has been 4 years and it all worked out. From that I ended up getting a job filling in for a TV reporter for the biggest morning show in the UK on GMTV. I did some segments on wacky NY trends. It was great fun and the clips are on youtube, I believe.
Okay, enough for now, because my head is going to explode, and I need to head to the bookstore before it closes.
KK
However, I will post my two latest writings to Thomas Bart Whitaker and Swango, respectively.
I try never to say anything about my feelings towards their crimes. To clarify, of course I have feelings about that and their writings, but it is not my intention to bad-mouth or exploit them either to them personally through letters or online. Hence my rule of trying not to editorialize. I post their writings (and my own) for you to have a reaction. Whatever it may be... I don't want to lead your opinions. That is what art is, isn't it? Letting the viewer feel whatever they are going to and not trying to dictate what the "right" response is?
***
Hello Thomas:
This letter will be written in fits and spurts. I am sitting here with the most dastardly migraine ever. In 2005 I was in a serious vespa accident with my friend Stefani (She was the driver; I was on the back.) A van hit us head-on, but luckily I saw it coming and just let go and flew off without being hit. My friend was not so lucky. She was actually hit by the van and flipped over the bars. Both of her arms were broken in so many places she has metal rods in them and was in casts for well over six months. She has had multiple surgeries and had brain damage. It has been years and she is almost back to normal. Her brain injury has cleared up considerably and she recently had a baby. I was in the delivery room as her birth coach. Because of this accidentI hurt my jaw in itI get awful migraines from TMJ. I have one now and am trying to distract myself by writing.
I am thinking of you because I am reading your father's book. I am almost finished. I assume you have read it. The part at the end makes total sense. About the masks, and all. Not feeling you had an identity or strong sense of self. Again, these seem to be your fathers words so Im not sure you exactly said that I just wanted to say that I will try to keep from having any expectations of you. Im sorry if my questions were heavy and stressful. We can keep it light
If anything I ask is upsetting or makes you feel that I am expecting somethingor too much of somethingjust ignore it or tell me to shut up.
I read you used to bicycle. I have never learned to ride a bike. I grew up really poor. We were on welfare. So I never learned. I also never learned to drive a car. I admire that you were so proficient at it (the bike riding), covering such long distances. I have tried but almost never can do it. However, oddly, once I was on a small, three mile island off the coast of Belize called Caye Caulker, and there were no cars. We rented bikes for $2 for the day. I got on, and miraculously I rode all around with no problem. It was really surprising. I guess it was of the sand and no traffic. The only hazard were chickens running about. When I returned home, that summer I got on a bike at the beach and immediately fell off. Try as I might I couldnt do it. The magic was gone.
I also learned you were engaged! Did you ever get to speak to the fianc again? Do you write to each other? This may be a touchy subject, so of course, feel free to ignore it
Actually my ex-husband and I are friends now. We both enjoy ribbing each other but our relationship is not contentious. We arent very close, but we keep in touch.
I keep going to your blog anxiously waiting for another posting. I assume it is quite time-consuming, especially with your schooling and others things like letters to write. Still, those blog entries are so well written.
I had promised to send some blog entries so Im going to paste in a sampling below.
Be well.
KK
***
Hello Michael,
Just got your 2nd letter. You are catching me with another migraine. I usually take Imitrex but my insurance doesnt cover anymore so they gave me a replacement, Relpax, which works. However, it seems that when I take it I get rebound headaches. Luckily today is a Saturday and I only had planned to run some errands and go to the used bookstore. There is this great bookstore in the basement of the local library that is housed in an old brownstone. I love that place. I am almost done with the Diane Arbus bio. So Im up for a new book. However, I literally have shelves of books I havent read that I want to. I hoard books like a demented squirrel would nuts.
So today I walked my little dachshund, Mini, and a lady informed me the famed Dachshund meetup in Washington Square Park is April 25th. I have never been but I am going to try. Mini would love it and I love weiner dogs.
Thanks for the kind comments on the samplings from Outside the Box. I need to clarify something though. The dating column is what you have been reading and what is referenced in the Observer article. The blog, The Unbearable Heaviness of Being, is not anything to do with dating/sex. It is merely a recounting of my days and quirky happenings I observe in NYC. I have been writing it for over 9 years and its premise is that a single woman in NYC cant have and keep these three things: a great job, an affordable, safe apt. and a stable relationship. The minute I try to get the third, the other one or two fall off. Its kinda mathematical. I sent you in the last letter that I mailed yesterday a sample blog entry. It is about a pigeon.
I read your Richardson info. with interest and have not heard even rumors of any kind of investigation. While I do know many NY journalists I specialize in doing PR only for the real estate industry so I have no access to those who would be doing serious investigative reporting. I am going to Google this later to see if there are any mentions on the web of an investigation or any inkling of error on the doctors/hospitals part.
As for Dexter, yes, it is on my list of things to rent. I have so many things I want to see that it will take time. Right now Im enthralled with a series called ALICE on HBO-L (Latin) that I can watch ON-Demand with English subtitles. It is my new fave show and I eagerly look forward to Mondays to see the new one. Youd like it Im sure b/c it takes place in Sao Paolo and the lead, Alice, is very pretty and interesting. I am also trying to rent the first season of In Treatment starring Gabriel Byrne. The new ones start tomorrow but I need to see the first season first. I didnt have HBO for a long time so I have a lot of catch-up to do now that I have it.
I will send more of my writing, of course, and am pasting in a blog entry below. Also, I will not send the Letter to Paul Janka for several reasons. It was forced upon me to write by the editor of the paper and I hated doing it. It was not well-written and way too graphic and completely inappropriate to send.
And quickly, yes, in 2005, I was fired for having a blog. It is a long story, but back then blogs were new things. I never wrote about my job or companyonly my own life and certainly nothing perverted, graphic, etc. I was wooed by another company to work for them and quit my job. My boss took it very personally and my newly hired asst. who I hated was promoted within one week to my job. No matter, I was gone. But then my old boss wooed me back with a much higher salary and I decided to go back. My evil asst. was livid that she was once again an asst. and hacked into my blog (it was passcoded then as it is once again) and passed it around the office. My ex-boss was angry at the disruption and fired me. He said Id never work in real estate in NYC again. It was daunting and I was very upset. He was working, however, on the assumption that Id want to keep my firing quiet, but instead I publicized it. The NY Post picked up the story, doing a full-page article on it; Crains followed. I was invited on tv shows, etc. I parlayed it into starting my own firm and the rest is history. It has been 4 years and it all worked out. From that I ended up getting a job filling in for a TV reporter for the biggest morning show in the UK on GMTV. I did some segments on wacky NY trends. It was great fun and the clips are on youtube, I believe.
Okay, enough for now, because my head is going to explode, and I need to head to the bookstore before it closes.
KK
Poison
It has been days nows. I have a migraine that makes the whole left side of my head feel like someone kicked it in like a mushy melon. Sure, I get migraines. I have gotten awful ones since the Vespa accident. They come from my jaw not fitting together properly and spasming. I usually take Imitrex, but last year my insurance company would not longer cover it, instead offering up Relpax, which seems to work within an hour.
But these last 2 weeks I have had one every single day. The pill will alleviate it a bit for a while but then it comes back. My stomach hurts, I get diarrhea and light/sound/smells upset me.
Last night I felt so sick. Like I should be running to the ER kind of sick. I even went to get a massage hoping it'd help.
I was restless; laying down makes it worse because even something as soft as a pillow hurts.
I reread Swango's letters. Two in two days. Hm..they seem to be coming fast and furious. I sit back and think, what am I doing this for? How do I feel about these characters. It is this helping me understand and cope with what John did? I don't have answers yet, but I keep on, compelled.
My therapist thinks this book idea is genius and the dude is pretty fucking smart, so I will choose--right now at least--to believe in him even if I can't believe in myself.
God the pounding was and is something awful.
I decided to Google Swango and stare at his picture.
And I came across this passage in an article written about him in a book that chronicled his crimes:
Headaches began. Pounding, dizzying headaches. Always troubled by migraines, KK had never experienced anything as miserable as these. For a while she attributed them to tension but deep down inside she wondered if Swango was dropping chemicals in her food. She was a nurse, a good one, and she most likely feared the worst.
Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and rushed back to her mother's house in Virginia. Away from Swango, the headaches abruptly ended.
Gone from him, she continued to love him. Perhaps she continued to believe, meekly, that Swango was innocent and all would be right in the end. But, she couldn't, just couldn't, explain why those headaches vanished the day she left.
She weighed her emotions, separated her hopes from the obvious, until the obvious became too unbearable. And then she committed suicide.
At her apartment police found a note left behind, addressed to her mom and Al Cooper:
"I love you both so much. I just didn't want to be here anymore. Just found day-to-day living a constant struggle with my thoughts. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I feel that sense of peace, 'peace of mind,' I've been looking for. It's nice."
An addendum below, to Michael, read:
"I love you more! You're the most precious man I've ever known.
"Love, KK"
My Goodness! I knew he had affianced a woman named KK. (She would have been my age if not for that dastardly suicide.) But the headaches. And finding that passage about them, when his letters came so frequently that matched with the intensity of the migraines I am getting. I allowed myself to become paranoid and think maybe he is putting something on these letters to poison me.
I talked to a friend whose husband is a police sargeant. She said that maybe I wasn't being paranoid. I also noted that I have always thought it odd that he wraps a blank sheet of paper around his letters. Paper is hard to come by for prisoners and I have always thought it strange that he wastes a whole sheet of it in each envelope. His letters range from 5-11 pages, long hand, so there is no need to cover them in a blank sheet to hide the words from view through the envelope.
Later that night my friend called me and said her husband had said he thinks it is highly likely Swango is dousing them with some sort of cleaning agent or heavy metal and that I should get bloodwork done.
There is NO way I can go to my general practitioner and request she look for poison. She is the one I went to the day after I found out about the "poison" John exposed me for two years.
And then I came upon this:
She said arsenic was found in her daughter's body at the time of her death. Before her death, Ms. Kinney showed signs of arsenic poisoning, such as vomiting, migraine headaches, nausea and disorientation, Mrs. Cooper said.
We know that he poisoned Kristin Kinney, said Al Cooper, Ms. Kinney's stepfather.
Swango fiancee Kristin Kinney killed herself. Her parents believe arsenic poisoning caused mental disorientation that triggered the suicide.
For Your Reading Pleasure
But these last 2 weeks I have had one every single day. The pill will alleviate it a bit for a while but then it comes back. My stomach hurts, I get diarrhea and light/sound/smells upset me.
Last night I felt so sick. Like I should be running to the ER kind of sick. I even went to get a massage hoping it'd help.
I was restless; laying down makes it worse because even something as soft as a pillow hurts.
I reread Swango's letters. Two in two days. Hm..they seem to be coming fast and furious. I sit back and think, what am I doing this for? How do I feel about these characters. It is this helping me understand and cope with what John did? I don't have answers yet, but I keep on, compelled.
My therapist thinks this book idea is genius and the dude is pretty fucking smart, so I will choose--right now at least--to believe in him even if I can't believe in myself.
God the pounding was and is something awful.
I decided to Google Swango and stare at his picture.
And I came across this passage in an article written about him in a book that chronicled his crimes:
Headaches began. Pounding, dizzying headaches. Always troubled by migraines, KK had never experienced anything as miserable as these. For a while she attributed them to tension but deep down inside she wondered if Swango was dropping chemicals in her food. She was a nurse, a good one, and she most likely feared the worst.
Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and rushed back to her mother's house in Virginia. Away from Swango, the headaches abruptly ended.
Gone from him, she continued to love him. Perhaps she continued to believe, meekly, that Swango was innocent and all would be right in the end. But, she couldn't, just couldn't, explain why those headaches vanished the day she left.
She weighed her emotions, separated her hopes from the obvious, until the obvious became too unbearable. And then she committed suicide.
At her apartment police found a note left behind, addressed to her mom and Al Cooper:
"I love you both so much. I just didn't want to be here anymore. Just found day-to-day living a constant struggle with my thoughts. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I feel that sense of peace, 'peace of mind,' I've been looking for. It's nice."
An addendum below, to Michael, read:
"I love you more! You're the most precious man I've ever known.
"Love, KK"
My Goodness! I knew he had affianced a woman named KK. (She would have been my age if not for that dastardly suicide.) But the headaches. And finding that passage about them, when his letters came so frequently that matched with the intensity of the migraines I am getting. I allowed myself to become paranoid and think maybe he is putting something on these letters to poison me.
I talked to a friend whose husband is a police sargeant. She said that maybe I wasn't being paranoid. I also noted that I have always thought it odd that he wraps a blank sheet of paper around his letters. Paper is hard to come by for prisoners and I have always thought it strange that he wastes a whole sheet of it in each envelope. His letters range from 5-11 pages, long hand, so there is no need to cover them in a blank sheet to hide the words from view through the envelope.
Later that night my friend called me and said her husband had said he thinks it is highly likely Swango is dousing them with some sort of cleaning agent or heavy metal and that I should get bloodwork done.
There is NO way I can go to my general practitioner and request she look for poison. She is the one I went to the day after I found out about the "poison" John exposed me for two years.
And then I came upon this:
She said arsenic was found in her daughter's body at the time of her death. Before her death, Ms. Kinney showed signs of arsenic poisoning, such as vomiting, migraine headaches, nausea and disorientation, Mrs. Cooper said.
We know that he poisoned Kristin Kinney, said Al Cooper, Ms. Kinney's stepfather.
Swango fiancee Kristin Kinney killed herself. Her parents believe arsenic poisoning caused mental disorientation that triggered the suicide.
For Your Reading Pleasure
