Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #106-109

#106

Ed: He discusses a bunch of movies and shows but the most interesting topics addressed are:

*Although I thought otherwise beforehand, I did not have my most intense and powerful sexual experiences until my late 30s. No. not obsessed jut telling a truth, AND in the interest of full disclosure...sadly my sociopathic proclivities reached their peak in Africa after that. But I don't think you have to worry about that. [Ed.: He was referring to how now that I"m 40 I shouldn't worry about things being on the decline...]

*He writes at length about a topic I brought up about the arsenic-utilizing bacteria discovered recently. As you know, he is interested in arsenic like nobody's business. He gets into the chemical and scientific properties of the newly discovered bacterium.



#107

He quotes Dickens because of the holiday, asks for me to send him a printout of the poem Sailing to Byzantium, is fascinated by Flex disappearing from the market and tells me he uses generic brand shampoo purchased in prison. He believes Amir is narcissistic but not a sociopath. However he says that John clearly is one. "Regarding the possible novelization of your experiences with John...it opens exactly as you proposed with your Modern Love draft---the gaze across the room and mouthed words... Then in a series of flashbacks we tell the story of how John was initially infected, and how he came to be the sociopath that came into your life. while your story with him moves forward..."

#108

This letter starts out with him writing all the words to Papparazzi by Lady GaGa. He goes on to discuss the Puzzle Project, movies, and Amir.

#109

My Dear Kelly,

Kelly and Amir
Sitting in a tree
KISSING
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes [*] in a baby carriage.

*A quite attractive child whether male or female. I've seen the bloodlines!

Yes! I have received your relatively brief letter with the New Year's photo, plus two postcards, one of which mentioned your weekend with Amir in Mexico which begins tomorrow. My God! You must be excited.

You do realize that I do not find it totally unexpected. You two have been doing an intricate love dance for a long time even as you both try to deny it yourselves.

I know you will find this hard to believe, but despite my history, I do appreciate (as much as anyone can) and understand the emotional ups and downs, the aching physical symptoms, and the utterly illogical thought processes that occur when you think you might be in love, or that someone loves you or you hope someone loves you or don't or not enough and a thousand other permutations.

...and the dark side of obsession, fixation, violence, and sometimes....death.

Although I believe I am the only person who saw it and loved it, The Good Girl starring Jennifer Aniston, says it best. Amir "gets you" and you "get him". I know this because otherwise your contact with each other (which both of you cannot stop) would have ceased long ago. A beautiful, complex, intricate, dance as old as civilized m an...whether this weekend is a true milestone or just another step in the dance really doesn't matter...

Enjoy, absorb, take in every sensation...I mean mental and emotional as well as physical. Again, you may not believe this but even with my past history of sociopathic behavior and actions, I know and understand and have seen and felt far more than you realize.

I will await word on your Mexican lover's weekend!

[Ed.: I'm cutting out film and article talk.]