Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #24

Dear KK---

Hi, sunshine! First of all, let me again wish you a happy birthday. And add, optimistically, that no doubt your best days are still ahead of you. Curious to hear your comments regarding God of Carnage, which you were going to see on Wed. the 13th. Speaking of which: Yes, your life is so dull. LOL...you don't fool me...Besides the theater, this past week you had a Korean spa treatment [I've got to tell you, that sounds incredibly sensual!], a Korean restaurant, and a cocktail party. Ms. K on the town!

Leaving my good-natured sarcasm aside...as always when writing to you--where to begin? I have your brilliant letter with all your questions! No problem as I've said before--and I will get to all of them if not today then tomorrow: but let me play a little "catch-up" with some of the cool stuff you've sent to me recently: Outside the Box: PARTY ANIMALS: Very beautiful KK. By far your most personal and lovely blog/column I've read so far. You've captured perfectly the intimate experience of sleeping with someone when bodies and emotions are totally comfortable and synchronized... "Our bodies intertwined expertly..."the Night Dance"... I would assume that some beautifully intimate & orgasmic sexual couplings of all varieties took place during the night, in between the exhausted sleep over lovers. [Ed.: Swango infers wrong here. The column had nothing to do with anything sexual. I think it was pretty clear there was nothing graphic going on at all. Swango tends to always try to bring up "sensual" and "sexual" things, but I have refused to write anything of that nature to him, going so far as clearly stating that I am happy to write to him as a penpal but am not flirting or looking for any sort of relationship beyond a platonic one.]

So very emotionally powerful, KK. And what was the answer to your question at the end: "When I come back from India, I hope he'll still be here."

So, KK, was he?

***

>An odd little story by J. G. Ballard. It mirrors several of his apocalyptic novels.

>The "Brain Games" profile of the neuroscientist Vlaya S. Ramachandran truly discusses some cutting-edge research. It opened with a discussion of a patient with the bizarre disorder "apotemnophilia": the compulsion to have a healthy limb amputated. The FX show "NIP/TUCK", the Grand Guignol of crazy medical shows, had a storyline a couple of seasons ago concerning such a patient. Ended with the man attempting a self-amputation, with predictably disastrous results. [Yes, I caught the "prison humor" cartoon near the end!]

>Although I'm not a pure vegetarian I must admit that Korrie Chichester's menu at the National Gourmet Institute had some interesting items. Can't go wrong with a salad of course/and fried crispy eggplant is great over salad or over rice.

***

-With the Cannes Film Festival underway, the release of more serious and Oscar/Golden Globe hungry films will only expand as the year goes on. Just some brief comments on some film reviews heard and seen over the weekend:

"The Brothers Bloom" --about an elaborate con. With Rachel Weisz, Mark Ruffalo, Adrien Brody sounds well-done & entertaining, but not sure if it's worth a full admission price.

"Jerichow": From your Times: "a compact and somber German film...a variation on Cain's "The Postman Always Rings Twice." Here's the last paragraph:

"There is nonetheless something haunting about this film, a sense of desperation and defeat that seems less like a generic convention than like a genuine insight on intuition into what can happen at the crossroads of lust, loneliness, & materialism.

Ah Yes--The American Dream!

"Summer Hours": A French film (YES!) about an inheritance on the surface, and much much more underneath. Very positive reviews, especially for Juliette Binoche. She was so good in the 92 British film, "Damage", directed by Louis Malle.

"Management": Like you & me & M. Night Shyamalan, I'm one of those few people who liked or even saw the Jennifer Aniston/Jake Gyllenhaal film "The Good Girl." I kid you not--the total U.S. box office was, like, $2m+! Aniston's newest film is "Management", which sounds equally "quirky", if that's the right word. When she plays against type, Aniston does very well.

More to say about your interesting comments on film---especially your synopsis of that Danish film: "Just Another Love Story". Sounds like an utterly fascinating movie. You & I are in agreement on this one, KK.

But let me move to your questions. You numbered them 1-8, and I know your letter is saved on disc, so let me try to answer them that way.

[Ed.: for readers here, you can go to my last letter posted to Swango where I ask him 8 questions about his crimes.]

1) Obviously it is difficult to pinpoint precisely why we want to know someone very, very well--to know them inside & out, as I've said before. To share & discuss intimacies & explore more than just the superficial and banal. From your very first letter and that super-cute (don't' get shy on me!) card, you definitely had my attention! You seemed so off-handed and normal. Then when your second letter arrived sans writing-envelope only...now I really wanted to hear from you! You are right--I do not respond this way to anyone who writes to me.

[May I say this: There are a lot of people more and more each day I am sure, who simply cannot write or type an actual snail-mail letter. It has nothing to do with intelligence--it's because since the mid-90s electronic/telephone communication has quickly overwhelmed all other means.]

But your self-deprecating comments aside, you really are a most fascinating & intelligent woman who has so many interests & passions. Forget the fact that you are lovely as well--your intelligence & your mind makes you immensely attractive. And as I've already said intelligence & the mind are much more sexy and sensual than appearance alone. Not to imply that I can't be superficial as well. :-)

I do want to know you so very well---and for you to know me. I only wonder if you are able or willing to share in such an unusual way to be sure. It's never easy to open yourself up to anyone. It's not easy for me, KK.

You asked, please don't hold it against me!

My other answers should be shorter:

2) NO. I have no yet read BLIND EYE in its entirety. During legal negotiations my attorneys asked me to read a few specific passages. The reasons escape me at this time. Some of what I read was accurate, some was not. Again, for legal reasons did not then & could not now get involved with the author.

3) The answer here is no. Nothing of that sort was ever done to Kristin by me. Could not imagine it. You may know that I was no with her during the last 3 weeks of her life---she was in Virginia, I was in NY. [Ed.: I asked him if he poisoned Kristin at any point as her autopsied body had a high concentration of arsenic in it.]

4) Again, no. No such pleasure. (My "outlets" were intense & usually quite emotional...) again, very lucky in that way. [Ed.: I asked him why he poisoned--if he got a sexual pleasure out of it or if it was a compulsion about control.]

5) I think we've discussed most of this. Again--no question there were some sociopathic "holes"/ but so much was and is "normal" --whatever that means. And I would beg to differ in the last two lines. No question that my time here, in this modern-day & secure Cistercian monastery, has changed me significantly. Believe me, if you had written four or five years ago, I was much different. Not so good.

6) Your easiest question, KK: No. [Ed.: I asked him if he still gets thoughts to kill or poison.]

7) This I think we've answer in letters since. I don't know if "fix" is the right word--but time & discipline (self) and the memory palace are some of the reasons why.

8) Again. No. This was always wildly exaggerated. I was a paramedic, medical student, ER doctor---of course I was interested to some degree. [Ed.: I asked him if he still kept scrapbooks of disasters, murders, deaths.]

There are still [my God you are addictive, dear KK!] several things from your letter that I want to talk about--but I must get this in the mail.

So--very quickly: Obviously, whatever I failed to answer of your questions, I will try again if necessary. In this case, curiosity is a marvelous attribute of this particular dog lover! [Hello, Mini--who's a good dog!]

[Ed.: He enclosed a few film reviews and articles. ]

Let me apologize in advance for any longer than usual delay in mail caused by the Memorial Day weekend. Hope your weather is good in NYC and you stay safe. Take care--thinking of you.

Yours,
Michael

P.S. Yes, pages 5-9 took twice as long as 1-4.