Letters from the Inside, Thomas Bartless Whitaker, #8

Dear Miss-ready-to-explode,

Howdy from the loony bin. I hope this letter finds you in better spirits than the last one. If memory serves, you are off to the land of Big Oil and Bimbo Palin, so hopefully you are having a good time. I am feeling a little better than I have of late, healing nicely. My leg and hip are actually giving me more problems than my arm, which is a little scary, but it is what it is, I guess. I finally received your letter from the 30th of May, about three weeks after you sent it. Going down to Galveston always messes things up for awhile, but at least I actually got it. That's better than what happened to most people's mail.

Interesting concept hehind the MOTH slams deal. I'm not really good with crowds, so I am not sure how well I would do in such an environment. How many people are present? I had to perform in front of a few hundred spectators once at a regional Odyssey of the Minds competition, and that almost drove me nuts. At least you met someone of quality, and, hey, you never know. Girlfriends come and go, don't they? Reed Jenner. Sounds like a detective from a Pulp Fiction comic. Some people just get lucky with their names, I guess. And then some people get family names, like Bartlett. (wretch) I am proud of you for getting up there at the B&N deal and reading in front of everyone. It's humorous that we both see blog as a four letter word. I've been saying that for a while now. There is a sort of GRESHAMS Law (sorry, the caps key sticks every once in a while, for some reason, and I am still out of correctable ribbons, grrr.) to the blogosphere, where bad opinions force out the good. Smart people simply leave a pointless and circular arguement, deciding that it is not worth trying to convince a bunch of loser half-wits out of their preconceived notions. Idiots, on the other hand, look at their "victory" and become enabled, so they are free to keep pissing off the rest of us. The only way around this is to do what wikipedia does, and have a whole shitload of moderators who can keep their heels pressed down on the necks of people who should never be allowed to post in the first place. I guess the first amendment is a double edged sword. I'm sure you have seen this on your own blog. I have asked my moderator to be a little more on the ball when it comes to keeping the yahoos out.

Anyways, the bad news first, I guess: the CCA shot down my direct appeal on the 24th. Not much of a surprise, because this is the CCA we are talking about, and my direct appeal attorney is an 85 year old dumbass who didn't do anything for me. I had hoped that it would take them longer, though. There are no real set guidelines for how long a person might stay on Death Row. Some guys last for many years, others for 5-6. The quickness with which they ruled would indicate that I am on that shorter track, which is a little disheartening. At least I know, which I suppose is a good thing. I am of two minds on the whole thing: I want enough time to finish the things I have set for myself, such as school, but there is a nihilist side of me that also doesnt' really care what they do and would prefer to have the whole charade over and done with. I mostly exist on the boundary lands between the two. I had hopes that this would put a fire under certain people, but it has not appeared to have done so. I noticed a long time ago that everyone had already buried me, and I guess I am ok with that. It at least shows me where everyone is at.

The psych report should be up by the time you receive this. It took me a little while to figure out how I wanted to present the thing, but I just ended up doing some stupid bullshit just to get it out there. I'm still too tired to write much of anything of value. If such a thing is even possible, rather.

I like the idea of the six-word memoir. hm...I don't know. Not as easy as it looks.. "It matters less than you think", maybe? Haha, how about, "I never volunteered for this shit?" Not very poetic though. I noticed that Newsweek has a little section where people describe some current event in six words, and they are usually very entertaining. Have you written any more since you sent me the one on India?

I have no idea how many people I write. A lot less than I used to. When I first arrived here, I had nothing else to do with my time, and wasn't very selective about who I chose to correspond with. Now, I never have enough time, it seems. Plus, a lot of those original pen-pals were pretty sorry individuals who were simply looking for dirt. I've tried making excuses for them over the years, but anyone who writes someone just to turn around and post whole letters online on victims rights websites are just sorry human beings. I have no problem with someone talking about our relationship. I don't even have a problem with someone quoting from a letter on a blog. But if you are going to scan and post an entire letter, maybe that person should have asked my permission, first, don't you think? And then they get all offended when I get pissed off. One actually told me I shouldn't be surprised because a person in my position has no expectation of privacy. I didn't even bother to write her back. As far as "memorable" pen pals go, I really write to more normal people, to be honest with you. Sure, they tend to be higher on the intellectual spectrum than the status quo, perhaps, but that is human nature, to seek out people who can help us learn about the world and ourselves. Most of my writers were younger when I started; now they are almost exclusively older, most over 50. Its just a better dynamic, and I get the added advantage of not falling into one of those weird relationships where somebody wants more than I am prepared to give. I am just not looking for a girlfriend. I don't think I could maintain my sanity trying to love someone from back here. Plus, how could I do that to someone I care about? I wouldn't ever deprive a friend some of the best things in life. Anyways, its always the 20-something females that can't seem to keep their heads about this shit, and then things get strange. Besides, given the nature of the wackos out there, everyone would assume that I have somehow "manipulated" this poor girl into a relatoinship. I'm so sick of that shit its not even funny.

Anywho. As far as the hooch thing goes, its all a risk. You can hide the bottles on the other side of the toilet, and the officers can't see them unless they come into the cell. And yes, we all live alone in these cells. No privacy, true, but they aren't hovering about all day. They are mostly lazy idiots, and that gives us plenty of opportunities to get done all manner of accomplishments. A lot of officers just really don't care about the small stuff, too. The more professional ones are really only interested in two items: shanks and cell phones. That's the way it should be. Who fucking cares if I want to get drunk in my cell? I'm not affecting anything if I choose to do so. This area just has a lot of law and order types, and if its not in the rulebook. they aren't going to permit it. Livingston is a world apart from what I'm used to. You'd totally feel out of place.

To reach Livingston, you would fly into Houston's IAH. Much better than Hobby, because IAH is already 20 miles north of downtown, and Livingston is on the north side, whereas Hobby would require that you drive through 6 million idiots. You would either have to learn to drive, or I will look for someone to drive you up here. A cab ride would cost you a fortune. It also depends on where/how long you would like to stay in Houston. I have a hard time imagining anyone from NYC having a lot of fun here. I mean, there is plenty to do, don't get me wrong. It's just that NYC has everything Houston does, only better. You would like Austin better, if you were coming for vacation. Much prettier place, that or San Antonio. Houston medical center is the largest on the planet, but unless you are sick, that doesn't mean much. I'm sure you could stay with my dad, so long as he is home. That would save on a hotel. Anyways, we can talk about it more later, if you are serious about coming.

How is the lawsuit going? You were somewhat vague about the circumstances surrounding the thing, which I can only assume was intentional, so forgive me if I seem to be prying. I don't really care about the suit, only the stress that seemed to be adding to your life. I hope that you are successful in whatever it is you are trying to accomplish, and that the stress level recedes a bit. If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know.

Did you ever take that guy to court for the $4800 he owes you? I am surprised a New Yorker would even notice when the "universe aligned the planets to make everyone extremely insulting..." Isn't that jsut the way things are there, for the most part? Hey, I had to get in a litlte dig there, after I trashed my own city. I guess it is hard for me to have any loyalty to the state what is trying to take my life. I guess I'm funny that way. :)

I hope you will send me a photo or two of your travels in Alaska. My Dad went a few years back, and some of the mountain scenes were pretty impressive. My luck, I would get mauled by a bear, or something. No way I am going to play dead when a 400 pound carnivore is running at me. Hopefully, you will not need to figure out the whole sequence. :) Take care and let me know how you are. Sometimes you seem very sad in your letters, and I wish I knew what to say to cheer you up, but the truth is, I'm not very good at that sort of thing. I can barely keep my own head above water, and its hard for me to convince someone else there is a reason for all of this. A good motivational speaker I am not. Just hang in there. You have a good heart, and while I don't believe in karma and all of that, I do recognize that we tend to attract what we transmit, and that has to pay off at some point. Here's to hoping Reed's girlfriend gets drunk at a bar and makes out with a bartender and somebody gets it on the their cellphone.

Cheers.

Thomas