Letters from the Inside, Sarah Jo Pender, #3

Dear Kelly,

Thanks for your letter and enclosed articles. I got quite a kick out of them. I was surprised that a newspaper would publish articles with words like "fuck" and "ass." You must remember I am from the Midwest where all of our newspapers are Republican owned and still contain a daily Christian prayer. Of course I know that NY is a blue state and about a decade ahead of Indiana in just about any progressive category besides pig farming and hybrid corn methods.

Thank you for the information about magazine/newspaper submissions. When I get a kickass excerpt written, I want to submit it to a few magazines for publication in order to raise awareness/marketing. It's a fun project and a neat adventure.

I'd be interested in the latest chronicles of your life. You've got the apartment, you're still self-employed, so are you working on the dating portion? Again? Seems likely since you were home on Valentine's Day to see me on television. What on earth makes you interested in America's Most Wanted? You even mention it in an article from 2007. I guess I don't get what allure television has, unless you're stuck indoors and need to check out of reality for a while. But there's no learning value in AMW. It's not like the Food Network or the History Channel where there's some intrinsic value to their programs. And it doesn't provide laughter or joy. So what's in it for you? A way to live vicariously through the stories of others? Does it turn you on? Make you sick? What's so exciting about it?

Your questions:

I'm in lock down for one year from the day I arrived, so my official outdate to go back to open population is 12/20/09. Five days before Christmas. What a present, huh? It's possible if I'm good, a real, real good girl, that they may let me out a month early. But the flipside of it is that even if I'm a perfect angel, they could make one stay in lock longer, just because they can say I'm a threat to the safety and security of the facility. I've never dealth with these administrators before, so I don't know if they are fair-minded or slyly sadistic.

We shall see.

Yes, I have a few friends here, but most of them are at Rockville, the prison I escaped from. This prison is about 1/3 of the size of Rockville and has a different breed of offenders and staff. At Rockville most of the staff and officers are white country bred folks or from Terre Haute nearby. Some are racist, some are ignorant, most are pretty laid back and run a slower pace. It seems the staff here are a bit more highstrung and the racial profile of staff better matches the population, but I have a limited interaction with them. I figure I have an ugly stigma to overcome when I get down, and here, none of the officers know me, so it's like starting all over. At least at Rockville they know my character and what to expect from me. I'm not complaining, I know I did it to myself.

That's a big obstacle I have, both in here and out there. When I watched one of the AMW episodes (I did not care to see myself on tV) it was like watching someone else. They completely manipulated facts and desecreated my character. Especially after I was caught. They edited out the real message I was attempting to send, and sent that nancy faggot Joe Lieberman to talk to me like a total douchebag. "Let's poke sticks at Sarah Pender and see if she'll Jap out." That should've been the trailer of the episode.

Anyway, people see what they want to see through filters. It's goign to take a while of being good and positive before peopel change their mind. What's sad is that when I'm nice and good, they think its an act of manipulation. It never fucking occurs to them that I'm simply a nice person, well mannered, and well behaved that chose to do a few things out of character when put in a desperate situation. They believe I am a piece of crap because they want me to be a piece of crap.

How sad.

Our media has that much power over people.

That scares me more than all the murderers, robbers, thiefs, and prostitutes I'm locked up with.

So I'm making it my problem to deal with. It's natural for me to be good and well behaved, so the next step is publishing a book with both literary and social merit. And I go upwards from there, climbing the mountain of crap, heading for fresher and fresher air. It I can transform how a few people think along the way, then rock on!

Oh. Before I forget, I like your article on the Ball of Lint Theory. Here's a thought: Think of what you did for Mr. Ball of Lint's self-esteem. To land a beautiful and fun girlfriend (even if he never got laid) surely boosted his ego. Maybe you permanently enhanced his self image. Unless he read your article and figure he he was the Ball of Lint. Then you probably crushed his feelings and gave him a complex or social anxiety disorder or something. Oh, you're bad.

Are you dating now? do you still blog about it?

What made you write me? And have you ever written someone you saw on TV or AMW before? For some reason it seems an absurd thing to do, and at the same time, fun and ballsy. I dig it. Live in the moment, damn it. Soak up the excitement of life.

I'm listening to the BBC News and hearing the war crimes trial is starting today for the genocide of 1.7 million people 30 years ago. Wow, I can't imagine being in a country like Cambodia. I actually met a guy named Joe from Cambodia on night in a Chicago bar, and the most meaningful information I gleaned from him was that in Cambodia there was a feeling of peace and free love. Basically he drank and fucked a lot.

You told me to remind you to tell me about a book proposal.

I need to get to bed. It's cold in here, so I'll likely cuddle up to the ancient radiator. It's the best substitute for a warm body I got. :-( My butt is numb. Night night.

--Sarah