Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #90-92

[Ed.: In these three letters, I will only transcribe things that are interesting and personal. As you know, he tends to write a lot about movies and tv shows...]

My Dear Kelly,

I would call you "sunshine", but you've had quite enough of that I am sure, thank you very much!

[Ed.: Omitted: Weather commentary]

So KK, if i ever get caught up on all the items & topics I want to share & discuss with you, and all of the interesting & fascinating ideas & things you make me think about --you are going to have a lot of reading to do! Sorry, I've been a bit behind these past couple of weeks.

Two letters to respond to in detail. As always, let me get started now and then continue in as many letters as it takes.

You find the coolest cards and stamps; Intriguing Pink/Navy Blue design on the KOCO card/plus your Mark Rothko & fish/ anemone stamps.

Beginning with the first of the three dates in your missives: I love it when you have the things we discuss. Given your schedule and variable energy level, I know that is not always the case.

[Ed.: I asked him to explain when he had his first urge to poison and if he still had those compulsive thoughts.] Believe me, Kelly, I would really like to "help a sistah out" BUT some answers to some questions are simply not there. I totally understand your curiousity ,and I believe your interest is genuine. Trust me those questions and others have been asked and texploed and continue to be. Shoudl I be able to elaborate in more detail, I certain will when I can.

[Ed.: I think it's time [Bridget Jonesing ghostwrites another letter to him.]

You already seem to have some remarkable insights. Here's a suggestion: When your "Jarndyce v Jarndyce" court case with your own version of the "sociopath" next door is completed, and if you feel empowered to write about it---go ahead and write your "Modern Love" column for the NYT. (You will of course send me a copy!) But also seriously consider writing a book---a detailed study of exactly what happened to you.

Two key points:

>The only books that resonate or even make sense to write about the sociopath topic are those that explore actions and motivations in detail. At one pint, you know this person (the man who tried to cause you harm) as a tabula rasa, a blank slate---again, I don't know if you were friends, dates or lovers. But then clearly you learned certain things, saw certain things, felt certain things, over time, slowly, excrutiatingly...that finally let you to realize the awful truth.

That is the story you need to tell. You do know that some women (and men) who don't see those things or realize those things eventually, end up destroyed, or worse.....

>2nd point: Yes, I would be more than happy to help you tell that story---all credit to you. I probably know more than I wish I knew about how this man went about trying to hurt you... Did he really use that method you mentioned? [Ed.: I never mentioned anything. I alluded to some things, but have never said anything tangible to Swango.] I only ask because rarely, if ever, does that happen once....

I know this is not the project you envisioned...but baby steps before you run the marathon, right?

Just think about it, ok? Clearly you dodge a potentially fatal bullet with your sociopath next door. The story should be told. And you know how to write and absolutely how to tell a story.

New season of Gossip Girl & 90210 & Vampire Diaries and OMG! New show "NIKITA" in one month.

Yours,
XOXO

Michael
***

Dear Kelly,

Hi sunshine! (sorry the name fits you so well!) As I believe I've mentioned previously, Thursday is always a difficult day to write at length, but it's also the last day of the week to get a letter out before the weekend. Sooo---briefer letters tend to be the rule. With that said---picking up where I left off.

[Ed.: Omitting commentary on movies.]

You do know that recent PET scan brain imagery & studies have shown similarities between addiction (like crack and meth) and people who claim to be "in love" with someone. So the Amir/crack analogy is not farfetched at all.

In addition, when the "love" or obsession is not returned, the PET imagery is even more marked/extreme.

A final note---see if you agree: Anyone who has ever experienced love lost or love unreturned can understand the insane passion that can turn deadly, usually an estranged husband or boyfriend. The "if I can't have her or him, nobody can..."

So odd that Amir seems to get you, but doesn't realize how much better it could be with you if he would just go with it!
I am sure you would be the first to admit that you are not the easiest person to "get"! A personal note: Women who are hard to "get" are by far more interesting and more sexual.

[Ed.: End of letter deals with movies. Omitted.]

***

Dear Kelly---

[Ed.: Letter opens with a page of commentary on Mad Men. It continues on to discuss film, particularly Winter's Bone. All this is omitted for lack of relevancy.]

If someone was being mean to you, I would stick up for you KK!!!