Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #45

Dear Kelly,

Saw this article in the Biblical Archaelology Review and thought of you for two reasons. One, of course, you are a frequent flyer to the Met, and this mosaic carpet from Rome will be displayed there soon. We get excited about a vintage 1960s coat or table--only 50 years old. Or are in awe at medieval art and architecture and here is a beautifully preserved mosaic almost 2000 years old. It amazes me. I can see why archaelogists love their jobs. To be able to piece together history with some accuracy from the earth is neat. I love reading NatGeo. I imagine inm 500 or 1000 years, when archaelogists dig us up, what they will think. I always find it so interesting when they have to lump someting into a century. (5th century AD or 1200-1000 BC), because people, things, culture, inventions, etc. didn't change so rapidly. The future diggers lumping two cars inot the 20th century -- one could be a Model T and the other a hybrid SUV. Seems odd that the future could be so drastically different that such a lumping would seem appropriate.

The other thing, actually, the main thing that had me think of you was the last part of the article on manna. I heart they were reproducing it, but it seems that New York dining has captured it. I know you like to try different foods and will travel great lengths for them, so if you do find a place with manna on the menu, and you try it, let me know. It's probably at some retardedly expensive restaurant.

I hope to hear from you tonight with Amir news and what you think of those anagrams I sent.

Commissary was just delivered so I have stamps and paper to fill up my weekend of writing. I also sent a manilla envelopeto an attorney willing to look at my case. Things are coming together. I'm also doing research for the petition and yesterday created an inspirational folder to store my work in. Some are serious and encouraging. Some are retarded and funny. If I were at home, I'd just scan them to you. My humor is way better in person.

Have you seen these clothes recycling boxes?

MON:

I got the letter I was hoping was on the way from you. :-)
You are so prompt.

Of course you are right. But aye, there's the rub. Wanna know why? Because everyone wants to be right and look good. If you are right then that means someone else is wrong.
Amir says he misses you and your wit. You say you miss sleeping next to him because it's better than sleeping with the dog.
That's funny. Witty!

Then you make him wrong for missing you but not choosing you. And he runs away. Slow or not, nobody wants to be wrong, especially not rich, good looking men. It's an ego thing.

You are funnier than a well-timed fart.

Can you tell I"ve been working on my creative writing? I was going to write, "You are really funny, " but then I thought how funny is really funny? That doesn't illicit any feelings of funnyness. Falls and farts, when done accidentally or with great finesse, are endlessly funny. I never tire of them.


Just FYI, I am on the can while writing this. It reminds me that I have essentially been locked inside a bathroom for almost two years. Try that and see if it doesn't fuck you up. And there are three men in Angola who've been in the hole for 37 years for killing a prison guard. Glad I only copulated with one.

I'm stuck here, expelling foul gas and branflake turds. Maybe that's a little much for you, but I find the digestive system quite fascinating. I ate two bowls of bran flakes and sunflower seeds for three days and now it finally made its way through. I feel like that is a little slow. I think I have handicapped intestines.

I had to lok up Sisyphean, which took longer because I didn't know what I was looking for and you were in such a rush that you shirked spellcheck. (Not a problem. Make me work for it!) Great word! Endlessly laborious and futile. That's Criminial Justice Reform.

People stereotype waitresses, hostesses and strippers for being of less than average intelligence. Not the bartender, though. Everyone knows that the bartender is the smartest motherfucker in the house.

Have you thought about consulting a psychic about what to do for employment? Or asking your dreams to give you guidance? I mean, I'm sure it won't require the sacrifice of a chicken or any other warm-blooded animal. Maybe a few cockroaches though.

Just a suggestion: If you call Amir and ask to get together for his advice, I think it could be very good.

1) Amir wants to se you.
2) You want to see Amir.
3) You say it is embarassing and he may lose respect for you. That is a story you made up in your head out of fear and ego. By asking his advice, he gets to be RIGHT and you get answers. You wouldn't be embarassed to go to your gyno about your period being heavy. You have an employment problem. He may have answers.
4) If you can get through without even mentioning his lack of commitment, he will begin to covet you, your every molecule. Bring up "girlfriend" and you blow it up. Back to square one.
5) If you two screw and you don't bring up commitment, he will being to worship you.

If at anytime you feel I am worng, that it is not working, your strategy of nagging him is one sentence away.

I feel like that whole last section was bitchy sounding. Was it?

You have a legitimate problem and a valid fear. Let him help you.

Thank you for the clipart of the Greek mythological people.

I think it's cool you got to be around famous people, just because it is nice to see they are just people. But if I were you, I wouldn't have a clue. I'd serve a martini to Steven Spielberg or a European prince and not have a clue. I hope you din'dt have to stand in heels all day. Dr. Scholls makes fantastic insoles for high heels.

I got a money order from my mom and asked my friend to send me $6 a month to cover the cost of postage, paper and envelopes. We write like three letters per week. So I'[m good for a few weeks. No, in lock the prison doesn't give us money. In population if you want a job, you earn anywhere from 12 cents to 25 cents per hour, depending on your hob. If you don't have fmaily you live off the $15 a month you earn from your prison job. The State provides pads, toilet paper, 2 stamped envelopes, bar soap and shampoo to people who live off the State's pay. Anything else--paper, pens, stamps, deodorant, toothpaste, vitamens, razors, coffee, etc. you buy on your own. When I was at Rockville and had a lot of money, I would buy hygienes and snacks for people who lived off that bullshit $3 a week. You can't even buy a box of tampons with that. There were solme months that I had $1000 on my books. And some months that I had only $10. Money comes. Money goes. Right now, I"m swimming at the bottom of the barrel, but I know I"ll always have what I need. That's why I try to live simply.

Yay! Red table! The Universe loves you!


I love the anagram thing. Glad you liked what I picked out. I ran over the letters in another person's (whom I don't really know) name and it came out pretty spot-on. Neat stuff!

I didn't occur to me that you don't know about my legal affairs. I just spent months working on a legal packet for an attorney, and just today, hours on devleoping legal arguments. What it boils down to is that I was over-convicted because of an unethical prosecutor, a lying snitch, and a conspiracy by my co-defendant and another man to frame me as the principle. Since my conviction, I've been collecting the exculpatory evidence to show that I was railroaded and , essentially, framed, including blatent testimony by my ex-boyfriend saying tha the killed them and set me up for it. Recently, I've found a way to prove he is telling the truth--through forensic analysis. Stay tuned for the next episode.

Sarah