[Ed.: This is the most graphically obscene letter he has sent. Trust me when I say I NEVER encourage this, never write anything even vaguealy about romance or sex and have countless times told him not to.]
Dear Kelly,
Let me answer and discuss your most recent letter (just received) with a promise (ongoing and continuous) to write more--much more--over the long "holiday" weekend: Columbus Day. I'm sure you and ever other non-federal employee in America will be working. You have to wonder how, in our ultra-politically correct era, the day celebrating the "white genocidal colonist & Native American enslaver/slaughterer" has endured. Just kidding.
KK--when I feel some of your real pain in your letters, you have no idea how much I wish I could help you and comfort you as a friend and as a FWB. [Ed.: OMG!] Because you definitely need both right now. You need someone with you close to 24/7 to keep that astonishing and wonderfully sexy mind off of doom and gloom...and to focus on positive solutions to real problems. I certainly would and did, evenin the days when you believe I was a complete sociopath (which I was not, as I've patiently tried to explain even as I myself try to understand...) My story of the United Airlines flt. attendant is one example---will share.
Mainly we would discuss your brilliant and always entertaining writing, KK. That is in my humble opinion, the key to solving your financial problemss, which I know are devastating and 24/7 worrisome and life sucking. Trust me, been there.
I will expand on this in my weekend letter (making a note of it now.)
I know something else you need. Don't laugh or say, "there he goes again." I have had several FWBs during my life--and at least twice those intense but limited relationships were life-savers/once for her and once for me. Again, laugh if you will, but I am deadly serious. Wish I could be with you at night in those hours betw. 2400 & 0400, those hours when things can seem so hopeless and bleak. You need that hunger, that desire, the knowledge that a man who understands you, who "gets" you, who you cannot drive away with even your most obnoxious behavior. :-) That the man wants to be inside you, deep inside you, wants to feel your body, your mouth lovingly wrapped around him as he comes inside you, calling your name as you and he make love, as he feels your orgasm deep in your pelvis as he pumps his living seed inside your vagina and ass. [Ed.: WTF?]
I don't say this to be prurient--I say it to tell you the absolute truth. That I will always try to give you, even when you don't want to hear it.
***
Again, promise more on your writing. You can and will pay all the bills and more with your remarkable gift.
Now to your letter:
> I still want to see Catfish. Please tell me the great "twist" . Knowing these things before I see a film doesn't bother me in the least.
>Will put Shopgirl on my list. It's quie brief as books go, isn't it?
>I know what you mean about Shia LeBouf. Annoying to be sure.
>Your nightmare with the endless interviews for that PR job and the idiots you have to deal with...that's one enormous blessing of medicinc and nursing: If you have the skills, you will have a job, and one that pays well. None of these ridiculous games you described so well. Eff them, Kelly--you're better than they are.
Don't be miserable and scared. Stop the nightmares. You are not lost, and you are not rudderless...your anchor and life preserver is your writing. You just don't realize it yet.
Promise to follow up. Don't despair KK. I'm thinking of you a lot these days.
Your good friend and believer in you,
XOXO
--Michael
Monday, November 1, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #48
Kelly,
I've been reading Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, a huge book on physical and emotional health, as being interrelated. I read a section on interstitial cystitis and thought that is what you deal with, yes? A lot of women with IC also experience vulvadynia (chronic vulva pain). Have you ever tried a NACT allergy test? Or a high antioxidant det or supplements? What's interesting to me is that the most highly recommended treatment was behavior therapy or biofeedback. I guess it is sort of considered an autoimmune disorder even though they don't know what causes it. But I guess there's a huge correlation between psyche and physical health. "Any perception of invasiona in one's emotional life an result in increased permeability in one's immunite system boundaries. This is especially true in those women with a history of psychosexual trauma in early life. A wolman who has been in a sexually active love relationship and is rejected may perceive her rejection as a violation, and [lower abdomen] problems can result. If she can't feel or release her anger over this, she may develop recurrent urinary symptons. Studies have shown that women with chronic bladder infections have been found to have more free-floating anxiety and more obsessive personality traits and tend to experience emotions only through their bodily symptoms (somatoform disorder) compared to women without this problem. In one study, in fact, women with chronic cystitis had scores comparaab le to hose of psychiatric patients for levels of obsessionality. They were also prone to emotional states that were not balanced by their intellect. Several researchers have found that women who feel the need to urinate frequently but who dont' have infections are more anxious and neurotic than those without the problem."
They recommend antidepressants and therapy. :-)
I puloled out these pages when I was flipping thru some magazines looking for images to use for a project-- ("m finishing week six of my creative writing course.) And I found these ADORABLE pets in their costumes and wonder if you'll subject Mini to a costume this year? I love his little rain slicker--if he had a hook for a foot he could be that maniac on I Know What You Did Last Summer. I love the ferret. I was also thumbing through an Indianapolis Monthly and found this---IndySwank--a vintage-and-art shop. I've never been to it, but the place it took over was similar in theory. It was an old five and dime shop that had lots of neat older stuff, some antiques, and is in the old historic building just south of downtown. There's a small, old theater--the kind with an actual stage--down the street where DAve and I went to see the Blue Monkey Sideshow. There's a Sunshine or Rainbow Cafe--just a really neat artsy historical, charming area. A few minutes around the corner, a giant purple and orange house makes Smileys, a one-man eatery that serves really good, homemade food, aimed at the teenage generation--a leather couch and PlayStation/Xbox sit in front of a big screen tv, and local punk bands often play there.
Anyway, neat stuff. Those vintage and thrift stores always have interesting stuff because it has a history. Just like that amazing find at Goodwill. There's a story behind that KK pendant necklace. Who bought it for whom? Why was it never worn? How did it end up at Goodwill? And Diving Timing that you now own and treasure it. The Universe is so neat.
I am excited about your new article writing. You are getting more and more published and I think it is a nudge from the Universe telling you somethign about where your next career move is headed. You are an excellent writer with a unique sense of humor. Plus, the more good stuff that comes up when Googled, the better. Obviously, people pay attention to all of it, but look at Babe Ruth. He was a womanizer, a gambler, an out-of-shape alcoholic. He held the record for the most strikes/strike outs--yet he was an American hero for hitting hte most (714) home runs ever.
Do enough good and people forget, or care less, about your past. That's why Alec Baldwin and Mel Gibson are still standing after those tapes. And Tom Cruise. Keep doing good work! That's what I'm working on.
I haven't heard from Michele for Our Voice, so I don't have a contact address, so I'll probably send you the essays I wrote, if you don't mind forwarding them in some fashion. I am also working on a songwriting project with a Christian musician. If I am lucky, I'll be able to say I am a recorded songwriter!! I know that everything takes time and effort, good luck and good friends being supportive.
I liked your other pieces.
I know know what "bridge and tunnel club" is. Never heard of such a thing and it's not in the dictionary. Well written story---clear and funny. I'd love to see a few of the Best of Carbuncle Bar Mayhem. I looked up "carbuncle""--that's DISGUSTING. Just, ew.
Thank you for sharing your story about "John Doe". I was moved by it. There were several points where i found myself not only feeling empathy--but also sympathy as you recreated a part of my past. One thing I really admire about you, Kelly, is your willingness to share yourself, your feelings, and your failures. Exposing your stupid decisions, naivete, and tender needs without apology. Self acceptance or something. I spent most of my life weighed down by shame and I am only now learning tha tshame is bullshit. Thank you for sharing, because you help me grant mercy to myself for being myself.
And I absolutely enjoy the Kelly & Amir saga. Really! Since I have no active social life, your life does well to entertain me. :-)
I have legal research, letters, recordkeeping, exercise and readin gto do. My life is so exciting....Woo! [Party favor sound-bite.]
Peace,
Sarah
I've been reading Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, a huge book on physical and emotional health, as being interrelated. I read a section on interstitial cystitis and thought that is what you deal with, yes? A lot of women with IC also experience vulvadynia (chronic vulva pain). Have you ever tried a NACT allergy test? Or a high antioxidant det or supplements? What's interesting to me is that the most highly recommended treatment was behavior therapy or biofeedback. I guess it is sort of considered an autoimmune disorder even though they don't know what causes it. But I guess there's a huge correlation between psyche and physical health. "Any perception of invasiona in one's emotional life an result in increased permeability in one's immunite system boundaries. This is especially true in those women with a history of psychosexual trauma in early life. A wolman who has been in a sexually active love relationship and is rejected may perceive her rejection as a violation, and [lower abdomen] problems can result. If she can't feel or release her anger over this, she may develop recurrent urinary symptons. Studies have shown that women with chronic bladder infections have been found to have more free-floating anxiety and more obsessive personality traits and tend to experience emotions only through their bodily symptoms (somatoform disorder) compared to women without this problem. In one study, in fact, women with chronic cystitis had scores comparaab le to hose of psychiatric patients for levels of obsessionality. They were also prone to emotional states that were not balanced by their intellect. Several researchers have found that women who feel the need to urinate frequently but who dont' have infections are more anxious and neurotic than those without the problem."
They recommend antidepressants and therapy. :-)
I puloled out these pages when I was flipping thru some magazines looking for images to use for a project-- ("m finishing week six of my creative writing course.) And I found these ADORABLE pets in their costumes and wonder if you'll subject Mini to a costume this year? I love his little rain slicker--if he had a hook for a foot he could be that maniac on I Know What You Did Last Summer. I love the ferret. I was also thumbing through an Indianapolis Monthly and found this---IndySwank--a vintage-and-art shop. I've never been to it, but the place it took over was similar in theory. It was an old five and dime shop that had lots of neat older stuff, some antiques, and is in the old historic building just south of downtown. There's a small, old theater--the kind with an actual stage--down the street where DAve and I went to see the Blue Monkey Sideshow. There's a Sunshine or Rainbow Cafe--just a really neat artsy historical, charming area. A few minutes around the corner, a giant purple and orange house makes Smileys, a one-man eatery that serves really good, homemade food, aimed at the teenage generation--a leather couch and PlayStation/Xbox sit in front of a big screen tv, and local punk bands often play there.
Anyway, neat stuff. Those vintage and thrift stores always have interesting stuff because it has a history. Just like that amazing find at Goodwill. There's a story behind that KK pendant necklace. Who bought it for whom? Why was it never worn? How did it end up at Goodwill? And Diving Timing that you now own and treasure it. The Universe is so neat.
I am excited about your new article writing. You are getting more and more published and I think it is a nudge from the Universe telling you somethign about where your next career move is headed. You are an excellent writer with a unique sense of humor. Plus, the more good stuff that comes up when Googled, the better. Obviously, people pay attention to all of it, but look at Babe Ruth. He was a womanizer, a gambler, an out-of-shape alcoholic. He held the record for the most strikes/strike outs--yet he was an American hero for hitting hte most (714) home runs ever.
Do enough good and people forget, or care less, about your past. That's why Alec Baldwin and Mel Gibson are still standing after those tapes. And Tom Cruise. Keep doing good work! That's what I'm working on.
I haven't heard from Michele for Our Voice, so I don't have a contact address, so I'll probably send you the essays I wrote, if you don't mind forwarding them in some fashion. I am also working on a songwriting project with a Christian musician. If I am lucky, I'll be able to say I am a recorded songwriter!! I know that everything takes time and effort, good luck and good friends being supportive.
I liked your other pieces.
I know know what "bridge and tunnel club" is. Never heard of such a thing and it's not in the dictionary. Well written story---clear and funny. I'd love to see a few of the Best of Carbuncle Bar Mayhem. I looked up "carbuncle""--that's DISGUSTING. Just, ew.
Thank you for sharing your story about "John Doe". I was moved by it. There were several points where i found myself not only feeling empathy--but also sympathy as you recreated a part of my past. One thing I really admire about you, Kelly, is your willingness to share yourself, your feelings, and your failures. Exposing your stupid decisions, naivete, and tender needs without apology. Self acceptance or something. I spent most of my life weighed down by shame and I am only now learning tha tshame is bullshit. Thank you for sharing, because you help me grant mercy to myself for being myself.
And I absolutely enjoy the Kelly & Amir saga. Really! Since I have no active social life, your life does well to entertain me. :-)
I have legal research, letters, recordkeeping, exercise and readin gto do. My life is so exciting....Woo! [Party favor sound-bite.]
Peace,
Sarah
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #47
Dear Kelly,
Thank you for contacting Michele and recommending my submission. (Ed.: As a publicist I belong to a service that lists reporters/author's queries. I read one by an author who is seeking non-fiction essays from female prisoners for a book, so I recommended Sarah. They have gotten together and the wheels are in motion.) That you saw it and thought of me and that she had wanted a submission from a convicted prisoner is synchronicity to me. Tonight I am vividly reminded of the intricacies of the Universe as my mother sent me a copy of the nine four-leaf clovers I found on the night before I escaped. I think about how many signs I misinterpreted along the way, or missed all together until it was too late. Often, too often, I got the message, and then talked myself out of it, trying to be rational. Fooey. No more.
I will write a story this week. And I have another one already written that needs to be edited. After I wrote it I reread it and it even moved me in a tangible way. I inhaled sharply and felt the pang of hormone surge into my bloodstream. I think it is a worthy story when you can inspire yourself. :-)
OMG. Total nutsy guy in the laundry mat. You ARE a magnet. Do you carry pepper spray or anything with you? Obviously he lives nearby or knows you frequent the mat. I can see how your background makes you really empathetic towards mentally unstable people. Moths to a flame...
OOOH! That reminds me! I am hooked on listening to the Moth Radio Hour each week and this week afterwards I saw down to write , and I find that i can write in a very vivid, storytelling way. It is great fuel for my creative-writing artist self. Besides, they make me laugh in a way that is healing. I want to buy a really funny book. There are only two really funny books I've ever read. One is by a zine writer with no more material. The other is Augusten Burroughs, Running With Scissors. Fucking pee-on-myself-funny I liked the David Sedaris essays you have sent. I've wondered if I should invest in a book of his. Also, Saturday, there was a Moth story by one of the guys there...Dan something. He wrote two books, Rock On and Loser Goes First. He was quite hilarious on stage. I wonder if you'd read his material? Any suggestions?
You said, "What happens on the internet, stays on the internet.". Well for one, I wonder if it is legal for them to not hire you because you have a public life that is less-than-virtuous. That certainly has no bearing on whether you can perform your job duties. And two--as always I adored your rant. So much fun. I am thinking about writing one for myself as an anger mgmt. exercise. I have been dealing with great anger these past two days towards my ex-boyfriend. Just when I think I have forgiven him for setting me up to be convicted for his murders, I have a resurgence of visions of screaming fits and throwing hard objects at his big, fat, bald head. And it disturbs me, because I cannot express my anger in here, really. I could, but they'd probably use it against me to keep me confined longer. Like, see? She's a nut. A danger to herself and others. Fucking bastards. You get sentenced to life in prisonm for something you didn't do an then stay locked in your bathroom for two years and see how motherfucking happy you'd be about it.
Wed.--Well, I was rereading over the instructions for the short stories and I don't know if I have met the criteria. There is a direction that it be a story about one moment. . Well, I wrote a story today, just this afternoon, I wrote one last night, and have a third in mind to write, as submitting for three categories gets me a better chance of being selected. But all the stories end with one moment, as a punch, but are set up by 3/4 of the essay. LIke I don't have a story that occurs in one hour or in a single place, like the essay you sent about the prison librarian. One I wrote is about my relationship with a pet ladybug who helps save my sanity over three months, but the ultimate emotional moment occurs in the last three paragraphs. Then, one about my first boyfriend. It telsl the beginning, middle and end. And a punch end moment. Then a story about my identity while out, ending with the night I was arrested. The other issue is that the whole point to the stories is that they be universal and the reader doesn't know who the writer is until the back of the book, to challenge their stereotypes, prejudices, etc. Two of mine revolve around prison escape, so obviously the reader would know I was a convicted prisoner if th story was set in prison. So I wrote/rewrote to obscure my identity. Like the one on identity, I make it seem like I am maybe a refugee, or a political prisoner, a prisoner of war or race in a country where the majority has swtiched power. It does not at all sound like AMW. The one set in solitary, I make it sound like I am either a nun or sutdent in a strict reform school. That way the reader can identify with the content, not the role. Or if they do identify with teh fole, they wil be surprised to see that a convicted prisoner shares the same experience.
All three are in first draft form (one unwritten, but I've spoken the story out loud 5 times already.) I know the deadline is 21 Nov, so I'm making it a priority to have them done in enough time for her to tell me if I need to fix them. This has been fun writing on demand. I see that if I have confidence, I write more smoothly. Often, I put so much stock in the quality that I can't get quantity out.
The fact that you have the opinion that I could contribute a publish-worthysotry is very encouraging. You are such a good, fun, concise writer, able to say things vividly and always laced with sarcasm and cynicsm that capture your unique persona and style. So I take this faith as a good compliment. Also, I look forward to getting GOOD PR instead of all that nasty shit people put on the news/internet. A guy from Belgium wrote me last night and was like WTF? about the contradictory things on the net about me. I had created an art piece for his project and he was surprised what he found on a search. I look forward to more people seeing me for me and not the bullshit propaganda out there. Thank you for helping make that happen!
Thanks for the info. on Pollack. I get the context now. It's funny how a message can take on a WHOLE NEW meaning in a different context. Context is decisive.
And yeah, fuck Amir! Or rather, let Amir fuck substandard women. GOOD FOR YOU! I declare that you Rock!
Take care and I'll write again soon!
--Sarah
Thank you for contacting Michele and recommending my submission. (Ed.: As a publicist I belong to a service that lists reporters/author's queries. I read one by an author who is seeking non-fiction essays from female prisoners for a book, so I recommended Sarah. They have gotten together and the wheels are in motion.) That you saw it and thought of me and that she had wanted a submission from a convicted prisoner is synchronicity to me. Tonight I am vividly reminded of the intricacies of the Universe as my mother sent me a copy of the nine four-leaf clovers I found on the night before I escaped. I think about how many signs I misinterpreted along the way, or missed all together until it was too late. Often, too often, I got the message, and then talked myself out of it, trying to be rational. Fooey. No more.
I will write a story this week. And I have another one already written that needs to be edited. After I wrote it I reread it and it even moved me in a tangible way. I inhaled sharply and felt the pang of hormone surge into my bloodstream. I think it is a worthy story when you can inspire yourself. :-)
OMG. Total nutsy guy in the laundry mat. You ARE a magnet. Do you carry pepper spray or anything with you? Obviously he lives nearby or knows you frequent the mat. I can see how your background makes you really empathetic towards mentally unstable people. Moths to a flame...
OOOH! That reminds me! I am hooked on listening to the Moth Radio Hour each week and this week afterwards I saw down to write , and I find that i can write in a very vivid, storytelling way. It is great fuel for my creative-writing artist self. Besides, they make me laugh in a way that is healing. I want to buy a really funny book. There are only two really funny books I've ever read. One is by a zine writer with no more material. The other is Augusten Burroughs, Running With Scissors. Fucking pee-on-myself-funny I liked the David Sedaris essays you have sent. I've wondered if I should invest in a book of his. Also, Saturday, there was a Moth story by one of the guys there...Dan something. He wrote two books, Rock On and Loser Goes First. He was quite hilarious on stage. I wonder if you'd read his material? Any suggestions?
You said, "What happens on the internet, stays on the internet.". Well for one, I wonder if it is legal for them to not hire you because you have a public life that is less-than-virtuous. That certainly has no bearing on whether you can perform your job duties. And two--as always I adored your rant. So much fun. I am thinking about writing one for myself as an anger mgmt. exercise. I have been dealing with great anger these past two days towards my ex-boyfriend. Just when I think I have forgiven him for setting me up to be convicted for his murders, I have a resurgence of visions of screaming fits and throwing hard objects at his big, fat, bald head. And it disturbs me, because I cannot express my anger in here, really. I could, but they'd probably use it against me to keep me confined longer. Like, see? She's a nut. A danger to herself and others. Fucking bastards. You get sentenced to life in prisonm for something you didn't do an then stay locked in your bathroom for two years and see how motherfucking happy you'd be about it.
Wed.--Well, I was rereading over the instructions for the short stories and I don't know if I have met the criteria. There is a direction that it be a story about one moment. . Well, I wrote a story today, just this afternoon, I wrote one last night, and have a third in mind to write, as submitting for three categories gets me a better chance of being selected. But all the stories end with one moment, as a punch, but are set up by 3/4 of the essay. LIke I don't have a story that occurs in one hour or in a single place, like the essay you sent about the prison librarian. One I wrote is about my relationship with a pet ladybug who helps save my sanity over three months, but the ultimate emotional moment occurs in the last three paragraphs. Then, one about my first boyfriend. It telsl the beginning, middle and end. And a punch end moment. Then a story about my identity while out, ending with the night I was arrested. The other issue is that the whole point to the stories is that they be universal and the reader doesn't know who the writer is until the back of the book, to challenge their stereotypes, prejudices, etc. Two of mine revolve around prison escape, so obviously the reader would know I was a convicted prisoner if th story was set in prison. So I wrote/rewrote to obscure my identity. Like the one on identity, I make it seem like I am maybe a refugee, or a political prisoner, a prisoner of war or race in a country where the majority has swtiched power. It does not at all sound like AMW. The one set in solitary, I make it sound like I am either a nun or sutdent in a strict reform school. That way the reader can identify with the content, not the role. Or if they do identify with teh fole, they wil be surprised to see that a convicted prisoner shares the same experience.
All three are in first draft form (one unwritten, but I've spoken the story out loud 5 times already.) I know the deadline is 21 Nov, so I'm making it a priority to have them done in enough time for her to tell me if I need to fix them. This has been fun writing on demand. I see that if I have confidence, I write more smoothly. Often, I put so much stock in the quality that I can't get quantity out.
The fact that you have the opinion that I could contribute a publish-worthysotry is very encouraging. You are such a good, fun, concise writer, able to say things vividly and always laced with sarcasm and cynicsm that capture your unique persona and style. So I take this faith as a good compliment. Also, I look forward to getting GOOD PR instead of all that nasty shit people put on the news/internet. A guy from Belgium wrote me last night and was like WTF? about the contradictory things on the net about me. I had created an art piece for his project and he was surprised what he found on a search. I look forward to more people seeing me for me and not the bullshit propaganda out there. Thank you for helping make that happen!
Thanks for the info. on Pollack. I get the context now. It's funny how a message can take on a WHOLE NEW meaning in a different context. Context is decisive.
And yeah, fuck Amir! Or rather, let Amir fuck substandard women. GOOD FOR YOU! I declare that you Rock!
Take care and I'll write again soon!
--Sarah
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #46
Dear Kelly,
I just wrote you a page and a half and it was outlining my ideas for a YouTube video and I was like, hey, I want to keep this and send it to someone who might make this for me. Sweet. I have lots of ideas and no one yet to implement them. They will come along. I have faith in the perfect timing of the Universe...
I have spent all week entrenched in research and writing civil law arguments to build a case against them continuing to segregrate me. It has simply become ridiculous. Plus, I surprisingly have a good case. I hope I don't actually have to file it though. I want them to get over it--it's been over two years nad people have done way worse and served way less time.
Lots of focus on my creative writing. It's amazing what a little guidance will do. Oh, and today I found an old book from the 1970s, an anthology of great essayists. Virginia Woolf, EB White, George Orwell, James Baldwin, etc. Some of which I have read, but only as maybe part of an American literature class years ago. What I like about reading great writers is that their sentences are so well crafted that they inspire fountains of ideas in me. Daily, I write at least one hour, sometimes two or three, just on developing my skills. I don't think too hard about it, just write what comes naturally. I want it to be my own mind, not an imitation of someone else's. I got the coolest envelope from you today. You have such fun stationary. I tried making the stupid boat, but there's a leap of logic in the directions and after two tries, I thought, FUCK IT. Stupid Chinese directions.
"He thinks it is the Amir Show but it's not." Yes, I get it. I guess there are some poeple so afraid of missing out on something more or better that they throw away the most valuable items. Or people. And I don't blame you for not wanting to be part of his harem, I only wish it weren't so painful for you to still be his friend. Recently, an ex-girlfriend wrote me. We had a unique relationship where she adored me and always treated me the best, with the most respect, time, attn., etc. but could not stop playing around. Instead of being a girlfriend who got cheated on we were best friends who sometimes had sex. Then it was on my terms and it was more like I was using her for sex, not her being a horny player. Maybe it makes no real difference, but it sure made me feel better. Now she's like, "oh baby. I can't believe how blind I was. It was always you. I love you forever, to pieces, etc." Bittersweet.
Isn't it so much easier to find anagrams for the past or what it known, rather than the future? It reminds me of the Bible Code.
I like the artist stamps you use. One of the artists is Jackson Pollack. What is significant about his character? Was he a nutcase or something?
Tomorrow is Saturday!
You should write a blog: An Ode to Saturday.
I was thinking of getting a copy of James Joyce's Ulysses, as I have come across its name 3 times in one week--touted as one of the best novels of the 20th century. In the meantime, I'm suing the essays as a learning tool, and as a practice exercise. I'm going to flip through my latest issues of National Geographic and describe the photos, or write a story about one. I have to keep creative with limited resources. I am grateful for an almost unlimited amount of time. That's the one advantage of solitary confinement. Time to learn and grow. I sent a legal packet to Kye to show her atty friend--basic legal grounds to petition to overturn my convictions and the first thing she said after readin the cover page, "Wow. This girl could be a lawyer." Sweet.
Your gourmet dinner sounds good, but I don't know what some of it is. What is Yerba Mate? I wonder if any of the local colleges offer the same thing from their culinary courses. I know the high school down the road does. Every afternoon it's open for dining--so people pay a reduced price to eat the food the culinary students practice on.
To me, it seems that you read, write, watch TV and go so many places, that you have unlimited time too. No wonder you don't want a 9-5 job.
I liked your blog about Mini's barking and the person who said you were a jerk obviously either never had a dog in an apt. bldg. or didn't really read what you wrote. Posh on him. Only men call women jerks.
I think.
I like your pet-friendly landlord.
People use the shield of anonymity to express the inner bully they can't in real life because they'd get their asses handed to them.
My opinion---DRIFT is what you experience when you are unempowered, unable to deal powerfully with people or situations that don't work, and instead let bullshit run your life, not the Universe. The Universe sends you clues and signs to direct yourself, it's up to you to steer. Otherwise, your rudder is flopping in a river of other people's chaos. You have no direction because you TAKE no direction. You idle in indecisiveness. Pick a direction. Picking a direction is a CHOICE, not a DECISION. It's not set in stone and signed in blood. Even wrong directions: 1) terach you what you DON'T want. 2) get you moving, and 3) are better than being caughtin an eternal eddy.
HOw do you sign up to get Advanced Readers Copies of books? And how do you win so many tickets to events? Are you always signing up for stuff online? Through what? Do you Google your interests and they happen to have contests or drawings?
How was your mammogram experience? That is definitely a blogworthy experience. Any medical experience usually is. I had a colposcopy & biopsy last week and I laughed so hard up til he ripped out a hunk of tissue. Laying naked from the waist down, with a paper sheet obscuring all but the fuzzy remains of a young mane bobbing up an ddown as a disembodied voice spoke, directing me to open wider, I tenses. Then I was magically transformed from a frightened gyno patient into a Mustang GTO. As he pedaled the hydraulics, I rose up for my oil change and a little diagnostics. He greased me up, expertly weilded shiny metal tools, and plugged my leak with a bit of silver nitrate, and sent me on my way with a follow-up appt. How about that dye scan?
I like Amir. He's funny.
"Your Taliban rules." ha ha. I was going to say that he's luck you don't make him use a dental dam, but I'm not sure if that would indicate that you were infected when the real message would be that he's such a slut that you would need protection FROM HIM and his oral cooties. But you kiss him, so that won't work. I've never seen a dental dam, but when I get out, I want to pick up some chick for a one nighter and pull it out to use on her, just to see her reactoin and have the experience.
I was thinking about your experience with Richard Rubenstein. and here's my insight: you say he's sleazy and unethical. If so, then he expects other people to be douchebags too. Perhaps when he said that you would have to ditch your clients and weasel out of your contracts, and you said OK, he chose not t hire you thinking you were prone to not keeping your word (contracts). And if so, he would invest time and money into positioning you, only for you to ditch him when a better deal came along. And I would NOT poke the evil beast. Pick your battles. How is that awful case with your ex going? Any progress?
I did hear about the ring of Soviet spies in the US that were here for years, using old school technology to collect information that was pretty much public knowledge for people who wanted it. It appeared that they were relics from a Soviet era. You wrote, "I'm just a sociopath magnet." Carl Jung talks about how the parts of us within our minds/souls/character that we don't acknowledge and make space for will then manifest in reality in the people we seek out, consciously or subconsciously, if you cannot accept the duality inside, it wil rip in two--inside and outside, because it must exist. I know that you readily acknowledge your mental instabilities, so mabye it is that you see the "sociopath" in others na dhave more compassion for them so you let them stick around longer. Or tha tyou see it, but at first refuse to acknowledge it and run the other way because you secretly seek self-destruction.
There's my psychobabble for today. That'll be $50, thank you.
I agree that most of the damage done in terms of emotional, verbal, mental abuse and the cheats and swindlers--they are the free, the "successful", the wealthy who are protected by money and fear and upper class culture. But there's just as many that deserve a few yeas to sit and ponder.
I love that your life is so public in different outlets. It's fun, huh?
Your experience with the celebs at the US Open shows how human (and inhumane) they can be. From my few experiences with men who own successful businesses, they are as wacky as the rest of us. Needy, clingy, medicated, cheaters, egotistical, drug addicts, control freaks---not all at once, just in general, have issues like anyone else. They are somehow more entitled to their issues. THINK: Mel Gibson.
My friend smoked pot with Rob Thomas once. She didn't know who he was until after the experience. That's what makes it great.
I didn't recognize most of the names of the glitterati from the Open. I recognized 9 of 23. To some, I'm sure being anonymous would be a gift. To others, an insult. Depends on their ego state. When I got ot visits, people say, "Is that Sarah Pender?" or when they come to lock, "I've heard about you." Mostly I want people to know the media distorts everything. That what I did, however I want to justify it, was illegal and NOT a good idea, and that people should fight for what they believe in, but not at the expense of their relationships. I'd never escape again because 1) I believe I'm getting out in a few years and 2) I'd never voluntarily leave my family and friends again to gain a little liberty. It's not worth it.
Okay, my butt is numb. Time for bed. As always, I enjoy your letters. You are as fun and interesting as your stationary!
PEACE,
Sarah
I just wrote you a page and a half and it was outlining my ideas for a YouTube video and I was like, hey, I want to keep this and send it to someone who might make this for me. Sweet. I have lots of ideas and no one yet to implement them. They will come along. I have faith in the perfect timing of the Universe...
I have spent all week entrenched in research and writing civil law arguments to build a case against them continuing to segregrate me. It has simply become ridiculous. Plus, I surprisingly have a good case. I hope I don't actually have to file it though. I want them to get over it--it's been over two years nad people have done way worse and served way less time.
Lots of focus on my creative writing. It's amazing what a little guidance will do. Oh, and today I found an old book from the 1970s, an anthology of great essayists. Virginia Woolf, EB White, George Orwell, James Baldwin, etc. Some of which I have read, but only as maybe part of an American literature class years ago. What I like about reading great writers is that their sentences are so well crafted that they inspire fountains of ideas in me. Daily, I write at least one hour, sometimes two or three, just on developing my skills. I don't think too hard about it, just write what comes naturally. I want it to be my own mind, not an imitation of someone else's. I got the coolest envelope from you today. You have such fun stationary. I tried making the stupid boat, but there's a leap of logic in the directions and after two tries, I thought, FUCK IT. Stupid Chinese directions.
"He thinks it is the Amir Show but it's not." Yes, I get it. I guess there are some poeple so afraid of missing out on something more or better that they throw away the most valuable items. Or people. And I don't blame you for not wanting to be part of his harem, I only wish it weren't so painful for you to still be his friend. Recently, an ex-girlfriend wrote me. We had a unique relationship where she adored me and always treated me the best, with the most respect, time, attn., etc. but could not stop playing around. Instead of being a girlfriend who got cheated on we were best friends who sometimes had sex. Then it was on my terms and it was more like I was using her for sex, not her being a horny player. Maybe it makes no real difference, but it sure made me feel better. Now she's like, "oh baby. I can't believe how blind I was. It was always you. I love you forever, to pieces, etc." Bittersweet.
Isn't it so much easier to find anagrams for the past or what it known, rather than the future? It reminds me of the Bible Code.
I like the artist stamps you use. One of the artists is Jackson Pollack. What is significant about his character? Was he a nutcase or something?
Tomorrow is Saturday!
You should write a blog: An Ode to Saturday.
I was thinking of getting a copy of James Joyce's Ulysses, as I have come across its name 3 times in one week--touted as one of the best novels of the 20th century. In the meantime, I'm suing the essays as a learning tool, and as a practice exercise. I'm going to flip through my latest issues of National Geographic and describe the photos, or write a story about one. I have to keep creative with limited resources. I am grateful for an almost unlimited amount of time. That's the one advantage of solitary confinement. Time to learn and grow. I sent a legal packet to Kye to show her atty friend--basic legal grounds to petition to overturn my convictions and the first thing she said after readin the cover page, "Wow. This girl could be a lawyer." Sweet.
Your gourmet dinner sounds good, but I don't know what some of it is. What is Yerba Mate? I wonder if any of the local colleges offer the same thing from their culinary courses. I know the high school down the road does. Every afternoon it's open for dining--so people pay a reduced price to eat the food the culinary students practice on.
To me, it seems that you read, write, watch TV and go so many places, that you have unlimited time too. No wonder you don't want a 9-5 job.
I liked your blog about Mini's barking and the person who said you were a jerk obviously either never had a dog in an apt. bldg. or didn't really read what you wrote. Posh on him. Only men call women jerks.
I think.
I like your pet-friendly landlord.
People use the shield of anonymity to express the inner bully they can't in real life because they'd get their asses handed to them.
My opinion---DRIFT is what you experience when you are unempowered, unable to deal powerfully with people or situations that don't work, and instead let bullshit run your life, not the Universe. The Universe sends you clues and signs to direct yourself, it's up to you to steer. Otherwise, your rudder is flopping in a river of other people's chaos. You have no direction because you TAKE no direction. You idle in indecisiveness. Pick a direction. Picking a direction is a CHOICE, not a DECISION. It's not set in stone and signed in blood. Even wrong directions: 1) terach you what you DON'T want. 2) get you moving, and 3) are better than being caughtin an eternal eddy.
HOw do you sign up to get Advanced Readers Copies of books? And how do you win so many tickets to events? Are you always signing up for stuff online? Through what? Do you Google your interests and they happen to have contests or drawings?
How was your mammogram experience? That is definitely a blogworthy experience. Any medical experience usually is. I had a colposcopy & biopsy last week and I laughed so hard up til he ripped out a hunk of tissue. Laying naked from the waist down, with a paper sheet obscuring all but the fuzzy remains of a young mane bobbing up an ddown as a disembodied voice spoke, directing me to open wider, I tenses. Then I was magically transformed from a frightened gyno patient into a Mustang GTO. As he pedaled the hydraulics, I rose up for my oil change and a little diagnostics. He greased me up, expertly weilded shiny metal tools, and plugged my leak with a bit of silver nitrate, and sent me on my way with a follow-up appt. How about that dye scan?
I like Amir. He's funny.
"Your Taliban rules." ha ha. I was going to say that he's luck you don't make him use a dental dam, but I'm not sure if that would indicate that you were infected when the real message would be that he's such a slut that you would need protection FROM HIM and his oral cooties. But you kiss him, so that won't work. I've never seen a dental dam, but when I get out, I want to pick up some chick for a one nighter and pull it out to use on her, just to see her reactoin and have the experience.
I was thinking about your experience with Richard Rubenstein. and here's my insight: you say he's sleazy and unethical. If so, then he expects other people to be douchebags too. Perhaps when he said that you would have to ditch your clients and weasel out of your contracts, and you said OK, he chose not t hire you thinking you were prone to not keeping your word (contracts). And if so, he would invest time and money into positioning you, only for you to ditch him when a better deal came along. And I would NOT poke the evil beast. Pick your battles. How is that awful case with your ex going? Any progress?
I did hear about the ring of Soviet spies in the US that were here for years, using old school technology to collect information that was pretty much public knowledge for people who wanted it. It appeared that they were relics from a Soviet era. You wrote, "I'm just a sociopath magnet." Carl Jung talks about how the parts of us within our minds/souls/character that we don't acknowledge and make space for will then manifest in reality in the people we seek out, consciously or subconsciously, if you cannot accept the duality inside, it wil rip in two--inside and outside, because it must exist. I know that you readily acknowledge your mental instabilities, so mabye it is that you see the "sociopath" in others na dhave more compassion for them so you let them stick around longer. Or tha tyou see it, but at first refuse to acknowledge it and run the other way because you secretly seek self-destruction.
There's my psychobabble for today. That'll be $50, thank you.
I agree that most of the damage done in terms of emotional, verbal, mental abuse and the cheats and swindlers--they are the free, the "successful", the wealthy who are protected by money and fear and upper class culture. But there's just as many that deserve a few yeas to sit and ponder.
I love that your life is so public in different outlets. It's fun, huh?
Your experience with the celebs at the US Open shows how human (and inhumane) they can be. From my few experiences with men who own successful businesses, they are as wacky as the rest of us. Needy, clingy, medicated, cheaters, egotistical, drug addicts, control freaks---not all at once, just in general, have issues like anyone else. They are somehow more entitled to their issues. THINK: Mel Gibson.
My friend smoked pot with Rob Thomas once. She didn't know who he was until after the experience. That's what makes it great.
I didn't recognize most of the names of the glitterati from the Open. I recognized 9 of 23. To some, I'm sure being anonymous would be a gift. To others, an insult. Depends on their ego state. When I got ot visits, people say, "Is that Sarah Pender?" or when they come to lock, "I've heard about you." Mostly I want people to know the media distorts everything. That what I did, however I want to justify it, was illegal and NOT a good idea, and that people should fight for what they believe in, but not at the expense of their relationships. I'd never escape again because 1) I believe I'm getting out in a few years and 2) I'd never voluntarily leave my family and friends again to gain a little liberty. It's not worth it.
Okay, my butt is numb. Time for bed. As always, I enjoy your letters. You are as fun and interesting as your stationary!
PEACE,
Sarah
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #98
Dear Kelly---
[Ed.: I am omitting a page and a half of TV show commentary.]
> OK: Here is a movie that you simply must put on your NETFLIX list, for multiple reasons that are no doubt obvious, and discuss:
THE YOUNG POISONER'S HANDBOOK
"Gleefully gruesome British black comedy about a psychopathic teen who decides to become the greatest poisoner the world has ever seen, using his clueless family as guinea pigs. Deliciously mean-spirited film based on a true story! It is not for the squeamish. WOW!
Does this not totally pique your interest? One hardly knows where to begin. Besides your discussion & analysis of the film, you must find out what true story it is based on.
Then you can post the description, your review/analysis/AND the "true story"- all online so more people can see what sounds like a most interesting film! Or maybe a complete disaster...we won't know until you see it!
> I know you're not an obsessed fashionista, but I could not help but think of you wihile watching The September Issue. With all the crazy NY characters & settings, and OMG! some of the Dachau-esque models...I could imagine your running commentary.
Please send me the New Yorker story about the sociopathic doctor from New Zealand that murdered using meds.
Were you clearly not so certain about proceeding, I would tell you to make it go away. Life is too short. However, since that is not the case... Know that it is a marathon, which can be extended virtually at will by either side almost indefinitely. You cannot let it control your life and psyche. And I can only imagine the crowded dockets of New York City/State courts. I'm assuming this is a state litigation & not federal? So I am sure delays, postponements, etc. are par for the course.
So you are [apparently] the Plantiff from what I can garner from your short vague comments. Are you allowed to say simply what the course of action is without mentioning names or details, of course?
Is it possible that he [Ed.: John] is representing himself simply to make the entire process as awful and as miserable as possible for you? To somehow keep you in his life, however bizarre and twisted that may seem to your relatively normal brain. With that in mind, this deposition you say is scheduled for November, (but will no doubt be postponed until after the holidays) sound highly stressful. A Sociopath questioning you, virtually unfettered, face-to-face, under oath??
That story about your months of interviewing with that PR firm was hard to read. Some of the people you have to deal with are so utterly sleazy and disgusting---and believe me, you describe them perfectly in your letters. This guy not only sounds like a loser with power, but one with mean & vicious streak...Good for Amir for standing up for you. And people wonder why workplace violence is so prevalent...
[Ed.: I'm omitting the end because it was about tv shows. Also, I am not doing his compulsive underlining, but suffice it to say, he continues doing it.]
[Ed.: I am omitting a page and a half of TV show commentary.]
> OK: Here is a movie that you simply must put on your NETFLIX list, for multiple reasons that are no doubt obvious, and discuss:
THE YOUNG POISONER'S HANDBOOK
"Gleefully gruesome British black comedy about a psychopathic teen who decides to become the greatest poisoner the world has ever seen, using his clueless family as guinea pigs. Deliciously mean-spirited film based on a true story! It is not for the squeamish. WOW!
Does this not totally pique your interest? One hardly knows where to begin. Besides your discussion & analysis of the film, you must find out what true story it is based on.
Then you can post the description, your review/analysis/AND the "true story"- all online so more people can see what sounds like a most interesting film! Or maybe a complete disaster...we won't know until you see it!
> I know you're not an obsessed fashionista, but I could not help but think of you wihile watching The September Issue. With all the crazy NY characters & settings, and OMG! some of the Dachau-esque models...I could imagine your running commentary.
Please send me the New Yorker story about the sociopathic doctor from New Zealand that murdered using meds.
Were you clearly not so certain about proceeding, I would tell you to make it go away. Life is too short. However, since that is not the case... Know that it is a marathon, which can be extended virtually at will by either side almost indefinitely. You cannot let it control your life and psyche. And I can only imagine the crowded dockets of New York City/State courts. I'm assuming this is a state litigation & not federal? So I am sure delays, postponements, etc. are par for the course.
So you are [apparently] the Plantiff from what I can garner from your short vague comments. Are you allowed to say simply what the course of action is without mentioning names or details, of course?
Is it possible that he [Ed.: John] is representing himself simply to make the entire process as awful and as miserable as possible for you? To somehow keep you in his life, however bizarre and twisted that may seem to your relatively normal brain. With that in mind, this deposition you say is scheduled for November, (but will no doubt be postponed until after the holidays) sound highly stressful. A Sociopath questioning you, virtually unfettered, face-to-face, under oath??
That story about your months of interviewing with that PR firm was hard to read. Some of the people you have to deal with are so utterly sleazy and disgusting---and believe me, you describe them perfectly in your letters. This guy not only sounds like a loser with power, but one with mean & vicious streak...Good for Amir for standing up for you. And people wonder why workplace violence is so prevalent...
[Ed.: I'm omitting the end because it was about tv shows. Also, I am not doing his compulsive underlining, but suffice it to say, he continues doing it.]
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #45
Dear Kelly,
Saw this article in the Biblical Archaelology Review and thought of you for two reasons. One, of course, you are a frequent flyer to the Met, and this mosaic carpet from Rome will be displayed there soon. We get excited about a vintage 1960s coat or table--only 50 years old. Or are in awe at medieval art and architecture and here is a beautifully preserved mosaic almost 2000 years old. It amazes me. I can see why archaelogists love their jobs. To be able to piece together history with some accuracy from the earth is neat. I love reading NatGeo. I imagine inm 500 or 1000 years, when archaelogists dig us up, what they will think. I always find it so interesting when they have to lump someting into a century. (5th century AD or 1200-1000 BC), because people, things, culture, inventions, etc. didn't change so rapidly. The future diggers lumping two cars inot the 20th century -- one could be a Model T and the other a hybrid SUV. Seems odd that the future could be so drastically different that such a lumping would seem appropriate.
The other thing, actually, the main thing that had me think of you was the last part of the article on manna. I heart they were reproducing it, but it seems that New York dining has captured it. I know you like to try different foods and will travel great lengths for them, so if you do find a place with manna on the menu, and you try it, let me know. It's probably at some retardedly expensive restaurant.
I hope to hear from you tonight with Amir news and what you think of those anagrams I sent.
Commissary was just delivered so I have stamps and paper to fill up my weekend of writing. I also sent a manilla envelopeto an attorney willing to look at my case. Things are coming together. I'm also doing research for the petition and yesterday created an inspirational folder to store my work in. Some are serious and encouraging. Some are retarded and funny. If I were at home, I'd just scan them to you. My humor is way better in person.
Have you seen these clothes recycling boxes?
MON:
I got the letter I was hoping was on the way from you. :-)
You are so prompt.
Of course you are right. But aye, there's the rub. Wanna know why? Because everyone wants to be right and look good. If you are right then that means someone else is wrong.
Amir says he misses you and your wit. You say you miss sleeping next to him because it's better than sleeping with the dog.
That's funny. Witty!
Then you make him wrong for missing you but not choosing you. And he runs away. Slow or not, nobody wants to be wrong, especially not rich, good looking men. It's an ego thing.
You are funnier than a well-timed fart.
Can you tell I"ve been working on my creative writing? I was going to write, "You are really funny, " but then I thought how funny is really funny? That doesn't illicit any feelings of funnyness. Falls and farts, when done accidentally or with great finesse, are endlessly funny. I never tire of them.
Just FYI, I am on the can while writing this. It reminds me that I have essentially been locked inside a bathroom for almost two years. Try that and see if it doesn't fuck you up. And there are three men in Angola who've been in the hole for 37 years for killing a prison guard. Glad I only copulated with one.
I'm stuck here, expelling foul gas and branflake turds. Maybe that's a little much for you, but I find the digestive system quite fascinating. I ate two bowls of bran flakes and sunflower seeds for three days and now it finally made its way through. I feel like that is a little slow. I think I have handicapped intestines.
I had to lok up Sisyphean, which took longer because I didn't know what I was looking for and you were in such a rush that you shirked spellcheck. (Not a problem. Make me work for it!) Great word! Endlessly laborious and futile. That's Criminial Justice Reform.
People stereotype waitresses, hostesses and strippers for being of less than average intelligence. Not the bartender, though. Everyone knows that the bartender is the smartest motherfucker in the house.
Have you thought about consulting a psychic about what to do for employment? Or asking your dreams to give you guidance? I mean, I'm sure it won't require the sacrifice of a chicken or any other warm-blooded animal. Maybe a few cockroaches though.
Just a suggestion: If you call Amir and ask to get together for his advice, I think it could be very good.
1) Amir wants to se you.
2) You want to see Amir.
3) You say it is embarassing and he may lose respect for you. That is a story you made up in your head out of fear and ego. By asking his advice, he gets to be RIGHT and you get answers. You wouldn't be embarassed to go to your gyno about your period being heavy. You have an employment problem. He may have answers.
4) If you can get through without even mentioning his lack of commitment, he will begin to covet you, your every molecule. Bring up "girlfriend" and you blow it up. Back to square one.
5) If you two screw and you don't bring up commitment, he will being to worship you.
If at anytime you feel I am worng, that it is not working, your strategy of nagging him is one sentence away.
I feel like that whole last section was bitchy sounding. Was it?
You have a legitimate problem and a valid fear. Let him help you.
Thank you for the clipart of the Greek mythological people.
I think it's cool you got to be around famous people, just because it is nice to see they are just people. But if I were you, I wouldn't have a clue. I'd serve a martini to Steven Spielberg or a European prince and not have a clue. I hope you din'dt have to stand in heels all day. Dr. Scholls makes fantastic insoles for high heels.
I got a money order from my mom and asked my friend to send me $6 a month to cover the cost of postage, paper and envelopes. We write like three letters per week. So I'[m good for a few weeks. No, in lock the prison doesn't give us money. In population if you want a job, you earn anywhere from 12 cents to 25 cents per hour, depending on your hob. If you don't have fmaily you live off the $15 a month you earn from your prison job. The State provides pads, toilet paper, 2 stamped envelopes, bar soap and shampoo to people who live off the State's pay. Anything else--paper, pens, stamps, deodorant, toothpaste, vitamens, razors, coffee, etc. you buy on your own. When I was at Rockville and had a lot of money, I would buy hygienes and snacks for people who lived off that bullshit $3 a week. You can't even buy a box of tampons with that. There were solme months that I had $1000 on my books. And some months that I had only $10. Money comes. Money goes. Right now, I"m swimming at the bottom of the barrel, but I know I"ll always have what I need. That's why I try to live simply.
Yay! Red table! The Universe loves you!
I love the anagram thing. Glad you liked what I picked out. I ran over the letters in another person's (whom I don't really know) name and it came out pretty spot-on. Neat stuff!
I didn't occur to me that you don't know about my legal affairs. I just spent months working on a legal packet for an attorney, and just today, hours on devleoping legal arguments. What it boils down to is that I was over-convicted because of an unethical prosecutor, a lying snitch, and a conspiracy by my co-defendant and another man to frame me as the principle. Since my conviction, I've been collecting the exculpatory evidence to show that I was railroaded and , essentially, framed, including blatent testimony by my ex-boyfriend saying tha the killed them and set me up for it. Recently, I've found a way to prove he is telling the truth--through forensic analysis. Stay tuned for the next episode.
Sarah
Saw this article in the Biblical Archaelology Review and thought of you for two reasons. One, of course, you are a frequent flyer to the Met, and this mosaic carpet from Rome will be displayed there soon. We get excited about a vintage 1960s coat or table--only 50 years old. Or are in awe at medieval art and architecture and here is a beautifully preserved mosaic almost 2000 years old. It amazes me. I can see why archaelogists love their jobs. To be able to piece together history with some accuracy from the earth is neat. I love reading NatGeo. I imagine inm 500 or 1000 years, when archaelogists dig us up, what they will think. I always find it so interesting when they have to lump someting into a century. (5th century AD or 1200-1000 BC), because people, things, culture, inventions, etc. didn't change so rapidly. The future diggers lumping two cars inot the 20th century -- one could be a Model T and the other a hybrid SUV. Seems odd that the future could be so drastically different that such a lumping would seem appropriate.
The other thing, actually, the main thing that had me think of you was the last part of the article on manna. I heart they were reproducing it, but it seems that New York dining has captured it. I know you like to try different foods and will travel great lengths for them, so if you do find a place with manna on the menu, and you try it, let me know. It's probably at some retardedly expensive restaurant.
I hope to hear from you tonight with Amir news and what you think of those anagrams I sent.
Commissary was just delivered so I have stamps and paper to fill up my weekend of writing. I also sent a manilla envelopeto an attorney willing to look at my case. Things are coming together. I'm also doing research for the petition and yesterday created an inspirational folder to store my work in. Some are serious and encouraging. Some are retarded and funny. If I were at home, I'd just scan them to you. My humor is way better in person.
Have you seen these clothes recycling boxes?
MON:
I got the letter I was hoping was on the way from you. :-)
You are so prompt.
Of course you are right. But aye, there's the rub. Wanna know why? Because everyone wants to be right and look good. If you are right then that means someone else is wrong.
Amir says he misses you and your wit. You say you miss sleeping next to him because it's better than sleeping with the dog.
That's funny. Witty!
Then you make him wrong for missing you but not choosing you. And he runs away. Slow or not, nobody wants to be wrong, especially not rich, good looking men. It's an ego thing.
You are funnier than a well-timed fart.
Can you tell I"ve been working on my creative writing? I was going to write, "You are really funny, " but then I thought how funny is really funny? That doesn't illicit any feelings of funnyness. Falls and farts, when done accidentally or with great finesse, are endlessly funny. I never tire of them.
Just FYI, I am on the can while writing this. It reminds me that I have essentially been locked inside a bathroom for almost two years. Try that and see if it doesn't fuck you up. And there are three men in Angola who've been in the hole for 37 years for killing a prison guard. Glad I only copulated with one.
I'm stuck here, expelling foul gas and branflake turds. Maybe that's a little much for you, but I find the digestive system quite fascinating. I ate two bowls of bran flakes and sunflower seeds for three days and now it finally made its way through. I feel like that is a little slow. I think I have handicapped intestines.
I had to lok up Sisyphean, which took longer because I didn't know what I was looking for and you were in such a rush that you shirked spellcheck. (Not a problem. Make me work for it!) Great word! Endlessly laborious and futile. That's Criminial Justice Reform.
People stereotype waitresses, hostesses and strippers for being of less than average intelligence. Not the bartender, though. Everyone knows that the bartender is the smartest motherfucker in the house.
Have you thought about consulting a psychic about what to do for employment? Or asking your dreams to give you guidance? I mean, I'm sure it won't require the sacrifice of a chicken or any other warm-blooded animal. Maybe a few cockroaches though.
Just a suggestion: If you call Amir and ask to get together for his advice, I think it could be very good.
1) Amir wants to se you.
2) You want to see Amir.
3) You say it is embarassing and he may lose respect for you. That is a story you made up in your head out of fear and ego. By asking his advice, he gets to be RIGHT and you get answers. You wouldn't be embarassed to go to your gyno about your period being heavy. You have an employment problem. He may have answers.
4) If you can get through without even mentioning his lack of commitment, he will begin to covet you, your every molecule. Bring up "girlfriend" and you blow it up. Back to square one.
5) If you two screw and you don't bring up commitment, he will being to worship you.
If at anytime you feel I am worng, that it is not working, your strategy of nagging him is one sentence away.
I feel like that whole last section was bitchy sounding. Was it?
You have a legitimate problem and a valid fear. Let him help you.
Thank you for the clipart of the Greek mythological people.
I think it's cool you got to be around famous people, just because it is nice to see they are just people. But if I were you, I wouldn't have a clue. I'd serve a martini to Steven Spielberg or a European prince and not have a clue. I hope you din'dt have to stand in heels all day. Dr. Scholls makes fantastic insoles for high heels.
I got a money order from my mom and asked my friend to send me $6 a month to cover the cost of postage, paper and envelopes. We write like three letters per week. So I'[m good for a few weeks. No, in lock the prison doesn't give us money. In population if you want a job, you earn anywhere from 12 cents to 25 cents per hour, depending on your hob. If you don't have fmaily you live off the $15 a month you earn from your prison job. The State provides pads, toilet paper, 2 stamped envelopes, bar soap and shampoo to people who live off the State's pay. Anything else--paper, pens, stamps, deodorant, toothpaste, vitamens, razors, coffee, etc. you buy on your own. When I was at Rockville and had a lot of money, I would buy hygienes and snacks for people who lived off that bullshit $3 a week. You can't even buy a box of tampons with that. There were solme months that I had $1000 on my books. And some months that I had only $10. Money comes. Money goes. Right now, I"m swimming at the bottom of the barrel, but I know I"ll always have what I need. That's why I try to live simply.
Yay! Red table! The Universe loves you!
I love the anagram thing. Glad you liked what I picked out. I ran over the letters in another person's (whom I don't really know) name and it came out pretty spot-on. Neat stuff!
I didn't occur to me that you don't know about my legal affairs. I just spent months working on a legal packet for an attorney, and just today, hours on devleoping legal arguments. What it boils down to is that I was over-convicted because of an unethical prosecutor, a lying snitch, and a conspiracy by my co-defendant and another man to frame me as the principle. Since my conviction, I've been collecting the exculpatory evidence to show that I was railroaded and , essentially, framed, including blatent testimony by my ex-boyfriend saying tha the killed them and set me up for it. Recently, I've found a way to prove he is telling the truth--through forensic analysis. Stay tuned for the next episode.
Sarah
