Kelly!
It's been a lovely day. Sun and a breeze in the 70s, a perfect spring day. The sunlight comes in my window as it rises and it warms me just right first thing in the morning. I love how the sun energizes me. What a gift! I'm glad you recovered completely from your bout with food poisoning. God, that's awful. I had food poisoning or something Christmas Eve (2007) and ended up in the infirmary hooked up to an IV and puked violently for sixteen hours, eve AFTER the shot of phegren. HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! It's like puking your toenails up from the inside out, the being smacked around by a Peterbuilt. My sympathies.
I'd like a picture of Mini. I just adore dogs. I got to se Dewey, the dog I trained at Rockville to assist the handicapped. He's a beautiful red haired Golden. Perfect little guy. I adore the shit out of him.
As much as you enjoy memoirs, autobiographies, I think it'd be great for your to write one. I've found it's hard for me to write from the first person. I'm so close to my life. It's easier to write about something when you are a bit detached. But you are accustomed to writing about yourself obviously.
I like the way you write. Odd, articulate, funny, neurotic, yet strangely familiar. I think I've cracked up a few times while reading your articles, sometimes so hard I nearly piss on myself. I'm not traditionally funny; I'm a dry humor girl. In the movie theater I'm the one laughing when no one else is. Sometimes I embarrass my cowatchers. Oh well. Fuck it. Life's too short not to express ourselves with laughter.
Laughter feels good.
Anyway, if your life is interesting enough for people to read your articles and blog for years, I'm sure you can get published. Yay! A new adventure for you.
I don't' know what the laws are about inmates writing and being published.. I'm looking for an attorney now. I think if it's based on the crime, then I can't profit from it, but I don't know. There are two basic areas I want to cover--my life and the transformation of me as a woman, a spiritual human being through my life, crime, prison stay, escape and the events following it. Then, others are also interested in my life, crime, how I escape, what I did, etc. -- more true crime sort of thing. It could be separated into two books really. And another book is being written by my wife's husband, about her life, of which includes a section or two on me. I got the intro chapter tonight. God, it's weird reading about myself written through someone else's eyes. Imagine the people you have dated/married feel strange reading what you've written about them. How do you feel about broadcasting their personal lives? Have they ever been upset with you about what you've written?
I'm not familiar with Bart. I don't watch much TV, not at all. NASCAR races, a little pro-football, Hell's Kitchen, and when Rock Star aired, I watched both seasons. But otherwise if it's not on History or Discovery Channels, I don't watch it. I did watch the primary coverage and the Presidential debates, though. Neat that you felt compelled to write to Bart. What I find awful is that they government even has the death penalty--let's kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong. Do they list HOMICIDE on the death certificate?
I grabbed an Augusten Burroughs book to check out one of your favorites. Haven't started it yet.
I wonder if suicidal tendencies are more prevalent in people who are right brain dominant?
I hope you find your purpose and are filled with joy and completeness when you do those things.
What bring you joy? What makes you smile?
As far as what AMW and the later news reports got wrong, I don't' have all the transcripts from them. I have a transcript my friend typed out from the 14 Feb airing, but otherwise must go from what others told me or the one I saw. I wish I had transcripts from each of the airings. I do know I was offended when they said I was prostituting with a heavy cocaine habit, and that they found me in a drug-infested neighborhood. How untrue! But they can say things like this because no one will check their facts. Jerks. And much more, but it'll only serve to irritate me to go into. Yes, my book will correct the media.
Summer heat is coming. No A/C here. Some fans. I'll be sweating off the sounds for sure. I've lost some already. Unavoidable the way they feed us. No complaints though. I don't expect 4-start treatment. I got a bit of that while out, though. Big, king sized beds, Egyptian cotton sheets, plush bath robes, white tablecloths, restaurants, a few. Nice. Fun. Not bad for a bitch on the run, eh?
Have you started your cooking class? I love to cook. I'd like to get into the Culinary Arts program or the Horticulture program. Learn to grow, learn to cook. I know how to eat. :-) Veggies are so good for you. I hated many of them as a kid if they weren't doused in cheese or ranch sauce. Found out I like them a lot more while out. I guess it's the adult palate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
You look lovely--you aren't old. Though, I know it makes you look at your life, like, shit, I'm 39 and where is it going? We're at the halfway mark and I'm single and wondering if I'll find that person who compliments me, shares my wacky sense of humor, brings me joy, can righteously fuck me, deal with my bullshit, keeps a job, shares some goals, and if I'm real lucky doesn't more or leave his beard trimmings in the sink. Companionship is nice, but it's also having someone there to acknowledge you and be a witness to your life, and appreciate all of you, the parts your friends can't get. That intimacy is special. I've been lucky in my life to have shared some deep intimacies with some fantastic men and women lovers and had a sexual, mental, and spiritual connection. Otherworldly chemistry.
I'm a lucky woman. Most of the time.
I fully believe I will leave my mark on the world, in a better way than being America's Most Wanted Woman. That's so horrible. I so don't want that to be my legacy. God, no. But I'll use it as a stepping stone to something greater.
I hope this finds you well. I love your articles. They make me laugh. I always invite laughter into my life. So good. Healing!
Take care,
Sarah
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #20
Dear KK---
Hi! I must begin by correcting my error in my previous letter, which I am sure you noticed. The author Dave Eggers, is of course, alive and well. [Coincidentally, he is only two months older than you!] It was the actual author of INFINITE JEST, David Foster Wallace, who committed suicide on 12 SEP 08. My apologies-somehow the two "Davids" got crossed in my mind.
Turning to your long letter with covered soooo many intriguing & talk-worthy topics, and of course asked those deeply penetrating questions that I continue to encourage :-) [Once again from the beginning.]
Yes, I'm familiar with what Williamsburg is known for, but I've never spent any time there. I have spent several hours stuck on the Williamsburg Bridge, however. I can tell from your comments that it is not your favorite part of New York! "Billysburg"? Sounds like a term invented by a Manhattanite! Anyway, far more exciting is learning about still another side of the ever-fascinating & increasingly complex Kelly K [I love "complex," by the way!] Jewelry designer! Very cool. Plus a most original concept of using letters, numbers, & symbols that have "unique" relationships& meaning "to every individual. Your even have yearly "collection." Does this involve using tools for cutting shaping, polishing, embellishing the items that you turn into jewelry? Most interesting, KK.
Sounds like you have already adapted to the burgeoning barter economy that is supposedly a hallmark of this recession. Trading used designer/vintage clothing for a vintage leather motorcycle jacket. So what was on the back--"Born to Lose," or "Sons of Anarchy"*?!
OK-so make the book a memoir. Based on the little I've heard so far, and more importantly-your exuberance & passion--I have no doubt that you have had a "very weird & interesting life." and that "many wacky things" have happened to you. I truly hope that you will mention & share as much as you can--because I do want to know you more deeply...I have a sense that you and I could begin telling each other stories & events of our lives, and we would still be together & talking a week later, and longer.
And since I've reached that point in your letter---let me repeat what I said previously: I do sense that you are a very dark person" who "knows the pain of life." You are also clearly a survivor (as am I...) -- and I want to know this very dark and fascinating woman much much better. Her essence and her core.
You mentioned that Diane Arbus tried to capture the "essence of 'freaks'". Can't let that pass without mentioning the amazing 1932 film by Todd Browning: "FREAKS". I'm sure you have seen it. One of the more unique films ever made.
Another colorful tile in the complex, multi-colored mosaic called Kelly K" your interest in boxing! Thank you for the well-written review by David Edelstein. Every review that I have either read or heard has been equally positive. I think a lot of folks, reviewers included, had the same reaction. They had stereotyped Tyson as a washed-up boxer who ruined career, etc., etc. But clearly the filmmaker, via Tyson's own words, has revealed him as a far more multi-sided individual.
Why am I not at all surprised that you used date an executive producer at SHOWTIME! I believe you could write on entire separate memoir regarding "Adventure in Dating."
Curious what you thought of Norman Mailer's interest in & fascination with boxing...
So much to talk about. When I run out of time I will pop this in the mail---and then finish my letter/your long letter/later tonight & tomorrow. That will probably be my last letter with 42 cent postage, as it goes up by 2 Cent on Sunday (5/10).
Still another tantalizing comment, that you had a "very odd childhood" that is "too long to get into". But would love to hear more when you can. As you may already know if it's on Google---I was an Army brat-so we moved every year or two to various military bases... I didn't go to the same school for two consecutive years until I was in high school. Pretty typical of hundreds of thousands Army brats I'm sure.
I think it is totally cute that you are a dachshund aficionado, KK.
Hello, Mini!
OK--Must get this in the mail. Quite a bit more to follow...Paul Janka... ALICE...the UK...Google ... sociopaths...I truly appreciate the fact that you are curious, and just want to try to understand. Will do my best, because I want you to know me--all of me/inside & out--as I am now. Not just the ominous individual now. Not just the ominous individual portrayed on google, etc.
Will explain "bad heart". Clearly that was a teaser comment at the end of a letter. If you didn't ask about it, I would be surprised---just like your comments on being a "very dark person"! Must know more!
Take care, KK. Thinking of you & hope to hear from you soon. Be well & stay safe.
Yours,
Michael
Hi! I must begin by correcting my error in my previous letter, which I am sure you noticed. The author Dave Eggers, is of course, alive and well. [Coincidentally, he is only two months older than you!] It was the actual author of INFINITE JEST, David Foster Wallace, who committed suicide on 12 SEP 08. My apologies-somehow the two "Davids" got crossed in my mind.
Turning to your long letter with covered soooo many intriguing & talk-worthy topics, and of course asked those deeply penetrating questions that I continue to encourage :-) [Once again from the beginning.]
Yes, I'm familiar with what Williamsburg is known for, but I've never spent any time there. I have spent several hours stuck on the Williamsburg Bridge, however. I can tell from your comments that it is not your favorite part of New York! "Billysburg"? Sounds like a term invented by a Manhattanite! Anyway, far more exciting is learning about still another side of the ever-fascinating & increasingly complex Kelly K [I love "complex," by the way!] Jewelry designer! Very cool. Plus a most original concept of using letters, numbers, & symbols that have "unique" relationships& meaning "to every individual. Your even have yearly "collection." Does this involve using tools for cutting shaping, polishing, embellishing the items that you turn into jewelry? Most interesting, KK.
Sounds like you have already adapted to the burgeoning barter economy that is supposedly a hallmark of this recession. Trading used designer/vintage clothing for a vintage leather motorcycle jacket. So what was on the back--"Born to Lose," or "Sons of Anarchy"*?!
OK-so make the book a memoir. Based on the little I've heard so far, and more importantly-your exuberance & passion--I have no doubt that you have had a "very weird & interesting life." and that "many wacky things" have happened to you. I truly hope that you will mention & share as much as you can--because I do want to know you more deeply...I have a sense that you and I could begin telling each other stories & events of our lives, and we would still be together & talking a week later, and longer.
And since I've reached that point in your letter---let me repeat what I said previously: I do sense that you are a very dark person" who "knows the pain of life." You are also clearly a survivor (as am I...) -- and I want to know this very dark and fascinating woman much much better. Her essence and her core.
You mentioned that Diane Arbus tried to capture the "essence of 'freaks'". Can't let that pass without mentioning the amazing 1932 film by Todd Browning: "FREAKS". I'm sure you have seen it. One of the more unique films ever made.
Another colorful tile in the complex, multi-colored mosaic called Kelly K" your interest in boxing! Thank you for the well-written review by David Edelstein. Every review that I have either read or heard has been equally positive. I think a lot of folks, reviewers included, had the same reaction. They had stereotyped Tyson as a washed-up boxer who ruined career, etc., etc. But clearly the filmmaker, via Tyson's own words, has revealed him as a far more multi-sided individual.
Why am I not at all surprised that you used date an executive producer at SHOWTIME! I believe you could write on entire separate memoir regarding "Adventure in Dating."
Curious what you thought of Norman Mailer's interest in & fascination with boxing...
So much to talk about. When I run out of time I will pop this in the mail---and then finish my letter/your long letter/later tonight & tomorrow. That will probably be my last letter with 42 cent postage, as it goes up by 2 Cent on Sunday (5/10).
Still another tantalizing comment, that you had a "very odd childhood" that is "too long to get into". But would love to hear more when you can. As you may already know if it's on Google---I was an Army brat-so we moved every year or two to various military bases... I didn't go to the same school for two consecutive years until I was in high school. Pretty typical of hundreds of thousands Army brats I'm sure.
I think it is totally cute that you are a dachshund aficionado, KK.
Hello, Mini!
OK--Must get this in the mail. Quite a bit more to follow...Paul Janka... ALICE...the UK...Google ... sociopaths...I truly appreciate the fact that you are curious, and just want to try to understand. Will do my best, because I want you to know me--all of me/inside & out--as I am now. Not just the ominous individual now. Not just the ominous individual portrayed on google, etc.
Will explain "bad heart". Clearly that was a teaser comment at the end of a letter. If you didn't ask about it, I would be surprised---just like your comments on being a "very dark person"! Must know more!
Take care, KK. Thinking of you & hope to hear from you soon. Be well & stay safe.
Yours,
Michael
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #19
Hi KK---
A bit late getting my next letter to you finished (That will be a long one, to be sure!)--should be able to mail it out to you tomorrow. In the meantime several articles from this past week that I thought you might find interesting:
>Thought of you immediately when I saw this essay by David McCullough on a proposed large building near the Brooklyn Bridge. Having seen that incredible view myself from a multitude of angles, I must agree that it sounds like a remarkably ill-conceived and bad idea. The photo tells the story.
[KK: Somewhat interesting story on the reverse: "Generation Me" --although it pretty well describes the obvious.]
>Dahlia Lithwick: "Women: Truly The Fairer Sex"--on a potential female Supreme Court Justice to replace Souter.
>Brief but poignant story on the death of Marilyn Chambers...
>The last column is another one by Dahlia Lithwick-but I include it mainly to tell you a bit more about me, so you can know me a little more deeply. As will be much more discussed in my next letter [your questions about "sociopaths," etc.] and letters to follow. I have done some terrible things. But I am viscerally and violently opposed to torture or mistreatment of anyone "in custody" or under someone's control at any time, anywhere. This is not just a philosophical opinion--I literally turn away when Jack Bauer pulls out his bag of tricks on "24". Remember the first season of "Lost", when Sayid tortures Sawyer? Very hard to forget... Those photos from Abu Ghraib referenced in Lithwick's article...truly angers me.
I tell you this, first, for the reason above, but also to let you know that I am well aware of the contradiction with past conduct. I'm not that person anymore. Again-more on all this to follow; but it's important to me that you know I will say & write as deeply and intensely as you allow-so you can know me: inside and out, the light side and the dark (that we have in common!)...
Regarding the actual story--I don't believe there will be any serious investigation. Everyone in power & recently out of power just want it to go away.
Let me get these articles in the mail. Long(er) letter to follow. Take care, KK, and hope to hear from you soon.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Over the weekend, I saw a repeat of that amazing Season IV "LOST" episode entitled [THE CONSTANT]. Comments to follow...
[Ed.: All the articles he mentioned were enclosed along with this letter. As he does with his letters, he also underlines certain things in the clippings. One underlining in the story about how we are raising a nation of narcissists is particularly interesting: "Ever read the original ending to Cinderella? The evil stepsisters get their eyes plucked out by pigeons and end up beggars."]
A bit late getting my next letter to you finished (That will be a long one, to be sure!)--should be able to mail it out to you tomorrow. In the meantime several articles from this past week that I thought you might find interesting:
>Thought of you immediately when I saw this essay by David McCullough on a proposed large building near the Brooklyn Bridge. Having seen that incredible view myself from a multitude of angles, I must agree that it sounds like a remarkably ill-conceived and bad idea. The photo tells the story.
[KK: Somewhat interesting story on the reverse: "Generation Me" --although it pretty well describes the obvious.]
>Dahlia Lithwick: "Women: Truly The Fairer Sex"--on a potential female Supreme Court Justice to replace Souter.
>Brief but poignant story on the death of Marilyn Chambers...
>The last column is another one by Dahlia Lithwick-but I include it mainly to tell you a bit more about me, so you can know me a little more deeply. As will be much more discussed in my next letter [your questions about "sociopaths," etc.] and letters to follow. I have done some terrible things. But I am viscerally and violently opposed to torture or mistreatment of anyone "in custody" or under someone's control at any time, anywhere. This is not just a philosophical opinion--I literally turn away when Jack Bauer pulls out his bag of tricks on "24". Remember the first season of "Lost", when Sayid tortures Sawyer? Very hard to forget... Those photos from Abu Ghraib referenced in Lithwick's article...truly angers me.
I tell you this, first, for the reason above, but also to let you know that I am well aware of the contradiction with past conduct. I'm not that person anymore. Again-more on all this to follow; but it's important to me that you know I will say & write as deeply and intensely as you allow-so you can know me: inside and out, the light side and the dark (that we have in common!)...
Regarding the actual story--I don't believe there will be any serious investigation. Everyone in power & recently out of power just want it to go away.
Let me get these articles in the mail. Long(er) letter to follow. Take care, KK, and hope to hear from you soon.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Over the weekend, I saw a repeat of that amazing Season IV "LOST" episode entitled [THE CONSTANT]. Comments to follow...
[Ed.: All the articles he mentioned were enclosed along with this letter. As he does with his letters, he also underlines certain things in the clippings. One underlining in the story about how we are raising a nation of narcissists is particularly interesting: "Ever read the original ending to Cinderella? The evil stepsisters get their eyes plucked out by pigeons and end up beggars."]
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #18
Dear KK---
Hello again! Let me finish what we were talking about yesterday, and then return to your first letter...then again: "Men Plan, God Laughs", so we'll see if I can make that happen, given your letters' strange power to make me wander far and wide...
Once again, sorry you were "floored" by the very tragic story of another "KK". But they're only initials--and as I tried to make clear, it seems that every girl or woman with those initials in whatever combination claims them as her own. And again, why not? The alliteration is irresistible. So far I have not met people with identical names, both beginning with "K".
Much sadder is the inevitable fallout from suicide. The accusations and blame came years later...You are so right--that "suicide is always such a tragedy"; especially for those who remain to try to ponder the almost always unknowable: WHY? As you can imagine, her family struggled with that at the time, and I'm sure continue to do so today. I was reading a story, reprinted from the Times about the fallout from the recent suicide of Nicholas Hughes, son of Sylvia Plath & Ted Hughes--and already there is analysis & recriminations from the [sometimes] fanatical followers of Ms. Plath and those who knew Mr. Hughes only as the brilliant scientist he was.
Anyway, thank you for your condolences. But I am fine (not ecstatic, but OK!) talking about it--now. And to repeat: I'm not squeamish about it; you did not upset me; and nothing you could ask could "irk" me. I totally understand your curiosity---just as I am very curious about the side of you that is a "very dark person who knows the pain of life". I want to explore that completely if you will allow us to do so. And of course, I promise to let you explore & know me as deeply as you wish. With that in mind-let me return to your first letter, and begin with the question of dating: Did you have a type?
***
Trying to be objective-I would say no, insofar as a particular "look" is concerned; but the mind & brain are something else again. Sexuality and sensuality are far more than looks and appearance--intelligence, curiosity, sense of humor, and an ability & willingness to commit totally emotionally...But I have strong feeling that you know that. [KK--What this means is of course a whole other letter or letters!] But again, as I mentioned yesterday, it's been my experience that relatively few men and women are willing to explore that depth of a relationship.
Wow! Hope I'm not getting too deep in the weeds here, but I did want to answer... Continuing with your letter:
David Sedaris: I am familiar with what he writes, but I've not had the pleasure of reading any of his books. I've read some excerpts and reviews and (I think) some short pieces--and what I read was very funny. Do send that most recent New Yorker piece, about the train-smoking, low-life crush.
[On a related note--and trying to provide you with a glimpse into dealing with incarceration: Laughing & humor are very important to both physical & mental health. By now I can probably tell you the plotlines ++ of all 180 Seinfeld episodes and many more. We've already discussed STARVED...how about ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA?]
With the dark & the bleak...plus humor...can you imagine that black comedy is one of my favorites.
Thanks for the New York magazine piece on Cindy Sherman, et. al. Plus I like your attitude about New York, KK! I actually like your attitude about most everything. By the way, the other New York stories with Cindy Sherman's were also intriguing, especially one of the true survivors: Larry Kramer. I've followed his life story (or tried to) since reading the late Randy Shilt's landmark work on the early days of the AIDS pandemic: And The Band Played On
Look forward to whatever you can send re Cindy Sherman & her work. Good luck with your printer.
[A brief but important aside: Some day the full story of the greatest pandemic since the Black Plague will be told. AIDS of course. And especially the utterly shameful neglect & ignorance of the 1980s in America. With no leadership at all from those entrusted with health care and common sense.
There is easily an entire letter on this subject, but let me go for now.]
As you may recall "Hell Hole" focused on several state facilities. Much, much better here in comparison. No roommates. As much as I can, will try to give you a sense of the "experience" in a future letter(s). You might be surprised (or maybe not, you are very perceptive) that there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. Pretty much go non-stop M-F---and catch up on weekends.
THE KINDLY ONES by Jonathan Lithell [Ed.: Both Swango and Whitaker both seem highly interested in this book.] is one of two hugely controversial European novels that have recently been translated and published in the U.S. THE KINDLY ONES (French) is the massive tome---a memoir by an ex-Nazi SS member. The other book is WETLANDS, German, a "feminist" novel apparently controversial for her explicit & graphic subjects and writing. Both were highly praised by European critics---not so much this side of the pond.
However--always a fan of l-o-n-g, complex novels, I have them both on my future reading list once they come out in paperback.
Two related points:
>Another massive but brilliant novel I want to read is INFINITE JEST, the magnum opus of still another recent tragic, mind-numbing suicide, the author Dave Eggers [Ed.: in the next letter he corrects himself and says he mis-typed and knows the author is David Foster Wallace.], who killed himself last year.
>Haven't really mentioned what else can be sent in here. Paperback books -- any size--so long as they are sent from a publisher or bookstore. A relative of mine routinely uses AMAZON.com. Same with individual copies of magazines/sent from a bookstore. And of course, subscriptions to newspapers and magazines are fine.
God and religion: As you might surmise from my comments on the Cistercians, I think of religion as an individual, contemplative, meditative act. Organized mega-religions seem to have a fairly awful track record historically & currently. More on this as we get to know each other more closely.
Thanks again for your lovely photo! To answer your question, I would very much like to see other photos--whether "hard copies" or printed out like your "K**** Jewelry Designs" tag. Again, I understand the color printer problem. Send whatever you can, when you can, KK! Feel free to include Mini if you like! He seems to be at your side much of the time anyway!
Hey, I actually finished your first letter! OMG! When I write again (like tomorrow) - your second letter plus Mike Tyson film. <All the reviews have been simply brilliant!>
You take care & be safe. Hope to hear from you again soon---and more from me later tonight. Be well, KK.
Yours,
Michael
Hello again! Let me finish what we were talking about yesterday, and then return to your first letter...then again: "Men Plan, God Laughs", so we'll see if I can make that happen, given your letters' strange power to make me wander far and wide...
Once again, sorry you were "floored" by the very tragic story of another "KK". But they're only initials--and as I tried to make clear, it seems that every girl or woman with those initials in whatever combination claims them as her own. And again, why not? The alliteration is irresistible. So far I have not met people with identical names, both beginning with "K".
Much sadder is the inevitable fallout from suicide. The accusations and blame came years later...You are so right--that "suicide is always such a tragedy"; especially for those who remain to try to ponder the almost always unknowable: WHY? As you can imagine, her family struggled with that at the time, and I'm sure continue to do so today. I was reading a story, reprinted from the Times about the fallout from the recent suicide of Nicholas Hughes, son of Sylvia Plath & Ted Hughes--and already there is analysis & recriminations from the [sometimes] fanatical followers of Ms. Plath and those who knew Mr. Hughes only as the brilliant scientist he was.
Anyway, thank you for your condolences. But I am fine (not ecstatic, but OK!) talking about it--now. And to repeat: I'm not squeamish about it; you did not upset me; and nothing you could ask could "irk" me. I totally understand your curiosity---just as I am very curious about the side of you that is a "very dark person who knows the pain of life". I want to explore that completely if you will allow us to do so. And of course, I promise to let you explore & know me as deeply as you wish. With that in mind-let me return to your first letter, and begin with the question of dating: Did you have a type?
***
Trying to be objective-I would say no, insofar as a particular "look" is concerned; but the mind & brain are something else again. Sexuality and sensuality are far more than looks and appearance--intelligence, curiosity, sense of humor, and an ability & willingness to commit totally emotionally...But I have strong feeling that you know that. [KK--What this means is of course a whole other letter or letters!] But again, as I mentioned yesterday, it's been my experience that relatively few men and women are willing to explore that depth of a relationship.
Wow! Hope I'm not getting too deep in the weeds here, but I did want to answer... Continuing with your letter:
David Sedaris: I am familiar with what he writes, but I've not had the pleasure of reading any of his books. I've read some excerpts and reviews and (I think) some short pieces--and what I read was very funny. Do send that most recent New Yorker piece, about the train-smoking, low-life crush.
[On a related note--and trying to provide you with a glimpse into dealing with incarceration: Laughing & humor are very important to both physical & mental health. By now I can probably tell you the plotlines ++ of all 180 Seinfeld episodes and many more. We've already discussed STARVED...how about ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA?]
With the dark & the bleak...plus humor...can you imagine that black comedy is one of my favorites.
Thanks for the New York magazine piece on Cindy Sherman, et. al. Plus I like your attitude about New York, KK! I actually like your attitude about most everything. By the way, the other New York stories with Cindy Sherman's were also intriguing, especially one of the true survivors: Larry Kramer. I've followed his life story (or tried to) since reading the late Randy Shilt's landmark work on the early days of the AIDS pandemic: And The Band Played On
Look forward to whatever you can send re Cindy Sherman & her work. Good luck with your printer.
[A brief but important aside: Some day the full story of the greatest pandemic since the Black Plague will be told. AIDS of course. And especially the utterly shameful neglect & ignorance of the 1980s in America. With no leadership at all from those entrusted with health care and common sense.
There is easily an entire letter on this subject, but let me go for now.]
As you may recall "Hell Hole" focused on several state facilities. Much, much better here in comparison. No roommates. As much as I can, will try to give you a sense of the "experience" in a future letter(s). You might be surprised (or maybe not, you are very perceptive) that there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do. Pretty much go non-stop M-F---and catch up on weekends.
THE KINDLY ONES by Jonathan Lithell [Ed.: Both Swango and Whitaker both seem highly interested in this book.] is one of two hugely controversial European novels that have recently been translated and published in the U.S. THE KINDLY ONES (French) is the massive tome---a memoir by an ex-Nazi SS member. The other book is WETLANDS
However--always a fan of l-o-n-g, complex novels, I have them both on my future reading list once they come out in paperback.
Two related points:
>Another massive but brilliant novel I want to read is INFINITE JEST, the magnum opus of still another recent tragic, mind-numbing suicide, the author Dave Eggers [Ed.: in the next letter he corrects himself and says he mis-typed and knows the author is David Foster Wallace.], who killed himself last year.
>Haven't really mentioned what else can be sent in here. Paperback books -- any size--so long as they are sent from a publisher or bookstore. A relative of mine routinely uses AMAZON.com. Same with individual copies of magazines/sent from a bookstore. And of course, subscriptions to newspapers and magazines are fine.
God and religion: As you might surmise from my comments on the Cistercians, I think of religion as an individual, contemplative, meditative act. Organized mega-religions seem to have a fairly awful track record historically & currently. More on this as we get to know each other more closely.
Thanks again for your lovely photo! To answer your question, I would very much like to see other photos--whether "hard copies" or printed out like your "K**** Jewelry Designs" tag. Again, I understand the color printer problem. Send whatever you can, when you can, KK! Feel free to include Mini if you like! He seems to be at your side much of the time anyway!
Hey, I actually finished your first letter! OMG! When I write again (like tomorrow) - your second letter plus Mike Tyson film. <All the reviews have been simply brilliant!>
You take care & be safe. Hope to hear from you again soon---and more from me later tonight. Be well, KK.
Yours,
Michael
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Michael Swango:
I just got FOUR letters today in my mailbox from Michael Swango. I thought this is interesting to note. In the past, sometimes I'd get two in one day, but four seems a bit excessive.
It will take me quite some time to type them all up. Not only are his full of formatting--the abundant underlining he does takes time to do on a computer via HTML---but they also really long. Many are 9 pages.
I realize that on Tumblr you cannot see the underlining so you are missing a key element to his correspondence. I have also posted pictures of his writing here, but again, Tumblr doesn't seem to show jpgs on the password-only site.
I will be moving this whole blog to Blogspot where it is easier for readers to read from the beginning and see formatting. When I do so I will alert you so you can email me for the password or invite.
It will take me quite some time to type them all up. Not only are his full of formatting--the abundant underlining he does takes time to do on a computer via HTML---but they also really long. Many are 9 pages.
I realize that on Tumblr you cannot see the underlining so you are missing a key element to his correspondence. I have also posted pictures of his writing here, but again, Tumblr doesn't seem to show jpgs on the password-only site.
I will be moving this whole blog to Blogspot where it is easier for readers to read from the beginning and see formatting. When I do so I will alert you so you can email me for the password or invite.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Letters from the Outside, In, KK to TBW, #5
Thomas, Thomas, Thomas,
I just got your letter. I’m so happy to hear from you. Apparently you wrote it on the 5th but I mailed you one on the 5th so I hope you got that one too by now.
I’m not too scared of the silliness that is the swine flu. No one here seems to notice. With all the crazy bacteria all over this City I don’t think anyone is too concerned. I did, however, have food poisoning about two weeks ago and thought I was going to die. It was awful.
I get why you would fall into periods of depression or feeling antisocial. But please keep writing. Even if it really does come down to a : “Howdy Kelly. Still here, XOXO. Thomas” type of thing. From different circumstances, of course, there are times when I feel incapable of writing anything. I hate that feeling. Like I’ll write a blog entry, and it is forced or an email to someone, and it is just so hard that I wonder if it is coherent at all. Like do they understand what I’m trying to convey? I feel like that when I write to you too sometimes.
I think the only way to be inspired to write, or inspired to do anything, really, is to submerge yourself into some form of art. Music, films, books… I know you definitely have a big deficit of art where you are, but honestly, most art comes out of pain anyway, and I assume you have a big heap of that. So try your hardest to let it inspire you.
For example, there was this like 8000 word essay in the New York Times Magazine by Daphne Merkin (famous memoirist) that was so totally overindulgent and played. I mean, I suffer from depression too and do not discount how awful it can be. However, this was like an exercise in narcissism. She didn’t say anything new, and I was generally unimpressed. Lauren Slater (Prozac Diary) has written way more eloquently about it; Hell, Elizabath Wurtzel has too. (Prozac Nation.) Anyway, I’ll Google the article now and see if I can print it out for you so you can see what I mean. Today I read all these blogs saying the same thing I thought. She did, however, use her depression and inability to do anything to eventually write a long missive on just that. That I admire. I admire she had the gumption and wherewithal to actually get published in the NYT Magazine and have the cover story. Even with a topic that is played out. [Ed.: If you want to read the article I was referring to and that I printed out for him here it is: A Journey Through Darkness]
Everyone keeps mentioning Lithell’s controversial book, “The Kindly Ones,” and I looked it up, but it doesn’t seem appealing to me.
I just read a really interesting book called THE KEY. It was self-published by Whitley Strieber so it is hard to get, but was really worth it. Whitley Strieber was a science fiction writer for years and then had some odd experiences he began to write about under the genre of non-fiction. I have read all his non-fiction stuff and much of it deals with extraterrestrials, weather changes and metaphysics. He wrote the book, The Coming of the Global Superstorm which was the basis for that cheesy action movie, Day After Tomorrow. Anyway, The Key discusses what he believes happens to you when you die. It seemed very close to what I have always thought. What do you think happens to you when we die? I am not religious at all. In fact I loath religion—not God—but religion. I absolutely believe in God but not the conventions of religion. If that makes any sense… I don’t want to bore you by going on and on about what I believe…
I hope you enter that short story contest! Can you send me what you submit? I want to see. If you actually won money, isn’t that a problem? Isn’t there a law that prevents inmates from making any money? If you want to submit a story about a love, relationship, dating event to New York Press, let me know. I can give you the details of how to do so. They take all submissions—850 words max----and they pick the best for their weekly column. As you know I used to write the dating/sex column for them. They now don’t have a writer doing it. Now they do Flavor of the Week where people just submit a dating/sex/relationship column (you’ve read some of mine) and the best gets published. Worth a shot. It’s just a stamp, right? At first they had to center around NYC, but I have recently seen a few that are written by people from other places. One written by an inmate would probably raise some eyebrows. Just a thought. If you want to see some of the ones recently published, I can send them on. Let me know.
In my letter from May 5th I wrote all about seeing the 20/20 special with you and your Dad in it. If for some reason you didn’t get that letter, let me know and I’ll resend my thoughts/questions on it.
It has not been warm enough hear to go to the pool and besides it doesn’t open until the last week of June and this year on June 28th I’m going to Alaska on a cruise. So the pool will have to wait until at least July 6th. I’ve always wanted to go to Alaska.
As for the “loss and longing…” I had a very odd childhood—I’ll tell you about it sometime---so I totally am a pretty dark person in ways. And I certainly have dated some interesting characters to say the least. Again, I tend not to write too much about myself to you because you are far more interesting than I am. You situation is pretty unusual. I’m just a whiny woman in NYC who had an odd upbringing. Just like a billion others.
I have tons going on. Tons of projects—writing and otherwise. Some fun, some not so fun. This week alone I have a press event I’m hosting for a client, then Wednesday night I’m going to see God of Carnage on Broadway starring James Gandolfini, Jeff Daniels, Hope Davis and Marcia Gay Harden. It has gotten great reviews, and I’m looking forward to seeing it. Then a friend invited me to a cocktail party for Bobbi Brown (she has a makeup line) so I’ll get to wear a pretty dress and drink champagne. Then Saturday is my bday. All I want to do, though, is lay in bed and read and watch movies.
Glad you liked my Goa story. It’s a great place. I was there for three weeks over Xmas/New Years in ’07.
I see that you finally have a blog entry up. Apparently, you wrote, that you tried unsuccessfully to get it up for a while. Anyway, I’m so interested in this psychological interview. What did they ask or do? What was the dr. like? What was the purpose of their evaluation? I want details! I’m sure you are bored of writing about it after the long entry, but did you ever find out what they have concluded about your psychological makeup? I suspect because the word “sociopath” is tossed about in many things written about you they were trying to see if that was really your diagnosis. Not sure how they go about doing that. Anyway, I hope that the result was one that you were okay with.
I’m including a short funny story from the New Yorker that cracked me up. It’s called “Making Friends” and it is about a plane trip from Hell.
I’m also including a tiny black and white picture of myself. It is from ’04. All the recent pictures I have of myself are on my computer and I could print them out, but don’t’ have a color printer right now. It’s me on my wedding day—found a bunch of them in my drawer and figured I’d send on alone so you can see a bit better who you’ve been typing to. I’ll try to send a recent color one soon. I’ll probably have a bunch taken this week b/c of my bday. In fact I have to get a professional headshot taken this week so I’ll send you on of the proofs if you want.
Anyway, adios for now.
Kelly
I just got your letter. I’m so happy to hear from you. Apparently you wrote it on the 5th but I mailed you one on the 5th so I hope you got that one too by now.
I’m not too scared of the silliness that is the swine flu. No one here seems to notice. With all the crazy bacteria all over this City I don’t think anyone is too concerned. I did, however, have food poisoning about two weeks ago and thought I was going to die. It was awful.
I get why you would fall into periods of depression or feeling antisocial. But please keep writing. Even if it really does come down to a : “Howdy Kelly. Still here, XOXO. Thomas” type of thing. From different circumstances, of course, there are times when I feel incapable of writing anything. I hate that feeling. Like I’ll write a blog entry, and it is forced or an email to someone, and it is just so hard that I wonder if it is coherent at all. Like do they understand what I’m trying to convey? I feel like that when I write to you too sometimes.
I think the only way to be inspired to write, or inspired to do anything, really, is to submerge yourself into some form of art. Music, films, books… I know you definitely have a big deficit of art where you are, but honestly, most art comes out of pain anyway, and I assume you have a big heap of that. So try your hardest to let it inspire you.
For example, there was this like 8000 word essay in the New York Times Magazine by Daphne Merkin (famous memoirist) that was so totally overindulgent and played. I mean, I suffer from depression too and do not discount how awful it can be. However, this was like an exercise in narcissism. She didn’t say anything new, and I was generally unimpressed. Lauren Slater (Prozac Diary) has written way more eloquently about it; Hell, Elizabath Wurtzel has too. (Prozac Nation.) Anyway, I’ll Google the article now and see if I can print it out for you so you can see what I mean. Today I read all these blogs saying the same thing I thought. She did, however, use her depression and inability to do anything to eventually write a long missive on just that. That I admire. I admire she had the gumption and wherewithal to actually get published in the NYT Magazine and have the cover story. Even with a topic that is played out. [Ed.: If you want to read the article I was referring to and that I printed out for him here it is: A Journey Through Darkness]
Everyone keeps mentioning Lithell’s controversial book, “The Kindly Ones,” and I looked it up, but it doesn’t seem appealing to me.
I just read a really interesting book called THE KEY. It was self-published by Whitley Strieber so it is hard to get, but was really worth it. Whitley Strieber was a science fiction writer for years and then had some odd experiences he began to write about under the genre of non-fiction. I have read all his non-fiction stuff and much of it deals with extraterrestrials, weather changes and metaphysics. He wrote the book, The Coming of the Global Superstorm which was the basis for that cheesy action movie, Day After Tomorrow. Anyway, The Key discusses what he believes happens to you when you die. It seemed very close to what I have always thought. What do you think happens to you when we die? I am not religious at all. In fact I loath religion—not God—but religion. I absolutely believe in God but not the conventions of religion. If that makes any sense… I don’t want to bore you by going on and on about what I believe…
I hope you enter that short story contest! Can you send me what you submit? I want to see. If you actually won money, isn’t that a problem? Isn’t there a law that prevents inmates from making any money? If you want to submit a story about a love, relationship, dating event to New York Press, let me know. I can give you the details of how to do so. They take all submissions—850 words max----and they pick the best for their weekly column. As you know I used to write the dating/sex column for them. They now don’t have a writer doing it. Now they do Flavor of the Week where people just submit a dating/sex/relationship column (you’ve read some of mine) and the best gets published. Worth a shot. It’s just a stamp, right? At first they had to center around NYC, but I have recently seen a few that are written by people from other places. One written by an inmate would probably raise some eyebrows. Just a thought. If you want to see some of the ones recently published, I can send them on. Let me know.
In my letter from May 5th I wrote all about seeing the 20/20 special with you and your Dad in it. If for some reason you didn’t get that letter, let me know and I’ll resend my thoughts/questions on it.
It has not been warm enough hear to go to the pool and besides it doesn’t open until the last week of June and this year on June 28th I’m going to Alaska on a cruise. So the pool will have to wait until at least July 6th. I’ve always wanted to go to Alaska.
As for the “loss and longing…” I had a very odd childhood—I’ll tell you about it sometime---so I totally am a pretty dark person in ways. And I certainly have dated some interesting characters to say the least. Again, I tend not to write too much about myself to you because you are far more interesting than I am. You situation is pretty unusual. I’m just a whiny woman in NYC who had an odd upbringing. Just like a billion others.
I have tons going on. Tons of projects—writing and otherwise. Some fun, some not so fun. This week alone I have a press event I’m hosting for a client, then Wednesday night I’m going to see God of Carnage on Broadway starring James Gandolfini, Jeff Daniels, Hope Davis and Marcia Gay Harden. It has gotten great reviews, and I’m looking forward to seeing it. Then a friend invited me to a cocktail party for Bobbi Brown (she has a makeup line) so I’ll get to wear a pretty dress and drink champagne. Then Saturday is my bday. All I want to do, though, is lay in bed and read and watch movies.
Glad you liked my Goa story. It’s a great place. I was there for three weeks over Xmas/New Years in ’07.
I see that you finally have a blog entry up. Apparently, you wrote, that you tried unsuccessfully to get it up for a while. Anyway, I’m so interested in this psychological interview. What did they ask or do? What was the dr. like? What was the purpose of their evaluation? I want details! I’m sure you are bored of writing about it after the long entry, but did you ever find out what they have concluded about your psychological makeup? I suspect because the word “sociopath” is tossed about in many things written about you they were trying to see if that was really your diagnosis. Not sure how they go about doing that. Anyway, I hope that the result was one that you were okay with.
I’m including a short funny story from the New Yorker that cracked me up. It’s called “Making Friends” and it is about a plane trip from Hell.
I’m also including a tiny black and white picture of myself. It is from ’04. All the recent pictures I have of myself are on my computer and I could print them out, but don’t’ have a color printer right now. It’s me on my wedding day—found a bunch of them in my drawer and figured I’d send on alone so you can see a bit better who you’ve been typing to. I’ll try to send a recent color one soon. I’ll probably have a bunch taken this week b/c of my bday. In fact I have to get a professional headshot taken this week so I’ll send you on of the proofs if you want.
Anyway, adios for now.
Kelly
Letters from the Inside, Thomas Bart Whitaker, #5
Dear Kelly,
Well, swine flu has officially crippled TDC as of now seems the main drug for combating the illness isn't approved for inmates, so we are porked if it makes it past the walls. How is the insanity that is Zoo York? Seems like you people might take a slightly more stoic view of such things, given the experience of the last few years. At least we don't' seem to be over-reacting as badly as Egypt is. Though, I suspect the desired mass Piggy Holocaust has far more to do with the Islamic belief that heaven hates ham than any desire to prevent the spread of the disease. Poor pigs. Can't get no respect.
Well, I find myself in the iron grip of some serious fucking antisocial thoughts. This is my first letter in six days I've written; not sure if that makes you lucky or cursed, but there it is. Don't really know what is going on with me. Feeling reactionary, angry, tense. I have good reason to feel this way, granted. But I've managed to separate and distance myself from these types of thoughts for many years now, so I don't know what the hell has changed. This place has finally gotten into my head, maybe. I want to write, but when I sit down, I feel totally out of gas. I used to write so often, I guess I'm just burnt out. The tank is empty. Tempted to just go: "Howdy, Kelly. Still here. Still sucks. Love, Thomas." Ha, can you imagine? What do you do to shrug off the writers block? I'm sure real writers have some sort of mental exercise to summon the muses. Speaking of real writers, read anything good lately? I read a review of Jonathan Lithell's "The Kindly Ones," which has piqued my interest. I'm putting in an order for it next month. There is a quote from there where the protagonist asks his friend if he is "his Pylades," a reference to the sordid story of Orestes, Agamemnon, et. al. Heard anything about the book? Or anything else good for that matter? There is a short story contest that the Bridport Arts Centre is putting out. I'm thinking about submitting something. If you ever hear about any other such deals, let me know. I very much doubt I could win any real money, but I would be stupid not to try.
I hear the 20/20 special with my Dad was on last Friday. I'm expecting letters from the Jeeeeeesus Brigade to start arriving shortly. This was the last interview I ever plan on doing. Ever. Unless the circumstances tilt more in my favor. Did you see it? How bad was it? I would value your opinion. Well, how goes life in the Big Apple? Have you been able to ninja any more benches at the pool yet this year? Ha, the image of ladies bedecked in two-piece using Macchiavelian cutthroat tactics on each other over a seat by the pool is priceless. Pure Americana. Cooked anything good in your class yet? In my experience people generally attend cooking classes in order to meet someone to cook for, so, any luck with that yet? Just from the little snippets of conversations we've had on peripheral issues, it seems like you are due for a real Prince to come along. I hope so. You seem too worthy (?) to be so lonely. This "continual sense of loss and longing" you spoke of is interesting to me. I've sort of come to the conclusion that this is life, and that we don't' really have any choice in the matter of how empty it might be. We only get to choose whether we face this emptiness with dignity and honor. I thin it was Hume that believed facing the cheapness of life with noble indifference was the only true virtue. I believe there is certainly more virtue in the world than that, but he has a point. For what it is worth, I'm glad I met you. Maybe such comments do not give your life "meaning," but the light we bring into the lives of other people surely must be worth something. It is cliché, but I find helping my weaker neighbors give me an escape hatch from the feelings you mentioned. Do you ever do any volunteer work? Ha! Join the SAVE THOMAS' WORTHLESS ASS CLUB, and find me one of those fancy New York Attorneys for my federal writ. :-) I kid, I kid. I will come up with something for all of that, at some point.
Got any plans for the Big 39? Seriously, Kelly, you sound in desperate need of some massive new project in your life. Some adventure to get swept up in. I love how you seem to think 39 is ancient, or something.
I really enjoyed your story about India. A girl I new from High School is now living in Goa..."happily" living in Goa, from third-hand stories I've been told. When were you there? The photos reminded me of some of the houses I saw in Mexico. So poor it breaks your heart.
I do actually write to my ex, Lynne. She is married now, with a young son. It makes me feel shitty and wonderful all at the same time to speak with her again. I will always love her, a little. Not sure I ever want to cut off that tiny piece of my heart that still feels for her, as loving her was maybe the only good thing I ever did. How do you part with that?
Well, I hope this find you well, and that you are surrounded by friends on the 16th. Take me a photo fat the party! :-)
Yours,
TBW
Well, swine flu has officially crippled TDC as of now seems the main drug for combating the illness isn't approved for inmates, so we are porked if it makes it past the walls. How is the insanity that is Zoo York? Seems like you people might take a slightly more stoic view of such things, given the experience of the last few years. At least we don't' seem to be over-reacting as badly as Egypt is. Though, I suspect the desired mass Piggy Holocaust has far more to do with the Islamic belief that heaven hates ham than any desire to prevent the spread of the disease. Poor pigs. Can't get no respect.
Well, I find myself in the iron grip of some serious fucking antisocial thoughts. This is my first letter in six days I've written; not sure if that makes you lucky or cursed, but there it is. Don't really know what is going on with me. Feeling reactionary, angry, tense. I have good reason to feel this way, granted. But I've managed to separate and distance myself from these types of thoughts for many years now, so I don't know what the hell has changed. This place has finally gotten into my head, maybe. I want to write, but when I sit down, I feel totally out of gas. I used to write so often, I guess I'm just burnt out. The tank is empty. Tempted to just go: "Howdy, Kelly. Still here. Still sucks. Love, Thomas." Ha, can you imagine? What do you do to shrug off the writers block? I'm sure real writers have some sort of mental exercise to summon the muses. Speaking of real writers, read anything good lately? I read a review of Jonathan Lithell's "The Kindly Ones," which has piqued my interest. I'm putting in an order for it next month. There is a quote from there where the protagonist asks his friend if he is "his Pylades," a reference to the sordid story of Orestes, Agamemnon, et. al. Heard anything about the book? Or anything else good for that matter? There is a short story contest that the Bridport Arts Centre is putting out. I'm thinking about submitting something. If you ever hear about any other such deals, let me know. I very much doubt I could win any real money, but I would be stupid not to try.
I hear the 20/20 special with my Dad was on last Friday. I'm expecting letters from the Jeeeeeesus Brigade to start arriving shortly. This was the last interview I ever plan on doing. Ever. Unless the circumstances tilt more in my favor. Did you see it? How bad was it? I would value your opinion. Well, how goes life in the Big Apple? Have you been able to ninja any more benches at the pool yet this year? Ha, the image of ladies bedecked in two-piece using Macchiavelian cutthroat tactics on each other over a seat by the pool is priceless. Pure Americana. Cooked anything good in your class yet? In my experience people generally attend cooking classes in order to meet someone to cook for, so, any luck with that yet? Just from the little snippets of conversations we've had on peripheral issues, it seems like you are due for a real Prince to come along. I hope so. You seem too worthy (?) to be so lonely. This "continual sense of loss and longing" you spoke of is interesting to me. I've sort of come to the conclusion that this is life, and that we don't' really have any choice in the matter of how empty it might be. We only get to choose whether we face this emptiness with dignity and honor. I thin it was Hume that believed facing the cheapness of life with noble indifference was the only true virtue. I believe there is certainly more virtue in the world than that, but he has a point. For what it is worth, I'm glad I met you. Maybe such comments do not give your life "meaning," but the light we bring into the lives of other people surely must be worth something. It is cliché, but I find helping my weaker neighbors give me an escape hatch from the feelings you mentioned. Do you ever do any volunteer work? Ha! Join the SAVE THOMAS' WORTHLESS ASS CLUB, and find me one of those fancy New York Attorneys for my federal writ. :-) I kid, I kid. I will come up with something for all of that, at some point.
Got any plans for the Big 39? Seriously, Kelly, you sound in desperate need of some massive new project in your life. Some adventure to get swept up in. I love how you seem to think 39 is ancient, or something.
I really enjoyed your story about India. A girl I new from High School is now living in Goa..."happily" living in Goa, from third-hand stories I've been told. When were you there? The photos reminded me of some of the houses I saw in Mexico. So poor it breaks your heart.
I do actually write to my ex, Lynne. She is married now, with a young son. It makes me feel shitty and wonderful all at the same time to speak with her again. I will always love her, a little. Not sure I ever want to cut off that tiny piece of my heart that still feels for her, as loving her was maybe the only good thing I ever did. How do you part with that?
Well, I hope this find you well, and that you are surrounded by friends on the 16th. Take me a photo fat the party! :-)
Yours,
TBW
