[Ed.: In these three letters, I will only transcribe things that are interesting and personal. As you know, he tends to write a lot about movies and tv shows...]
My Dear Kelly,
I would call you "sunshine", but you've had quite enough of that I am sure, thank you very much!
[Ed.: Omitted: Weather commentary]
So KK, if i ever get caught up on all the items & topics I want to share & discuss with you, and all of the interesting & fascinating ideas & things you make me think about --you are going to have a lot of reading to do! Sorry, I've been a bit behind these past couple of weeks.
Two letters to respond to in detail. As always, let me get started now and then continue in as many letters as it takes.
You find the coolest cards and stamps; Intriguing Pink/Navy Blue design on the KOCO card/plus your Mark Rothko & fish/ anemone stamps.
Beginning with the first of the three dates in your missives: I love it when you have the things we discuss. Given your schedule and variable energy level, I know that is not always the case.
[Ed.: I asked him to explain when he had his first urge to poison and if he still had those compulsive thoughts.] Believe me, Kelly, I would really like to "help a sistah out" BUT some answers to some questions are simply not there. I totally understand your curiousity ,and I believe your interest is genuine. Trust me those questions and others have been asked and texploed and continue to be. Shoudl I be able to elaborate in more detail, I certain will when I can.
[Ed.: I think it's time [Bridget Jonesing ghostwrites another letter to him.]
You already seem to have some remarkable insights. Here's a suggestion: When your "Jarndyce v Jarndyce" court case with your own version of the "sociopath" next door is completed, and if you feel empowered to write about it---go ahead and write your "Modern Love" column for the NYT. (You will of course send me a copy!) But also seriously consider writing a book---a detailed study of exactly what happened to you.
Two key points:
>The only books that resonate or even make sense to write about the sociopath topic are those that explore actions and motivations in detail. At one pint, you know this person (the man who tried to cause you harm) as a tabula rasa, a blank slate---again, I don't know if you were friends, dates or lovers. But then clearly you learned certain things, saw certain things, felt certain things, over time, slowly, excrutiatingly...that finally let you to realize the awful truth.
That is the story you need to tell. You do know that some women (and men) who don't see those things or realize those things eventually, end up destroyed, or worse.....
>2nd point: Yes, I would be more than happy to help you tell that story---all credit to you. I probably know more than I wish I knew about how this man went about trying to hurt you... Did he really use that method you mentioned? [Ed.: I never mentioned anything. I alluded to some things, but have never said anything tangible to Swango.] I only ask because rarely, if ever, does that happen once....
I know this is not the project you envisioned...but baby steps before you run the marathon, right?
Just think about it, ok? Clearly you dodge a potentially fatal bullet with your sociopath next door. The story should be told. And you know how to write and absolutely how to tell a story.
New season of Gossip Girl & 90210 & Vampire Diaries and OMG! New show "NIKITA" in one month.
Yours,
XOXO
Michael
***
Dear Kelly,
Hi sunshine! (sorry the name fits you so well!) As I believe I've mentioned previously, Thursday is always a difficult day to write at length, but it's also the last day of the week to get a letter out before the weekend. Sooo---briefer letters tend to be the rule. With that said---picking up where I left off.
[Ed.: Omitting commentary on movies.]
You do know that recent PET scan brain imagery & studies have shown similarities between addiction (like crack and meth) and people who claim to be "in love" with someone. So the Amir/crack analogy is not farfetched at all.
In addition, when the "love" or obsession is not returned, the PET imagery is even more marked/extreme.
A final note---see if you agree: Anyone who has ever experienced love lost or love unreturned can understand the insane passion that can turn deadly, usually an estranged husband or boyfriend. The "if I can't have her or him, nobody can..."
So odd that Amir seems to get you, but doesn't realize how much better it could be with you if he would just go with it!
I am sure you would be the first to admit that you are not the easiest person to "get"! A personal note: Women who are hard to "get" are by far more interesting and more sexual.
[Ed.: End of letter deals with movies. Omitted.]
***
Dear Kelly---
[Ed.: Letter opens with a page of commentary on Mad Men. It continues on to discuss film, particularly Winter's Bone. All this is omitted for lack of relevancy.]
If someone was being mean to you, I would stick up for you KK!!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #42
Dear Kelly,
Glad ot hear from you. I'm listening to a local country station. They are out at the State Fair. I used to love going out to the county and state fairs. You ever go? My friend from NYC used to go out to the Meadowlands Fair when it was in town, and on others in the NJ/NY area. He's friend with Angel the SnakeGirl and others from the sideshow that travels around there. I bet Mini would go nuts over the World's Smallest Horse. Out there they have huge exhibits for agriculture and livestock. We even have a dairy bar where there are cheese sculptures. There's more than corn in Indiana.
Actually, I was interested in the emails that transpired between you and Amir. I thought you did a good job of communicating your feelngs and expressing yourself without being dramatic or accusatory.
Interestingly, this IS the oldest story in the book. Woman falls in love with the POTENTIAL of a man. Man disappoints woman. Woman "works on" man. Inspires him to move forward towards potential. Man doesn't move fast enough, continues to disappoint woman. Woman leaves hurt and confused as to why man just won't do what she wants him to do.
END OF STORY.
Why do I know this so well? Honey, that is the story of my relationships in the past. Men and gay women. It seems liek the bisexual women don't fall into this category, but I think that's because they are more in touch with their femininity and therefor actually MOVE toward their potential, however slowly. Men often have the inertia of Stonehenge monoliths.
My personal opinion: you torture yourself. Amir doesn't torture you. You cannot accept him how he is. Even though he's a liar and a cheat, that is who he is right now. He's doing you a favor by not agreeing to be your boyfriend, that way he doesn't have to lie or cheat on you, because THAT would be him torturing you.
I almost envy that you have these issues. At least you feel the highs and lows. Right now I am so depressed that I don't feel much at all. Sadness, despair, sometimes glimmer of hope, but NOTHING like hte joy I was once full of. I sleep all the time, cry often, and pretty much walk around lost in my head. I feel like the steel and concrete are sucking my soul. Sleep.
Please, pass me a giant mango margarita on the rocks!
I need a Bob Marley album, a full liquor cabinet, and a whole lot of sex. Then a long swim and a day in the sunshine (sans hangover).
Okay, so if I have my writings scanned in as high resolution JPGS, I can insert them into my blog? Or can I only opost them on Shutterfly and direct friends to go there? I wasn't sure if I had both options or not.
I'm getting ready to read The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra. This is after last week reading How To Be Happy, Dammit and The Secret. Can you tell I'm depressed? Although. I've had more productivity today than I have in a week, writing letters, of course, I think that has less to do with natural motivation and more to do with the four cups of coffee I drank. Hey, whatever works, right?
I'm going to close and keep moving before I lose my momentum. Be well.
Sarah
Glad ot hear from you. I'm listening to a local country station. They are out at the State Fair. I used to love going out to the county and state fairs. You ever go? My friend from NYC used to go out to the Meadowlands Fair when it was in town, and on others in the NJ/NY area. He's friend with Angel the SnakeGirl and others from the sideshow that travels around there. I bet Mini would go nuts over the World's Smallest Horse. Out there they have huge exhibits for agriculture and livestock. We even have a dairy bar where there are cheese sculptures. There's more than corn in Indiana.
Actually, I was interested in the emails that transpired between you and Amir. I thought you did a good job of communicating your feelngs and expressing yourself without being dramatic or accusatory.
Interestingly, this IS the oldest story in the book. Woman falls in love with the POTENTIAL of a man. Man disappoints woman. Woman "works on" man. Inspires him to move forward towards potential. Man doesn't move fast enough, continues to disappoint woman. Woman leaves hurt and confused as to why man just won't do what she wants him to do.
END OF STORY.
Why do I know this so well? Honey, that is the story of my relationships in the past. Men and gay women. It seems liek the bisexual women don't fall into this category, but I think that's because they are more in touch with their femininity and therefor actually MOVE toward their potential, however slowly. Men often have the inertia of Stonehenge monoliths.
My personal opinion: you torture yourself. Amir doesn't torture you. You cannot accept him how he is. Even though he's a liar and a cheat, that is who he is right now. He's doing you a favor by not agreeing to be your boyfriend, that way he doesn't have to lie or cheat on you, because THAT would be him torturing you.
I almost envy that you have these issues. At least you feel the highs and lows. Right now I am so depressed that I don't feel much at all. Sadness, despair, sometimes glimmer of hope, but NOTHING like hte joy I was once full of. I sleep all the time, cry often, and pretty much walk around lost in my head. I feel like the steel and concrete are sucking my soul. Sleep.
Please, pass me a giant mango margarita on the rocks!
I need a Bob Marley album, a full liquor cabinet, and a whole lot of sex. Then a long swim and a day in the sunshine (sans hangover).
Okay, so if I have my writings scanned in as high resolution JPGS, I can insert them into my blog? Or can I only opost them on Shutterfly and direct friends to go there? I wasn't sure if I had both options or not.
I'm getting ready to read The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra. This is after last week reading How To Be Happy, Dammit and The Secret. Can you tell I'm depressed? Although. I've had more productivity today than I have in a week, writing letters, of course, I think that has less to do with natural motivation and more to do with the four cups of coffee I drank. Hey, whatever works, right?
I'm going to close and keep moving before I lose my momentum. Be well.
Sarah
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #41
Kelly,
Glad you liked Down There, and I hope Chiz enjoyed my contribution to materializing the collective psychological despair. Your expression of Down There is very unique. I have come to believe we have all been there, and I am currently living in the West wing. Next time you visit...stop by. :-)
I enjoy your stories of feeding your addiction to Amir. It is an addiction. You indulge, want more, then feel like shit and beat yourself up when you can't get it.
Stupid fucking Amir.
I will think of a Die! so I can be a guestblogger [Ed.: She has and it has been posted on that blog.] I liked your entries, including your guestbloggers. I has bene a long time since I have had unrequited love although once upon a time I did. It sucked. And I'm painfully familiar with the "I'll give you part, but not all, of myself. Just enough good times and great sex to keep you hooked and putting up with my bullshit" love.
Blech.
I like your six word memoirs, but I don't understand STFU and FML. Explain?
I tried writing a few:
- Stuck in Hell. All exits blocked.
- The government gave me the shaft.
- Wrinkles are appearing on the horizen.
- My exes are idiots or criminals.
That was fun.
I have a ton of stuff to work on, but I'm glad I sat to write you. I feel pleasant right now. Maybe some of my positive energy will absorb into the paper and transfer to you upon reading :-). Have a good day, Kelly.
XO,
Sarah
Glad you liked Down There, and I hope Chiz enjoyed my contribution to materializing the collective psychological despair. Your expression of Down There is very unique. I have come to believe we have all been there, and I am currently living in the West wing. Next time you visit...stop by. :-)
I enjoy your stories of feeding your addiction to Amir. It is an addiction. You indulge, want more, then feel like shit and beat yourself up when you can't get it.
Stupid fucking Amir.
I will think of a Die! so I can be a guestblogger [Ed.: She has and it has been posted on that blog.] I liked your entries, including your guestbloggers. I has bene a long time since I have had unrequited love although once upon a time I did. It sucked. And I'm painfully familiar with the "I'll give you part, but not all, of myself. Just enough good times and great sex to keep you hooked and putting up with my bullshit" love.
Blech.
I like your six word memoirs, but I don't understand STFU and FML. Explain?
I tried writing a few:
- Stuck in Hell. All exits blocked.
- The government gave me the shaft.
- Wrinkles are appearing on the horizen.
- My exes are idiots or criminals.
That was fun.
I have a ton of stuff to work on, but I'm glad I sat to write you. I feel pleasant right now. Maybe some of my positive energy will absorb into the paper and transfer to you upon reading :-). Have a good day, Kelly.
XO,
Sarah
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #40
Good Morning Kelly,
It's ridiculously early in the morning. After 6am. Well, it's not so much that its early because I always get up before 7am, but rarely am I ever functioning productively. I am at an impasse with writing and legal stuff, so only letters, books and artsy stuff remains to be done. Really what it boils down to is that I have to make a choice to do something that is outside of my comfort zone. The payoff is that I avoid the possibility of failure. The cost is that I give up great rewards for a success. You know what I am talking about. It's something you are going through, too. We all do---a hundred, a thousand times in our lives. But I think that by not choosing to raise the bar in my life and do it, that leaves me with feelings of low grade anxiety and fear around that choice. Like it's always sitting out there on window ledge, staring at me. I don't want to avoid and be scared of it. I want to open the window and invite it in. Will it try to eat me? Maybe. But I'm big enough to kick its ass. Will I tame it and train it and ride it like a broom in this on moonlit night? Isn't the possibility of that power and purpose worth making the choice in the first place? That's what I'm noodling out.
I got this bright flourescent pink card from you and I'm left wondering where you picked 19 year old stationary? I am also curious if the Hunger Project is still around and if it has re-aimed their their goal of ending world hunger by 2000. A noble cause. I applaud anyone or organization willing to choose such a problem worthy of their lives.
I am still crying and sleeping more than I'd like to. I do stretches and breathing and acupressure. I drink lots of water, talk a multivitamin. Eat whole foods, avoid junk food 3 out of 4 weeks (I pig out on my period.) And work on writing, read new books, and try drawing new stuff. Like the focus. But I still feel. UGH. I guess I am missing an essential part of the puzzle.
I think I am a nest for alien hatching. I have intestinal cramps so bad that I am sure a cane-weilding, top-hat wearing alien is going to rip itself from my abdomen and do a Broadway dance. Any moment now.
How do they show movies in the park? Is there a big screen like at a drive-in? Or do they project it onto a building?
I laughed at your suggestion of a 28-day detox program from Amir, particularly that you need "basketweaving, trust exercises, psychologists, and self-analysis-driven groups. People would call it "coddling prisoners." I'd call it "healing Americans."
When you described your chocolate soda, I think Ewww. But isn't that what Yoo Hoo is? But no---you add no milk or cream. You compared it to an egg cream--I don't know what that is. The Japanese food sounds wonderful. I've never really eaten Japanese. The one time I went to a Japanese steakhouse, we sat at the counter stools where the guy does fancy stuff while cooking food and I stayed safe ordering what amounted to chicken and vegetables. That was when I 20. Now, I'd never go "safe". I want to try every neat and wonderful and perhaps icky thing there is. I once thought octopus would be yucky, but I liked it. There's a billion things beyond 8-leggeds sea creatures to eat! That's why I like your little food adventures. Vicarious pleasure.
How's your project, YOU MIGHT AS WELL?
Mom came Wednesday and told me that her boyfriend has been working on a blogspot blog for me and I told her that we already set up wordpress and myspace and the issue is that I need them typed up. She has now committed to typing them up again, so we'll see how this goes. She had been sick for months and didn't know why, until she found out about her diabetes. I guess she has found new energy. One can only hope I will let you know if she gets to typing up my writings. I have a question--when you paste in links to your blog---or rather from your blog, usually those are links to other website, right? Well, can you post a link to a PDF file? Or post a PDF file into the blog where people can access and enlarge it to read it.? The reason I ask is that I wonder if I can just write very clearly, and have my mom scan the paper and create a PDF file to post instead of having to re-type stuff? I figure you'd know.
I've been writing sections about David, my first real love, for my memoirs, and his been stuck on my brain. I just woke up from a nap where I had a wonderfully erotic dream. I began with my girlfriend, she morphed into a friend whom I've had a crush on, but never told her on acted on it, then into David. I rarely have these sexually-themed dreams, but when i do they almost always involve more than my past loves, always my girlfriends, but I welcome David anytime. I miss him. He's the guy I stood by when no one else did and my Dad criticized us. When I enrolled in that judgement and left him, he's the guy I should have went back to. I was right all along. I'd stay straight forever to have him back again. Although, I know everyone changes. We are both different now, but I still hang on to the idea that it could be or what should've been. It's always good in my dreams.
I'm so people-deprived that I daydream about hugs.
And so conversation-starved that I regularly talk to my handicapped ladybug.
No wonder they allow Death Row inmates pet cats. It's the only way the prison can prevent the condemned from suicide before the State gets a chance to kill them.
That's sad.
No more sad talk.
Hpe you are well.
Peace, Sarah
P.S. A bit of happy talk. I just got a JPay letter from my friend Kye and she happened to mention the Hunger Project. Isn't that odd? She just read a book by a lady who was one of the primary fundraisers for the Hunger Project, Lynne Twist. Instead of raising money to give away to charity, the project uses it to collaborate with impoverished nations/regioins so they could justify their own strengths and resources (other than money) and adi them in starting small businesses, farming, etc---building sustainability.
How smart!
That is one of the biggest downfalls of the Zimbabwean people. Back in 1980, after 100 years of British colonial rule/protection, Zimbabwe was granted independence. Robert Mirgabe was the leader of the Black nationalists that fought for its independence and was then elected prime minister. Over the next 20 years, he worked to bring power, money, and land back to the flack Africans, but did it through force and corruption, eventually stealing white Afrikaan's land and business and giving to the people in his cabinet/family members. Well, because most of the blacks were laborers, low-level mgmt, cattle herders, and bush people, so many businesses left or collapsed and thousands of acres of food ready to harvest, died in the fields. The new owners were not empowered to use what they had been given. No one taught them. So the US and countries around the world would fly in tons and tons of relief food and your $ into a nation destined to starve. Many of the educators, farmers, govts had been white and were run out of the country or left on their own. What they needed, and still do, is to learn how to fish (well, farm). So, hooray for the Hunger Project.!
It's ridiculously early in the morning. After 6am. Well, it's not so much that its early because I always get up before 7am, but rarely am I ever functioning productively. I am at an impasse with writing and legal stuff, so only letters, books and artsy stuff remains to be done. Really what it boils down to is that I have to make a choice to do something that is outside of my comfort zone. The payoff is that I avoid the possibility of failure. The cost is that I give up great rewards for a success. You know what I am talking about. It's something you are going through, too. We all do---a hundred, a thousand times in our lives. But I think that by not choosing to raise the bar in my life and do it, that leaves me with feelings of low grade anxiety and fear around that choice. Like it's always sitting out there on window ledge, staring at me. I don't want to avoid and be scared of it. I want to open the window and invite it in. Will it try to eat me? Maybe. But I'm big enough to kick its ass. Will I tame it and train it and ride it like a broom in this on moonlit night? Isn't the possibility of that power and purpose worth making the choice in the first place? That's what I'm noodling out.
I got this bright flourescent pink card from you and I'm left wondering where you picked 19 year old stationary? I am also curious if the Hunger Project is still around and if it has re-aimed their their goal of ending world hunger by 2000. A noble cause. I applaud anyone or organization willing to choose such a problem worthy of their lives.
I am still crying and sleeping more than I'd like to. I do stretches and breathing and acupressure. I drink lots of water, talk a multivitamin. Eat whole foods, avoid junk food 3 out of 4 weeks (I pig out on my period.) And work on writing, read new books, and try drawing new stuff. Like the focus. But I still feel. UGH. I guess I am missing an essential part of the puzzle.
I think I am a nest for alien hatching. I have intestinal cramps so bad that I am sure a cane-weilding, top-hat wearing alien is going to rip itself from my abdomen and do a Broadway dance. Any moment now.
How do they show movies in the park? Is there a big screen like at a drive-in? Or do they project it onto a building?
I laughed at your suggestion of a 28-day detox program from Amir, particularly that you need "basketweaving, trust exercises, psychologists, and self-analysis-driven groups. People would call it "coddling prisoners." I'd call it "healing Americans."
When you described your chocolate soda, I think Ewww. But isn't that what Yoo Hoo is? But no---you add no milk or cream. You compared it to an egg cream--I don't know what that is. The Japanese food sounds wonderful. I've never really eaten Japanese. The one time I went to a Japanese steakhouse, we sat at the counter stools where the guy does fancy stuff while cooking food and I stayed safe ordering what amounted to chicken and vegetables. That was when I 20. Now, I'd never go "safe". I want to try every neat and wonderful and perhaps icky thing there is. I once thought octopus would be yucky, but I liked it. There's a billion things beyond 8-leggeds sea creatures to eat! That's why I like your little food adventures. Vicarious pleasure.
How's your project, YOU MIGHT AS WELL?
Mom came Wednesday and told me that her boyfriend has been working on a blogspot blog for me and I told her that we already set up wordpress and myspace and the issue is that I need them typed up. She has now committed to typing them up again, so we'll see how this goes. She had been sick for months and didn't know why, until she found out about her diabetes. I guess she has found new energy. One can only hope I will let you know if she gets to typing up my writings. I have a question--when you paste in links to your blog---or rather from your blog, usually those are links to other website, right? Well, can you post a link to a PDF file? Or post a PDF file into the blog where people can access and enlarge it to read it.? The reason I ask is that I wonder if I can just write very clearly, and have my mom scan the paper and create a PDF file to post instead of having to re-type stuff? I figure you'd know.
I've been writing sections about David, my first real love, for my memoirs, and his been stuck on my brain. I just woke up from a nap where I had a wonderfully erotic dream. I began with my girlfriend, she morphed into a friend whom I've had a crush on, but never told her on acted on it, then into David. I rarely have these sexually-themed dreams, but when i do they almost always involve more than my past loves, always my girlfriends, but I welcome David anytime. I miss him. He's the guy I stood by when no one else did and my Dad criticized us. When I enrolled in that judgement and left him, he's the guy I should have went back to. I was right all along. I'd stay straight forever to have him back again. Although, I know everyone changes. We are both different now, but I still hang on to the idea that it could be or what should've been. It's always good in my dreams.
I'm so people-deprived that I daydream about hugs.
And so conversation-starved that I regularly talk to my handicapped ladybug.
No wonder they allow Death Row inmates pet cats. It's the only way the prison can prevent the condemned from suicide before the State gets a chance to kill them.
That's sad.
No more sad talk.
Hpe you are well.
Peace, Sarah
P.S. A bit of happy talk. I just got a JPay letter from my friend Kye and she happened to mention the Hunger Project. Isn't that odd? She just read a book by a lady who was one of the primary fundraisers for the Hunger Project, Lynne Twist. Instead of raising money to give away to charity, the project uses it to collaborate with impoverished nations/regioins so they could justify their own strengths and resources (other than money) and adi them in starting small businesses, farming, etc---building sustainability.
How smart!
That is one of the biggest downfalls of the Zimbabwean people. Back in 1980, after 100 years of British colonial rule/protection, Zimbabwe was granted independence. Robert Mirgabe was the leader of the Black nationalists that fought for its independence and was then elected prime minister. Over the next 20 years, he worked to bring power, money, and land back to the flack Africans, but did it through force and corruption, eventually stealing white Afrikaan's land and business and giving to the people in his cabinet/family members. Well, because most of the blacks were laborers, low-level mgmt, cattle herders, and bush people, so many businesses left or collapsed and thousands of acres of food ready to harvest, died in the fields. The new owners were not empowered to use what they had been given. No one taught them. So the US and countries around the world would fly in tons and tons of relief food and your $ into a nation destined to starve. Many of the educators, farmers, govts had been white and were run out of the country or left on their own. What they needed, and still do, is to learn how to fish (well, farm). So, hooray for the Hunger Project.!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #89
[I'm only going to write the interesting things from the three letters he sent this week.]
Dear Kelly,
...
The Amir situation progresses... Clearly Kelly there is a powerful attraction here. But in all seriousness, really hard to believe that there has not been intense emotionally powerful sexual coupllings between you two. The intense attractive force deserves to be "fleshed out." There question is: are you two heavenly bodies that can orbit & interact symbiotically? Or will one crash into the other, annihilating both?
*KK- As you should know by now--I draw a very bright line between "meaningless" purely physical sexual coupling/AND the incredible intensity & richness or oral, vaginal & anal sex between a man & woman with deep emotional connection & a willingness to surrender their bodies to each other completely.
Amir for the last time on the 4th? Doesn't he realize that without some commitment, no relationship can reach some of those "magic moments"/ not just sexually (he is a guy after all, KK) but emotionally and that feeling inside that all is "right" with the world even, if only fo ra day or night or week or month... Doesn't he know that without sojme emotional commitment, some letting go of the "sefl" for the other person... You can't even begin to reach those levels...
Maybe he'll "get it". You certainly do, KK. That's why I like you so much. Hang in there, sunshine. You of all people konw how things like this can change overnight.
Dear Kelly,
...
The Amir situation progresses... Clearly Kelly there is a powerful attraction here. But in all seriousness, really hard to believe that there has not been intense emotionally powerful sexual coupllings between you two. The intense attractive force deserves to be "fleshed out." There question is: are you two heavenly bodies that can orbit & interact symbiotically? Or will one crash into the other, annihilating both?
*KK- As you should know by now--I draw a very bright line between "meaningless" purely physical sexual coupling/AND the incredible intensity & richness or oral, vaginal & anal sex between a man & woman with deep emotional connection & a willingness to surrender their bodies to each other completely.
Amir for the last time on the 4th? Doesn't he realize that without some commitment, no relationship can reach some of those "magic moments"/ not just sexually (he is a guy after all, KK) but emotionally and that feeling inside that all is "right" with the world even, if only fo ra day or night or week or month... Doesn't he know that without sojme emotional commitment, some letting go of the "sefl" for the other person... You can't even begin to reach those levels...
Maybe he'll "get it". You certainly do, KK. That's why I like you so much. Hang in there, sunshine. You of all people konw how things like this can change overnight.
