Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #43 & 44

Dear Kelly,

It's just past 6pm and I feel more energetic than I have for a few weeks. This is after a wek of fighting a lingering migraine. Tuesday I was vomiting, crying and aksin gGod to just go ahead and kill me swiftly. Obviously the Universe wants to continue to torture me while I discover my life's purpose and fulfill it with flair. This week I have tried meditating, connecting with my quantum, non-local spirit self and identify with ancient archtetypes to guide my inner intent/self.

Hey, I'll try anything once.

I've identified with Daedalus (engineer), Nike (goddess of victory) and Persephone (vegetation/death). Hey, if there's some good or visual images you can find on the internet for me, I could use them. I'm supposed to have images for reinforcement. I'm also looking at my dreams more closely and paying attention to what comes out of m mouth. What coversations I am creating. WE do live out of a lot of self-fulfillment. If so, I'm creating more of my own prophecies and livign an exciting life.

Stupid fucking Amir.

Ashton K. turned out to be the product of today's societal norms. No integrity. And overuse of texting instead of actual interaction. Stupid boys. Maybe you could find a really masculine dyke and get better results with women.

oooh. Maybe you'll meet a great guy at the US Open. I mean, you keep getting put in situations where you meet successful people, maybe you could find one who is financially AND emotionally stable.

They do exist.

Then you'll forget all about stupid Amir.

Benihana--I went there once when I was 19. It was fun, but I'd enjoy it more now. I was going to a Japanese sushi place the day I got arrestede, but chose the French wine bar instead. I think I made the better choice. I'll try out raw meet and seafood some other time.

Perhaps in Dec. 2013. That's the date I'm declaring to be legally free and out of prison. I named it months and months ago, resulting from a long calculation of possibilities and credits/demerits. I have bee speaking it, as it is widely known that you ask, believe, receive. In the Bible as well as any spiritual text it teaches that acts if it is done. Speak it. Anyway, I had a dream today that my father was driving me down a road and the street post sign said 5 years Road. Later it occurred to me that Dec 2013 is exactly fives years after my return to prison.

I love signs.

Thenight before I escaped I found 9 four leaf clovers in 15 minutes. Two separate women told me that it is meant I was going home in the morning. They had no idea how true that was. I laminated them and took them with me when I left. I had two weeks of freedom for each clover.

Flex [shampoo] is so old. Perhaps if they had updated their 1970s looking bottle, they'd still be selling it. And yes, you are a nut but I still like you. :-) You are a lot of fun.

Take care,

Sarah

Oh hey, I may not write for a little while. I was expecting $200 from my friend last week. $120 to pay for the analyst's official report, an then $80 for my month's expenses like postage and coffee, s hampoo and soap. Well, after she's been telling me for six years that she'll do anything to help me, I ask her to contribute toward the cost of the report. I'm thinking maybe 50 bucks. She offers two hundred. I totally am grateful. First, it gets returned to her for an address problem, now its 10 days later and still nothing, plus I haven't heard from her in a week. I hope she's not sick or hurt. And I hope she's not being funny about the money. It's very, very hard for me to ask people for help, even when they offer. My buddy tells me I need to get over it and swallow my pride and aks, so I do, but then I feel like a beggar if there's any drama around it. I have been so self-sufficient and independent my whole life, always ready to help others. I don't know why this is so hard for me. Anyway, so I let me account get down to twenty dollars because I thought I had money coming. I''d ask my mom and dad to help, and they will, but I don't get why I feel like such a hack for asking for the help that I have freely givne for 20 years. It's some weird life lesson, I guess. Maybe I should have picked a goddess of meony as an archetype.

:-)
***

Dear Kelly,

I received your card with the great magazine article--YOU! Oh how nice it would be to be a media source without it being connected to murder and prison. At the very least, without me being the bad guy. Anyway, I think it's cool as heck that you living is in glossy color. What I really love is that you don't compromise. This isn't some yearly fad for you; black, white and red is your life. I like how the author quotes you without making you sound nutty. The past paragraph where you are quoted, "Oh my God, the Universe is speaking to me!" She thinking you are joking. I don't. I think the Universe speaks to us all the time in coincidences and signs, just like that black, white and red chair you found on the street near your place. Just like the fact that MARRYING is in Amir's full name. And I bet that there are lots of other words inside your name, particularly your maiden name that probably would be another message from the Universe. It's no acciden twhat our parents name us or who we are born to marry.

Once upon a time I believe heavily in the universal signs and message through people and nature. Especially in the six months before I escaped.

I thought about waht you wrote and the last word for you got out of my name was PARDONERS. That inspired me to take a closer look at this name thing. The anagram machine gives you lots of combinations, but I wouldn't just take the longest words. I'd look at combos of smaller words, too, as well as name variations.

For example, I forgot exactly what your maiden name is, but I think it is IMPERATORE. I really wish I knew your middle name, but as soon as I wrote down KELLY IMPERATORE, do you know what I saw? REALTOR!

And I"m not sure that's just about you. You do PR for real estate, realtors, but Amir owns a real-estate--realtor--magazine. And you could not have missed the fact that Amir K shows up in your name.

In fact, I wish I knew your middle name because if it were something like ANGELA [Ed.: My middle name is ANN] you'd spell out his entire name in yours.

Even without a middle name, you still have Amir K and if you have one "A" in your middle name you can spell, "Amir K. Realtor" in one re-arrangement instead of two separate ones, though I don't think it matter. I'll explain later.

I totally love the idea behind your kartoonz. What a great way to communicate to someone on another level, plus make it fun and no so serious. And how smart ot show him that no matter who he picks up, even someone as hot, sexy and fit and amazing as CatWoman/HalleBerry--she'll never compare to your package of qualities.

Amir finally takes it as fate they should be together and they walk off hand in hand....too bad that isn't the end of the story.

Although it has gotten pretty good!

Do you even realize you are just a kartoon---when you say that to him in the kartoon, I realized how brilliant you are.

I takethat last strip you explained to be a clear message of power. You give him the power to drive you nuts and to squish up your insides. Sure, he's incredibly sexy and wealthy and successful, but that isn't where his power lies. His power solely exists inside of you. You grant him that power. If you ceased to pine, his power would cease to exist. It is NOT the other way around.

I wish I knew what stupid thing Amir said on CNBC. It can't be worse than me crying on national tv. At least his SNAFU was funny.

Your insanity is entertaining to me EVERY letter. It is both interesting and enlightening. And better yes, it makes my oddities...(idiosyncracies) appear normal.

Back to the anagrams:

KELLY IMPERATORE: Amir K Realtor---Kelly I. meets real estate businessman AMir K and after several months of dating and fighting and a surrender to fate, AK decides to marry KI but his cheating ways aren't gone for good and discussions of divorce soon loom on the horizon.

AMIR KORANGY: MARRYING KI
KELLY IMPERATORE: TEMPORARILY
AMIR KORANGY: KI ANGRY---Ki is angry at AK for being a perpetual shit and slut and at herself for believing he'd change. AK implores KI to give him another chance but nothing lasts forever.

KELLY IMPERATORE: AK IMPLORE

Perhaps if I had both of your middle names I would have a more detailed story, or at least one with a happy ending. Speaking of happy endings----

I am pretty sure I told you the basics of how I met Rick, my ex-boyfriend. That fates was involved used to be my stand, but now I believe that our futures are a mix of intention manifested and free will chosen with or reithout regard to clues from the Universe about impending danger or good fortune. Looking back, I see how completely correlated events wer in order to bring about what has so far been my past.

With Rick, it was creepy coincidence from Day One.l Out of 25,000 people, I meet him at the concert grounds. Two days later, I meet him again, totally by chance. After a month of searching for him with no luck, on the last day, I say, "If I don't find him today, I'm giving up." A few hours later, I pick him up on the side of the highway. Several other events oddly occurred and he ended up in my bed, where he overslept, missed his plane to CA, and never left. Instead we began a life together. Soon, his friends, Drew and Trish came and we got a place where he ends up shooting them. I did not know either of them very well at all, but I felt a connection to Trish. I pleaded with her to leave her abusive relationship with Drew and go back home to her kids. I cried over her life. And I cried over her death.

I barely knew her last name.

Anyway, this connection is significant when I do the anagrams of Rick's name. Whe he refers to "her" it's Trish. If he refers to "you" it's Trish. If it's both "her" and "you" that means Trish. I refers to himself. Convoluted, but you get it.

With the names, I use both the birth name and any variation used in spelling or nicknames. When I did Rick's I got a lot more than I thought I would. First Rick's middle initial is E. Often he signs, "Rick E. Hull". Immediately I sis KILLER. THen I put out his full birth name: Richard Edward Hull, Junior. OUt of that I saw COWARD LIAR

And then U WILL DIE HARD ROAD

Then I substituted in for what I called him (and his friends/family): Ricky . NOw once I spelled it Richie on a plastic cup at a party so I wasn't sure of the spelling. Because this name is more familiar to m e, I feel liek the U in these messages.

I KILL HER AND U CRIED. or I KILLED. U CRIED.

So I"m like no way! I kept going, substituting in the most accepted spelling; it produced four phrases that got me. Each has a background story, too.


COWARD KILLED IN HURRY--Prosecutor Larry Sells referred to Rick as a coward at my trial and the whole things was done in a hurry---sloppily.

I"D KILL HER AND YOU-- I asked him why he killed Trish. He said just because she was a witness and he almost killed me too.

I WARNED YOU--A couple of weeks before the shooting, I came home from work and Rick was insanely fucked up on acid and whiskey. He mumbled about how I didn't understand how dangerous things were. I thought it was babble. So I"m thinking, what about the good stuff? What about the rest of the story? He did grow a conscience and tell the truth in a hearing. About how he set me up and I was innocent of the murders. And guess what I saw?

JURY HEARD I KILL, U WON.

No fucking way, right?

Well, how about this? I took another look at my own name and saw: PARDONS HER.

The Universe speaks, Kelly Kreth. The Universe speaks.

And sometime I"ll tell you about the prophecy of 2008. Andnow, the prophecy of Dec 2013. Peace, Love and Grease!

--Sarah

In fact, you get ORATE KLLER from KI and you do talk to a lot of killers. Maybe it helps you: KEEP MORALITY (also in your name!) and stay on the better side of the prison fence.



P.S. I know there is some level of subjectivity here, but you don't get Amir from my name or warnings in yours, although your maiden name does provide KILLER. I think that is your interest in killers, not your occupation. Here's a litlte play with numbers: 0529 1979 953968 (my prison number and birthdate). Pull out 2013. Add the remaining numbers in the first group-39 3+9=12 December Second group 37. 3+7=10 10 December 2013. More on that later....