Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #48

Kelly,

I've been reading Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, a huge book on physical and emotional health, as being interrelated. I read a section on interstitial cystitis and thought that is what you deal with, yes? A lot of women with IC also experience vulvadynia (chronic vulva pain). Have you ever tried a NACT allergy test? Or a high antioxidant det or supplements? What's interesting to me is that the most highly recommended treatment was behavior therapy or biofeedback. I guess it is sort of considered an autoimmune disorder even though they don't know what causes it. But I guess there's a huge correlation between psyche and physical health. "Any perception of invasiona in one's emotional life an result in increased permeability in one's immunite system boundaries. This is especially true in those women with a history of psychosexual trauma in early life. A wolman who has been in a sexually active love relationship and is rejected may perceive her rejection as a violation, and [lower abdomen] problems can result. If she can't feel or release her anger over this, she may develop recurrent urinary symptons. Studies have shown that women with chronic bladder infections have been found to have more free-floating anxiety and more obsessive personality traits and tend to experience emotions only through their bodily symptoms (somatoform disorder) compared to women without this problem. In one study, in fact, women with chronic cystitis had scores comparaab le to hose of psychiatric patients for levels of obsessionality. They were also prone to emotional states that were not balanced by their intellect. Several researchers have found that women who feel the need to urinate frequently but who dont' have infections are more anxious and neurotic than those without the problem."

They recommend antidepressants and therapy. :-)

I puloled out these pages when I was flipping thru some magazines looking for images to use for a project-- ("m finishing week six of my creative writing course.) And I found these ADORABLE pets in their costumes and wonder if you'll subject Mini to a costume this year? I love his little rain slicker--if he had a hook for a foot he could be that maniac on I Know What You Did Last Summer. I love the ferret. I was also thumbing through an Indianapolis Monthly and found this---IndySwank--a vintage-and-art shop. I've never been to it, but the place it took over was similar in theory. It was an old five and dime shop that had lots of neat older stuff, some antiques, and is in the old historic building just south of downtown. There's a small, old theater--the kind with an actual stage--down the street where DAve and I went to see the Blue Monkey Sideshow. There's a Sunshine or Rainbow Cafe--just a really neat artsy historical, charming area. A few minutes around the corner, a giant purple and orange house makes Smileys, a one-man eatery that serves really good, homemade food, aimed at the teenage generation--a leather couch and PlayStation/Xbox sit in front of a big screen tv, and local punk bands often play there.

Anyway, neat stuff. Those vintage and thrift stores always have interesting stuff because it has a history. Just like that amazing find at Goodwill. There's a story behind that KK pendant necklace. Who bought it for whom? Why was it never worn? How did it end up at Goodwill? And Diving Timing that you now own and treasure it. The Universe is so neat.

I am excited about your new article writing. You are getting more and more published and I think it is a nudge from the Universe telling you somethign about where your next career move is headed. You are an excellent writer with a unique sense of humor. Plus, the more good stuff that comes up when Googled, the better. Obviously, people pay attention to all of it, but look at Babe Ruth. He was a womanizer, a gambler, an out-of-shape alcoholic. He held the record for the most strikes/strike outs--yet he was an American hero for hitting hte most (714) home runs ever.

Do enough good and people forget, or care less, about your past. That's why Alec Baldwin and Mel Gibson are still standing after those tapes. And Tom Cruise. Keep doing good work! That's what I'm working on.

I haven't heard from Michele for Our Voice, so I don't have a contact address, so I'll probably send you the essays I wrote, if you don't mind forwarding them in some fashion. I am also working on a songwriting project with a Christian musician. If I am lucky, I'll be able to say I am a recorded songwriter!! I know that everything takes time and effort, good luck and good friends being supportive.

I liked your other pieces.

I know know what "bridge and tunnel club" is. Never heard of such a thing and it's not in the dictionary. Well written story---clear and funny. I'd love to see a few of the Best of Carbuncle Bar Mayhem. I looked up "carbuncle""--that's DISGUSTING. Just, ew.

Thank you for sharing your story about "John Doe". I was moved by it. There were several points where i found myself not only feeling empathy--but also sympathy as you recreated a part of my past. One thing I really admire about you, Kelly, is your willingness to share yourself, your feelings, and your failures. Exposing your stupid decisions, naivete, and tender needs without apology. Self acceptance or something. I spent most of my life weighed down by shame and I am only now learning tha tshame is bullshit. Thank you for sharing, because you help me grant mercy to myself for being myself.

And I absolutely enjoy the Kelly & Amir saga. Really! Since I have no active social life, your life does well to entertain me. :-)

I have legal research, letters, recordkeeping, exercise and readin gto do. My life is so exciting....Woo! [Party favor sound-bite.]

Peace,

Sarah