Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Swango & Whitaker

Recently I was asked what I write to these inmates and if I will include them in my Letters from the Inside project. I posted the first intro letter I send to most of them. After that I alternate between typing up letters of response to theirs--these I keep saved on my computer--and handwriting small cards. Obviously the cards I do not have copies of.

However, I will post my two latest writings to Thomas Bart Whitaker and Swango, respectively.

I try never to say anything about my feelings towards their crimes. To clarify, of course I have feelings about that and their writings, but it is not my intention to bad-mouth or exploit them either to them personally through letters or online. Hence my rule of trying not to editorialize. I post their writings (and my own) for you to have a reaction. Whatever it may be... I don't want to lead your opinions. That is what art is, isn't it? Letting the viewer feel whatever they are going to and not trying to dictate what the "right" response is?

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Hello Thomas:

This letter will be written in fits and spurts. I am sitting here with the most dastardly migraine ever. In 2005 I was in a serious vespa accident with my friend Stefani (She was the driver; I was on the back.) A van hit us head-on, but luckily I saw it coming and just let go and flew off without being hit. My friend was not so lucky. She was actually hit by the van and flipped over the bars. Both of her arms were broken in so many places she has metal rods in them and was in casts for well over six months. She has had multiple surgeries and had brain damage. It has been years and she is almost back to normal. Her brain injury has cleared up considerably and she recently had a baby. I was in the delivery room as her birth coach. Because of this accidentI hurt my jaw in itI get awful migraines from TMJ. I have one now and am trying to distract myself by writing.

I am thinking of you because I am reading your father's book. I am almost finished. I assume you have read it. The part at the end makes total sense. About the masks, and all. Not feeling you had an identity or strong sense of self. Again, these seem to be your fathers words so Im not sure you exactly said that I just wanted to say that I will try to keep from having any expectations of you. Im sorry if my questions were heavy and stressful. We can keep it light

If anything I ask is upsetting or makes you feel that I am expecting somethingor too much of somethingjust ignore it or tell me to shut up.

I read you used to bicycle. I have never learned to ride a bike. I grew up really poor. We were on welfare. So I never learned. I also never learned to drive a car. I admire that you were so proficient at it (the bike riding), covering such long distances. I have tried but almost never can do it. However, oddly, once I was on a small, three mile island off the coast of Belize called Caye Caulker, and there were no cars. We rented bikes for $2 for the day. I got on, and miraculously I rode all around with no problem. It was really surprising. I guess it was of the sand and no traffic. The only hazard were chickens running about. When I returned home, that summer I got on a bike at the beach and immediately fell off. Try as I might I couldnt do it. The magic was gone.

I also learned you were engaged! Did you ever get to speak to the fianc again? Do you write to each other? This may be a touchy subject, so of course, feel free to ignore it

Actually my ex-husband and I are friends now. We both enjoy ribbing each other but our relationship is not contentious. We arent very close, but we keep in touch.

I keep going to your blog anxiously waiting for another posting. I assume it is quite time-consuming, especially with your schooling and others things like letters to write. Still, those blog entries are so well written.

I had promised to send some blog entries so Im going to paste in a sampling below.

Be well.

KK

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Hello Michael,

Just got your 2nd letter. You are catching me with another migraine. I usually take Imitrex but my insurance doesnt cover anymore so they gave me a replacement, Relpax, which works. However, it seems that when I take it I get rebound headaches. Luckily today is a Saturday and I only had planned to run some errands and go to the used bookstore. There is this great bookstore in the basement of the local library that is housed in an old brownstone. I love that place. I am almost done with the Diane Arbus bio. So Im up for a new book. However, I literally have shelves of books I havent read that I want to. I hoard books like a demented squirrel would nuts.

So today I walked my little dachshund, Mini, and a lady informed me the famed Dachshund meetup in Washington Square Park is April 25th. I have never been but I am going to try. Mini would love it and I love weiner dogs.

Thanks for the kind comments on the samplings from Outside the Box. I need to clarify something though. The dating column is what you have been reading and what is referenced in the Observer article. The blog, The Unbearable Heaviness of Being, is not anything to do with dating/sex. It is merely a recounting of my days and quirky happenings I observe in NYC. I have been writing it for over 9 years and its premise is that a single woman in NYC cant have and keep these three things: a great job, an affordable, safe apt. and a stable relationship. The minute I try to get the third, the other one or two fall off. Its kinda mathematical. I sent you in the last letter that I mailed yesterday a sample blog entry. It is about a pigeon.

I read your Richardson info. with interest and have not heard even rumors of any kind of investigation. While I do know many NY journalists I specialize in doing PR only for the real estate industry so I have no access to those who would be doing serious investigative reporting. I am going to Google this later to see if there are any mentions on the web of an investigation or any inkling of error on the doctors/hospitals part.

As for Dexter, yes, it is on my list of things to rent. I have so many things I want to see that it will take time. Right now Im enthralled with a series called ALICE on HBO-L (Latin) that I can watch ON-Demand with English subtitles. It is my new fave show and I eagerly look forward to Mondays to see the new one. Youd like it Im sure b/c it takes place in Sao Paolo and the lead, Alice, is very pretty and interesting. I am also trying to rent the first season of In Treatment starring Gabriel Byrne. The new ones start tomorrow but I need to see the first season first. I didnt have HBO for a long time so I have a lot of catch-up to do now that I have it.

I will send more of my writing, of course, and am pasting in a blog entry below. Also, I will not send the Letter to Paul Janka for several reasons. It was forced upon me to write by the editor of the paper and I hated doing it. It was not well-written and way too graphic and completely inappropriate to send.

And quickly, yes, in 2005, I was fired for having a blog. It is a long story, but back then blogs were new things. I never wrote about my job or companyonly my own life and certainly nothing perverted, graphic, etc. I was wooed by another company to work for them and quit my job. My boss took it very personally and my newly hired asst. who I hated was promoted within one week to my job. No matter, I was gone. But then my old boss wooed me back with a much higher salary and I decided to go back. My evil asst. was livid that she was once again an asst. and hacked into my blog (it was passcoded then as it is once again) and passed it around the office. My ex-boss was angry at the disruption and fired me. He said Id never work in real estate in NYC again. It was daunting and I was very upset. He was working, however, on the assumption that Id want to keep my firing quiet, but instead I publicized it. The NY Post picked up the story, doing a full-page article on it; Crains followed. I was invited on tv shows, etc. I parlayed it into starting my own firm and the rest is history. It has been 4 years and it all worked out. From that I ended up getting a job filling in for a TV reporter for the biggest morning show in the UK on GMTV. I did some segments on wacky NY trends. It was great fun and the clips are on youtube, I believe.

Okay, enough for now, because my head is going to explode, and I need to head to the bookstore before it closes.

KK