Sunday, August 30, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #15
Dear Kelly,
I enjoyed the Cuban witchcraft story and the "coincidental" meeting with Alan Streets, but my favorite part was that Mini shoplifted a pack of Rolos. What a precious sight, you wrenching the pack from his mouth and paying for a slobbery, teeth marked pack of Rolos, shoplifted by a wiener dog. Fucking perfect. I love dogs. They are second best to children. I am not familiar with Duane Reade. Obviously it's a retail store, but one that you can take your pet inside with you?
Have you ever considered doing yoga or meditating to help with your PMS? Or perhaps an herbal medicine? It really works, and since you are prone to down moods, you could really use it.
What are you depressed about anyway, Kelly? What don't you have besides a significant other? I am curious.
My mom was supposed to set up the blog and link it to my Myspace page. her and my friend are working on. It's in its infancy stage, but slowly it's coming along. I guess you can Google it.
You are going to do GREAT! at the GrandSlam. And hey, maybe there will be a good subject and perhaps an agent out there will notice you, since you want to write a book. I think you should focus on something like that, and it will manifect. I said it was "coincidence" that you ran into Alan because I think we do manifest things with our thoughts and focus. You didn't just run into him in your daily life, you INTUITIVELY deviated from your norm, and led yourself to him. I think you can do more of this if you follow your intuition and focus. Did you say anything to him? At all? When he turned and sneered would have been good, even if he was less than thrilled to have people behind him. (At the height of my anxiety issues, I had a full attack b/c a man stood behind me (I was seated) talking loudly.) Even if you didn't speak, you see how you can manifest good things.
Does Mr. Whitaker list who his agent is? Who is the publisher?
Why wouldn't the g/f agree to let the guy take you to the MothBall if she doesn't want to go? If you both would have fun, I don't see why not? Wait. You have to stop talking to him b/c he has a g/f? Is it that stressful for you to be his friend? wow. That seems like it's really hard for you. Perhaps he could tell his g/f he'd liek to date other people. If they were agreed, would you date him? Most men don't stay single for long in a town where women greatly outnumber the men, but your man will come. Maybe he'll keep seeing you at events and feel compelled to break free of his commitment to pursue you. But by cutting him of, you lose out on the opportunity to show him why he should do just that.
OMG. I totally didn't get your client was still married. I thoguth he was divorced and simply bringing up the subject. your so funny. Like a magnet for men in committed relationships. I totally understand. While I was free, even in my life of generally avoiding people and being anonymous, I was pursued by four married and successful men. Strange.
Regarding my preference. I'd say I'm 85% gay. Although I'm really good at pleasing men, I enjoy the feminine connection, body, mind, and spirit much better. When I choose to be a man, I love every part of him, but I secretly feel superior. Even with a man who had many worldly successes, I felt superior. I guess I see how their sexual weakness has led them (as a gender) to commit molestation and rape and to cheat on their wives. I still worship them and adore them when together. Treat them with great respect. Perhaps I do so because I am full of love and empathy. It is out of their genes that they cause war and death and corruption. Sure, women do, too. But the ration of men & women who are mean, negative, hateful destructive, is big. Women are nurturers, lovers, creative and intuitive beings. Women are full of joy and understanding. And they are soft. They are beter. Men are good. Women are better.
My wife was Jamie, the woman who helped me escape. Before I escaped, we telephones 2X per week, she visited monthly (it's a 3 hour round trip drive) and corresponded weekly. We have been close for eight years. Intimate. The wife status grew out of our close friensdhip. It is not an ownership or control title, just a description of how committed we are to one another's happiness and well being. We encouraged each other relationships, sexual or otherwise, that bought each other happiness, and were open about these relationships. In solitary, contact with other offenders is not possible. It doesn't bother me. I am okay being sexually inactive. I rarely have a physical relationship. I value friendships above all. Sex is a side not (But really nice at times.)
I got through phases of activity. Generally, I am happy to play volleyball, guitar, read, learn, laugh, job, write, and sing.
I ready your brujeria blog to a lady up here. Wild. Obviously, Umberto was on target. Ever gone back to a psychic? (Sans cockroaches). Over the 8 years I was locked up, 3 different psychics told my mom and a friend I'd be out in 2008 or by 2008. Funny, huh?
It's late. Time for bed. Hope you are well and enjoying life.
Life is good.
--Sarah--
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #44
Dear KK--
Wow! Much to get to. After receiving your letter late Thursday (8/20), I received another one on Friday...so interesting and sparkling. Since subject matter intersects in both letters I will go back & forth. Needless to say, it will take several letters to cover everything..so let me make a brief beginning today:
The season opener of "Mad Men" was brilliant. Obviously, the scene with Salvatore Romano & the bellboy in the motel room will get a lot of attention, but to me the writing shines through in the follow-up scene on the airplane: Clearly on the flight back, Romano is very nervous, and we can surmise that Don Draper has said nothing so far about what he saw at the hotel. It seems like he is about to, when he instead shows Romano his idea for the new "London Fog" campaign...with the tag line: "LIMIT YOUR EXPOSURE". But we know there is a whole subtext in those three words. Draper is telling Romano- simply be talking to him as before, like two ad-men--that what he saw will not affect their professional relationship, and will stay with Don. But these three words are also his strong advice to Romano: "Limit Your Exposure". In 1963, such a revelation would destroy Romano in the macho world of the MAD MEN. Don is telling Romano "you must be more careful--much more careful. I'm not judging, just advising.
So much is communicated in that brief interaction on the plane...Brilliantly done.
Please feel free to share your comments & opinions on MAD MEN--the first episode and as the season progresses. I am very interested in what you think, Kelly. AND if you see any critical analysis of "MAD MEN" on-line, do send me whatever you can. There must be multiple web-sites devoted to "MAD MEN." Thanks!
Well KK--at least you went to see "District 9". Have to give you credit for that!! You & science fiction really, really don't get along, do you?! Given the extremely positive reviews of "D9" from multiple sources, calling it only brilliant sci-fi, but also a very good film, I thought it might be one you would like. Oh well.
By the way, I have no patience for bad science-fiction, any more than lame comedy, turgid drama, or mindless violence. And as we both know so well, there is an awful lot of garbage out there in all film genres.
Anyway, I won't be looking for your glowing review...but so many more films upcoming...
Wanted to be sure to talk about "Mad Men" and "District 9". Now on to your many other items of interest:
Thanks for your brief comments on some other films. "Public Enemies" did sound like a rehash of 20 other films--but sometimes performances can overcome that. Sounds like Depp * Bale didn't quite make that happen.
Glad that the highly original film "HUMPDAY" was a great movie. I've not seen many of the "MUMBLECORE" films--but they sound like films I'd like to see. Original, talky, filled with ideas.
Once again, your marvelous mind read my own. Thanks for the copy of the "Going Solo Gets Crowded" --now I can read it in more detail. Plus they often condense articles, reviews & op-eds when they reprint them.
And "Assault in the Ring" -- the HBO boxing doc. Did sound good---glad you confirmed.
KK-Did you see that other boxing documentary I mentioned and saw- The Death of Bernie Parr...(sp?) in the ring in the early 1960s at the hands of Emile Griffith.
Must get this in the mail--will write more tomorrow (Sunday). But wanted to briefly mention something we have barely mentioned--the Michael Jackson case. I am quite familiar with Propofal & medications like it--and it is mind-boggling that his "concierge doctor" used it to help Jackson sleep. Talk about playing with fire. And now we see the timeline that shows Jackson was given three powerful sleep meds before the Propafol.
This has all the elements of a mini-OJ if it goes to trial, which I think is doubtful...
You take care, sunshine. Will write more tomorrow, and probably Monday. Much more to talk about.
Be good, Kelly
Yours,
Michael
Wow! Much to get to. After receiving your letter late Thursday (8/20), I received another one on Friday...so interesting and sparkling. Since subject matter intersects in both letters I will go back & forth. Needless to say, it will take several letters to cover everything..so let me make a brief beginning today:
The season opener of "Mad Men" was brilliant. Obviously, the scene with Salvatore Romano & the bellboy in the motel room will get a lot of attention, but to me the writing shines through in the follow-up scene on the airplane: Clearly on the flight back, Romano is very nervous, and we can surmise that Don Draper has said nothing so far about what he saw at the hotel. It seems like he is about to, when he instead shows Romano his idea for the new "London Fog" campaign...with the tag line: "LIMIT YOUR EXPOSURE". But we know there is a whole subtext in those three words. Draper is telling Romano- simply be talking to him as before, like two ad-men--that what he saw will not affect their professional relationship, and will stay with Don. But these three words are also his strong advice to Romano: "Limit Your Exposure". In 1963, such a revelation would destroy Romano in the macho world of the MAD MEN. Don is telling Romano "you must be more careful--much more careful. I'm not judging, just advising.
So much is communicated in that brief interaction on the plane...Brilliantly done.
Please feel free to share your comments & opinions on MAD MEN--the first episode and as the season progresses. I am very interested in what you think, Kelly. AND if you see any critical analysis of "MAD MEN" on-line, do send me whatever you can. There must be multiple web-sites devoted to "MAD MEN." Thanks!
Well KK--at least you went to see "District 9". Have to give you credit for that!! You & science fiction really, really don't get along, do you?! Given the extremely positive reviews of "D9" from multiple sources, calling it only brilliant sci-fi, but also a very good film, I thought it might be one you would like. Oh well.
By the way, I have no patience for bad science-fiction, any more than lame comedy, turgid drama, or mindless violence. And as we both know so well, there is an awful lot of garbage out there in all film genres.
Anyway, I won't be looking for your glowing review...but so many more films upcoming...
Wanted to be sure to talk about "Mad Men" and "District 9". Now on to your many other items of interest:
Thanks for your brief comments on some other films. "Public Enemies" did sound like a rehash of 20 other films--but sometimes performances can overcome that. Sounds like Depp * Bale didn't quite make that happen.
Glad that the highly original film "HUMPDAY" was a great movie. I've not seen many of the "MUMBLECORE" films--but they sound like films I'd like to see. Original, talky, filled with ideas.
Once again, your marvelous mind read my own. Thanks for the copy of the "Going Solo Gets Crowded" --now I can read it in more detail. Plus they often condense articles, reviews & op-eds when they reprint them.
And "Assault in the Ring" -- the HBO boxing doc. Did sound good---glad you confirmed.
KK-Did you see that other boxing documentary I mentioned and saw- The Death of Bernie Parr...(sp?) in the ring in the early 1960s at the hands of Emile Griffith.
Must get this in the mail--will write more tomorrow (Sunday). But wanted to briefly mention something we have barely mentioned--the Michael Jackson case. I am quite familiar with Propofal & medications like it--and it is mind-boggling that his "concierge doctor" used it to help Jackson sleep. Talk about playing with fire. And now we see the timeline that shows Jackson was given three powerful sleep meds before the Propafol.
This has all the elements of a mini-OJ if it goes to trial, which I think is doubtful...
You take care, sunshine. Will write more tomorrow, and probably Monday. Much more to talk about.
Be good, Kelly
Yours,
Michael
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #43
I am not transcribing this letter here because it is relatively short and pretty much is just a quick accompaniment to the articles he has clipped and sent me. There is nothing noteworthy in this one.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #42
[Ed.: I am now omitting things in his letters that are mundane, like excessive talk of movies or tv when in no greater context.]
Dear KK---
Ahhh...the lives and loves of of Kelly K!!! Who says "it" can't happen, with your Story Slam/guy/major crush? Maybe it can't happen TODAY, but let's look at the evidence you presented:
>Common interest. Story Slam
>Mary LIKES Billy! "major crush"
>He says he has "fallen for Mary"
>You two live a few blocks away--always good for late night interaction...
KK: I did see the romantic comedy "He's Just Not That Into You" At times very clever with some good scenes. Your situation brings it to mind.
>AND you & he are doing all the requisite electronic communicating...
Hey, I've been "out of the game" for a while, but even I know as a man that this guy is not living with his soulmate at the present time.
It can happen--probably will happen with patience--just not now...
I've got no dog in this fight but I do know you are brilliant, funny, lovely, very sexy, and more. Your my dear, are a catch, period. Like I said, wish I had met you around 1993...C'est la vie...
Unfortunately so many men are dogs/and you've been burned like everyone else...But it will happen, Kelly. I'm sure of it.
However, one place we would not have gone is a gourmet Mexican restaurant---where you were last Saturday. Unless they served other entrees! Almost any other restaurant...
You are a true gourmand & gourmet cook.
VERY much hope you are not getting another upper resp. infection or flu. The word still is they expect swine flu & seasonal flu to hit hard beginning in a week or so when everyone is back at school & work.
Your blog "Such an Odd Coincidence" was interesting on many levels--to me the idea that the same event can be seen and/or experienced so differently by two people, in this case yourself and Alan Streets.
And as usual, it made me think--as most everything you write does...in this case about the subject of coincidences and the "Laws of Large Numbers", a truly fascinating mathematical concept integral to game theory. Writing to you and receiving your letters is a true education.
You take care--stay healthy--and hope to receive your next letter very soon.
Yours,
Michael
Dear KK---
Ahhh...the lives and loves of of Kelly K!!! Who says "it" can't happen, with your Story Slam/guy/major crush? Maybe it can't happen TODAY, but let's look at the evidence you presented:
>Common interest. Story Slam
>Mary LIKES Billy! "major crush"
>He says he has "fallen for Mary"
>You two live a few blocks away--always good for late night interaction...
KK: I did see the romantic comedy "He's Just Not That Into You" At times very clever with some good scenes. Your situation brings it to mind.
>AND you & he are doing all the requisite electronic communicating...
Hey, I've been "out of the game" for a while, but even I know as a man that this guy is not living with his soulmate at the present time.
It can happen--probably will happen with patience--just not now...
I've got no dog in this fight but I do know you are brilliant, funny, lovely, very sexy, and more. Your my dear, are a catch, period. Like I said, wish I had met you around 1993...C'est la vie...
Unfortunately so many men are dogs/and you've been burned like everyone else...But it will happen, Kelly. I'm sure of it.
However, one place we would not have gone is a gourmet Mexican restaurant---where you were last Saturday. Unless they served other entrees! Almost any other restaurant...
You are a true gourmand & gourmet cook.
VERY much hope you are not getting another upper resp. infection or flu. The word still is they expect swine flu & seasonal flu to hit hard beginning in a week or so when everyone is back at school & work.
Your blog "Such an Odd Coincidence" was interesting on many levels--to me the idea that the same event can be seen and/or experienced so differently by two people, in this case yourself and Alan Streets.
And as usual, it made me think--as most everything you write does...in this case about the subject of coincidences and the "Laws of Large Numbers", a truly fascinating mathematical concept integral to game theory. Writing to you and receiving your letters is a true education.
You take care--stay healthy--and hope to receive your next letter very soon.
Yours,
Michael
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #41
Dear KK---
I learn more about the nitty-gritty of life in New York City by reading your blogs...Part 2 of my letter in response to yours/now getting to your most interesting enclosures:
>"A Moving Day" was your scintillating writing [don't stop pursuing a book proposal/deal: I will say it again: What & how you write is perfect for a collection of essays a la Chelsea Handler; or the true original Isaac Asimov* ] at its best. First of all, it is a Kelly K "origin story" telling me how you came to live in your present digs. Thanks for that. Second-it reinforces a true stereotype of urban living--the person who is born and dies in the same apartment or home. It also says something poignant about the peculiar relationship of neighbors in urbanized society.
Best lines: "I threw his gym bag out the window four stories down. Surely not my most shining moment but at least I didn't stab him in the balls like I wanted to. I also left him with two working eyes. Total success."
KK: Why do women always want to mutilate men for life? Don't they know that no man is worth that? Lorena Bobbitt redux. Kelly-Clearly I understand that your blog exaggerates emotions at time to make your point...Right?!! ;-)
>The blog entry re the "incident" at Starbucks is remarkable for the intelligence of the two police officers who called off the dogs of paranoia and found a BAG OF EFFING CLOTHES!
>Despite all the media frenzy over the "Miracle on the Hudson", there were a few more details in the story you sent me.
>The cybercrime "avatar murder" story was most interesting. A couple of season ago "Law & Order" had a story about an avatar murder followed by the murder of an actual person... SVU has had the rape of an avatar... And though I didn't see it, one of the "CSIs" did an entire show essentially trying to solve a case by infiltrating a SIMS-like world with a detective avatar undercover.
Hope to hear from you again soon. Thinking of you and hoping you stay well and tan!
Yours,
Michael
*Known mostly for his prolific science-fiction output, the late Mr. Asimov also published several books each containing 17 essays on absolutely fascinating scientific topics. With your ravenously curious mind, you would love them.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Thomas Bart Whitaker, #13
Dear Kelly,
Howdy. I think thi sone is going to be just for us today, ok? I am feeling like there might be a rant incoming at some point, and I'd rather not have that publicized. How are you? I hope this finds you well. I've had a rather annoying week, and its only Monday afternoon. Not a good sign. Anyways, yes, the prison authorities know about mb6. I have had my typewriter broken, been hit by a shakedown crew with teh same frequency as major confirmed gang members, and had many officers threaten me for what I have written there. (I don't actually think I have ever written anything too damning, but whatever.) I would say that none of them like the fact that for the first time in history, we prisoners have an easily accessible means of parting the curtain for the world to see in. They don't want that. Nobody who wields power arbitrarily wants oversight. Rule of the universe: If someone resists having their work inspected, it means they aren't doing something right. I certainly wasn't showing the site off, but word went around pretty quickly, I guess. Not much they can do about it, thanks to that pesky little thing called the First Amendment.
I am highly annoyed by the circus that I stirred up by posting my stupid psych report. I had hoped that people would find themselves horrified that a state cuold seek and acquire a sentence of death without having ever completed such a review. But nooo! People simply want to gossip. Fucking pathetic. I really do not understand the fear in this country over the issue of gay marrage. WHO FUCKING CARES what someone does in the privacy of their own lives? Are we really so desperate for attention that we have to go around gtting into each others business like this? I think most of this is due to the slow, inevitable death of christianity in this nation. The ignorant masses of the faithful see people unafraid of Yahweh, and they feel slighted, and maybe just a little concerned that all of these people living free of the tyranny of the OT might be right. I wish we could just send them all to Alabama or something and let them in-breed and praise Jeee-suuuus!!! to their hearts content. Sexuality is so much more complicated than the masses think, anyways. I am capable of having a very intense intellectual relationship based on respect and learning with a fay man without suddenly wanting to drag him to bed. I am sexually attracted to women, and that is not going to change just because I work with or associate with people who choose differently. God help you if you say such things in Tejas, though. I once hired a few gay men and women when I was the manager of a restaurant. Even some of my fellow managers wondered about me after that, until they saw that these four people were easily the best staff we had.
No, they don't allow us sleep aids. Not things like Ambien, at any rate. They would be more than happy to put me on Haldol, Prolixin, and/or Thorazine, which would, technically, make me sleep but I'd rather not be a zombie, if its all the same with you. We don't have a staff psychologist, but there is som echick with a masters, I think. Not that she gives a rats ass about us, or even comes around except once every 90 days to ask if we are suicidal. Not--again--because she cares, but to iliminate liability by having the staff take away all your property if you are foolish enough to say "yes." I guess their thinking is that if you dn't have any sheets, you can't hang yourself, and if you don't have any food, you can't...uh...chose yourself to death, or something. It doesn't have to make sense. This is Texas.
The lady who posts stuff to the blog is a friend from north of Sydney, Austalia. Her name is Tracey. Very nice, cool, lady. Very efficient, which is what I was missing before she came on the scene. She just stumbled across the blog, and a monster was born. Muwaha! That was supposed to be evil laughter, by the way. Anyways, she has really gotten involved in the abolition movement, which is pretty rewarding to see. It's nice to think that at least one person has had their consciousness raised by little old me.
Do I have "crushes"? Um, not so much, no. I don't think I'm really the crush type. That said, you don't hand in your manhood when you get locked up. I've had marriage proposals. I've had a stalker or two. I have even met a few girls that I would seriously be interested in, had i met them under different circumstances. I am a realist, though. I dont' know that I am really wried to fall in love from this place. I just...need more than letters and the occassional visit. What could I really offer anyone, you know? I"m broke, so I can't do all the stuff that was normal for me in the freeworld, like surprise dinner dates or a weekend trip to Austin or San Antonio. I can't even promise that I will be here in a few years. Why would I drag someone that I care about down with me? No, I dnt' think I would say a word if I fell in love with someone. Maybe I'm wrong on this. A lot of my neighbors have married during their time here. They seem to enjoy the situation. Secretly, I think they do it so that they have some money coming in each moth, but whatever. That is another thing I couldn't do...I hate living like a welfare case. I'd rather go hungry than to beg.
Hey congratulations for winning the story slam! That had to feel pretty good. You are an interesting lady and certainly have some good stories, so I am sure you will do fine in Oct. at the GrandSlam deal.
I got a chuckle from the "rug breathing" acid story. I haven't dropped acid since high school. Actually, I have a story about that...in my calculus class, there were 5tests, including the final. I had an A going itno the finale so it really dind't matter how I did, so me and some of my idiot friends did acid before school. By the time I go sit for the exam, the floor had turned into water and I'm falling all over myself trying to figureout how to walk like Jesus. A friend later told me that the whole class knew how messed up I was, but I think I pulled it off. Anyways, I love/loved calculus. Which isthe only way I can explain to you what happened: I scored a fucking 98 on my final. I swear to you I was seeing equations in my head. I probably couldn't have done that well sober. Later, I attracked the red light in the photo dark room, which ended a perfectly awesome day at school.
I've heard of Brighton Beach, and about how it is a predominantly Russian enclave. Where is it, compared to some other landmarks I might recognize? I liked the story of finding the bag of booze, though kind of sad how even such a happy day can fade away some quickly. I'm glad I don't have any old photos of past friends. Don't think I could bear to look at them. I guess I'm am about as far from a pack rat as possible. I don't keep much around...a minimallist, I guess. Or maybe I just prefer to live in the now, than in a million moments where I should have acted differently.
Thanks for sending the stamps, by the way, Nice to not have to worry about that so much. Let me know how you are doing. Did you ever get your money from that deadbeat? I hope so.
Be safe, Kelly.
T
Howdy. I think thi sone is going to be just for us today, ok? I am feeling like there might be a rant incoming at some point, and I'd rather not have that publicized. How are you? I hope this finds you well. I've had a rather annoying week, and its only Monday afternoon. Not a good sign. Anyways, yes, the prison authorities know about mb6. I have had my typewriter broken, been hit by a shakedown crew with teh same frequency as major confirmed gang members, and had many officers threaten me for what I have written there. (I don't actually think I have ever written anything too damning, but whatever.) I would say that none of them like the fact that for the first time in history, we prisoners have an easily accessible means of parting the curtain for the world to see in. They don't want that. Nobody who wields power arbitrarily wants oversight. Rule of the universe: If someone resists having their work inspected, it means they aren't doing something right. I certainly wasn't showing the site off, but word went around pretty quickly, I guess. Not much they can do about it, thanks to that pesky little thing called the First Amendment.
I am highly annoyed by the circus that I stirred up by posting my stupid psych report. I had hoped that people would find themselves horrified that a state cuold seek and acquire a sentence of death without having ever completed such a review. But nooo! People simply want to gossip. Fucking pathetic. I really do not understand the fear in this country over the issue of gay marrage. WHO FUCKING CARES what someone does in the privacy of their own lives? Are we really so desperate for attention that we have to go around gtting into each others business like this? I think most of this is due to the slow, inevitable death of christianity in this nation. The ignorant masses of the faithful see people unafraid of Yahweh, and they feel slighted, and maybe just a little concerned that all of these people living free of the tyranny of the OT might be right. I wish we could just send them all to Alabama or something and let them in-breed and praise Jeee-suuuus!!! to their hearts content. Sexuality is so much more complicated than the masses think, anyways. I am capable of having a very intense intellectual relationship based on respect and learning with a fay man without suddenly wanting to drag him to bed. I am sexually attracted to women, and that is not going to change just because I work with or associate with people who choose differently. God help you if you say such things in Tejas, though. I once hired a few gay men and women when I was the manager of a restaurant. Even some of my fellow managers wondered about me after that, until they saw that these four people were easily the best staff we had.
No, they don't allow us sleep aids. Not things like Ambien, at any rate. They would be more than happy to put me on Haldol, Prolixin, and/or Thorazine, which would, technically, make me sleep but I'd rather not be a zombie, if its all the same with you. We don't have a staff psychologist, but there is som echick with a masters, I think. Not that she gives a rats ass about us, or even comes around except once every 90 days to ask if we are suicidal. Not--again--because she cares, but to iliminate liability by having the staff take away all your property if you are foolish enough to say "yes." I guess their thinking is that if you dn't have any sheets, you can't hang yourself, and if you don't have any food, you can't...uh...chose yourself to death, or something. It doesn't have to make sense. This is Texas.
The lady who posts stuff to the blog is a friend from north of Sydney, Austalia. Her name is Tracey. Very nice, cool, lady. Very efficient, which is what I was missing before she came on the scene. She just stumbled across the blog, and a monster was born. Muwaha! That was supposed to be evil laughter, by the way. Anyways, she has really gotten involved in the abolition movement, which is pretty rewarding to see. It's nice to think that at least one person has had their consciousness raised by little old me.
Do I have "crushes"? Um, not so much, no. I don't think I'm really the crush type. That said, you don't hand in your manhood when you get locked up. I've had marriage proposals. I've had a stalker or two. I have even met a few girls that I would seriously be interested in, had i met them under different circumstances. I am a realist, though. I dont' know that I am really wried to fall in love from this place. I just...need more than letters and the occassional visit. What could I really offer anyone, you know? I"m broke, so I can't do all the stuff that was normal for me in the freeworld, like surprise dinner dates or a weekend trip to Austin or San Antonio. I can't even promise that I will be here in a few years. Why would I drag someone that I care about down with me? No, I dnt' think I would say a word if I fell in love with someone. Maybe I'm wrong on this. A lot of my neighbors have married during their time here. They seem to enjoy the situation. Secretly, I think they do it so that they have some money coming in each moth, but whatever. That is another thing I couldn't do...I hate living like a welfare case. I'd rather go hungry than to beg.
Hey congratulations for winning the story slam! That had to feel pretty good. You are an interesting lady and certainly have some good stories, so I am sure you will do fine in Oct. at the GrandSlam deal.
I got a chuckle from the "rug breathing" acid story. I haven't dropped acid since high school. Actually, I have a story about that...in my calculus class, there were 5tests, including the final. I had an A going itno the finale so it really dind't matter how I did, so me and some of my idiot friends did acid before school. By the time I go sit for the exam, the floor had turned into water and I'm falling all over myself trying to figureout how to walk like Jesus. A friend later told me that the whole class knew how messed up I was, but I think I pulled it off. Anyways, I love/loved calculus. Which isthe only way I can explain to you what happened: I scored a fucking 98 on my final. I swear to you I was seeing equations in my head. I probably couldn't have done that well sober. Later, I attracked the red light in the photo dark room, which ended a perfectly awesome day at school.
I've heard of Brighton Beach, and about how it is a predominantly Russian enclave. Where is it, compared to some other landmarks I might recognize? I liked the story of finding the bag of booze, though kind of sad how even such a happy day can fade away some quickly. I'm glad I don't have any old photos of past friends. Don't think I could bear to look at them. I guess I'm am about as far from a pack rat as possible. I don't keep much around...a minimallist, I guess. Or maybe I just prefer to live in the now, than in a million moments where I should have acted differently.
Thanks for sending the stamps, by the way, Nice to not have to worry about that so much. Let me know how you are doing. Did you ever get your money from that deadbeat? I hope so.
Be safe, Kelly.
T
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #40
Dear KK---
[Ed.: Overall this letter discusses film and why his letters have been less frequent lately. I am omitting all of this because it is not very interesting or noteworthy. However, I will post an excerpt of this letter that discusses how people sell his letters and correspondence on e-Bay and other memorabilia sites. I came across a Christmas card of his being sold and alerted him.]
....
Welcome to my world, KK! Yes, I've been aware of the strange world of eBay memorabilia for some time. The "good news" I suppose is that according to a friend of mine who on occassion has checked it out, the few items of mine are not exactly at the top of the food chain. He said one item a few years ago went unsold & was removed.
I decided early on that I can't really worry about this stuff. I love writing & communicating too much to not do so or feel constrained. It's usually pretty obvious when one of these collectors/traders/sellers write. They usually stop once they realize that my letters are not really "star matieral"! Tha'ts if I even bother to respond. I don't if it's clear that's their reason for writing.
Two other points on this:
1) I do remember the item in question. It was sent by a [supposedly] religious woman who sent me some funds the Christmas before last. She also sent me some articles on that show "Gossip Girl" -- which has the tag line "You know you love me XOXO Gossip Girl" Anyway, what are you gonna do?
2) Now check this out: There are now very sophisticated software programs that can take a person's writing (especially printing) -- from say, a letter---pick out each letter, scan, copy, etc.--rearrange to say or print anything you want. Probably not good enough to fool an expert, but on a site like e-Bay? Please! So while I happen to know this one is--as you said--certainly my handwriting, it would be quite easy to make a fake. C'est la vie. Like I said, welcome to my world.
[Ed.: Overall this letter discusses film and why his letters have been less frequent lately. I am omitting all of this because it is not very interesting or noteworthy. However, I will post an excerpt of this letter that discusses how people sell his letters and correspondence on e-Bay and other memorabilia sites. I came across a Christmas card of his being sold and alerted him.]
....
Welcome to my world, KK! Yes, I've been aware of the strange world of eBay memorabilia for some time. The "good news" I suppose is that according to a friend of mine who on occassion has checked it out, the few items of mine are not exactly at the top of the food chain. He said one item a few years ago went unsold & was removed.
I decided early on that I can't really worry about this stuff. I love writing & communicating too much to not do so or feel constrained. It's usually pretty obvious when one of these collectors/traders/sellers write. They usually stop once they realize that my letters are not really "star matieral"! Tha'ts if I even bother to respond. I don't if it's clear that's their reason for writing.
Two other points on this:
1) I do remember the item in question. It was sent by a [supposedly] religious woman who sent me some funds the Christmas before last. She also sent me some articles on that show "Gossip Girl" -- which has the tag line "You know you love me XOXO Gossip Girl" Anyway, what are you gonna do?
2) Now check this out: There are now very sophisticated software programs that can take a person's writing (especially printing) -- from say, a letter---pick out each letter, scan, copy, etc.--rearrange to say or print anything you want. Probably not good enough to fool an expert, but on a site like e-Bay? Please! So while I happen to know this one is--as you said--certainly my handwriting, it would be quite easy to make a fake. C'est la vie. Like I said, welcome to my world.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #39
Dear KK---
Hi, sunshine! I could say that if you had only stayed in Seattle! I'm sure you were not amused by Seattle's all-time record high of 103 last week, plus their hottest July on record...as compared to New York's second coldest July of all time. Blame the Jet Stream. Perhaps August will bring you some hazy hot humid days in New York.
Once again, this letter may be shorter than I prefer, but again--would rather write less than go too long, without writing...Let me start with comments on two iconic artists/photographers, both close to your heart.
>Thank you for that most informative article on Cindy Sherman. Until I read that, not having seen her enormous body of work, I did not truly understand exactly what she did & how she did it. I can see why she is so celebrated in some circles & she and David Byrne?!!
>A disturbing article on Annie Liebowicz describing her massive financial problems the past couple of years. She needed some of your common sense & street smarts when it comes to money. It's always perplexing when an Annie or M.C. Hammer or Mike Tyson---people who have made tens of millions--end up bankrupt or worse.
I did learn some surprising things about her. I did not know that she and the late (and brilliant) Susan Sontag were a couple. I've read some excerpts from Sontag's journals--published by her son last year. Fascinating stuff. She's on my future reading list. That's a long and ever-growing list...
And Ms. Liebowicz had a child in 01 at age 51 and twins at age 55 in 05. I'm guessing this was in conjunction with her relationship with Ms. Sontag?
[Which reminds me of something I forgot to mention when we talked about children. I was a many-times donor in the 1980s--and there are older half-Michaels--several ++. I don't know them, of course.]
Also speaking of children you have many years to still decide if you want kids, with Annie having 3 children past 50... I do know the options for women and/or couples are increasing virtually every day, insofar as in-vitro/egg-freezing/etc.
Turning back to your latest letter/which I started to answer last week: Actually just a couple of things left to discuss:
Your comments on HIV/AIDS -- and your coming of age sexually in the "Age of Aids" ---are a story that really hasn't been told. Obviously, the gay side of the equation--how Aids decimated the gay male population in the US--has been explored and documented. But the heterosexual side has not been so discussed. Especially females, who are of course much more susceptible to contracting the virus via vaginal or anal sex.
There is must to talk about. For example, I can tell you that I ran across many men in the 80s & 90s who rarely if ever used condoms because they believed themselves virtually at zero risk of contracting HIV. If a woman was on the pill or the sponge, no condoms need apply.
You probably ran across your share of these men. Amazingly, many women felt that way as well (Aids is a gay disease, etc.)
I won't go on for now, because you seem truly averse to discussing HIV/AIDS and I tend to think your statement that it "depresses you" is not simply hyperbole.
AIDS--ground zero of a modern day pandemic plague in sub-Saharan Africa--was such a part of my life & daily experience & conversation for three years that it has lost all power to shock or affect me emotionally.
If & when you feel you can discuss it, I would love to hear how heterosexuals discuss AIDS and/or deal with it's possibility when it comes to sex. In the first decade of the 21st Century in a city like New York, with it's devastating history of AIDS.
You also mentioned this HIV/AIDS lawsuit that can't be discussed. That I understand since I am under numerous legal restrictions regarding what can and cannot be discussed. However, when it can be discussed, please do.
The bottom line of all this is what I've said to you before: That the reaction of HIV/AIDS by the government under Reagan and a homo-illiterate medical establishment is--to me-- one of the most ignored tragedies of the 2nd half of the 20th Century. The ignorance & apathy of the most medically advanced nation on earth contributed to tens of thousands of deaths from AIDS in this nation. Simply stunning, KK.
Randy Shilts began to tell the story in AND THE BAND PLAYED ON. Sorry we can't read it together...However, Kelly---If there is a book, fiction or non-fiction, that we could read together--I would be most open to doing so when you have the time!!
***
I said two things from your letter:
"As for dating--you mentioned a g/f of yours liked the sponge. While I am not interested in hearing of your sexual exploits, I am curious to hear about your girlfriends in general and why things ended and if you have heard from any, etc. Interested in hearing what you used to do on dates."
KK-REALLY? You embarrass me--actually you and me. Sexual exploits? As in non-emotional mindless sex "adventures"? Not really my thing. Your whole near-phobia about discussing actual sexuality is so misplaced and unnecessary.
I am much more evolved & sexually comfortable & adult than you apparently give me credit for. Trust me--anyone who wants mere titillation can find it in a thousand books, etc. +++
But with you, KK, I do want to explore -->everything in this paragraph and much more because you cannot know someone without knowing their relationships/boyfriends/girlfriends/emotional & sexual experiences [the only ones worth discussing in detail.] Trust me again--when discussed/when you feel comfortable and/or free of restriction: any discussion of sex/sexuality/sensuality will be clinical at times. and tasteful always...& probably boring...
"And scene!" OK OFF my soapbox for now.
Must get this longer than expected letter in the mail to you. Over the weekend read & heard multiple reviews of multiple films that I will discuss next time.
Please write soon/Thinking of you, KK--take care and be well. Recovered from H1N1?
Yours,
Michael
Hi, sunshine! I could say that if you had only stayed in Seattle! I'm sure you were not amused by Seattle's all-time record high of 103 last week, plus their hottest July on record...as compared to New York's second coldest July of all time. Blame the Jet Stream. Perhaps August will bring you some hazy hot humid days in New York.
Once again, this letter may be shorter than I prefer, but again--would rather write less than go too long, without writing...Let me start with comments on two iconic artists/photographers, both close to your heart.
>Thank you for that most informative article on Cindy Sherman. Until I read that, not having seen her enormous body of work, I did not truly understand exactly what she did & how she did it. I can see why she is so celebrated in some circles & she and David Byrne?!!
>A disturbing article on Annie Liebowicz describing her massive financial problems the past couple of years. She needed some of your common sense & street smarts when it comes to money. It's always perplexing when an Annie or M.C. Hammer or Mike Tyson---people who have made tens of millions--end up bankrupt or worse.
I did learn some surprising things about her. I did not know that she and the late (and brilliant) Susan Sontag were a couple. I've read some excerpts from Sontag's journals--published by her son last year. Fascinating stuff. She's on my future reading list. That's a long and ever-growing list...
And Ms. Liebowicz had a child in 01 at age 51 and twins at age 55 in 05. I'm guessing this was in conjunction with her relationship with Ms. Sontag?
[Which reminds me of something I forgot to mention when we talked about children. I was a many-times donor in the 1980s--and there are older half-Michaels--several ++. I don't know them, of course.]
Also speaking of children you have many years to still decide if you want kids, with Annie having 3 children past 50... I do know the options for women and/or couples are increasing virtually every day, insofar as in-vitro/egg-freezing/etc.
Turning back to your latest letter/which I started to answer last week: Actually just a couple of things left to discuss:
Your comments on HIV/AIDS -- and your coming of age sexually in the "Age of Aids" ---are a story that really hasn't been told. Obviously, the gay side of the equation--how Aids decimated the gay male population in the US--has been explored and documented. But the heterosexual side has not been so discussed. Especially females, who are of course much more susceptible to contracting the virus via vaginal or anal sex.
There is must to talk about. For example, I can tell you that I ran across many men in the 80s & 90s who rarely if ever used condoms because they believed themselves virtually at zero risk of contracting HIV. If a woman was on the pill or the sponge, no condoms need apply.
You probably ran across your share of these men. Amazingly, many women felt that way as well (Aids is a gay disease, etc.)
I won't go on for now, because you seem truly averse to discussing HIV/AIDS and I tend to think your statement that it "depresses you" is not simply hyperbole.
AIDS--ground zero of a modern day pandemic plague in sub-Saharan Africa--was such a part of my life & daily experience & conversation for three years that it has lost all power to shock or affect me emotionally.
If & when you feel you can discuss it, I would love to hear how heterosexuals discuss AIDS and/or deal with it's possibility when it comes to sex. In the first decade of the 21st Century in a city like New York, with it's devastating history of AIDS.
You also mentioned this HIV/AIDS lawsuit that can't be discussed. That I understand since I am under numerous legal restrictions regarding what can and cannot be discussed. However, when it can be discussed, please do.
The bottom line of all this is what I've said to you before: That the reaction of HIV/AIDS by the government under Reagan and a homo-illiterate medical establishment is--to me-- one of the most ignored tragedies of the 2nd half of the 20th Century. The ignorance & apathy of the most medically advanced nation on earth contributed to tens of thousands of deaths from AIDS in this nation. Simply stunning, KK.
Randy Shilts began to tell the story in AND THE BAND PLAYED ON. Sorry we can't read it together...However, Kelly---If there is a book, fiction or non-fiction, that we could read together--I would be most open to doing so when you have the time!!
***
I said two things from your letter:
"As for dating--you mentioned a g/f of yours liked the sponge. While I am not interested in hearing of your sexual exploits, I am curious to hear about your girlfriends in general and why things ended and if you have heard from any, etc. Interested in hearing what you used to do on dates."
KK-REALLY? You embarrass me--actually you and me. Sexual exploits? As in non-emotional mindless sex "adventures"? Not really my thing. Your whole near-phobia about discussing actual sexuality is so misplaced and unnecessary.
I am much more evolved & sexually comfortable & adult than you apparently give me credit for. Trust me--anyone who wants mere titillation can find it in a thousand books, etc. +++
But with you, KK, I do want to explore -->everything in this paragraph and much more because you cannot know someone without knowing their relationships/boyfriends/girlfriends/emotional & sexual experiences [the only ones worth discussing in detail.] Trust me again--when discussed/when you feel comfortable and/or free of restriction: any discussion of sex/sexuality/sensuality will be clinical at times. and tasteful always...& probably boring...
"And scene!" OK OFF my soapbox for now.
Must get this longer than expected letter in the mail to you. Over the weekend read & heard multiple reviews of multiple films that I will discuss next time.
Please write soon/Thinking of you, KK--take care and be well. Recovered from H1N1?
Yours,
Michael
Monday, August 17, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #13 & #14
Dear Kelly,
Surely by now you are in good health and enjoying the sun at the pool, getting your tan on. We had some beautifully nasty storms come through here Tuesday that bought down driving rain so fast, you couldn't see thirty yards away. It bent and swayed these enormous ash and elm trees. Thunderous roars came rolling across the sky and reverberated in my chest. Just awesome.
I like those Tables for Two, not just when they are interesting, but because it describes a place I cannot go. It's a glimpse into the free world.
Thanks for the advice on blogging. I'll have my mom set it up this month. Fun! :-)
Dear God--there is this Subway commercial for flatbread sandwiches that HAUNTS me. Everytime it comes on, I can't sit through it, I have to change the radio station or turn off the volume. It's absurd. I dont' know why it annoys me, but it's serious. That and there's all these commercials on the radio for diamonds and jewelry stores. They are on AM, FM, rock, sports, country, pop, everywhere. I think it's because they talk so damn long and I think about the state of the economy, and with people losing their homes and jobs and they're like, "Come spend six months salary on a rock!"
Seems really insensitive to me. I know it's all business and there are plenty of people out there with disposable income, but I highly doubt they are home listening to WZPL. They have XM radio or iPods or whatever. Rant over.
How did your Hot Summer Nights Cooking Class go?
Congratulations on winning the Story Slam Event. I wish I could have heard it. You knew the subject beforehand; I wonder how long you will have to prepare for the Finals. What do you win? How many people compete? I'm so glad you had fun! Did you take people with you to witness your greatness?
I laughed at the advertisement for DEVROM (the anti-smell drug) because I look at the older couple and wonder how much they got paid to use their photo in a smelly fart/poop ad. FUNNY!
I culd mass market that stuff in here!
What a sad (and funny) story about Theresa. I imagine your place is similar to what mine was in Chicago, where you can hear your immediate neighbors, not through the walls, but through the doors.
So you get ot know your neighbors, hear what music they listen to, what shows they watch, smell what food they cook, what they argue or laugh about, when they fuck loudly---without ever having to talk to them. I used to be very courteous with my guitar and my TV/music, and keep the TV turned down when we'd watch pornos, (there were kids around) but I can't imagine what my neighbor thought about me during my unrestrained moments of pleasure. God, that's embarassing.
Still working on my book. Got another inquiry for an interview from an author who will be publishing a novel through Berkley/Penguin, and a TV News interview request yesterday as a one-year follow up.
Hey, what was the name of the book the father wrote about forgiving his son for killing his family? I'd like to know who the agent is, if it's in there.
Well, I'm off. Time to get to work. Hope you are well!
Sarah
***
Dear Kelly,
Received your card last night. I'm sitting on my floor, trying to keep cool in this humid heat, and listening to a Dave Matthews Band song. "The Space Between". Such a good song. I heard a song on a country station last night---Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews got together and did "I'm Alive" I think it's called. Beautiful. I rarely listen to country music because it makes me sad for my past, including all the relationships I never had.
I liked the NYT article. Who have thought such a job niche existed? Actually, I heard of something similar--the Landmark Seminar Leaders who travel around the world, from city to city, they often have personal assistants who arrange all their accomodations, fix their meals, show them around town, etc. Itmakes sense when you work from 9am to 10pm to have someone around like that. You don't have time to do shit. And I'm sure there are fantastic assistants. Escort service...Funny.
You know, I larned about escort services while out. I understand their legitimate purpose--but I am amazed that such blatent prostitution exists yet they don't legalize it. Why not? Shit. There are some people who are very talented at just that. You make it safe---mandatory condoms and birth control. Regular clinic screens, and tax it like any other business. Freelancers would be required to carry clinic cards and report like a self employed business. Sure, there'd be non-reporters, but it's no different than waitresses or bartenders or strippers. There are plenty of jobs that earn wages never reported. But imagine the influx of tax dollars from legalizing prostitution. And honestly, I wouldn't care if they legalized pot, either. I mean, the Canadians are one of the safest people and they have BC buds all over their country. I would not partake regularly, but may be Americans would relax a little if they did. More tax dollars for education and health care. People dont' hold you at gunpoint to feed a weed habit. And they don't crash cards like alcoholics. It's amazes me that our culture, which glamorizes alcohol, pot, sex, money & violence, has not pushed to legalize this stuff. I really wish none of it was glamorous. It's sad what the media and music and movie industries feed our people A whole lot of nonsense.
Fuck it.
So, you've spent, what/ $20,000 on altering your looks? I don't liek the term "fixing yourself" because there wasn't anything wrong in the first place. I understand the desire to want to be more attractive to the opposite sex or more comfortable in your own skin. Yeah, teeth are a priority. That's the focal point of conversation. But a big snoz? Boobs? And lipo? Kelly, there wasn't anything ugly about those things.
Tell me, has it gotten you laid any more frequently?
I guess, in my opinion, none of that crap matters. I have fucked a tall, thin, gorgeous Italian beauty and a short, fat, pasty white, freckle faced chick with a fade. And all sorts in between. My favorite? Hands down the fat chick. I was turned off when I first met her, then I feel in love with who she was being. She was amazing. Then, she bcamse incredibly physically attractive to me. Irresistible. The hot Italian chick is liekly still shaking her ass for cash. Not what I'd call life-partner material.
Of course, those are two extremes, but my point is that women are amazing just by being women. Your nerdishness was unique to you. So, you have reinvented yourself over the past ten years. How has it changed how you feel about yourself? how you interact with others, and your overall personality?
I know there's a difference. When I am thin (size 10) I feel more relaxed, energetic, able. But even at size 16 I am still feeling sexy, fun, alive and it translates. It's how I carry myself. And I get laid no matter what size I am. Because it's about who you BE. Perhaps altering your looks allowed you to be more yourself.
You certainly have an adventurous spirit and enjoy new things. And a fun sense of humor.
What di dyou enjoy most about your Canadian friend's visit?
I realize I wrote on the wrong side of the paper. Damn.
I howled with laughter when you said you wanted no part of a threesome. "I want my own boyfriend."
So Funny!
Would you be upset if he masturbated in the bathroom to porno magazines under the sink? Technically a 3some is the same. He's getting pleasure from something other than just you. To me, it's not unlike getting a sex toy from the adult shop. The 2d woman is just a toy, a prop, an added enticement. As long as thereis no emotional attachment or further relationship, I don't think it's an issue. But then again, I like women. Say that you had the opportunity to sleep with the hottest guy you've ever laid eyes on. The conditions are that your boyfriend be involved. Would you do it if he agreed? Honestly?
Yes, women hit on me. And sometimes I hit on them. I've had a couple of kickass lovers in prison. It brings up "kinky lesbian prison affair" but it's really like any normal relationship, just with a differnet set of living arrangements and rules of engagement.
I talked to my mom today, and her and my friend are supposed to work on my little webpage tomorrow. I gave her the blog addresses so I can post book excerpts/previews and attach it as a link to the page. They don't know what they are doing, so it's a learning experience for everyone. I wish I had a friend who really could do webpage stuff. Most of my friends have talents lke laundering large amounts of cash, picking locks, passing checks or what not. Not web skills. Anyway, they set it up on My Space if you want to check it out. Leave a note :-)
Well, hope you are well.
Take care.
Sarah
Surely by now you are in good health and enjoying the sun at the pool, getting your tan on. We had some beautifully nasty storms come through here Tuesday that bought down driving rain so fast, you couldn't see thirty yards away. It bent and swayed these enormous ash and elm trees. Thunderous roars came rolling across the sky and reverberated in my chest. Just awesome.
I like those Tables for Two, not just when they are interesting, but because it describes a place I cannot go. It's a glimpse into the free world.
Thanks for the advice on blogging. I'll have my mom set it up this month. Fun! :-)
Dear God--there is this Subway commercial for flatbread sandwiches that HAUNTS me. Everytime it comes on, I can't sit through it, I have to change the radio station or turn off the volume. It's absurd. I dont' know why it annoys me, but it's serious. That and there's all these commercials on the radio for diamonds and jewelry stores. They are on AM, FM, rock, sports, country, pop, everywhere. I think it's because they talk so damn long and I think about the state of the economy, and with people losing their homes and jobs and they're like, "Come spend six months salary on a rock!"
Seems really insensitive to me. I know it's all business and there are plenty of people out there with disposable income, but I highly doubt they are home listening to WZPL. They have XM radio or iPods or whatever. Rant over.
How did your Hot Summer Nights Cooking Class go?
Congratulations on winning the Story Slam Event. I wish I could have heard it. You knew the subject beforehand; I wonder how long you will have to prepare for the Finals. What do you win? How many people compete? I'm so glad you had fun! Did you take people with you to witness your greatness?
I laughed at the advertisement for DEVROM (the anti-smell drug) because I look at the older couple and wonder how much they got paid to use their photo in a smelly fart/poop ad. FUNNY!
I culd mass market that stuff in here!
What a sad (and funny) story about Theresa. I imagine your place is similar to what mine was in Chicago, where you can hear your immediate neighbors, not through the walls, but through the doors.
So you get ot know your neighbors, hear what music they listen to, what shows they watch, smell what food they cook, what they argue or laugh about, when they fuck loudly---without ever having to talk to them. I used to be very courteous with my guitar and my TV/music, and keep the TV turned down when we'd watch pornos, (there were kids around) but I can't imagine what my neighbor thought about me during my unrestrained moments of pleasure. God, that's embarassing.
Still working on my book. Got another inquiry for an interview from an author who will be publishing a novel through Berkley/Penguin, and a TV News interview request yesterday as a one-year follow up.
Hey, what was the name of the book the father wrote about forgiving his son for killing his family? I'd like to know who the agent is, if it's in there.
Well, I'm off. Time to get to work. Hope you are well!
Sarah
***
Dear Kelly,
Received your card last night. I'm sitting on my floor, trying to keep cool in this humid heat, and listening to a Dave Matthews Band song. "The Space Between". Such a good song. I heard a song on a country station last night---Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews got together and did "I'm Alive" I think it's called. Beautiful. I rarely listen to country music because it makes me sad for my past, including all the relationships I never had.
I liked the NYT article. Who have thought such a job niche existed? Actually, I heard of something similar--the Landmark Seminar Leaders who travel around the world, from city to city, they often have personal assistants who arrange all their accomodations, fix their meals, show them around town, etc. Itmakes sense when you work from 9am to 10pm to have someone around like that. You don't have time to do shit. And I'm sure there are fantastic assistants. Escort service...Funny.
You know, I larned about escort services while out. I understand their legitimate purpose--but I am amazed that such blatent prostitution exists yet they don't legalize it. Why not? Shit. There are some people who are very talented at just that. You make it safe---mandatory condoms and birth control. Regular clinic screens, and tax it like any other business. Freelancers would be required to carry clinic cards and report like a self employed business. Sure, there'd be non-reporters, but it's no different than waitresses or bartenders or strippers. There are plenty of jobs that earn wages never reported. But imagine the influx of tax dollars from legalizing prostitution. And honestly, I wouldn't care if they legalized pot, either. I mean, the Canadians are one of the safest people and they have BC buds all over their country. I would not partake regularly, but may be Americans would relax a little if they did. More tax dollars for education and health care. People dont' hold you at gunpoint to feed a weed habit. And they don't crash cards like alcoholics. It's amazes me that our culture, which glamorizes alcohol, pot, sex, money & violence, has not pushed to legalize this stuff. I really wish none of it was glamorous. It's sad what the media and music and movie industries feed our people A whole lot of nonsense.
Fuck it.
So, you've spent, what/ $20,000 on altering your looks? I don't liek the term "fixing yourself" because there wasn't anything wrong in the first place. I understand the desire to want to be more attractive to the opposite sex or more comfortable in your own skin. Yeah, teeth are a priority. That's the focal point of conversation. But a big snoz? Boobs? And lipo? Kelly, there wasn't anything ugly about those things.
Tell me, has it gotten you laid any more frequently?
I guess, in my opinion, none of that crap matters. I have fucked a tall, thin, gorgeous Italian beauty and a short, fat, pasty white, freckle faced chick with a fade. And all sorts in between. My favorite? Hands down the fat chick. I was turned off when I first met her, then I feel in love with who she was being. She was amazing. Then, she bcamse incredibly physically attractive to me. Irresistible. The hot Italian chick is liekly still shaking her ass for cash. Not what I'd call life-partner material.
Of course, those are two extremes, but my point is that women are amazing just by being women. Your nerdishness was unique to you. So, you have reinvented yourself over the past ten years. How has it changed how you feel about yourself? how you interact with others, and your overall personality?
I know there's a difference. When I am thin (size 10) I feel more relaxed, energetic, able. But even at size 16 I am still feeling sexy, fun, alive and it translates. It's how I carry myself. And I get laid no matter what size I am. Because it's about who you BE. Perhaps altering your looks allowed you to be more yourself.
You certainly have an adventurous spirit and enjoy new things. And a fun sense of humor.
What di dyou enjoy most about your Canadian friend's visit?
I realize I wrote on the wrong side of the paper. Damn.
I howled with laughter when you said you wanted no part of a threesome. "I want my own boyfriend."
So Funny!
Would you be upset if he masturbated in the bathroom to porno magazines under the sink? Technically a 3some is the same. He's getting pleasure from something other than just you. To me, it's not unlike getting a sex toy from the adult shop. The 2d woman is just a toy, a prop, an added enticement. As long as thereis no emotional attachment or further relationship, I don't think it's an issue. But then again, I like women. Say that you had the opportunity to sleep with the hottest guy you've ever laid eyes on. The conditions are that your boyfriend be involved. Would you do it if he agreed? Honestly?
Yes, women hit on me. And sometimes I hit on them. I've had a couple of kickass lovers in prison. It brings up "kinky lesbian prison affair" but it's really like any normal relationship, just with a differnet set of living arrangements and rules of engagement.
I talked to my mom today, and her and my friend are supposed to work on my little webpage tomorrow. I gave her the blog addresses so I can post book excerpts/previews and attach it as a link to the page. They don't know what they are doing, so it's a learning experience for everyone. I wish I had a friend who really could do webpage stuff. Most of my friends have talents lke laundering large amounts of cash, picking locks, passing checks or what not. Not web skills. Anyway, they set it up on My Space if you want to check it out. Leave a note :-)
Well, hope you are well.
Take care.
Sarah
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Thomas Bart Whitaker, #10
[Check out his latest blog entry: www.minutesbeforesix.blogspot.com]
Dear Kelly,
Well, I am relieved to hear that the dreaded swine flu has departed for whatever third-world cesspool it spawned in (Alaska, apparently), and that you are feeling much better. So far, we are managing to avoid that particular pandemic, which is fortunate because UTMB has already stated that they have no intention of paying the cost for the two drugs known to be effective in combating H1N1. Alas, the pandemic of smug idiots is still ravaging us unmercifully: the Muslims are nearly insufferable in this regard, going on and on about how all of this proved that heaven indeed hates ham. If I had the ability, I would gorge myself on BLTs and Jack Daniels in the dayroom, wearing a t-shirt which states, "For Every Pig You Don't Eat, I Will Eat Three." Of all of the animals that should have missed the mythical ark, pigs have to be way down on the list. Far lower than Noah himself, at any rate.
Anyways, its 430 in the bloody ante meridien, and I haven't slept in two days. I've always had a touch of insomnia, but sometimes it comes on with a vengeance. Not really sure why. At least it is quiet at this hour, which is rarity. Our cells are sufficiently distant from each other that in order to have a conversation with your neighbor, you must shout. This gets very annoying, as you can no doubt imagine. I buy a lot of earplugs. The response to the psych report has been highly elucidating. To be honest, it really wasn't all that unpleasant to post the thing, because there is a massive difference between the man that was, and the human being that I am now. I was incredibly amused by the whole "bi" issue for a number of reasons. First off, I am not "bi" or "gay," that was all the result of this psychologist being obsessed with the idea that I must have been molested as a child. he would take whatever comment was discussed, and then run it through the filter of his Freudian nonsense, and out popped the results. You have to understand an additional point: in the South in general, and in Texas in particular, if you are accepting of gays, this means that you ARE gay, in the minds of the rednecks. I've never cared what two people choose to do with each other, so long as they are both there by choice. Period. I could have edited all of that stuff out of the report, but I decided that it would be useful in seeing who my real friends were. I have actually had people tell me that they no longer want to write me anymore, and I don't suppose I have to tell you that such people will not be missed. Also, its been something of test for myself. I've always told myself that I didn't care about the homosexuality issue, and there is this very hetero/manly desire in me to run out there and shout, "I'm not gay, you idiots!" If I can resist doing this, though, I truly prove to myself that my progressive ideals are firmly rooted, and not simply a desire to be trendy. Most importantly, however, is the fact that for all of my life I cared what EVERYONE thought about me on EVERY issue, and now...well now the only judge that matters is myself. So if the world wants to think something, what of it? The world is largely populated by cretins, and I will not allow their pathetic attempts at judgement to hurt me any longer. I can look in the mirror, and that is more important to me.
Haha, yes, I do suppose the ED issue was a little more accurate, but I will say that I was putting about an ounce of crystal meth into my body every week, and that tends to have that effect. I'm not proud of that, but we all ultimately gravitate towards the things which make us feel more comfortable in our skin.
Meth made me feel even-keeled and capable, and allowed me to do the things that I needed to do. My whole family (minus me, of course) took ADD drugs, which are really just legal speed, for the same reasons. It helped them feel more like the person that they felt was needed. I am not proud of this, but I am certain that I would have killed myself in high school if it were not for illegal drugs. Maybe that would have been best, but that is a conclusion that I have come to thanks ot the clarity of hindsight. I didn't know what would happen later. Anyway. The recommendations of the doctor have not been listened to by the psych department here. The only drugs they are going to give me are psychotropics like lithium or haldol, which are designed to make zombies of men. They have my body, my life. They will not have my mind. That is mine, and they will have to kill me before they have any claim on my will. All of that psych stuff would have been required in most states in a capital murder trial. Not in Texas. They gleefully kill men on a monthly basis who have diseases which make them constitutionally unkillable, but they are never diagnosed. That is simply the way things are. If you knew about half of the shady shit that went down in my trial, you would be appalled. That is not really here nor there, though. The report was a portion of my writ of habeus corpus, which may affect my sentence, in that it might grant me a new punishment phase. Don't hold your breath. The CCA really doesn't care about such things. You asked what my Dad felt about the reporter, and I do not know. The last time we talked about my state habeus, he commented that he didn't think he would read it. It is hard for him to see the injustice in all of this, I think, because he has ultimately supported the right all of his life. (And, I might add, still does, though I think I have managed to moderate him a little. In his defense, I don't think he was ever one of those believers who felt that liberals were the spawn of Satan, which is good because I have become a pretty radical socialist.)
Don't worry about the misunderstanding regarding posting my letters. Probably my fault. It just surprised me a little, for the reasons I listed in my last letter. On that note: Howdy to all of the extra eyes reading this. Sorry this is not more interesting. I secretly think Kelly is using me as filler to make her own writing more exceptional looking. :) It is ultimately very important to understand one's place in the universe, no?
That clip you sent me from urbanbaby.com blog (jesus f-ing christ, what will they come up with next?) pretty much proved my point about Greshams Law being alive and well on the internet. That there are people with sufficient free-time on their hands to even bother populating a site like this makes me whish that the delusions of the eschatologists were in fact really coming to pass. I've never hit a woman in my life, but these people need some sort of shocking event in their lives to snap them out of this idiocy. (Although I admit I did find it amusing that Debussy and Duchamp got somehow switched about.) Somewhat less entertaining was the page of comments on the effect Mr. Madoff and his bit of infamy had on their lives. Very sad, although I still believe that only a food is ever really shocked and surprised by anything which happens in this world. My heart goes out to those people, nonetheless. I would gladly trade places with him, though, as federal prisons have about a million more luxuries than we are allowed.
Not much going on around here, as usual. We came off a lockdown two weeks ago. There was no stated reason for this lockdown, so it wasn't something specific like the cell phone mess.
They do this every six months, to track down contraband and to vent all of the mean, piggy instincts they manage to mainly keep under wraps the rest of the year. The wielding of arbitrary power is a very potent drug, Kelly and they are loathe to part with it. It is true that random beatings have become somewhat more rare than they once were, but I am confident that this has less to do with any changes in the l aw and in some form of ethical evolution, and everything to do with the fact that the guards themselves have grown fatter, lazier and less capable of doing physical damage to any of us. You will NEVER see a pig take on a con by himself. Its always done in groups. 30 years ago, those groups consisted of 4 or 5 guards, which was all that was necessary. Now, they need more, and they always wear their goon suits and wield their shields. They won't even rush a prisoner uncles he has been coated in CS/CN gas first. I have chosen to make physical violence anathema to me (save for the obvious situation of self-defense), but it is hard for me to say that other men choose the same, as some are picked on and harassed by the system for years. We are all of us just mammals, and if you prod any mammal hard enough, they are going to explode eventually.
What's new in NYC? Made it to the pool yet? Did you end up hoping on stage for that Moth Story Slam on Achilles Heels? I hope that you got picked, and that you enjoyed it. I still say that I could never do something like that. Some flowers just prefer the shade, some the spotlight.
I went to the clinic yesterday here on the unit, to use the video-conferencing equipment. I was supposed to speak with one of the surgeons who operated on me, but it didn't work out as planned. The X-Ray tech here at Polunsky took off for a month, so the doctor got pissed that we were wasting his precious time scheduling a consult without even bothering to get a film made. "Excuse me, nurse, what was your name? Ok, Nurse X, do you see these spectacles? Do they appear to have any magical X-Rayin' properties? No? Then I guess that MEANS I CAN"T SEE HIS DAMNED BONES FROM HERE!!!" He went on like this for about 90 seconds, during which time I could not resist smiling. I mean, how long have I been complaining that these people were criminal in the way we are treated? Its nice to be vindicated, even fi it is only by a fellow employee of the Beast.
All right, I guess I'm going to try to get some sleep. I feel like I can maybe pull it off, but I've felt like this before, only to end up staring at the ceiling for a few hours. I hope that this finds you well, and are still considering my offer to use you as an Anti-Palin device, considering the superhuman powers you developed on your trip up north. Until next time,
Thomas
Dear Kelly,
Well, I am relieved to hear that the dreaded swine flu has departed for whatever third-world cesspool it spawned in (Alaska, apparently), and that you are feeling much better. So far, we are managing to avoid that particular pandemic, which is fortunate because UTMB has already stated that they have no intention of paying the cost for the two drugs known to be effective in combating H1N1. Alas, the pandemic of smug idiots is still ravaging us unmercifully: the Muslims are nearly insufferable in this regard, going on and on about how all of this proved that heaven indeed hates ham. If I had the ability, I would gorge myself on BLTs and Jack Daniels in the dayroom, wearing a t-shirt which states, "For Every Pig You Don't Eat, I Will Eat Three." Of all of the animals that should have missed the mythical ark, pigs have to be way down on the list. Far lower than Noah himself, at any rate.
Anyways, its 430 in the bloody ante meridien, and I haven't slept in two days. I've always had a touch of insomnia, but sometimes it comes on with a vengeance. Not really sure why. At least it is quiet at this hour, which is rarity. Our cells are sufficiently distant from each other that in order to have a conversation with your neighbor, you must shout. This gets very annoying, as you can no doubt imagine. I buy a lot of earplugs. The response to the psych report has been highly elucidating. To be honest, it really wasn't all that unpleasant to post the thing, because there is a massive difference between the man that was, and the human being that I am now. I was incredibly amused by the whole "bi" issue for a number of reasons. First off, I am not "bi" or "gay," that was all the result of this psychologist being obsessed with the idea that I must have been molested as a child. he would take whatever comment was discussed, and then run it through the filter of his Freudian nonsense, and out popped the results. You have to understand an additional point: in the South in general, and in Texas in particular, if you are accepting of gays, this means that you ARE gay, in the minds of the rednecks. I've never cared what two people choose to do with each other, so long as they are both there by choice. Period. I could have edited all of that stuff out of the report, but I decided that it would be useful in seeing who my real friends were. I have actually had people tell me that they no longer want to write me anymore, and I don't suppose I have to tell you that such people will not be missed. Also, its been something of test for myself. I've always told myself that I didn't care about the homosexuality issue, and there is this very hetero/manly desire in me to run out there and shout, "I'm not gay, you idiots!" If I can resist doing this, though, I truly prove to myself that my progressive ideals are firmly rooted, and not simply a desire to be trendy. Most importantly, however, is the fact that for all of my life I cared what EVERYONE thought about me on EVERY issue, and now...well now the only judge that matters is myself. So if the world wants to think something, what of it? The world is largely populated by cretins, and I will not allow their pathetic attempts at judgement to hurt me any longer. I can look in the mirror, and that is more important to me.
Haha, yes, I do suppose the ED issue was a little more accurate, but I will say that I was putting about an ounce of crystal meth into my body every week, and that tends to have that effect. I'm not proud of that, but we all ultimately gravitate towards the things which make us feel more comfortable in our skin.
Meth made me feel even-keeled and capable, and allowed me to do the things that I needed to do. My whole family (minus me, of course) took ADD drugs, which are really just legal speed, for the same reasons. It helped them feel more like the person that they felt was needed. I am not proud of this, but I am certain that I would have killed myself in high school if it were not for illegal drugs. Maybe that would have been best, but that is a conclusion that I have come to thanks ot the clarity of hindsight. I didn't know what would happen later. Anyway. The recommendations of the doctor have not been listened to by the psych department here. The only drugs they are going to give me are psychotropics like lithium or haldol, which are designed to make zombies of men. They have my body, my life. They will not have my mind. That is mine, and they will have to kill me before they have any claim on my will. All of that psych stuff would have been required in most states in a capital murder trial. Not in Texas. They gleefully kill men on a monthly basis who have diseases which make them constitutionally unkillable, but they are never diagnosed. That is simply the way things are. If you knew about half of the shady shit that went down in my trial, you would be appalled. That is not really here nor there, though. The report was a portion of my writ of habeus corpus, which may affect my sentence, in that it might grant me a new punishment phase. Don't hold your breath. The CCA really doesn't care about such things. You asked what my Dad felt about the reporter, and I do not know. The last time we talked about my state habeus, he commented that he didn't think he would read it. It is hard for him to see the injustice in all of this, I think, because he has ultimately supported the right all of his life. (And, I might add, still does, though I think I have managed to moderate him a little. In his defense, I don't think he was ever one of those believers who felt that liberals were the spawn of Satan, which is good because I have become a pretty radical socialist.)
Don't worry about the misunderstanding regarding posting my letters. Probably my fault. It just surprised me a little, for the reasons I listed in my last letter. On that note: Howdy to all of the extra eyes reading this. Sorry this is not more interesting. I secretly think Kelly is using me as filler to make her own writing more exceptional looking. :) It is ultimately very important to understand one's place in the universe, no?
That clip you sent me from urbanbaby.com blog (jesus f-ing christ, what will they come up with next?) pretty much proved my point about Greshams Law being alive and well on the internet. That there are people with sufficient free-time on their hands to even bother populating a site like this makes me whish that the delusions of the eschatologists were in fact really coming to pass. I've never hit a woman in my life, but these people need some sort of shocking event in their lives to snap them out of this idiocy. (Although I admit I did find it amusing that Debussy and Duchamp got somehow switched about.) Somewhat less entertaining was the page of comments on the effect Mr. Madoff and his bit of infamy had on their lives. Very sad, although I still believe that only a food is ever really shocked and surprised by anything which happens in this world. My heart goes out to those people, nonetheless. I would gladly trade places with him, though, as federal prisons have about a million more luxuries than we are allowed.
Not much going on around here, as usual. We came off a lockdown two weeks ago. There was no stated reason for this lockdown, so it wasn't something specific like the cell phone mess.
They do this every six months, to track down contraband and to vent all of the mean, piggy instincts they manage to mainly keep under wraps the rest of the year. The wielding of arbitrary power is a very potent drug, Kelly and they are loathe to part with it. It is true that random beatings have become somewhat more rare than they once were, but I am confident that this has less to do with any changes in the l aw and in some form of ethical evolution, and everything to do with the fact that the guards themselves have grown fatter, lazier and less capable of doing physical damage to any of us. You will NEVER see a pig take on a con by himself. Its always done in groups. 30 years ago, those groups consisted of 4 or 5 guards, which was all that was necessary. Now, they need more, and they always wear their goon suits and wield their shields. They won't even rush a prisoner uncles he has been coated in CS/CN gas first. I have chosen to make physical violence anathema to me (save for the obvious situation of self-defense), but it is hard for me to say that other men choose the same, as some are picked on and harassed by the system for years. We are all of us just mammals, and if you prod any mammal hard enough, they are going to explode eventually.
What's new in NYC? Made it to the pool yet? Did you end up hoping on stage for that Moth Story Slam on Achilles Heels? I hope that you got picked, and that you enjoyed it. I still say that I could never do something like that. Some flowers just prefer the shade, some the spotlight.
I went to the clinic yesterday here on the unit, to use the video-conferencing equipment. I was supposed to speak with one of the surgeons who operated on me, but it didn't work out as planned. The X-Ray tech here at Polunsky took off for a month, so the doctor got pissed that we were wasting his precious time scheduling a consult without even bothering to get a film made. "Excuse me, nurse, what was your name? Ok, Nurse X, do you see these spectacles? Do they appear to have any magical X-Rayin' properties? No? Then I guess that MEANS I CAN"T SEE HIS DAMNED BONES FROM HERE!!!" He went on like this for about 90 seconds, during which time I could not resist smiling. I mean, how long have I been complaining that these people were criminal in the way we are treated? Its nice to be vindicated, even fi it is only by a fellow employee of the Beast.
All right, I guess I'm going to try to get some sleep. I feel like I can maybe pull it off, but I've felt like this before, only to end up staring at the ceiling for a few hours. I hope that this finds you well, and are still considering my offer to use you as an Anti-Palin device, considering the superhuman powers you developed on your trip up north. Until next time,
Thomas
Monday, August 3, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #12
Dear Kelly,
Thank you for the photos and postcards from Alaska! So beautiful--the landscape. Did you larn about the glaciers and such while you were on your trip? Like, I know that a really long time ago, (during the Ice Ages?) that the temps dropped and these huge glaciers were formed. For whatever reason, they began to move-and formed mountain ranges and lots of landscape from their massive size. Are all of Alaska's mountinas formed by the glaciers? I saw people in light jackets in one postcard--what's the summer temps up there in the day? I heard the days get real long in one season, where there's nearly no night, because of how the earth is tilted. And in the opposite season they have only a few hours of sunlight. What was significantly different about the environment there that you noticed? The architecture of the waterside village on stilts reminds me of an east coat village I drove through once. Isnt' it funny how architecture and use of color speaks loudly about a population? That's one think I liked about Chicago. It evolved, so there's many different gruops, styles, cultures, and architecture, etc.
Your photos are lovely--you are so pretty. You remind me of my sister Jeni. Growing up, she was the pretty, blonde, thin, older sister and I was, well, I wasn't. I didn't consider myself to be "pretty" until maybe five years ago. I got that I had to quit being so damned self conscious and pursue myown interests and voila! I got comfortable with myself. Beauty is so much an inner thing. There are these parodies of 1950s-type advertisements and one of them has this old-fashioned chick surrounded by lipsticks, perfumes, face powder and it reads:
"Inner Beauty Won't Get You Laid."
Funny. I laughed but I disagree. It might take a little longer but I bet the quality is better. Shallow people suck. and the really sexy, self centered shallow ones are nice to look at, but who wants a selfish lover? I'm in it to get pleasure, not be used as a pleasure machine.
Rant over.
I'm glad you ate all that good food and gained 8lbs (but I'm pretty sure it is just water weight from PMS) because sometimes we need to indulge, dammit.
Your friend from Canada should be there this week. Fun! What exciting adventures are you having? With so much crammed in NYC, the possibilities are endless.
I'm listening to David Drummon growl that sexy voice on the radio. Usually, the first time I hear a Disturbed song, I'm like ACK! Then the 2nd listening is more like Ya! Rock on!
Victoria, BC sounded LOVELY! Just my style. My Dad lives in Seattle. He moved there about four years ago and says it's the greatest place he's ever been. The people, scenery, cleanliness, ambiance. I imagine the whole NW US and SW Canada are like that.
All in all, the trip sounded fun, relaxing and enjoyable, except for your "strange" boat-mates. Do you honestly think everyone else is strange, or perhaps they occur that way out of cultural differences. Admittedly, the Texas teacher wearing (this cracked me up!) serial killer glasses was annoying, but more out of a social manners issues. (He WAS strange.)
You are like many New Yorkers in a city crammed with eople, you enjoy your privacy. He's from WIDE OPEN Texas, where perhaps his closest neighbor is 3 miles down the road and his best friend is a sheep named Darlin. You're a NY liberal, he's a red-blooded Republican. The only gun violence he knows about is when Jethro shoots off his brother's toe while cleaning Betsy, his favorite hunting rifle. Perhaps his wife was glad he found other people to go bother?
I hate that he invaded your peaceful moment, and ran you off. I would have explained, "Hey, I got here at 6am to relax in quiet, alone and soak up some tranquility. Can we chat some other time?" That's not rude. It's saving your sanity and teaching him to match nonverbal communication with a clear message. Otherwise, "Can you please not talk to me?"
I loved the anonymous Bingo psychologist for her candor. Sometimes, people just don't get it.
Have you gone to Happy Hour with your new client yet?
You said you were heavy with the feeling of doom. Any particular reason? I have been down he last 2 weeks but that's a whole other letter.
For now, It's midnight, and I'm pooped. Take care. Hope you are back to your pre-cruise health and weight!
---Sarah---
Thank you for the photos and postcards from Alaska! So beautiful--the landscape. Did you larn about the glaciers and such while you were on your trip? Like, I know that a really long time ago, (during the Ice Ages?) that the temps dropped and these huge glaciers were formed. For whatever reason, they began to move-and formed mountain ranges and lots of landscape from their massive size. Are all of Alaska's mountinas formed by the glaciers? I saw people in light jackets in one postcard--what's the summer temps up there in the day? I heard the days get real long in one season, where there's nearly no night, because of how the earth is tilted. And in the opposite season they have only a few hours of sunlight. What was significantly different about the environment there that you noticed? The architecture of the waterside village on stilts reminds me of an east coat village I drove through once. Isnt' it funny how architecture and use of color speaks loudly about a population? That's one think I liked about Chicago. It evolved, so there's many different gruops, styles, cultures, and architecture, etc.
Your photos are lovely--you are so pretty. You remind me of my sister Jeni. Growing up, she was the pretty, blonde, thin, older sister and I was, well, I wasn't. I didn't consider myself to be "pretty" until maybe five years ago. I got that I had to quit being so damned self conscious and pursue myown interests and voila! I got comfortable with myself. Beauty is so much an inner thing. There are these parodies of 1950s-type advertisements and one of them has this old-fashioned chick surrounded by lipsticks, perfumes, face powder and it reads:
"Inner Beauty Won't Get You Laid."
Funny. I laughed but I disagree. It might take a little longer but I bet the quality is better. Shallow people suck. and the really sexy, self centered shallow ones are nice to look at, but who wants a selfish lover? I'm in it to get pleasure, not be used as a pleasure machine.
Rant over.
I'm glad you ate all that good food and gained 8lbs (but I'm pretty sure it is just water weight from PMS) because sometimes we need to indulge, dammit.
Your friend from Canada should be there this week. Fun! What exciting adventures are you having? With so much crammed in NYC, the possibilities are endless.
I'm listening to David Drummon growl that sexy voice on the radio. Usually, the first time I hear a Disturbed song, I'm like ACK! Then the 2nd listening is more like Ya! Rock on!
Victoria, BC sounded LOVELY! Just my style. My Dad lives in Seattle. He moved there about four years ago and says it's the greatest place he's ever been. The people, scenery, cleanliness, ambiance. I imagine the whole NW US and SW Canada are like that.
All in all, the trip sounded fun, relaxing and enjoyable, except for your "strange" boat-mates. Do you honestly think everyone else is strange, or perhaps they occur that way out of cultural differences. Admittedly, the Texas teacher wearing (this cracked me up!) serial killer glasses was annoying, but more out of a social manners issues. (He WAS strange.)
You are like many New Yorkers in a city crammed with eople, you enjoy your privacy. He's from WIDE OPEN Texas, where perhaps his closest neighbor is 3 miles down the road and his best friend is a sheep named Darlin. You're a NY liberal, he's a red-blooded Republican. The only gun violence he knows about is when Jethro shoots off his brother's toe while cleaning Betsy, his favorite hunting rifle. Perhaps his wife was glad he found other people to go bother?
I hate that he invaded your peaceful moment, and ran you off. I would have explained, "Hey, I got here at 6am to relax in quiet, alone and soak up some tranquility. Can we chat some other time?" That's not rude. It's saving your sanity and teaching him to match nonverbal communication with a clear message. Otherwise, "Can you please not talk to me?"
I loved the anonymous Bingo psychologist for her candor. Sometimes, people just don't get it.
Have you gone to Happy Hour with your new client yet?
You said you were heavy with the feeling of doom. Any particular reason? I have been down he last 2 weeks but that's a whole other letter.
For now, It's midnight, and I'm pooped. Take care. Hope you are back to your pre-cruise health and weight!
---Sarah---
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #37
Dear KK---
Sorry for my somewhat hit & miss correspondence this week and (possibly) next week. Every few months I have some legal work/letters that need to be done--obviously that takes priority. I compartmentalize fairly well; "normal" in short order. Needless to say, what passes for "normal" under these circumstances is anything but...
Back to your initial "post-Alaska" letters later. First, a few items of interest from the past couple of weeks:
* Your will love this! Remember your blog/column "Calling all Kellys"? Well, google the name "Kelly Hildebrand" and your will find a woman who hunted for a man with the same name on-line/and married him! I heard the story on one of those entertainment details. Let me know, please. Talk about life imitating blog...
--Although it sounds like a classic "chic flick", "Julie & Julia" certainly has star power, with Meryl Streep & your fave Amy Adams. I'm sure it will find its niche-if not more.
--A film, adaptation of the late David Foster Wallace's "Brief Interviews With Hideous Men" is in the works. Trying to adapt an author of Wallace's complexity certainly seems like a challenge.
Actually, it's more than "in the works". Scheduled for U.S. release in September. Two familiar names: Directorial debut of John Krasinski" from the "Office" and stars Julianne Nicholson [Wheeler on "L&O CRIMINT" as they student interviewing men for a thesis.
--Over the weekend heard another good review of "Humpday". It emphasized that despite the plot line this is not a film about sex. Praised the three leads: the two male friends plus the wife of one of them. They also mentioned its "Mumblecore" pedigree.
--Same show: Split reviews on "SHRINK" but good reviews for Kevin Spacey's performance.
>One more film note: Tepid enclosed review of the French film "Girl From Monaco" But: Roger Ebert and your own "Village Voice" praised the film.
>Also enclosed/a somewhat unusual offering: The Wall Street Journal's art Francis Bacon Retrospective. Extremely well-written. He's not a big fan.
***
ALASKA: Glad to hear the cruise ship was so utterly pristine. No doubt all lines since those highly publicized outbreaks of illness aboard several ships in the past 2-3 years.
If indeed you did contract the "Swing Flu Variant" -you might be fortunate come the fall & winter. Predication's are for the swine flu to come back with a vengeance. I don't know if having it now will produce full immunity, especially if it mutates, as influenza, tends to do--but it certainly can't hurt to have at least some of the antibodies in your system.
You have no idea how much I wish you could be more "open" and much less inhibited. We run into sooo many roadblocks and sooo many truly enlightening and revealing discussions and subjects cannot even be approached- let alone explored in the depths & detail they deserve. So-a plateau is reached. Know that if or when your level of "comfort ability" increases, your will not be disappointed. And it will open up some must personal and fascinating exchanges between us. C'est la vie...but can be sooo much more.
[What is most interesting & intriguing is that both males & females with whom I correspond or have written to in the past are always totally open in all matters & subjects-precisely because of the situation. So your unwillingness or inability to be more open and more willing to explore the more personal and sensual side of what it means to be human is all the more puzzling. Again-if that changes a new level of knowledge of each of us awaits us both.]
"Correspond" is such an inexact word-writing can be so rich & rewarding & satisfying when you let it lead where it leads...
***
Must get this in the mail. "Float Trip from Hell" and "Don't Mess With TX" to follow.
You take care of yourself in your post-swine flu recovery, and write when you can. I'm sure you're still getting caught up on everything.
Hope you can find some of that elusive sunshine. Thinking of you...
Yours,
Michael
Sorry for my somewhat hit & miss correspondence this week and (possibly) next week. Every few months I have some legal work/letters that need to be done--obviously that takes priority. I compartmentalize fairly well; "normal" in short order. Needless to say, what passes for "normal" under these circumstances is anything but...
Back to your initial "post-Alaska" letters later. First, a few items of interest from the past couple of weeks:
* Your will love this! Remember your blog/column "Calling all Kellys"? Well, google the name "Kelly Hildebrand" and your will find a woman who hunted for a man with the same name on-line/and married him! I heard the story on one of those entertainment details. Let me know, please. Talk about life imitating blog...
--Although it sounds like a classic "chic flick", "Julie & Julia" certainly has star power, with Meryl Streep & your fave Amy Adams. I'm sure it will find its niche-if not more.
--A film, adaptation of the late David Foster Wallace's "Brief Interviews With Hideous Men" is in the works. Trying to adapt an author of Wallace's complexity certainly seems like a challenge.
Actually, it's more than "in the works". Scheduled for U.S. release in September. Two familiar names: Directorial debut of John Krasinski" from the "Office" and stars Julianne Nicholson [Wheeler on "L&O CRIMINT" as they student interviewing men for a thesis.
--Over the weekend heard another good review of "Humpday". It emphasized that despite the plot line this is not a film about sex. Praised the three leads: the two male friends plus the wife of one of them. They also mentioned its "Mumblecore" pedigree.
--Same show: Split reviews on "SHRINK" but good reviews for Kevin Spacey's performance.
>One more film note: Tepid enclosed review of the French film "Girl From Monaco" But: Roger Ebert and your own "Village Voice" praised the film.
>Also enclosed/a somewhat unusual offering: The Wall Street Journal's art Francis Bacon Retrospective. Extremely well-written. He's not a big fan.
***
ALASKA: Glad to hear the cruise ship was so utterly pristine. No doubt all lines since those highly publicized outbreaks of illness aboard several ships in the past 2-3 years.
If indeed you did contract the "Swing Flu Variant" -you might be fortunate come the fall & winter. Predication's are for the swine flu to come back with a vengeance. I don't know if having it now will produce full immunity, especially if it mutates, as influenza, tends to do--but it certainly can't hurt to have at least some of the antibodies in your system.
You have no idea how much I wish you could be more "open" and much less inhibited. We run into sooo many roadblocks and sooo many truly enlightening and revealing discussions and subjects cannot even be approached- let alone explored in the depths & detail they deserve. So-a plateau is reached. Know that if or when your level of "comfort ability" increases, your will not be disappointed. And it will open up some must personal and fascinating exchanges between us. C'est la vie...but can be sooo much more.
[What is most interesting & intriguing is that both males & females with whom I correspond or have written to in the past are always totally open in all matters & subjects-precisely because of the situation. So your unwillingness or inability to be more open and more willing to explore the more personal and sensual side of what it means to be human is all the more puzzling. Again-if that changes a new level of knowledge of each of us awaits us both.]
"Correspond" is such an inexact word-writing can be so rich & rewarding & satisfying when you let it lead where it leads...
***
Must get this in the mail. "Float Trip from Hell" and "Don't Mess With TX" to follow.
You take care of yourself in your post-swine flu recovery, and write when you can. I'm sure you're still getting caught up on everything.
Hope you can find some of that elusive sunshine. Thinking of you...
Yours,
Michael
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #36
Dear KK---
High summer here in the Rockies with temps routinely in the 90s & low 100s---especially just a little to the east on the plains that stretch into Kansas. Looks like a gorgeous summer in Alaska--just received your photos & letters (more on that in a bit). And fromm watching the news shows out of New York, looks like you still haven't gotten an truly hot & humid summer weather.
At least it's not like 1816! Look it up on th enet: the so-called "Year Without a Summer." Fascinating story--caused by a massive volcanic eruption. I actually had to write a paper on it.
AND the prodigal daughter has returned to her roots here in the Lower 48. Tell the truth; wheren't you the least bit tepted to just chuck it all and stay up there?! I thought so...
Sooo---not a lot of time today to delve into your always interesting letters--but with much to discuss and catch up on with you, I watned to at least get a letter out to you today, albeit, "relatively" brief... So, just hitting a few high points.
>Are you sure that your friend on the cruise is not actually your sister?! You two look remarkably alike in that side-by-side photo. Both of you, however, have eyes *to die for*.
>Favorite photo besides that one: The one showing the people on shore preparing to embark in the rafts in your yellow hazmat/wet suits. For some reason, I thougth of a worldwide flu pandemic...thewse are the survivors from the lower 48 who have come to Alaska to float to a remote compound to try to survive the next year...grim, yet oddly uplifting! :) Hey, dark thoughts just like you--what can I say?!
[Regarding the eyes: a wickedly erotic thought comes to midn, but I will keep it to myself...]
Love the postcard "from" Juneau. Most everyone says that Juneau & vicinity & that most scenic parts of Alaska south of the Artic Circle. When we lived in Alaska as a child we were at the Army Base in Ft. Richardson near Anchorage.
>The plane as "petri dish" doesn't surprise me. In the apocalypitc but excellent film, elve Monkeys", the man who spreads the plague does so by flying all over the globe to various large airports, knowing that everyone on every plane will also spread the virus as they travel on in addition to what he releases of the various ariports. Plane are virtually ideal viral concentrators.
Anyway - hope it passed and you are now back to your healthy norm.
>Yeah, I was thinking you darn near starved to death on that ship...! Knew the ood would be outstanding, but it sounds lke they even outdid themselves. I think "bacon detox" deserves a separate & detailed blog entry! That isn't a phrase I have never heard before.
Briefly on films--way to much to get into now:
>Surprisingly, "The Hangover" received uniformly good & very good reviews, despite sounding like just another standard Vegas fratboy, grossout comedy. Will be curious to see what you think.
>May have mentioned I read a good review of "Humpday". Very interesting-sounding film to be sure.
>I DID read on article concerning, the "Mumblecore Movement" a while back reprinted I believe from the Times. But could you find it (or another) and download & send it to me so we can more fully discuss it? Thanks!
Will be going through your Alaska Chronicles more slowly. Kelly: you truly have a gift in writing about travel. Your career should be as a travel writer. I am totally serious.
Need to get this out very soon, so must stop. However, three tiems enclosed--as if you dind't have enough to catch up on.
You take care, stay
Thinking of you...
Yours, Michael
High summer here in the Rockies with temps routinely in the 90s & low 100s---especially just a little to the east on the plains that stretch into Kansas. Looks like a gorgeous summer in Alaska--just received your photos & letters (more on that in a bit). And fromm watching the news shows out of New York, looks like you still haven't gotten an truly hot & humid summer weather.
At least it's not like 1816! Look it up on th enet: the so-called "Year Without a Summer." Fascinating story--caused by a massive volcanic eruption. I actually had to write a paper on it.
AND the prodigal daughter has returned to her roots here in the Lower 48. Tell the truth; wheren't you the least bit tepted to just chuck it all and stay up there?! I thought so...
Sooo---not a lot of time today to delve into your always interesting letters--but with much to discuss and catch up on with you, I watned to at least get a letter out to you today, albeit, "relatively" brief... So, just hitting a few high points.
>Are you sure that your friend on the cruise is not actually your sister?! You two look remarkably alike in that side-by-side photo. Both of you, however, have eyes *to die for*.
>Favorite photo besides that one: The one showing the people on shore preparing to embark in the rafts in your yellow hazmat/wet suits. For some reason, I thougth of a worldwide flu pandemic...thewse are the survivors from the lower 48 who have come to Alaska to float to a remote compound to try to survive the next year...grim, yet oddly uplifting! :) Hey, dark thoughts just like you--what can I say?!
[Regarding the eyes: a wickedly erotic thought comes to midn, but I will keep it to myself...]
Love the postcard "from" Juneau. Most everyone says that Juneau & vicinity & that most scenic parts of Alaska south of the Artic Circle. When we lived in Alaska as a child we were at the Army Base in Ft. Richardson near Anchorage.
>The plane as "petri dish" doesn't surprise me. In the apocalypitc but excellent film, elve Monkeys", the man who spreads the plague does so by flying all over the globe to various large airports, knowing that everyone on every plane will also spread the virus as they travel on in addition to what he releases of the various ariports. Plane are virtually ideal viral concentrators.
Anyway - hope it passed and you are now back to your healthy norm.
>Yeah, I was thinking you darn near starved to death on that ship...! Knew the ood would be outstanding, but it sounds lke they even outdid themselves. I think "bacon detox" deserves a separate & detailed blog entry! That isn't a phrase I have never heard before.
Briefly on films--way to much to get into now:
>Surprisingly, "The Hangover" received uniformly good & very good reviews, despite sounding like just another standard Vegas fratboy, grossout comedy. Will be curious to see what you think.
>May have mentioned I read a good review of "Humpday". Very interesting-sounding film to be sure.
>I DID read on article concerning, the "Mumblecore Movement" a while back reprinted I believe from the Times. But could you find it (or another) and download & send it to me so we can more fully discuss it? Thanks!
Will be going through your Alaska Chronicles more slowly. Kelly: you truly have a gift in writing about travel. Your career should be as a travel writer. I am totally serious.
Need to get this out very soon, so must stop. However, three tiems enclosed--as if you dind't have enough to catch up on.
You take care, stay
Thinking of you...
Yours, Michael
