Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #60

Dear Kelly,
Six days ago you left Amir.
That hurts my heart.

For the past two years you've been dealing with weirdoes, bullshitters, schmoozers and pining after this handsome, sweet, funny, successful, sensual, uncatchable guy and then you get him and leave him. He obviously loves the crap out of you and you love him like a bad habit. It must have been a very painful ordeal for both of you.

I"m sorry. I'll wait to hear what happened and what will happen from here out.

I was actually workin gon my two first contribuations to HANDS! this afternoon, finishing a pencil drawing and was collecting items to make a collage background for my seconmd piece when I pulled out a paper photo of you and Amir. It's black and white, you are smiling with your arm around him and he is hiding behind his hand. I was looking for a black and white photo to use, but was afraid to use a BW photo from a magazine because of copyrights or whatever.

I can't figure this out: If you have a picture of JOHN DOE taken by XYZ and wan to alter it to reuse it, how much must you manipulate it before it's no longer exclusively owned by XYZ? Does it matter if it is in the public domain? LIke if a park buys a sculpture, sets it up, I can take a photo and sell the photo because the sculpture is in the public domain, right? But what if someone reprints my picture, changes the colors/hues, and sells it? Do they need to get my permission or pay me for the use of it? What if they cut up my picture, rearrange the pieces and add others on top if it, so that is it not really recognizable? Then sells it? What's the liability? Where's the line?

I couldn't figure it out, so I looked through my stuf for personal photos and the one with you and Amir was PERFECT for what I needed.

As I was arranging my collage pieces, I thought how it fit us both. I received your letter last night, went to bed, and woke up today and went straight fo rmy artpad. I took a couple notes of things I had wanted to wriet to you about and set them aside to go back to the artsy stuff. When I got done with my collage, I was surprised how well it fit YOU, even though I made it for ME.

I used some of the few things I had that I was willing ot recycle into art that had good color/texture and uniqueness that fi t my theme and personal story behind the art story. But i promise, if I didn't know it, I would have swore that it was by Kelly Kreth.

Well, except for the Spirey McGuillcudy bit.

I can't even explain it, you'll have to go online to the archive to see it. www.holdinghandsforjustice.blogspot.com. Don't worry I covered the recognizable parts of your faces in the art. Only you'd know it was you. I hope you don't mind.

Just check out the whole message, then remember the 100 roses he bought. And the cards you ripped up? the photo of the two of you.

The lower right part is what makes it specific tonme personm inm the world and only that person would knot who it identifies. The first word, Spivey, is part of the name of a construction company and the second word, McGuillicudy is wha tyou might recognize as the maiden name of Lucy.

Great photo of you on Cole Porter's piano. Love your boots! I heard on the radio about the upcoming contest in jazz to win a Cole Porter Fellowship. I think it's at the Athenaem, but the five finalists may be playing nearby. Interesting points that connect the web of people in life.

I heard references to Amir's movie on NPR (makes sense as he sold it to PBS) , but i didn't know that was his, I thought the movie/ doc of a New York architect was typical of New Yorker's obsession with real estate. You are so clever, Kelly. That IS a good title and you deserve a credit. NEAT. Additionally, how cool is it that you named a movie that has Donald Trump as an opening night speaker?

Reid is an ass. He's a bullshtter. Out of the FB chat you pasted in 8 short statements I can clearly identify how inauthentic he is, and one of those was HEY YOU.

He chases you then when you don't come running to him, he flips it around like you'd onmly be so lucky to get him and that he's cool being friends. What a jerk. Does he have a real job now or is he mooching off his girlfriend while fleshing out his writing career? If he chases dreams like he chases women, no wonder he is probably waiting tables.

CONGRATS on getting work! No worries about rent. Much better to worry about too much work than where you will sleep and eat. Of course, you wont' be eating much if your tooth doesn't stop hurting. I know you have some gum recession, but I wonder if it might be sinus issues? Do you have sinus congestion? Sometimes I get shooting pains in my upper left molars and sometimes an ache for days because the teeth are rooted high into my sinuses and when they swell, they pinch a nerve going to my teeth. It can lasat for a while and then "POOF" be gone for months before returning.

I hope you are feeling better.

Your yoga studio rep needs some enlightenment. Or the stick removed from his ass.

The only time I ever dyed my hair was when I was out and because I pretty much had to. I hated the short blonde hair. When I first was out I cut it in layers just an inch below my collar and dyed it cranberry brown. It was so pretty. But in regular life I like my natural color and even without sun for weeks/months at a time, and only snatches of it, I have natural blonde streaks in the front, so I'm lucky. Fuck al lthe work of maintaining color. Yes, the razor cut sucks to do, but what does matter when you are locked in a cement and steel bathroom 23 hours a day. Trust me, there's no one to look cute for. I can't remember the last time someone turned me on, anyway. I take that back: several months ago I saw an old lover of mine briefly. I'd say I get turned on about once every nine months. SAD.

I'm tried, bleeding, and sad for the frightened people of Libya, Japan, Ivory Coast, Syria, Yemen, Bahrain, Palestine and Israel.

We all have our own prisons.

Take care,
Sarah