Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #17

Dear KK---

Hi, sunshine! Even though I'm starting this letter early, I'm sure I will have more to write tomorrow. So much to talk about from your three as always fascinating and provocative letters.

By now you've received my somewhat unusual letter (or so it might seem!) written last Thursday (4-28)--regarding life choices, "what comes next?", etc. Can't remember the last time I talked about that with anyone [ and again---just a first step...] As I said, I want to know you--all of you--inside & out; but one has to be willing to share parts of oneself to hopefully help that happen.

Speaking of which, here is something you might find interesting--wasn't sure how much google had to say about it: I was in the Marine Corps for six years, leaving as a sergeant; and my father was a career Army officer. I can tell you that the years in the military definitely helps in the situation I now find myself in. As in that Cistercian monastery I mentioned, discipline of both mind & body is critical to adjustment. Again--just wanted to mention that for now. Can discuss more in a future letter.

Here's a "teaser" :) Was going to mention why I cannot watch the late 70s movie "Grease." But I think that needs to wait until we're more comfortable talking with each other.*

Now to your letters. Clearly some things I know you want to hear about more than others--but let me go in order so as not to miss anything. Oh my, I can tell this will be an ADD letter, because there's something else I must say:

One way that we really do learn about one another (speaking generically) and penetrate some of the walls and fences we all set up, is by finding out what someone likes or appreciates or - more importantly - what moves them. Music, books, films, plays, sports [you and boxing--most interesting], etc. Every time we talk about those things I like to think I'm learning a little more about you..and you about moi.

*Such as, perhaps, all that most intriguing talk about you being a "very dark person" who "knows the pain of life." That is worth several letters at least!

When you mention a particular author or book or director or film that really touches you---I want to read it or see it. Even if I don't think it will necessarily be to my taste, I want to know it to understand you better. Does that make sense.

So: Regarding an art form we haven't discussed much, if at all: music... Like almost everyone, my likes and dislikes are eclectic & idiosyncratic--but in almost all genres, there are songs and pieces that emotionally touch me, whether "sadly" or "happily" or "dreamily" or whatever. But like you, I tend toward the dark--so deeply sad or tragic songs tend to touch me the most. Listen to either one of these, and I assure you, you will know me a bit better:

"HALLELUJAH"--as sung by Jeff Buckley
"IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL" --Sarah McGloughlin

There are many more--happy to discuss those and others.

The exception to the dark comes with classical music, specifically Mozart and two or three of his contemporaries. I'm not quite ready to say that his music is the "voice of God"(see the film Amadeus) but something truly awesome was going on in his brain. As with the songs above, these pieces by Mozart:

>Clarinet Concerto in A (K622)
>Violin Concertos #1,2,3
>Beethoven's 5th Symphony - the SECOND MOVEMENT

Again- many others-much food for thought. Now you know me a bit better.

***

Ok--3 1/2 pages in, NOW (really!) to your letters: Could there be a cuter couple than Kelly and Mini? I love your photo, KK. The out-of-focus lends it an ethereal quality... beautiful blue eyes [as you will see the better we know each other--I have a lot to say about eyes, which literally are the portal to the mind]. Imagine now the "Who's a good dog--yeeeessss, yeeeessss" that we say when we see a "Mini". I have to admit, he's a looker and a keeper! Even more so than I imagined from your loving previous descriptions! So as not to embarrass you (unless you want me to!) I'll say no more about your photo. Thank you, KK.

So glad to hear that you appreciate Kristen Scott Thomas and French films of that genre. I hope to see Tell No One at some point. I truly admire an actress who will play such an "unglamorous" role as Ms. Thomas did in "I've Loved you So Long"-wan, pale, underweight, no makeup--but beautiful and so brilliantly acted. There is another French film (technically Fr/Germ/Austrian/Ital) from 05 titled "CACHE". Directed by Michael Haneke & starring Juliette Binoche, et. al:

"an icily meticulous, if protracted, drama framed by a realistic portrait of a marriage and augmented with references to recent French history."

I seem to recall it received good reviews and seemed in the same vein as "Tell No One." I've not seen it, have you?

Your comments are "vampire films" are intriguing--and I partly agree with you, though for different reasons. I have read several Vampire-based novels (beginning with the father of the genre: Dracula, by Bram Stoker (1897))- and the books are generally far, far better than the films. The films need to really think "outside the box" to make an impression. Up until the Swedish film I mentioned, "Let the Right One in" , the only one I recall is a film from the 1980s titled "THE HUNGER", starring Catherine Deneuve, Susan Sarandon, and [don't laugh:)] David Bowie. Glitzy & trashy, but strangely compelling...

Yes, your Type A (I'm a huge fan of Type A being one myself!) shines through your letters. "Volatile relationship" sounds familiar--I've had several myself. You are so right that living together can definitely bring a man & woman much closer, or put their differences in stark contrast.

By now you received my letter about my relatively brief marriage & my two tweens. You asked if I dated much. That answer is an unqualified yes--but when we decided to be together, I am totally a one-woman man. The reason for that is because two people who truly care for each other can explore each other on so many levels and with such depth--emotionally, socially, psychologically, sexually. Sadly, most people, men and women, rarely take the time or effort...

I promise to answer your other question in my next letter: "Did you have a type?" -- but since today is drawing to a close - let me jump ahead to your next letter and your comments (concern? Surely not) about "KK". Hopefully I can put your mind at ease:

When I first received your letter, the fact that you were a "KK" didn't even register with me. Only when you signed or mentioned "KK" did I think about it. You might not realize this, but there are a lot of KKs in this world. I have known quite a few--actually dated two [one before & one after my Kristin]- Kimberly [middle initial K] and Katherine Kilpatrick [lovely Irish name]. I guess because of the lovely alliteration, every girl or woman with those initial first/last; first/middle; middle/last call herself KK. And, everyone else calls her KK. Let's see, I've had friends/co-workers named K. Kreske, Karen Keefe, Karla K. Deitrich...all went by "KK". Even worked with a guy named Kevin with an unpronounceable last name starting with a K. We called him KK (he wasn't wild about it.

And that's just the ones I can remember right now. I called Kristin by that very pretty first name when I first met her--"KK" came later..her friends, etc.

The suicide was a life-altering experience, as I'm sure you can imagine. It's part of the reason I ended up in Africa. I appreciate you kind thoughts--and I can talk about it now...16 years after that awful day 15 JUL 93.

But --and I have to close--I am well aware that "KK" (like "JJ") is a common enough name. As I said, I dated a KK in Africa! She's at rest, her name--that name lives on.

So actually I am not squeamish nor do your questions bother me, KK. In fact I welcome them. The better to know me...and me to know you.

I promise-much more on this and the 2 1/2 letters I have yet to answer!

You take care-thanks for your honesty. I'll be thinking about you.

Be safe, KK

Yours,

Michael