Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #115-116

Dear Kelly,
So, there are 1000 points of light, 1001 Tales of the Arabian Nightsand it alwawys seems 1002 things to talk about with Kelly Kreth, wordsmith, blogger and (dare I say it?) full time g/f? Shall we begin?

>First, a brutal and mean warning you can give to "A" seems to fit perfectly with your volatile relationship.* In a trailer for the new season of Louis CK coming up in June on FX one of Louie's friends comments on his life: "You're gonna die alone in a room with a thin blanket, and the nurse comes in and just shuts the machine off..."

OUCH. Need to stay with the "K", "A"!
*As in fulminate of mercury! Go ahead, look it up on Google.

So much better to die in that room with one of Kelly's huge warm blankets/duvet/comforter combos...and Kelly turning off the machine...

Excuse the blakc Young Prisoner's Handbook-style humor. It just comles naturally when writing to you.
On a much cheerier note, I've been meaning to ask what yours and Amir's songs are? Every couple that has been together for any length have "their songs" . As always, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

[Ed.: My and Amir's songs are" Tighten Up by the Black Keys and The Wilderness Downtown by Arcarde Fire. We play them over and over to each other and they both have a strong significance to us.]

[Ed.: Eliminating movie discussion.]

Sociopath's Rules for Relationships:

1) Don't ask questions. There is no such thing as right and wrong.
2) Don't take an interest in people or things outside work. There is no such thing as trust.
3) Erase every trace.
4) Know when to get out.

So what movies are you and Amir seeing these days? Am I correct that Amir seems to share your love of film great and small?

***

Have you heard "FRIDAY" the "worst song in the world" as such by 13 y/o Rebecca Black? It sticks in your brain housing group like superglue.

Another TWEEN QUIZ Question: Do you know who Miranda Cosgrove is? No, Kelly. NO fair Googling. Do you know who she is at this moment?

Not a surprise to hear after her many illnesses, but the death of Elizabeth Taylor is one of those moments in Hollywood.

Yours,
Michael
***

Dear Kelly,

"Marilyn Monroe was the sex goddess, Grace Kelly the ice queen, Audrey Hepburn, the eternal gaine. Elizabeth Taylor was beauty incarnate." -- NYT obituary of Taylor.

Hi sunshine! Read the above in the paper and it seemed to capture the moment.

>Before I forget must mention a book that appears and sounds utterly fascinating from the advert. But then again, that's what a good advre is supposed to do! Hard to believe your sociopath radar has not seen it.

GOTHAM CHRONICLES: The Culture of Sociopathy by T. Byram Karasu
[Ed.: He asks me to Google it and get him details and find if it is available in paperback yet.]

>While I'm making my endless requests...in the new Rolling Stone, can you get me the explosive article about US Army Afghan Kill Teams? The photos may be problematic--do not send them. Text only is fine.

Thank you again. :-)

>Your most recent letter was your inteview with Countess LuAnn.Doing the math she must be about 46 or 47 and seems to have lead a fairly priveledged and sheltered life. But also has a pretty good attitude at least as evidenced by her answers. But "Countess"? Really?

You should be a Countess! Great alliteration: Countess Kelly Kreth requests your presence...

Glad this piece got wider distribution than usual. It's very good plus she is a Real Housewife of NY and OMG! an effing countess!!!

>Actually quite eager to rad your letters about my last two or three written to you. So many questions for you, my dear. You are like a very good-smelling onion--so many layers and levels.

Hopefully you are not so drained mentally from daydreaming of Amir during the day and physically from endless loving sexual couplings at night--so as to preclude your usual scintillating self from shining through! Yes, tongue firmly in cheek...so chill!

>Let me address one fairly serious subject you mentioned. [I think I actually have something new to add.] That is the issue of the upcoming deposition on April 1st. Obviously this letter will arrive after, but I know that like many a court date, it could be postponed for a myriad of reasons. And unfortunately we both know there will be more appearances.

You want to understand at some level why John did what he did. First, know that what he did or tried to do is not the same as someone deliberately doing the deed with a substance other than HIV. I'm not saying it should not be treated the same under teh law, but I believe the psychology would be much different. AND this is further complicated by the fact that John in our novel is not a bitter man suffering from chronic HIV infection or dying of AIDS---striking out at the world via his sexual partners. He is instead a man who sems to have the infection without any complications. Indeed, his transmission of said virus would seem to be theoretical. According to the rest of the history he has never actually transmitted it to anyone...is this correct?

Hope this isn't too much in the weeds, but you see how unique his situation may be...

So--MOTIVATIONS: Power and feelings of omnipotence are often present in classic csees. But someone with HIV is no "power player". Hard to feel omnipotent with a potentialloy fatal disease. However one thing that John used and felt throughout every moment of his time with women--especially after he began having unprotected sex--was the SECRECY! John had this stunningly devastatingly and potentially deadly secret--in the midst of and unbeknownst to the women--the most precious, and intimate situation imaginable...one that demands total sharing and transparency from both partners. But at the very moment while she is filled with his love he knows that something far more sinister is now inside her. And he knows this every minute of everyday.

And when the deposition takes place he still KNOWS THIS!

And so each time he sees that woman, he can intensify that feeling and enjoy (yes, that is the right word) it even more.

HIs brutally abusive childhood (if you believe it!) and teen years certainly could add a power/revenge motif to his actions.

The question is: what should our woman do? Let me think more on that. But please Madame, co-writer, tell me what you think of the above...

***

If I didn't already mention it, glad your Waldorf anniversary went well. I had a feeling it would. Special days, in a relationship tend to be emotionally and sexually, overwhelming, leaving whatever problems may exist for another day.

Your opinion on the Idol judges seems to be a popular one.

No question Steven Tyler was the wild card that seems to be working out. Keep me posted.

Your friend,
Michael