Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #15

Dear Kelly,

I enjoyed the Cuban witchcraft story and the "coincidental" meeting with Alan Streets, but my favorite part was that Mini shoplifted a pack of Rolos. What a precious sight, you wrenching the pack from his mouth and paying for a slobbery, teeth marked pack of Rolos, shoplifted by a wiener dog. Fucking perfect. I love dogs. They are second best to children. I am not familiar with Duane Reade. Obviously it's a retail store, but one that you can take your pet inside with you?

Have you ever considered doing yoga or meditating to help with your PMS? Or perhaps an herbal medicine? It really works, and since you are prone to down moods, you could really use it.

What are you depressed about anyway, Kelly? What don't you have besides a significant other? I am curious.

My mom was supposed to set up the blog and link it to my Myspace page. her and my friend are working on. It's in its infancy stage, but slowly it's coming along. I guess you can Google it.

You are going to do GREAT! at the GrandSlam. And hey, maybe there will be a good subject and perhaps an agent out there will notice you, since you want to write a book. I think you should focus on something like that, and it will manifect. I said it was "coincidence" that you ran into Alan because I think we do manifest things with our thoughts and focus. You didn't just run into him in your daily life, you INTUITIVELY deviated from your norm, and led yourself to him. I think you can do more of this if you follow your intuition and focus. Did you say anything to him? At all? When he turned and sneered would have been good, even if he was less than thrilled to have people behind him. (At the height of my anxiety issues, I had a full attack b/c a man stood behind me (I was seated) talking loudly.) Even if you didn't speak, you see how you can manifest good things.

Does Mr. Whitaker list who his agent is? Who is the publisher?

Why wouldn't the g/f agree to let the guy take you to the MothBall if she doesn't want to go? If you both would have fun, I don't see why not? Wait. You have to stop talking to him b/c he has a g/f? Is it that stressful for you to be his friend? wow. That seems like it's really hard for you. Perhaps he could tell his g/f he'd liek to date other people. If they were agreed, would you date him? Most men don't stay single for long in a town where women greatly outnumber the men, but your man will come. Maybe he'll keep seeing you at events and feel compelled to break free of his commitment to pursue you. But by cutting him of, you lose out on the opportunity to show him why he should do just that.

OMG. I totally didn't get your client was still married. I thoguth he was divorced and simply bringing up the subject. your so funny. Like a magnet for men in committed relationships. I totally understand. While I was free, even in my life of generally avoiding people and being anonymous, I was pursued by four married and successful men. Strange.

Regarding my preference. I'd say I'm 85% gay. Although I'm really good at pleasing men, I enjoy the feminine connection, body, mind, and spirit much better. When I choose to be a man, I love every part of him, but I secretly feel superior. Even with a man who had many worldly successes, I felt superior. I guess I see how their sexual weakness has led them (as a gender) to commit molestation and rape and to cheat on their wives. I still worship them and adore them when together. Treat them with great respect. Perhaps I do so because I am full of love and empathy. It is out of their genes that they cause war and death and corruption. Sure, women do, too. But the ration of men & women who are mean, negative, hateful destructive, is big. Women are nurturers, lovers, creative and intuitive beings. Women are full of joy and understanding. And they are soft. They are beter. Men are good. Women are better.

My wife was Jamie, the woman who helped me escape. Before I escaped, we telephones 2X per week, she visited monthly (it's a 3 hour round trip drive) and corresponded weekly. We have been close for eight years. Intimate. The wife status grew out of our close friensdhip. It is not an ownership or control title, just a description of how committed we are to one another's happiness and well being. We encouraged each other relationships, sexual or otherwise, that bought each other happiness, and were open about these relationships. In solitary, contact with other offenders is not possible. It doesn't bother me. I am okay being sexually inactive. I rarely have a physical relationship. I value friendships above all. Sex is a side not (But really nice at times.)

I got through phases of activity. Generally, I am happy to play volleyball, guitar, read, learn, laugh, job, write, and sing.

I ready your brujeria blog to a lady up here. Wild. Obviously, Umberto was on target. Ever gone back to a psychic? (Sans cockroaches). Over the 8 years I was locked up, 3 different psychics told my mom and a friend I'd be out in 2008 or by 2008. Funny, huh?

It's late. Time for bed. Hope you are well and enjoying life.

Life is good.

--Sarah--