Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #28

Dear KK---

Let me begin with your fascinating and touching and not at all "boring" sketch of "Kelly K: The Early Years." Please forgive the parentheticals & brackets--but we share quite a few things in common:

Having a mentally ill parent is about as brutal as it gets, especially with difficult to treat, and dangerous, paranoid schizophrenia. [KK--not sure if you know that when I was in StonyBrook, I was a resident in Psychiatry]. No telephone says it all.

Two more questions: Did you grow up in New York City or elsewhere? Did you have any brothers or sisters to help you cope? [You probably know, I have three brothers--that part of my "internet bio" is at least accurate!]

Three packs of Marlboro Reds a day? I'll call your Marlboro X 3, and raise you 3 packs of unfiltered Camels a day by my mom & dad.

A few comments on growing up in a heavy smoking household: Some of my earliest memories are seeing those ubiquitous camel symbols on the cigarette packs, which were everywhere. Like your mom & grandmother, they never smoked anything else. [Apparently, even in Vietnam, where my father spent much of his life from 1961-1975, there was an endless supply of unfiltered camels.] Another memory: coffee cups half-filled with two or three cigarette butts floating in the cold coffee. Just lovely!

And of course, there is the smell. True story: when I was a child we went to a fellow Army officer's house with our parents. This officer & his wife were both militant non-smokers [very unusual at the time], with no ash-trays in their house. We were in the house for a few minutes when my older brother said "Mommy-this place smells funny!" We were so used to the smoke smell permeating everything in our house--we didn't know any different.

One more story: Years later, I lived as an adult in the same town as my mother. I could be in the aisle of a grocery store, hear someone coughing in the next aisle--and know it was her. That is both sad & scary.

By the way, for whatever reason, I was the only one of my brothers who did not become a smoker. Ironic, considering the current circumstances. At least one of them, however, quit a long time ago.

And yes, there is no doubt in my mind that smoking forever was a major contributor to my mother's mini-stroke dementia & death. My father's death was more related to alcohol, but I doubt Mr. Camel helped.

You see, your story is not "boring" at all--and it stimulates much thought and memory... Continuing on: You & I both apparently read voluminously as children & teens/and liked the structure of school and did well..

I would have loved to have met you in 1993 when you graduated from college, even though it was clearly a bad & dangerous time for you and your mother. Were you in New York at that time? I'm impressed though not surprised by your work & career progress after having to abandon your plans for grad school. You are such a survivor and such a vibrant, energetic woman, KK.

I must admit my knowledge of interstitial cystitis is fairly limited. Obviously, a much more serious condition than the "routine" bladder infection or UTI--or "honeymoon" cystitis. Not sure if there is a medication you can take, but I'm so glad you seem to be able to live with it. Along with those migraines...TLC thoughts coming your way with each letter...

So like I said: NOT boring, not a "whiny" woman with a bad childhood. Inspiring and pretty amazing, KK. I like you even more. You are a special woman--and I mean that.

Now, returning to your letters:

As I mentioned before, when I arrived in Africa I landed at Ground Zero of the Sub-Saharan AIDS pandemic. If you've read about or seen the grim HIV/AIDS wards at San Francisco General Hospital or the big NYC hospitals anytime from the early 80s to the mid-90s [before the life-saving retro-viral "cocktails"] --imagine that times ten with a lack of all but the most rudimentary medical care. That was sub-Saharan African in the 1990s.

I say this because I have had some harrowing HIV/AIDS stories--most of them grimly tragic. It is almost a miracle that I did not contract it while in Africa--we assumed everyone was HIV+ and double-gloved for all medical procedures and in the OR. Since you still seem uncomfortable, I won't discuss sexual practices and sexual couplings from that time--mine and others--but that part of the story is illuminating as well.

Would very much like to hear your "HIV story"--and if I have to wait a year or two then so be it. I doubt if there is any variation of the HIV/AIDS pandemic and its sexual transmission, blood transmission, etc. that I have not seen or heard, but you may surprise me.

You already know my story & passionate feelings on the almost criminal negligence in the USA to the AIDS pandemic in the 1980s--as described by the late Randy Shilts in And The Band Played On. I have much more to say on this--but again, I don't want to bore you!! But please, any questions you have on the topic of HIV/AIDS--here or in Africa-please feel free to ask...Talk to me, KK. I am curious if you have many friends who have HIV/AIDS and are on the cocktail. As you surely know, it is not the easy treatment that many people think it is. And despite the cocktail, people--especially the poor--still die of AIDS every day in this country. OK-off my soapbox for now.

***

Being circumspect but still trying to answer your questions...No roommates, minimal interaction [that's really the whole point]. A wide variety of folks...

I agree with you (of course) that the "LOST" finale was awesome. So many questions on Jacob and the "loophole" and the two John Locke's. I have a story on the finale I will send in an upcoming letter, plus some comments of my own, including a tip of the hat to the "horror" writer, Clive Barker. So complex. We love it, don't we?

You mentioned you were "swamped with client work" on the 13th of May. That's good news, right?

Please fill me in (if you're able) on your book proposals. I am most interested and wish you every success.

Two "AMC" Updates:

>"Breaking Bad" just finished its 2nd Season, with a brilliantly written and executed finale.

>Season III of "Mad Men" has been announced for August!

In Season I - Kennedy was elected president.
In Season II- leaped ahead about fourteen months, to Valentine's Day 1962. That season took us through the Cuban Missile Crisis in October '62. So -- I would expect that the Kennedy assassination would be a part of Season III...

Once again--I must get this in the mail before finishing, so let me briefly address two of your more probing [that's our Kelly!] comments/questions. Will follow-up:

>The fellow EMTS were never given anything, at least not by me. That actually was a travesty. Pleaded not guilty--fought like hell.

>You mentioned very strong reactions...how could that possibly "upset me" KK? After all I've been through? However, I am surprised that anyone even knows the name or the case! In our popular culture, that is such old news--an eternity by net standards.

Must cut this of & mail. Will start "Part 2" later this evening or tomorrow. Take care & hope to hear from you, KK. Stay safe.

Yours,

Michael

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[Ed.: He included THIS article.]