Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #47

Dear Kelly,
Thank you for contacting Michele and recommending my submission. (Ed.: As a publicist I belong to a service that lists reporters/author's queries. I read one by an author who is seeking non-fiction essays from female prisoners for a book, so I recommended Sarah. They have gotten together and the wheels are in motion.) That you saw it and thought of me and that she had wanted a submission from a convicted prisoner is synchronicity to me. Tonight I am vividly reminded of the intricacies of the Universe as my mother sent me a copy of the nine four-leaf clovers I found on the night before I escaped. I think about how many signs I misinterpreted along the way, or missed all together until it was too late. Often, too often, I got the message, and then talked myself out of it, trying to be rational. Fooey. No more.

I will write a story this week. And I have another one already written that needs to be edited. After I wrote it I reread it and it even moved me in a tangible way. I inhaled sharply and felt the pang of hormone surge into my bloodstream. I think it is a worthy story when you can inspire yourself. :-)

OMG. Total nutsy guy in the laundry mat. You ARE a magnet. Do you carry pepper spray or anything with you? Obviously he lives nearby or knows you frequent the mat. I can see how your background makes you really empathetic towards mentally unstable people. Moths to a flame...

OOOH! That reminds me! I am hooked on listening to the Moth Radio Hour each week and this week afterwards I saw down to write , and I find that i can write in a very vivid, storytelling way. It is great fuel for my creative-writing artist self. Besides, they make me laugh in a way that is healing. I want to buy a really funny book. There are only two really funny books I've ever read. One is by a zine writer with no more material. The other is Augusten Burroughs, Running With Scissors. Fucking pee-on-myself-funny I liked the David Sedaris essays you have sent. I've wondered if I should invest in a book of his. Also, Saturday, there was a Moth story by one of the guys there...Dan something. He wrote two books, Rock On and Loser Goes First. He was quite hilarious on stage. I wonder if you'd read his material? Any suggestions?


You said, "What happens on the internet, stays on the internet.". Well for one, I wonder if it is legal for them to not hire you because you have a public life that is less-than-virtuous. That certainly has no bearing on whether you can perform your job duties. And two--as always I adored your rant. So much fun. I am thinking about writing one for myself as an anger mgmt. exercise. I have been dealing with great anger these past two days towards my ex-boyfriend. Just when I think I have forgiven him for setting me up to be convicted for his murders, I have a resurgence of visions of screaming fits and throwing hard objects at his big, fat, bald head. And it disturbs me, because I cannot express my anger in here, really. I could, but they'd probably use it against me to keep me confined longer. Like, see? She's a nut. A danger to herself and others. Fucking bastards. You get sentenced to life in prisonm for something you didn't do an then stay locked in your bathroom for two years and see how motherfucking happy you'd be about it.

Wed.--Well, I was rereading over the instructions for the short stories and I don't know if I have met the criteria. There is a direction that it be a story about one moment. . Well, I wrote a story today, just this afternoon, I wrote one last night, and have a third in mind to write, as submitting for three categories gets me a better chance of being selected. But all the stories end with one moment, as a punch, but are set up by 3/4 of the essay. LIke I don't have a story that occurs in one hour or in a single place, like the essay you sent about the prison librarian. One I wrote is about my relationship with a pet ladybug who helps save my sanity over three months, but the ultimate emotional moment occurs in the last three paragraphs. Then, one about my first boyfriend. It telsl the beginning, middle and end. And a punch end moment. Then a story about my identity while out, ending with the night I was arrested. The other issue is that the whole point to the stories is that they be universal and the reader doesn't know who the writer is until the back of the book, to challenge their stereotypes, prejudices, etc. Two of mine revolve around prison escape, so obviously the reader would know I was a convicted prisoner if th story was set in prison. So I wrote/rewrote to obscure my identity. Like the one on identity, I make it seem like I am maybe a refugee, or a political prisoner, a prisoner of war or race in a country where the majority has swtiched power. It does not at all sound like AMW. The one set in solitary, I make it sound like I am either a nun or sutdent in a strict reform school. That way the reader can identify with the content, not the role. Or if they do identify with teh fole, they wil be surprised to see that a convicted prisoner shares the same experience.

All three are in first draft form (one unwritten, but I've spoken the story out loud 5 times already.) I know the deadline is 21 Nov, so I'm making it a priority to have them done in enough time for her to tell me if I need to fix them. This has been fun writing on demand. I see that if I have confidence, I write more smoothly. Often, I put so much stock in the quality that I can't get quantity out.

The fact that you have the opinion that I could contribute a publish-worthysotry is very encouraging. You are such a good, fun, concise writer, able to say things vividly and always laced with sarcasm and cynicsm that capture your unique persona and style. So I take this faith as a good compliment. Also, I look forward to getting GOOD PR instead of all that nasty shit people put on the news/internet. A guy from Belgium wrote me last night and was like WTF? about the contradictory things on the net about me. I had created an art piece for his project and he was surprised what he found on a search. I look forward to more people seeing me for me and not the bullshit propaganda out there. Thank you for helping make that happen!

Thanks for the info. on Pollack. I get the context now. It's funny how a message can take on a WHOLE NEW meaning in a different context. Context is decisive.

And yeah, fuck Amir! Or rather, let Amir fuck substandard women. GOOD FOR YOU! I declare that you Rock!

Take care and I'll write again soon!

--Sarah