Dear KK,
Hi sunshine! Two letters from you with multiple items of interest--one letter wonderfully long--and not nearly enough time today to discussing and answer everything as I want. Written three days apart, but arrived almost the same time--go figure... So-let me make a start now, and I promise to address all the additional questions over the weekend. So expect a long letter a few days after this one...
First of all, thank you for the truly fascinating [in that "nerdy", sci-fi way" you so eloquently described :-)!] Wikipedia entry on FLASH FORWARD. I mean, OMG, KK! Sawyer actually delves into the complexities of quantum mechanics and the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle in trying go explain the remarkable events that occur.
Two sentences in the book review/analysis really caught my eye:
-"Oddly, no recording devices anywhere in the world functioned in the present during the event."
-"Those who kill themselves over their dismal prospects are, by their very acts, changing the future they dread."
KK--perhaps Mr. Sawyer can write a companion book explaining ALL of the Time Travel ramifications these past two seasons of "LOST". :-)
This is definitely a book I must read. Come my birthday in October, I may ask you for this book plus either Wetlands or The Kindly Ones, if either is out in paperback by then!
The pages concerning the book's transformation/adaption to a TV series was just as enlightening. Sounds like the network is fully committed to the project. Plus I love what Sawyer says about adaptation to film vs. TV. With film you have to begin cutting away material, but with a TV series you "need to start adding and expanding". Music to our ears, KK.
Plus it mentions Sawyer's other novels, including a trilogy [#1 WAKE] about the worldwide web gaining consciousness. That sounds a lot like the seminal event in the whole "Terminator" mythos--which the Defense Computer system "Skynet" becomes self-aware" and triggers nuclear Armageddon. Let me stop before I get too into the science-fiction weeds...
I will be watching for any additional info. through the summer on "FLASH FORWARD". And I know you will keep me informed with your vastly more data!
That's why I love writing to you and learning about you and exploring you--your curiosity is unending! Few people would even bother to look up Euler's Identity, the equation that links what some number theorists call the five most important numbers/mathematical quantities: e [pi] I 1 0
One of those theorists is Edwin Burger-- a youngish professor at Williams College. I am currently taking a tele-course on Number Theory (12 weeks) taught by him. Very interesting and provocative. My math background helps, but it was not required to understand the course. This is a longish answer [with those details I know you love!] to answer your question whether I take classes. Yes, I do. Some are average, but some are simply exceptional. For instance--an in-depth 24 week course on the Civil War, taught by the outstanding Civil War scholar ?___________ Gallagher from Virginia. Uh oh, I think I hear a slight yawn, so let me move on...
By the way,I think the Simpsons stamps are great. I do notice such things. And you have exquisite taste in those vintage cards you occasionally use for short notes. Exhibit A: Richard Prince's "Man-Crazy Nurse"--creepy but brilliantly painted.
Speaking of postcards: I, my dear, you do go on that cruise ship to Alaska--do send me postcards from Seattle, Vancouver, Juneau or any other ports of call [or the ship's giftshop]--like Cate Blanchett did for Benjamin Button. You will be thought of on that stunningly beautiful cruise, if you go.
Can't end the week without commenting on your photos. I know that everyone says all brides are beautiful; after all, there is an entire industry devoted to making that so. You are at the same time very beautiful and very sexy in that photo. You say you're thinner now? Everything looks just fine on your wedding day...and sooo utterly proper and professional on your business card, as it should be.
Hope this doesn't embarrass you but.... Actually even if it does oh well! Honesty and openness sometimes have that result. But you are a lovely and intelligent woman, KK. I will have much more to say on this--more private and probing if you will allow me in the weeks & months to come... In both that slightly out-of-focus photo (with your lovely eyes) and the wedding photo-you exude a smoldering sexuality & sensuality just below the surface...covert, not overt, which is actually even more sensual and attractive. It's tin the eyes an the Mona Lisa smile...AND by the you are are anything but "pretty average."
KK, I've barely scratched the surface of your letter--including your encapsulated, fascinating at times tragic, life story. The "tip of the iceberg" you said--a phrase I could use myself in describing my life--and in how much I know about you--and how much below the surface and inside you I want to know so much better. Must mail this, but suffice it to say that the last, the very last thing you are is another whiny woman with a bad childhood. Nothing could be further from the truth... Much more to say--talk to you again very soon.
Be well, be safe, KK. I'll be thinking of you often.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Column by Nicholas Kristof sent to me by a doctor friend. I saw this travesty up close and personal in Africa, especially at Mpilo Hospital in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe & Lusaka Teaching Hospital in Zambia--where all the true disaster ended up.
HIV/AIDS, and this, I feel very strongly about. More to say in future letters.
[Ed.: There is some sort of a brown liquidy stain on this letter. Coffee?]
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #7
Dear Kelly,
I absolutely adored your story about going to India. What I loved even more--your photos of all those little kids, full of life and innocence and JOY! I'm especially fond of the big eyed little boy--so sweet. "DANCE PARTY"--How great!
I see that despite not wanting to have children, you were good to know what to do with them, or rather, how to BE with them. Children are such gifts.
Yesterday, when visiting with my mother, I noticed at least ten children under 3 in the visiting room. I was distracted by all these little magical people milling about. One little girl has seen me in the glass box (I am isolated in a no-contact room, and have visits through glass & talk through a phone) twice now, and when she walks by she stops, stares up at me and smiles. I just smile back and hold her gaze, being with her innocence and curiosity. She watches me from the vending machines and takes the long way around to see me again. I am honored to be the object of a small child's attention, one who knows nothing of murder, sex, drugs, hate, lies or all the things that infect the world.
Kudos for you for not hiding behind your Blackberry.
And for being smart enough to feed the "chicken" to the kid.
I get a kick out of your writing. You have a funny point of view. I find that what I think about a subject is rarely what I express in words. What I could otherwise express in a thousand word essay comes out of my mouth as, "You're a dickhead."
Real profound, huh?
Glad you had a nice birthday. I think once you get to 35, birthdays are spent doing stuff like having dinner with friends, doing the day-spa thing, buying a new piece of art, or going to a jazz bar. It's when you move past the birthdays when you once would go to a rock concert, get obliterated drunk and wakeup the next morning naked, alone, with a sore asshole and a birthday card on your nightstand signed by some guy named Ricardo. At least you can infer he has a fat cock and a sexy name. Hmm... Let's check my camera-phone for evidence...And you subsequently burn the sheets and delete the photos, hoping you did not text these to anyone.
Not that I would know...
Soon I plan to take an excerpt from what I've written and send it to some magazines and literary websites for review and to really just get some awareness out there, see what sort of reaction I get. I get that some of my life is really juicy, some is beautiful, some is tragic, some is fascinating, and some is hilarious. Although I have a dry sense of humor, and that's pretty evident in my book writing. What I get a couple of excerpts (funny word) prepared, I will gladly send you a copy.
I considered your request to share my letters with a few of your friends. I don't' have a problem with you posting my letters, though I get that I will likely filter the personal information I share with you based on knowing several others will be reading it. Perhaps we an agree that if I feel I don't want something shared, I will indicate that, and you commit to honoring my request? I can be okay with that.
I look forward to hearing about your trip to Alaska. My aunt dated a guy who worked on one of the Alaskan cruise liners and went a few times. She reported there is great beauty up north. I wonder if you'll get to see the aurora borealis? I always wanted to see it How can you not witness such energy and not be in awe of creation? I don't' care how people think we got where we are--evolution, creation, intelligent design, whatever--there's no way you can see stuff like that and still believe we are a fucking accident. Chance, my ass. And I love science. I could lay down and make love to it. But I know that when we cease being critters on earth that ain't it. Thermodynamics--energy is never created or destroyed; always changing. Heat, light, matter...
This ain't it.
I was quite amused by your story of Patrick, the "Love Spammer". I am amazed at what people's need for love and affection will drive the to do. Over and over again.
Kelly, what is a flokati?
I like Scout. I look forward to the next episode of OUTSIDE THE BOX. I'm not into soap operas or TV series, but I get excited about good romance. (Even though since you are still single, it obviously didn't' work out.)
I recently (well, in December) did the Night Dance on a couch in front of a roaring fireplace. I remember thinking how remarkable it was that we moved in sync. I like that term for it, the Night Dance. Mind if I use it in my book? I still have the last 100 pages or so to write--regarding my adventures while out. Man, I had a lot of fun.
Life is good.
Okay, it's way past my bedtime. Hope this finds you well. Take care. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sarah
***
I absolutely adored your story about going to India. What I loved even more--your photos of all those little kids, full of life and innocence and JOY! I'm especially fond of the big eyed little boy--so sweet. "DANCE PARTY"--How great!
I see that despite not wanting to have children, you were good to know what to do with them, or rather, how to BE with them. Children are such gifts.
Yesterday, when visiting with my mother, I noticed at least ten children under 3 in the visiting room. I was distracted by all these little magical people milling about. One little girl has seen me in the glass box (I am isolated in a no-contact room, and have visits through glass & talk through a phone) twice now, and when she walks by she stops, stares up at me and smiles. I just smile back and hold her gaze, being with her innocence and curiosity. She watches me from the vending machines and takes the long way around to see me again. I am honored to be the object of a small child's attention, one who knows nothing of murder, sex, drugs, hate, lies or all the things that infect the world.
Kudos for you for not hiding behind your Blackberry.
And for being smart enough to feed the "chicken" to the kid.
I get a kick out of your writing. You have a funny point of view. I find that what I think about a subject is rarely what I express in words. What I could otherwise express in a thousand word essay comes out of my mouth as, "You're a dickhead."
Real profound, huh?
Glad you had a nice birthday. I think once you get to 35, birthdays are spent doing stuff like having dinner with friends, doing the day-spa thing, buying a new piece of art, or going to a jazz bar. It's when you move past the birthdays when you once would go to a rock concert, get obliterated drunk and wakeup the next morning naked, alone, with a sore asshole and a birthday card on your nightstand signed by some guy named Ricardo. At least you can infer he has a fat cock and a sexy name. Hmm... Let's check my camera-phone for evidence...And you subsequently burn the sheets and delete the photos, hoping you did not text these to anyone.
Not that I would know...
Soon I plan to take an excerpt from what I've written and send it to some magazines and literary websites for review and to really just get some awareness out there, see what sort of reaction I get. I get that some of my life is really juicy, some is beautiful, some is tragic, some is fascinating, and some is hilarious. Although I have a dry sense of humor, and that's pretty evident in my book writing. What I get a couple of excerpts (funny word) prepared, I will gladly send you a copy.
I considered your request to share my letters with a few of your friends. I don't' have a problem with you posting my letters, though I get that I will likely filter the personal information I share with you based on knowing several others will be reading it. Perhaps we an agree that if I feel I don't want something shared, I will indicate that, and you commit to honoring my request? I can be okay with that.
I look forward to hearing about your trip to Alaska. My aunt dated a guy who worked on one of the Alaskan cruise liners and went a few times. She reported there is great beauty up north. I wonder if you'll get to see the aurora borealis? I always wanted to see it How can you not witness such energy and not be in awe of creation? I don't' care how people think we got where we are--evolution, creation, intelligent design, whatever--there's no way you can see stuff like that and still believe we are a fucking accident. Chance, my ass. And I love science. I could lay down and make love to it. But I know that when we cease being critters on earth that ain't it. Thermodynamics--energy is never created or destroyed; always changing. Heat, light, matter...
This ain't it.
I was quite amused by your story of Patrick, the "Love Spammer". I am amazed at what people's need for love and affection will drive the to do. Over and over again.
Kelly, what is a flokati?
I like Scout. I look forward to the next episode of OUTSIDE THE BOX. I'm not into soap operas or TV series, but I get excited about good romance. (Even though since you are still single, it obviously didn't' work out.)
I recently (well, in December) did the Night Dance on a couch in front of a roaring fireplace. I remember thinking how remarkable it was that we moved in sync. I like that term for it, the Night Dance. Mind if I use it in my book? I still have the last 100 pages or so to write--regarding my adventures while out. Man, I had a lot of fun.
Life is good.
Okay, it's way past my bedtime. Hope this finds you well. Take care. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sarah
***
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #26
Dear KK---
By now you received the letter I wrote you over the Memorial Day weekend. Hope I didn't bore you too much with my focus on the films of Lars von Trier. But there are so many bad films and bad directors: you have pointed out quite a few in the last few weeks..."The Informers", "Adoration", "Lymelife", and so on. Films with millions of dollars invested and little to show for it. So--like you, I respect directors (and actors) who at least try
to do something novel or daring or provocative or shocking--even when they occasionally fail [i.e. Egoyan with Adoration.]
With that said, I must mention the film that took the Grand Prize at Cannes over the weekend: "WHITE RIBBON" by the often daring & controversial director Mike Haneke. all I've read is this: "story of mistrust and deceit in a small German town just before World War I." Perhaps you can find more info online-such as its Wikipedia page, etc. Would be interested in knowing more. Thanks! Besides the von Trier film, another film that got a lot of buzz at Cannes was a "powerful" French prison film: "A PROPHET."
I'm glad you're smart, KK, so you can follow my terrible habit of long parenthetical & bracketed sentences & paragraphs!
Your letters---which reflect your beautiful mind and I mean that utterly sincerely, and I make no apologies for my previous comment to you that it is a women's mind that is the heart of her sexuality and sensuality--so amazing & so attractive...--give rise to so many thoughts and topics that I see reflected elsewhere--and I of course want to share it all with you. So to quote Rod Serling: "Presented for your consideration:"
>Ran across this jaw-dropping article in an issue of the Times. OMG, KK--talk about feeling connected to you: This article mirrors precisely what you were saying about the economy, New York"then and now", and New York as a cauldron of artistic freedom & artistic creation...plus the danger--always a part of the background...
Sounds like the June issue of Vanity Fair might be worth reading for the referenced article by James Wolcott. Most interested, my dear, in your reaction to this article enclosed and the Wolcott article if you have time to read it. Simply amazing...His Kind of Shell Shocked Town.
>Moving to an almost incomprehensible tragedy. I'm sure you've seen & heard the story of the death of Mike Tyson's 4-year old daughter in a bizarre strangulation accident. Just when his life was seeming to get back on track, as per the documentary film: "TYSON"--your review and several others seemed to make it clear that he has left some of his demons behind.
Trying to share with you moments & vignettes and relationships and intimate encounters--to hopefully let you get to know me through those moments and events as I hope to know you so much better in the same way. When I worked as a paramedic, I recall multiple times being called to the scene of a child death or tween death. They tend to stay etched in your mind: There was a 6 or 7 y/o boy accidentally shot dead by his not much older brother when they found a loaded gun in the house late at night... A 12 y/o boy who went into his basement to lift weights like daddy---his windpipe crushed by a barbell...and then, KK, there is "autoerotic asphixiation." The photos in forensic texts do not do the surreal scenes justice. I saw tow of these---recall one mother was in a virtual catatonic state. She had found her son dead...always wondered what became of her...
>I recall you mentioned knowing the author James Frey. I heard on TV recently that Oprah has apologized to Mr. Frey for her brutal denunciation of him on her show back in 06. Somewhat surprising. Are you still in occasional contact? And how was his book after: A Million Little Pieces? I can't recall if it was you or a review that told me it was actually pretty good. I'm sure many people wanted him to fail after the brouhaha over Little Pieces. It says a lot to me about you that you count him as a friend. :-)
>We discussed the untimely death of Natasha Richardson in some detail---and the question of could she and should she have been saved? I believe the answer to both questions is "YES". So please note the enclosed article regarding a quick-thinking doc in rural Australia. If only Ms. Richardson had had an equally aggressive and aware physician at the first hospital before the blood clot expanded and caused herniation and death. [Ed.: Article enclosed is about a man taking an ordinary household drill and drilling into a boy's head to stop a clot.]
>Another sad story--but I must ask if you knew Kelly Breslin. Obviously, her first name caught my eye of course, Breslin. I saw an obituary in an out-of-town paper, clearly taken from a New York paper: It said she was 44, and did "public relations and marketing work". So it seemed that you might well have known her, either professionally, personally or both. She apparently died at Bellevue four days after collapsing in a restaurant with friends at 4am--some sort of catastrophic medical event. It mentioned she had many clients at the World Trade Center prior to 9/11.
If she was your friend, I am so very sorry. Even if she was not--it is a powerful reminder of so many things...
I've actually done pretty well controlling my film fetish in this letter---just those opening comments at Cannes. However, my fellow film aficionado--there are quite a few out there, so let me share a few things I've read this past weekend:
>"THE MERRY GENTLEMAN"
>"THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE"
>"ADORATION"
>"JULIA"
Must wrap this up--hoping for a letter of letters from you later today...Ummm/you are endlessly fascinating Ms. K...
One quick "LOST"-related (barely) comment: Remember when you were seeing>Pen just ran out [May I dare make a mild double entendre, KK?! You truly drain me dry, my dear!].
When you were seeing eyepatches everywhere? Consider Maggie Grace-who played Shannon on "LOST" before her untimely death at the hands of a trigger happy Anna Lucia: BEFORE - over the weekend saw her playing welfare mother on an episode of "ER" from the mid-90s//AFTER--I could swear I saw her in a clip from a current film "TAKEN". She play (I think) either Liam Neeson's daughter or the daughter's friend-both of whom are kidnapped (again, I think!) One of those films we could write out the plot without seeing.
Also saw Cynthia Wastros (Libby) playing a protected witness with three kids.
I'm sure I'll have much more this week. You take care birthday girl and Taurus! I'm Libra/Scorpio (I have an interesting astrology story for later!) Stay safe in the mean city--Know I'll be thinking of you...let me count the ways...
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Just received your letter with Kurt Vonnegut and that fantastic info. on Flash Forward. Plus we've both seen the news of the new Television show on ABC--Yes--We must watch-more time travel for our brains to totally come together as one on! Terrible sentence/Must go.
XO, Michael
By now you received the letter I wrote you over the Memorial Day weekend. Hope I didn't bore you too much with my focus on the films of Lars von Trier. But there are so many bad films and bad directors: you have pointed out quite a few in the last few weeks..."The Informers", "Adoration", "Lymelife", and so on. Films with millions of dollars invested and little to show for it. So--like you, I respect directors (and actors) who at least try
to do something novel or daring or provocative or shocking--even when they occasionally fail [i.e. Egoyan with Adoration.]
With that said, I must mention the film that took the Grand Prize at Cannes over the weekend: "WHITE RIBBON" by the often daring & controversial director Mike Haneke. all I've read is this: "story of mistrust and deceit in a small German town just before World War I." Perhaps you can find more info online-such as its Wikipedia page, etc. Would be interested in knowing more. Thanks! Besides the von Trier film, another film that got a lot of buzz at Cannes was a "powerful" French prison film: "A PROPHET."
I'm glad you're smart, KK, so you can follow my terrible habit of long parenthetical & bracketed sentences & paragraphs!
Your letters---which reflect your beautiful mind and I mean that utterly sincerely, and I make no apologies for my previous comment to you that it is a women's mind that is the heart of her sexuality and sensuality--so amazing & so attractive...--give rise to so many thoughts and topics that I see reflected elsewhere--and I of course want to share it all with you. So to quote Rod Serling: "Presented for your consideration:"
>Ran across this jaw-dropping article in an issue of the Times. OMG, KK--talk about feeling connected to you: This article mirrors precisely what you were saying about the economy, New York"then and now", and New York as a cauldron of artistic freedom & artistic creation...plus the danger--always a part of the background...
Sounds like the June issue of Vanity Fair might be worth reading for the referenced article by James Wolcott. Most interested, my dear, in your reaction to this article enclosed and the Wolcott article if you have time to read it. Simply amazing...His Kind of Shell Shocked Town.
>Moving to an almost incomprehensible tragedy. I'm sure you've seen & heard the story of the death of Mike Tyson's 4-year old daughter in a bizarre strangulation accident. Just when his life was seeming to get back on track, as per the documentary film: "TYSON"--your review and several others seemed to make it clear that he has left some of his demons behind.
Trying to share with you moments & vignettes and relationships and intimate encounters--to hopefully let you get to know me through those moments and events as I hope to know you so much better in the same way. When I worked as a paramedic, I recall multiple times being called to the scene of a child death or tween death. They tend to stay etched in your mind: There was a 6 or 7 y/o boy accidentally shot dead by his not much older brother when they found a loaded gun in the house late at night... A 12 y/o boy who went into his basement to lift weights like daddy---his windpipe crushed by a barbell...and then, KK, there is "autoerotic asphixiation." The photos in forensic texts do not do the surreal scenes justice. I saw tow of these---recall one mother was in a virtual catatonic state. She had found her son dead...always wondered what became of her...
>I recall you mentioned knowing the author James Frey. I heard on TV recently that Oprah has apologized to Mr. Frey for her brutal denunciation of him on her show back in 06. Somewhat surprising. Are you still in occasional contact? And how was his book after: A Million Little Pieces? I can't recall if it was you or a review that told me it was actually pretty good. I'm sure many people wanted him to fail after the brouhaha over Little Pieces. It says a lot to me about you that you count him as a friend. :-)
>We discussed the untimely death of Natasha Richardson in some detail---and the question of could she and should she have been saved? I believe the answer to both questions is "YES". So please note the enclosed article regarding a quick-thinking doc in rural Australia. If only Ms. Richardson had had an equally aggressive and aware physician at the first hospital before the blood clot expanded and caused herniation and death. [Ed.: Article enclosed is about a man taking an ordinary household drill and drilling into a boy's head to stop a clot.]
>Another sad story--but I must ask if you knew Kelly Breslin. Obviously, her first name caught my eye of course, Breslin. I saw an obituary in an out-of-town paper, clearly taken from a New York paper: It said she was 44, and did "public relations and marketing work". So it seemed that you might well have known her, either professionally, personally or both. She apparently died at Bellevue four days after collapsing in a restaurant with friends at 4am--some sort of catastrophic medical event. It mentioned she had many clients at the World Trade Center prior to 9/11.
If she was your friend, I am so very sorry. Even if she was not--it is a powerful reminder of so many things...
I've actually done pretty well controlling my film fetish in this letter---just those opening comments at Cannes. However, my fellow film aficionado--there are quite a few out there, so let me share a few things I've read this past weekend:
>"THE MERRY GENTLEMAN"
>"THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE"
>"ADORATION"
>"JULIA"
Must wrap this up--hoping for a letter of letters from you later today...Ummm/you are endlessly fascinating Ms. K...
One quick "LOST"-related (barely) comment: Remember when you were seeing>Pen just ran out [May I dare make a mild double entendre, KK?! You truly drain me dry, my dear!].
When you were seeing eyepatches everywhere? Consider Maggie Grace-who played Shannon on "LOST" before her untimely death at the hands of a trigger happy Anna Lucia: BEFORE - over the weekend saw her playing welfare mother on an episode of "ER" from the mid-90s//AFTER--I could swear I saw her in a clip from a current film "TAKEN". She play (I think) either Liam Neeson's daughter or the daughter's friend-both of whom are kidnapped (again, I think!) One of those films we could write out the plot without seeing.
Also saw Cynthia Wastros (Libby) playing a protected witness with three kids.
I'm sure I'll have much more this week. You take care birthday girl and Taurus! I'm Libra/Scorpio (I have an interesting astrology story for later!) Stay safe in the mean city--Know I'll be thinking of you...let me count the ways...
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Just received your letter with Kurt Vonnegut and that fantastic info. on Flash Forward. Plus we've both seen the news of the new Television show on ABC--Yes--We must watch-more time travel for our brains to totally come together as one on! Terrible sentence/Must go.
XO, Michael
Friday, June 5, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #25
Hello KK---
So much to get to, Kelly. You always seem to get the creative juices flowing! Once again, sorry for the long delay between letters with the long holiday weekend.
I love your Saturdays--when you describe them you absolutely sound like a delightful "homebody"! Sounds like Mini likes them too.
Let me delve into the rest of your letter after your "K Kwestionaire!) I know--terrible alliterative play on words.
Wow! Please tell me "Just Another Love Story" is based on a Danish novel. What a dark, twisted, lovely plot! If there is a book I would definitely want to read it. That leads nicely into the films of the Danish director Lars von Trier, whose new film has made a huge splash at Cannes: "ANTICHRIST". I saw a reprint of part of Manhohla Dargi's review in the Times: "An alternately deadly serious and highly ironic exploration of psychosexual trauma, with Willem Defoe & Charlotte Gainsbourg as a couple grieving the death of their only child..."I would be lying if I didn't admit that this impossible movie kept me hooked from start to finish."
Sounds quite interesting, KK. I've read so much about von Trier's films, I feel like I've seen them--even though I have no. All of them sound fascinating & highly controversial & provocative. So I must ask you if you've seen von Triers:
"BREAKING THE WAVES" (1996)
"DOGVILLE: 03
"MANDERLAY" 05
Again, I haven't seen them, but very curious if you have. I could spend a DVD night watching all three. And curious about the new film "ANTICHRIST" as well.
By the way---think I mentioned before that Chloe Sevigny has really impressed me in what I've seen her in. And I find it amazing that Lauren Bacall, who starred with Bogart! is still working in good, complex roles.
Back to your letter---I've not seen "EXOTICA" [Atom Egoyan]--but have heard very good things. Are you familiar with Egoyan's film "THE SWEET HEREAFTER"--based on the truly haunting novel by Russell Banks. It is about the aftermath of a devastating bus accident in a small Canadian town that kills many of the town's children. Stars Sarah Polley--very talented actress who also directed her first film about Alzheimer's: "AWAY FROM HER" 07 that starred Julie Christie.
Music...Nirvana & Kurt Cobain-quintessential 90s rock but totally timeless. Even though I was not a big fan at the time, I still recall the overwhelming reaction to his death. To try to get inside you musically, I will try to listen to some of your artists that you mentioned. I've not seen "ONCE" but you LOVE the soundtrack! I do think I've heard the song "Falling Slowly" that won the Oscar. You must send me lyrics to any of these songs that move you deeply whether happily or sadly...
Let me close by turning serious again: You say you "don't write too much about myself because, frankly, you are far more interesting than I am." KK---you could not be more wrong. [Let's see ME: ---book? not good and lots of rumors--so many rumors.] It was Tolstoy or one of the Russian writers who said that every person's life is an immense and fascinating novel. Admittedly, mine is unusual and ultimately tragic--but you, KK... Well I've already said---I want to you you---well...very well. Please do explore intimately and in detail the "pain of life" you experienced. I want to share it and know it with you. Just as I want to share as much of what I've been through with you.
I'm not so sure you are ready to answer "specific questions", KK. It is so liberating when one can talk to someone about most everything--but it is not easy. Most people shy away to the safe and banal and the non-controversial---as in their relationships as well.
So---Consider yourself very interesting and fascinating, KK! But I can only ask you to share & open up with what you are willing to explore & discuss...
"In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea."
--Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1797)
KK no reason...just some brilliant words.
Must get this in the mail---but a comment on your mention of the novel FLASH FORWARD (Robert J. Sawyer) as an inspiration for "LOST". Apparently, "FLASH FORWARD" is going to be a new ABC TV series come this fall: the series will explore the effects of a worldwide 2 min/17 sec period of unconsciousness in which people are able to see themselves six months in the future. That might be going to the well once too often, but who knows?
Thinking of you,
Yours,
Michael
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #24
Dear KK---
Hi, sunshine! First of all, let me again wish you a happy birthday. And add, optimistically, that no doubt your best days are still ahead of you. Curious to hear your comments regarding God of Carnage, which you were going to see on Wed. the 13th. Speaking of which: Yes, your life is so dull. LOL...you don't fool me...Besides the theater, this past week you had a Korean spa treatment [I've got to tell you, that sounds incredibly sensual!], a Korean restaurant, and a cocktail party. Ms. K on the town!
Leaving my good-natured sarcasm aside...as always when writing to you--where to begin? I have your brilliant letter with all your questions! No problem as I've said before--and I will get to all of them if not today then tomorrow: but let me play a little "catch-up" with some of the cool stuff you've sent to me recently: Outside the Box: PARTY ANIMALS: Very beautiful KK. By far your most personal and lovely blog/column I've read so far. You've captured perfectly the intimate experience of sleeping with someone when bodies and emotions are totally comfortable and synchronized... "Our bodies intertwined expertly..."the Night Dance"... I would assume that some beautifully intimate & orgasmic sexual couplings of all varieties took place during the night, in between the exhausted sleep over lovers. [Ed.: Swango infers wrong here. The column had nothing to do with anything sexual. I think it was pretty clear there was nothing graphic going on at all. Swango tends to always try to bring up "sensual" and "sexual" things, but I have refused to write anything of that nature to him, going so far as clearly stating that I am happy to write to him as a penpal but am not flirting or looking for any sort of relationship beyond a platonic one.]
So very emotionally powerful, KK. And what was the answer to your question at the end: "When I come back from India, I hope he'll still be here."
So, KK, was he?
***
>An odd little story by J. G. Ballard. It mirrors several of his apocalyptic novels.
>The "Brain Games" profile of the neuroscientist Vlaya S. Ramachandran truly discusses some cutting-edge research. It opened with a discussion of a patient with the bizarre disorder "apotemnophilia": the compulsion to have a healthy limb amputated. The FX show "NIP/TUCK", the Grand Guignol of crazy medical shows, had a storyline a couple of seasons ago concerning such a patient. Ended with the man attempting a self-amputation, with predictably disastrous results. [Yes, I caught the "prison humor" cartoon near the end!]
>Although I'm not a pure vegetarian I must admit that Korrie Chichester's menu at the National Gourmet Institute had some interesting items. Can't go wrong with a salad of course/and fried crispy eggplant is great over salad or over rice.
***
-With the Cannes Film Festival underway, the release of more serious and Oscar/Golden Globe hungry films will only expand as the year goes on. Just some brief comments on some film reviews heard and seen over the weekend:
"The Brothers Bloom" --about an elaborate con. With Rachel Weisz, Mark Ruffalo, Adrien Brody sounds well-done & entertaining, but not sure if it's worth a full admission price.
"Jerichow": From your Times: "a compact and somber German film...a variation on Cain's "The Postman Always Rings Twice." Here's the last paragraph:
"There is nonetheless something haunting about this film, a sense of desperation and defeat that seems less like a generic convention than like a genuine insight on intuition into what can happen at the crossroads of lust, loneliness, & materialism.
Ah Yes--The American Dream!
"Summer Hours": A French film (YES!) about an inheritance on the surface, and much much more underneath. Very positive reviews, especially for Juliette Binoche. She was so good in the 92 British film, "Damage", directed by Louis Malle.
"Management": Like you & me & M. Night Shyamalan, I'm one of those few people who liked or even saw the Jennifer Aniston/Jake Gyllenhaal film "The Good Girl." I kid you not--the total U.S. box office was, like, $2m+! Aniston's newest film is "Management", which sounds equally "quirky", if that's the right word. When she plays against type, Aniston does very well.
More to say about your interesting comments on film---especially your synopsis of that Danish film: "Just Another Love Story". Sounds like an utterly fascinating movie. You & I are in agreement on this one, KK.
But let me move to your questions. You numbered them 1-8, and I know your letter is saved on disc, so let me try to answer them that way.
[Ed.: for readers here, you can go to my last letter posted to Swango where I ask him 8 questions about his crimes.]
1) Obviously it is difficult to pinpoint precisely why we want to know someone very, very well--to know them inside & out, as I've said before. To share & discuss intimacies & explore more than just the superficial and banal. From your very first letter and that super-cute (don't' get shy on me!) card, you definitely had my attention! You seemed so off-handed and normal. Then when your second letter arrived sans writing-envelope only...now I really wanted to hear from you! You are right--I do not respond this way to anyone who writes to me.
[May I say this: There are a lot of people more and more each day I am sure, who simply cannot write or type an actual snail-mail letter. It has nothing to do with intelligence--it's because since the mid-90s electronic/telephone communication has quickly overwhelmed all other means.]
But your self-deprecating comments aside, you really are a most fascinating & intelligent woman who has so many interests & passions. Forget the fact that you are lovely as well--your intelligence & your mind makes you immensely attractive. And as I've already said intelligence & the mind are much more sexy and sensual than appearance alone. Not to imply that I can't be superficial as well. :-)
I do want to know you so very well---and for you to know me. I only wonder if you are able or willing to share in such an unusual way to be sure. It's never easy to open yourself up to anyone. It's not easy for me, KK.
You asked, please don't hold it against me!
My other answers should be shorter:
2) NO. I have no yet read BLIND EYE in its entirety. During legal negotiations my attorneys asked me to read a few specific passages. The reasons escape me at this time. Some of what I read was accurate, some was not. Again, for legal reasons did not then & could not now get involved with the author.
3) The answer here is no. Nothing of that sort was ever done to Kristin by me. Could not imagine it. You may know that I was no with her during the last 3 weeks of her life---she was in Virginia, I was in NY. [Ed.: I asked him if he poisoned Kristin at any point as her autopsied body had a high concentration of arsenic in it.]
4) Again, no. No such pleasure. (My "outlets" were intense & usually quite emotional...) again, very lucky in that way. [Ed.: I asked him why he poisoned--if he got a sexual pleasure out of it or if it was a compulsion about control.]
5) I think we've discussed most of this. Again--no question there were some sociopathic "holes"/ but so much was and is "normal" --whatever that means. And I would beg to differ in the last two lines. No question that my time here, in this modern-day & secure Cistercian monastery, has changed me significantly. Believe me, if you had written four or five years ago, I was much different. Not so good.
6) Your easiest question, KK: No. [Ed.: I asked him if he still gets thoughts to kill or poison.]
7) This I think we've answer in letters since. I don't know if "fix" is the right word--but time & discipline (self) and the memory palace are some of the reasons why.
8) Again. No. This was always wildly exaggerated. I was a paramedic, medical student, ER doctor---of course I was interested to some degree. [Ed.: I asked him if he still kept scrapbooks of disasters, murders, deaths.]
There are still [my God you are addictive, dear KK!] several things from your letter that I want to talk about--but I must get this in the mail.
So--very quickly: Obviously, whatever I failed to answer of your questions, I will try again if necessary. In this case, curiosity is a marvelous attribute of this particular dog lover! [Hello, Mini--who's a good dog!]
[Ed.: He enclosed a few film reviews and articles. ]
Let me apologize in advance for any longer than usual delay in mail caused by the Memorial Day weekend. Hope your weather is good in NYC and you stay safe. Take care--thinking of you.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Yes, pages 5-9 took twice as long as 1-4.
Hi, sunshine! First of all, let me again wish you a happy birthday. And add, optimistically, that no doubt your best days are still ahead of you. Curious to hear your comments regarding God of Carnage, which you were going to see on Wed. the 13th. Speaking of which: Yes, your life is so dull. LOL...you don't fool me...Besides the theater, this past week you had a Korean spa treatment [I've got to tell you, that sounds incredibly sensual!], a Korean restaurant, and a cocktail party. Ms. K on the town!
Leaving my good-natured sarcasm aside...as always when writing to you--where to begin? I have your brilliant letter with all your questions! No problem as I've said before--and I will get to all of them if not today then tomorrow: but let me play a little "catch-up" with some of the cool stuff you've sent to me recently: Outside the Box: PARTY ANIMALS: Very beautiful KK. By far your most personal and lovely blog/column I've read so far. You've captured perfectly the intimate experience of sleeping with someone when bodies and emotions are totally comfortable and synchronized... "Our bodies intertwined expertly..."the Night Dance"... I would assume that some beautifully intimate & orgasmic sexual couplings of all varieties took place during the night, in between the exhausted sleep over lovers. [Ed.: Swango infers wrong here. The column had nothing to do with anything sexual. I think it was pretty clear there was nothing graphic going on at all. Swango tends to always try to bring up "sensual" and "sexual" things, but I have refused to write anything of that nature to him, going so far as clearly stating that I am happy to write to him as a penpal but am not flirting or looking for any sort of relationship beyond a platonic one.]
So very emotionally powerful, KK. And what was the answer to your question at the end: "When I come back from India, I hope he'll still be here."
So, KK, was he?
***
>An odd little story by J. G. Ballard. It mirrors several of his apocalyptic novels.
>The "Brain Games" profile of the neuroscientist Vlaya S. Ramachandran truly discusses some cutting-edge research. It opened with a discussion of a patient with the bizarre disorder "apotemnophilia": the compulsion to have a healthy limb amputated. The FX show "NIP/TUCK", the Grand Guignol of crazy medical shows, had a storyline a couple of seasons ago concerning such a patient. Ended with the man attempting a self-amputation, with predictably disastrous results. [Yes, I caught the "prison humor" cartoon near the end!]
>Although I'm not a pure vegetarian I must admit that Korrie Chichester's menu at the National Gourmet Institute had some interesting items. Can't go wrong with a salad of course/and fried crispy eggplant is great over salad or over rice.
***
-With the Cannes Film Festival underway, the release of more serious and Oscar/Golden Globe hungry films will only expand as the year goes on. Just some brief comments on some film reviews heard and seen over the weekend:
"The Brothers Bloom" --about an elaborate con. With Rachel Weisz, Mark Ruffalo, Adrien Brody sounds well-done & entertaining, but not sure if it's worth a full admission price.
"Jerichow": From your Times: "a compact and somber German film...a variation on Cain's "The Postman Always Rings Twice." Here's the last paragraph:
"There is nonetheless something haunting about this film, a sense of desperation and defeat that seems less like a generic convention than like a genuine insight on intuition into what can happen at the crossroads of lust, loneliness, & materialism.
Ah Yes--The American Dream!
"Summer Hours": A French film (YES!) about an inheritance on the surface, and much much more underneath. Very positive reviews, especially for Juliette Binoche. She was so good in the 92 British film, "Damage", directed by Louis Malle.
"Management": Like you & me & M. Night Shyamalan, I'm one of those few people who liked or even saw the Jennifer Aniston/Jake Gyllenhaal film "The Good Girl." I kid you not--the total U.S. box office was, like, $2m+! Aniston's newest film is "Management", which sounds equally "quirky", if that's the right word. When she plays against type, Aniston does very well.
More to say about your interesting comments on film---especially your synopsis of that Danish film: "Just Another Love Story". Sounds like an utterly fascinating movie. You & I are in agreement on this one, KK.
But let me move to your questions. You numbered them 1-8, and I know your letter is saved on disc, so let me try to answer them that way.
[Ed.: for readers here, you can go to my last letter posted to Swango where I ask him 8 questions about his crimes.]
1) Obviously it is difficult to pinpoint precisely why we want to know someone very, very well--to know them inside & out, as I've said before. To share & discuss intimacies & explore more than just the superficial and banal. From your very first letter and that super-cute (don't' get shy on me!) card, you definitely had my attention! You seemed so off-handed and normal. Then when your second letter arrived sans writing-envelope only...now I really wanted to hear from you! You are right--I do not respond this way to anyone who writes to me.
[May I say this: There are a lot of people more and more each day I am sure, who simply cannot write or type an actual snail-mail letter. It has nothing to do with intelligence--it's because since the mid-90s electronic/telephone communication has quickly overwhelmed all other means.]
But your self-deprecating comments aside, you really are a most fascinating & intelligent woman who has so many interests & passions. Forget the fact that you are lovely as well--your intelligence & your mind makes you immensely attractive. And as I've already said intelligence & the mind are much more sexy and sensual than appearance alone. Not to imply that I can't be superficial as well. :-)
I do want to know you so very well---and for you to know me. I only wonder if you are able or willing to share in such an unusual way to be sure. It's never easy to open yourself up to anyone. It's not easy for me, KK.
You asked, please don't hold it against me!
My other answers should be shorter:
2) NO. I have no yet read BLIND EYE in its entirety. During legal negotiations my attorneys asked me to read a few specific passages. The reasons escape me at this time. Some of what I read was accurate, some was not. Again, for legal reasons did not then & could not now get involved with the author.
3) The answer here is no. Nothing of that sort was ever done to Kristin by me. Could not imagine it. You may know that I was no with her during the last 3 weeks of her life---she was in Virginia, I was in NY. [Ed.: I asked him if he poisoned Kristin at any point as her autopsied body had a high concentration of arsenic in it.]
4) Again, no. No such pleasure. (My "outlets" were intense & usually quite emotional...) again, very lucky in that way. [Ed.: I asked him why he poisoned--if he got a sexual pleasure out of it or if it was a compulsion about control.]
5) I think we've discussed most of this. Again--no question there were some sociopathic "holes"/ but so much was and is "normal" --whatever that means. And I would beg to differ in the last two lines. No question that my time here, in this modern-day & secure Cistercian monastery, has changed me significantly. Believe me, if you had written four or five years ago, I was much different. Not so good.
6) Your easiest question, KK: No. [Ed.: I asked him if he still gets thoughts to kill or poison.]
7) This I think we've answer in letters since. I don't know if "fix" is the right word--but time & discipline (self) and the memory palace are some of the reasons why.
8) Again. No. This was always wildly exaggerated. I was a paramedic, medical student, ER doctor---of course I was interested to some degree. [Ed.: I asked him if he still kept scrapbooks of disasters, murders, deaths.]
There are still [my God you are addictive, dear KK!] several things from your letter that I want to talk about--but I must get this in the mail.
So--very quickly: Obviously, whatever I failed to answer of your questions, I will try again if necessary. In this case, curiosity is a marvelous attribute of this particular dog lover! [Hello, Mini--who's a good dog!]
[Ed.: He enclosed a few film reviews and articles. ]
Let me apologize in advance for any longer than usual delay in mail caused by the Memorial Day weekend. Hope your weather is good in NYC and you stay safe. Take care--thinking of you.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Yes, pages 5-9 took twice as long as 1-4.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Susan Smith, #3
Dear Kelly,
Hi my friend! How are you? It was great to hear from you as usual. Thanks for the article about Mini and the articles you wrote. I enjoyed them all. Your a comical author. I like your personality a lot.
I have been battling a severe depression and I've been cutting more lately. I'm asking for help but they just seem to don't care. I get 30 minutes of therapy every 3 months. What is that?! I take Wellbutrin and Neurontin. I am waiting to see the psychiatrist now. I think I'll see her next month. I believe my medication is some of the problem.
Are you doing well? I hope you're doing better than I am. Life is just one big cruel joke at times! I wish I had more willingness in me to want to live.
I saw my mom & grandma Sunday and it was an okay visit. To be honest, I felt liek they really didn't want to be there but came anyway out of obligation. Sometimes there are days like that.
Summer is upon us. It gets very hot & humid here. I miss the beach and swimming pools. There's not much here to occupy our minds. They need to have more theraputic things for us. I really wish they would have a dog program. Animals are such great therapy. My most favorite are labs. I think I told you already.
I'm now tutoring English instead of math. I needed a change since they were adamant about me teaching. I had gotten bored with math plus my mental state prevented me from doing my best. I felt I was doing the sutdents more harm than good.
I watched my first Harry Potter movie the other night. I enjoyed it--it was very different. I'm also reading my first fantasy novel. Just trying to make some changes and think outside the box, you know?
Not much else. I look forward to you letters as they always put a smile on my face. You're a great person and I'm glad to have met you. Take care and be blessed.
Hugs,
Susan
Hi my friend! How are you? It was great to hear from you as usual. Thanks for the article about Mini and the articles you wrote. I enjoyed them all. Your a comical author. I like your personality a lot.
I have been battling a severe depression and I've been cutting more lately. I'm asking for help but they just seem to don't care. I get 30 minutes of therapy every 3 months. What is that?! I take Wellbutrin and Neurontin. I am waiting to see the psychiatrist now. I think I'll see her next month. I believe my medication is some of the problem.
Are you doing well? I hope you're doing better than I am. Life is just one big cruel joke at times! I wish I had more willingness in me to want to live.
I saw my mom & grandma Sunday and it was an okay visit. To be honest, I felt liek they really didn't want to be there but came anyway out of obligation. Sometimes there are days like that.
Summer is upon us. It gets very hot & humid here. I miss the beach and swimming pools. There's not much here to occupy our minds. They need to have more theraputic things for us. I really wish they would have a dog program. Animals are such great therapy. My most favorite are labs. I think I told you already.
I'm now tutoring English instead of math. I needed a change since they were adamant about me teaching. I had gotten bored with math plus my mental state prevented me from doing my best. I felt I was doing the sutdents more harm than good.
I watched my first Harry Potter movie the other night. I enjoyed it--it was very different. I'm also reading my first fantasy novel. Just trying to make some changes and think outside the box, you know?
Not much else. I look forward to you letters as they always put a smile on my face. You're a great person and I'm glad to have met you. Take care and be blessed.
Hugs,
Susan
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #24
Dear KK---
Much to get to from your most interesting letters and much-appreciated reading material. No doubt this will be "Part One."
You and I are in total agreement on more personal letter; or as you put it so well: "serious and soul-searching letters." They should and do take longer to write... Before leaving the serious [will return, I promise :)] for more prosaic topics, allow me to make an analogy based on my own years or personal relationships AND (most important) talking to many, many women and men--deliberately--about relationships and intimacy. Never easy, but and well worth the time.
I may have mentioned this several weeks ago: Most men and fewer but still many women can go most of their lives without the courage (or lack of fear...) to be willing to open themselves up to someone else--emotionally, sexually & sensually [not the same thing as I somehow believe you know]. The way we live in late 20th & early 21st Century America puts so many obstacles in our way---many of them self-imposed. In one of your recent letters, you mentioned the word "sociopath" and its clinical definition, etc. I was very lucky, early in my 20s, to meet two women who helped me to learn to fully realize that potential for emotional intimacy. Hence my comment to you that 90% of sex & sensuality is in the mind... and I carried those "lessons" on, and continue to do so. This helps to explain two things, both of which, you have asked in questions:
1) I've already told you that without question I used to exhibit & act on some traits of the "sociopath" as you & I understand the definition. But in other ways, especially my attitude toward intimacy & relationships the definition in no way applies. Complicated, I know.
2) These are a lot of reasons why I have been able to deal with current situation and, as you again put so well: "mentally adapt." One of them is the clear knowledge that I was able to appreciate & totally experience all the above. Trust me, I am very thankful for that. Very lucky, as well.
Again, I promise to "expand" all the above--but your observations on "time" are so true. The above took over 45 minutes to write! Plus I know that my ultra-curious & questioning [love both those traits about you...] correspondent will ask more questions, etc., etc. !
Actually, one more serious comment: Thank you for sharing with me that you suffer at times from clinical depression; and that you "understand, so well, that 'What happens next?' question :-) I believe most people do not understand; and I believe that many people (men and woman) suffer from depression (mild or serious) and don't realize it. Do any of the serotonin--uptake inhibitors help you? (Fluoxetine (Prozac), Paxil, etc.?)
Hope we can talk about this much more. So glad you seem to battle it so well.
***
So--an entire website devoted to words people like and the reason why?! Fantastic! I know I have several---believe I mentioned either "INCANDESCENT" or "IRIDESCENCE"...also two Anglophilic word: "FACTOTUM" and "MAJOR-DOMO" and for some reason: "GLEAN"/Your word "FURTIVE" definitely has a certain "ring" and "feel" to it.
I certainly hope that at some point "IN TREATMENT" will come to basic cable. You have totally sold me on the very compelling storylines, all of which seems to be very intense & emotional. I can understand how a whole hour of these wrenching personal/emotional battles& therapy session can make the viewer feel uneasy or tense. Do keep me posted! [do you recall the "Sopranos" storyline in which Annabella Sciorra played another patient of Dr. Melfi's who end up having an affair with Tony...then they break up & she threatens him...and later she commits suicide. Powerful stuff.]
Your comments about New York City are most illuminative & enlightening. I did seem that the Giuliani years turned New York into more vanilla & "homogenized Disneyfied" city. Mind you--still a FAR more diverse & fascinating city than any other in these United States. But as you point out, it is precisely that enormous, teeming, conflict-filled, slightly or somewhat dangerous atmosphere that makes New York what it is: that "petri dish from which true art grows." And I can totally appreciate the fine line you must draw as a denizen of the City---safety but with an "edge"...
[Not the same things---but I can recall my visit Kinshasa (D.R. Congo): this enormous, teeming city---dirt-poor, filthy, dangerous, so crowded, but filled with so much life & vitality...]
Turning to your second letter--your card with the "Autobiography of J.G.B." enclosed: Thanks for the details on "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single." Sounds like Mr. Schaeffer has a good thing going with Showtime. Perhaps at some point another black comedy like "Starved" will come along.
Speaking of FX: Do you watch "Rescue Me"? I only mention it because it is still another television show taking place in New York. Is every cop in New York on a TV Show?!! Let's see---you've got the three Law & Orders, CSI: NY, The Unusual, countless others, past & present. After an 18 month hiatus due to the writers strike in 7-08--it recently began its Fifth Season. It deals with some pretty intense stuff addition, 9/11 (good, bad & ugly), child death, revenge murder, & some amazingly twisted & bizarre relationships, even by FX standards. But the writing is very good, very funny, & very dark. To be honest, most police, fire, etc. shows leave me cold---but "R.M." is about the FDNY only peripherally.
That trip to Alaska sounds great. Actually, it sounds like they could keep the cruise ship docked in Seattle and everyone would still have a pretty good time. Thirteen restaurants, casino, rock-climbing...Wow!
Yeah---I follow this economic downturn/recession very closely. The events of late September 08 will go down as a pivotal moment in World economic history. I'm genuinely sorry about your loss of clients/real-estate and related areas like yours seem to have taken the biggest hit. I don't know if New York has been hit as hard as S. California or S. Fla---but it can't be good. Good luck/I know you of all people will hang tough. Hope I can help relieve stress...
I need to get this in the mail, but must mention one other "serious" topic before closing. As you hopefully understand from the letters that followed--there are things I simply cannot discuss. It's not up to me. Details of certain incidents and chemical/toxicological information are among those topics. But you can know me almost completely from what happened before and after that time, as well as all the things & people & relationships & places that happened during... As you can probably tell by now, I have some strong & passionate feelings on a wide range of things, including my attempted insight into why certain things happened--or did not happen. I do want to delve into personal & private things & emotions & situations--trust me, we have (some!) and will. And all these things about you truly interest & intrigue me as well, KK. Ummmm... as mentioned before, I want to know you inside and out, and will let you inside me as well...
Must get this in the mail. At least one more letter to finish--comments on your articles and BLOG pages. Plus I know more questions and scintillating--another great word: "SCINTILLATING"--comments on the way!
You take care and stay safe in your deteriorating city. Be thinking of you, KK.
Yours,
Michael
Much to get to from your most interesting letters and much-appreciated reading material. No doubt this will be "Part One."
You and I are in total agreement on more personal letter; or as you put it so well: "serious and soul-searching letters." They should and do take longer to write... Before leaving the serious [will return, I promise :)] for more prosaic topics, allow me to make an analogy based on my own years or personal relationships AND (most important) talking to many, many women and men--deliberately--about relationships and intimacy. Never easy, but and well worth the time.
I may have mentioned this several weeks ago: Most men and fewer but still many women can go most of their lives without the courage (or lack of fear...) to be willing to open themselves up to someone else--emotionally, sexually & sensually [not the same thing as I somehow believe you know]. The way we live in late 20th & early 21st Century America puts so many obstacles in our way---many of them self-imposed. In one of your recent letters, you mentioned the word "sociopath" and its clinical definition, etc. I was very lucky, early in my 20s, to meet two women who helped me to learn to fully realize that potential for emotional intimacy. Hence my comment to you that 90% of sex & sensuality is in the mind... and I carried those "lessons" on, and continue to do so. This helps to explain two things, both of which, you have asked in questions:
1) I've already told you that without question I used to exhibit & act on some traits of the "sociopath" as you & I understand the definition. But in other ways, especially my attitude toward intimacy & relationships the definition in no way applies. Complicated, I know.
2) These are a lot of reasons why I have been able to deal with current situation and, as you again put so well: "mentally adapt." One of them is the clear knowledge that I was able to appreciate & totally experience all the above. Trust me, I am very thankful for that. Very lucky, as well.
Again, I promise to "expand" all the above--but your observations on "time" are so true. The above took over 45 minutes to write! Plus I know that my ultra-curious & questioning [love both those traits about you...] correspondent will ask more questions, etc., etc. !
Actually, one more serious comment: Thank you for sharing with me that you suffer at times from clinical depression; and that you "understand, so well, that 'What happens next?' question :-) I believe most people do not understand; and I believe that many people (men and woman) suffer from depression (mild or serious) and don't realize it. Do any of the serotonin--uptake inhibitors help you? (Fluoxetine (Prozac), Paxil, etc.?)
Hope we can talk about this much more. So glad you seem to battle it so well.
***
So--an entire website devoted to words people like and the reason why?! Fantastic! I know I have several---believe I mentioned either "INCANDESCENT" or "IRIDESCENCE"...also two Anglophilic word: "FACTOTUM" and "MAJOR-DOMO" and for some reason: "GLEAN"/Your word "FURTIVE" definitely has a certain "ring" and "feel" to it.
I certainly hope that at some point "IN TREATMENT" will come to basic cable. You have totally sold me on the very compelling storylines, all of which seems to be very intense & emotional. I can understand how a whole hour of these wrenching personal/emotional battles& therapy session can make the viewer feel uneasy or tense. Do keep me posted! [do you recall the "Sopranos" storyline in which Annabella Sciorra played another patient of Dr. Melfi's who end up having an affair with Tony...then they break up & she threatens him...and later she commits suicide. Powerful stuff.]
Your comments about New York City are most illuminative & enlightening. I did seem that the Giuliani years turned New York into more vanilla & "homogenized Disneyfied" city. Mind you--still a FAR more diverse & fascinating city than any other in these United States. But as you point out, it is precisely that enormous, teeming, conflict-filled, slightly or somewhat dangerous atmosphere that makes New York what it is: that "petri dish from which true art grows." And I can totally appreciate the fine line you must draw as a denizen of the City---safety but with an "edge"...
[Not the same things---but I can recall my visit Kinshasa (D.R. Congo): this enormous, teeming city---dirt-poor, filthy, dangerous, so crowded, but filled with so much life & vitality...]
Turning to your second letter--your card with the "Autobiography of J.G.B." enclosed: Thanks for the details on "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single." Sounds like Mr. Schaeffer has a good thing going with Showtime. Perhaps at some point another black comedy like "Starved" will come along.
Speaking of FX: Do you watch "Rescue Me"? I only mention it because it is still another television show taking place in New York. Is every cop in New York on a TV Show?!! Let's see---you've got the three Law & Orders, CSI: NY, The Unusual, countless others, past & present. After an 18 month hiatus due to the writers strike in 7-08--it recently began its Fifth Season. It deals with some pretty intense stuff addition, 9/11 (good, bad & ugly), child death, revenge murder, & some amazingly twisted & bizarre relationships, even by FX standards. But the writing is very good, very funny, & very dark. To be honest, most police, fire, etc. shows leave me cold---but "R.M." is about the FDNY only peripherally.
That trip to Alaska sounds great. Actually, it sounds like they could keep the cruise ship docked in Seattle and everyone would still have a pretty good time. Thirteen restaurants, casino, rock-climbing...Wow!
Yeah---I follow this economic downturn/recession very closely. The events of late September 08 will go down as a pivotal moment in World economic history. I'm genuinely sorry about your loss of clients/real-estate and related areas like yours seem to have taken the biggest hit. I don't know if New York has been hit as hard as S. California or S. Fla---but it can't be good. Good luck/I know you of all people will hang tough. Hope I can help relieve stress...
I need to get this in the mail, but must mention one other "serious" topic before closing. As you hopefully understand from the letters that followed--there are things I simply cannot discuss. It's not up to me. Details of certain incidents and chemical/toxicological information are among those topics. But you can know me almost completely from what happened before and after that time, as well as all the things & people & relationships & places that happened during... As you can probably tell by now, I have some strong & passionate feelings on a wide range of things, including my attempted insight into why certain things happened--or did not happen. I do want to delve into personal & private things & emotions & situations--trust me, we have (some!) and will. And all these things about you truly interest & intrigue me as well, KK. Ummmm... as mentioned before, I want to know you inside and out, and will let you inside me as well...
Must get this in the mail. At least one more letter to finish--comments on your articles and BLOG pages. Plus I know more questions and scintillating--another great word: "SCINTILLATING"--comments on the way!
You take care and stay safe in your deteriorating city. Be thinking of you, KK.
Yours,
Michael
