Dear Kelly,
After I sent you the last letter, I got a letter from Michele B. inviting me to submit for Our Voice. And after about 25 hours of writing, rewriting and polishing, I finished the final submission. I am really proud of it. Once I recopy it (which takes about two hours!) I'll sent it to Michelle and keep my fingers crossed. I may try to work on the one about my father, or my first (gay) boyfriend, but I don't know if I can make the deadline. That was A LOT more work than I thought it would be. I evny those writers who can take 6 weeks in the Bahamas and write a best-selling novel.
I like the Dali postcard, but I don't get it. Ossification of the Cypress---no, I don't get it.
I got my buddy hooked on Saturday night Moth hour. A long time ago, I told her she should work on her storytelling. She's naturally funny and comes up with some original vivid metaphors and similes that make me pee on myself. If she would write them down and polish them up, practive, she could totally do a MothShow.
I painted this envelope for you, and see that hte red is more of a pink than a primary red. [Ed.: She always paints my envelopes so I requested she do them in black, white and red. The first was a big red apple and this one she is referencing is a red Mini against a black striped background.] I am going to play with teh colors to see if I can eek out a truer red. I didn't have anything to work from, so my silhouette doesn't look like Mini as I had intended. I need a visual aid to help. Tomorrow or Sunday, I'll be able to paint again.
I get a kick out of what you create on your blog or articles for other sites. For one, it's a glimpse into someone else's life that doesn' t deal with the same retarded assholes that I do. You deal with different retarded assholes. It's amusing.
How did your recording for Mr. Beller's Neighborhood go? Do you think you sound funny on air? I like how our culture is preserving the art of storytelling. Whether is's for convenience of an iPod junkie generation or for a real appreciation for the art, I like it. If there's a magnetic storm or sunspot burst or something that wipes out computers and storage--what's left? Books and storytelling.
When you recorded in the studio, did your nerves make you want to pee a lot? When I get nervous I want to shit.
I am sorry Mini ate your perfect red spread. You sure love that little dog. I would too.
I liked the "Goatheads" article. The way she felt about moving to Brooklyn, being fascinated by all the different cultures, races, languages, shops, foods, etc. -- feeling on vacation every day, that comes close to how I felt when I moved to North Chicago. It didn't ever feel ordinary or boring.
As for the goatheads, that's one culture gap I would not want to bridge. Unless it would grant me a special wish. A really good wish.
I have never heard of this poem, Howl, or the big deal around it. I found it interesting that Ginsberg's boyfriends were bi--the artist said, "straight men" but straight men don't fuck men. Bi men do. But I thought about if there were differents in my attraction towards homosexual women vs. bisexual women. Yes, absolutely. Hadn't thought about that much before.
In the photo of you in the crowd at Amir's event, I know you are twirling your hair but I swear it looks like you are flipping him off. Although Amir is a little goofy looking, his great success and apparent charm make up for that ten times over. I'm a little biased because I know how much suffering you get out of your relationship with him. That makes me want to let Mini poo in his $1200 shoes. :-) He doesn't deserve you.
Have you asked Amir for a job lead?
That painting by your friend [Ed.: She is referencing [someone] from OD] captures exactly how I felt today, and countless other days in the past ten years after realizing my stupid loss.
"Like witches running from a stake." That's a good line, Kelly. You are so creative. I'm glad you have time to write. But why don't you do it to pay your rent? How long will focus groups and monthly columns supplement your PR gig?
Hey, do you have a website counter? If so, what is your reader base?
That "creative writing" you sent a couple of weeks ago, how's the real life version of that going? When you hired your civil atty, did you pay a retainer and then make a contingency agreement? How long do you think it will drag out? Have you talked to any politicians about creating a criminal law against that?
Have you considered working to write somle public figures' bio or memoirs? You're really good at "As told to Kelly" articles. Maybe Amir or someone he knows wants immortality themselves. Even if in vain, if they have the money you need the work. It doesn't have to be epic, just a job. I bet lots of wealthy people would pay to have their memoirs written. tHey just don't see it out because they don't know they want it---yet. Create some conversations and I bet there's an interest. It would not be heavy content, you would be provided the material and you could make a hunk of swiss cheese sound interesting.
I had some sort of emotionally wrenching reaction to being handcuffed today. I guess I just came to a tipping point. I mean, I get handcuffed every day, sometimes 6 times a day, but I absolutely hate it when an officer clamps them down so small, they might as well be child's handcuffs. I get bruises, no one cares. I got cuffed for my shower and they were supertight, when I asked for them to be loosened, I got justification for their placement and denial they were tight., like I had done something wrong by complaining. I begged, just get them off my bone. Nope. I refused to shower. Take the cuffs off please. I'd rather wash my ass in my sink then get cuffed up like that, like a misbehaving dog on a choker chain. Fuck that. I was so upset, I cried. God please save me, I pray.
Hopefully I'll have a better day tomorrow.
Peace,
Sarah
***
PART TWO will be her writing submission for the book I suggested.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #100 pt. 3
OK--Totally switching gears to an equally serious topic as your livelihood---your health.
It certainly sounds like you have touched all the bases regarding the persistent sub-acute infection which has plagued you for so long. [Ed.: Group B Strep] I have seen the truly awful results of anal-vaginal fistulea caused when women in rural Africa undergo days of labor because they can't get to the hospital. The instense pressures inside the pelvis can tear significant holes in that membrane. These women become recluses and pariahs. IN fact, there are hospitals in sub-Saharan Africa devotedly exclusively in to surgery to repair these horrendous injuries. As you might image, repair is complex and not always successful. Many women have to undergo two or three operations to finally close the defect. PBS did a stunning documentary on the subject a couple of years ago. [Ed.: He is mentioning fissues because I explained I had to go get an abdominal scan with dye to see if there were any rips in my intestines. Luckily prior to getting that exam, I and my doctor finally figured out why I've had recurrent GBS infections (they are extremely painful and rare). The bacteria was growing from an antibiotic that I had taken quite a few times. It was killing so much of the good bacteria in my system (I do take probiotics and eat yogurt) that it caused a horrible overgrowth of GBS.]
Yes, I know--Michael is always there with a cheery anedote or two...Just putting things in perspective.
By the way---part of my ability to "compartmentalize" is being able to realize that such awful things to not in anyway and should not in any way prevent a man and a woman who are emotionally close and who trust each other from engaging in deep, loving anal sex, especially the utter intimacy & orgasmic intensity (man and women) of anal sex in the missionary position.
I know, TMI. [Ed.: To reiterate, I've told him a billion times, no sex talk.]
Must get this in the mail--but still so much more to talk about. And I will--hope sooner than later. I really do enjoy writing to you, Kelly, even if I drive you half-crazy most of the time...
Just received "Mind Game", the fascinating letter from NZ from the New Yorker. Wow--full comments to follow.
AND your letter in which you relate your confrontation at the laundromat. My God, trouble just finds you sometimes, doesn't it?
So--scanning and very briefly:
>Brilliant discussion/rant re the rescinded job offer!
>I knew that the "Buried" review would bother you. Poor baby. You and I would be perfect in those situations.
> No, I've not seen "Young Prisoner's Handbook" but it just seemed liek a film you must see and tell me about!
> I will think seriously about how a sociopath woudl perceive the whole situation/court case you've described. You asked "How do you think he views me and what do you think he'll do?" I will consider that and I think I can give you a reasoned opinion. I believe there are multiple twists and turns, and that full understanding of a sociopath is nearly impossible without the full picture. And I understand your limitations.
Lots in this letter--and again, sorry it was so delayed. Hope my cash/stamp problem improves. Hope I filled your Brain Housing Group with enough stuff that you forget for a little while how much life SUCKS!!
Thinking of you, Kelly. Hang in there---write soon. And so will I.
Your friend,
Michael
"You know you love me. XOXO." The narrator is of course Kristen Bell. She ends each episode with those worlds.
P.S. KK tons more movie talk, but all this seemed more important.
It certainly sounds like you have touched all the bases regarding the persistent sub-acute infection which has plagued you for so long. [Ed.: Group B Strep] I have seen the truly awful results of anal-vaginal fistulea caused when women in rural Africa undergo days of labor because they can't get to the hospital. The instense pressures inside the pelvis can tear significant holes in that membrane. These women become recluses and pariahs. IN fact, there are hospitals in sub-Saharan Africa devotedly exclusively in to surgery to repair these horrendous injuries. As you might image, repair is complex and not always successful. Many women have to undergo two or three operations to finally close the defect. PBS did a stunning documentary on the subject a couple of years ago. [Ed.: He is mentioning fissues because I explained I had to go get an abdominal scan with dye to see if there were any rips in my intestines. Luckily prior to getting that exam, I and my doctor finally figured out why I've had recurrent GBS infections (they are extremely painful and rare). The bacteria was growing from an antibiotic that I had taken quite a few times. It was killing so much of the good bacteria in my system (I do take probiotics and eat yogurt) that it caused a horrible overgrowth of GBS.]
Yes, I know--Michael is always there with a cheery anedote or two...Just putting things in perspective.
By the way---part of my ability to "compartmentalize" is being able to realize that such awful things to not in anyway and should not in any way prevent a man and a woman who are emotionally close and who trust each other from engaging in deep, loving anal sex, especially the utter intimacy & orgasmic intensity (man and women) of anal sex in the missionary position.
I know, TMI. [Ed.: To reiterate, I've told him a billion times, no sex talk.]
Must get this in the mail--but still so much more to talk about. And I will--hope sooner than later. I really do enjoy writing to you, Kelly, even if I drive you half-crazy most of the time...
Just received "Mind Game", the fascinating letter from NZ from the New Yorker. Wow--full comments to follow.
AND your letter in which you relate your confrontation at the laundromat. My God, trouble just finds you sometimes, doesn't it?
So--scanning and very briefly:
>Brilliant discussion/rant re the rescinded job offer!
>I knew that the "Buried" review would bother you. Poor baby. You and I would be perfect in those situations.
> No, I've not seen "Young Prisoner's Handbook" but it just seemed liek a film you must see and tell me about!
> I will think seriously about how a sociopath woudl perceive the whole situation/court case you've described. You asked "How do you think he views me and what do you think he'll do?" I will consider that and I think I can give you a reasoned opinion. I believe there are multiple twists and turns, and that full understanding of a sociopath is nearly impossible without the full picture. And I understand your limitations.
Lots in this letter--and again, sorry it was so delayed. Hope my cash/stamp problem improves. Hope I filled your Brain Housing Group with enough stuff that you forget for a little while how much life SUCKS!!
Thinking of you, Kelly. Hang in there---write soon. And so will I.
Your friend,
Michael
"You know you love me. XOXO." The narrator is of course Kristen Bell. She ends each episode with those worlds.
P.S. KK tons more movie talk, but all this seemed more important.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Ira Einhorn, #1
So I read THIS article recently when it was linked to LOVEFRAUD, the website devoted to all things sociopathic. I felt the writer did a poor job on the story and wasted a chance at writing about a fascinating murderer, Ira Einhorn. I don't know if it was that she was intimidated by him, if she just didn't know much about incarcerated sociopaths, etc. but I believe there was a far better story waiting to be written if she had to skills to do so.
Anyway, I started researching Einhorn and decided to write to him. He fits in with my criteria: He is extremely bright, charming and sociopathic. Check, check and check!
I wrote him a similar letter to all the first letters I sent to prisoners. It was on a little note card with a picture of me wearing a black and white striped dress standing up against my wall of the same color and pattern.
Today I got his first answer and what a doozy it is. Get on the coaster, kids, this is going to be a fun ride.
If you will please welcome Ira to the dancefloor:
If you are interested in more background on Einhorn, Google him. He is a pretty fascinating man who loves the ladies, except, um, the ones he kills.
Anyway, I started researching Einhorn and decided to write to him. He fits in with my criteria: He is extremely bright, charming and sociopathic. Check, check and check!
I wrote him a similar letter to all the first letters I sent to prisoners. It was on a little note card with a picture of me wearing a black and white striped dress standing up against my wall of the same color and pattern.
Today I got his first answer and what a doozy it is. Get on the coaster, kids, this is going to be a fun ride.
If you will please welcome Ira to the dancefloor:
If you are interested in more background on Einhorn, Google him. He is a pretty fascinating man who loves the ladies, except, um, the ones he kills.
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #100 Pt. 2
[Ed.: This is continued from <--- there.]
Here's just one idea from my spaceship traveling to Alpha Centauri:
Although I did have my own personal version of your Rule of Three, you have published it on your blog so we'll call it your idea (kidding!). As I understand it: "Kreth's Postulate" says that it is virtually impossible for a woman in Manhattan to simultaneously have her job, her relationship, and her home running smoothly. (You put it so much better.)
There's a book: The Rule of Three: "One woman's frantic, sad & funny attempt to have it all when something is always wrong." [Or a much more well-written version.]
I am sure that in your thousands of bloggings you have addressed at length and in detail, the trial and tribulations of job, relationships, and home.
Mine was a "rule of four"" 1) Where you live 2) Where you work 3) Who you're with 4) What you drive. These four things define virtually everyone: Your house/apt; your job/ your relationship/significant other (Yes, KK, sexual OMG!) and your car. I never thought all four were impossible to have at the same time--but most of our actions focus on them.
Hell--I think in just what I've read from you all three and more have been covered.
By the way--having thought about these things myself, I would be more than happy to help. Perhaps provide an anonymous male viewpoint in the relationship part of the triad.
The beauty of your "rule of three" is that even if a woman has never thought of her life in those terms, she will instantly realize that relationship, job, and home ARE the center of her life.
[Not: Obviously for any woman attending school full-time--that is her job.]
And your stories and experiences, even if based in NYC, will resonate universally to any woman living anywhere in the USA or anywhere else for that matter.
Ok--so tell me where I am wrong. You cn do this--and I would be willing to help in any way I can. Talk to me, Kelly.
Again, I know you believe I was a sociopath 24/7for a long time. Not even close. I did talk--in depth and at length to many women about their views of men and sex. (Hence my theory on why gay men and straight women for such unique and powerful bonds. If anything I know of can be of help--no problem.
By the way, I would of course be willing to help write or edit any of the sexual passages that would inevitably arise in your relationship vignettes, etc.!
I am kidding, of course. I know that when you "felt it" you can and do write about that as well as you do everything else. However, KK, to be serious--I think you do underestimate the importance and power of sex in male/female relationships. And I don't mean "All men are dogs...that's all they think about..." Wrong and wrong.
What keeps a man in a committed, monogamous relationship with a woman is almost always NOT what women thing. Yes, sex is a huge part of it, but not in the way you think. From talking exclusively with women, I can also made some educated suppositions on what keeps a woman in such a relationship.
Three quick thoughts on this subject:
(Which clearly deserves much more detailed discussion.)
>Ask yourself what is it that causes a spouse or boyfriend (usually but not always male) or ex-spouse to KILL their significant other or ex-significant other in a rage or fit of passion/and often kill anyone else who is there...and often (but not always) then kill themselves.
> Ask yourself My story (personal) of "The Widow" (That's what she caleld herself) About that very imperative of emotion and sex and need of men and women (yes, her and I...)
No time to tell it today but again if you're interested I will discuss in detail along with the lovely and heartbroken and devastated flight attendant after the United crash.
My God, Kelly, I do so enjoy writing to you--as much as I enjoy receiving your amazing letters.
***
[Part Three tomorrow and also TEASER ALERT: I recently wrote to a fascinating sociopathic murderer and just got his first response. Boy, is it a doozy!]
Here's just one idea from my spaceship traveling to Alpha Centauri:
Although I did have my own personal version of your Rule of Three, you have published it on your blog so we'll call it your idea (kidding!). As I understand it: "Kreth's Postulate" says that it is virtually impossible for a woman in Manhattan to simultaneously have her job, her relationship, and her home running smoothly. (You put it so much better.)
There's a book: The Rule of Three: "One woman's frantic, sad & funny attempt to have it all when something is always wrong." [Or a much more well-written version.]
I am sure that in your thousands of bloggings you have addressed at length and in detail, the trial and tribulations of job, relationships, and home.
Mine was a "rule of four"" 1) Where you live 2) Where you work 3) Who you're with 4) What you drive. These four things define virtually everyone: Your house/apt; your job/ your relationship/significant other (Yes, KK, sexual OMG!) and your car. I never thought all four were impossible to have at the same time--but most of our actions focus on them.
Hell--I think in just what I've read from you all three and more have been covered.
By the way--having thought about these things myself, I would be more than happy to help. Perhaps provide an anonymous male viewpoint in the relationship part of the triad.
The beauty of your "rule of three" is that even if a woman has never thought of her life in those terms, she will instantly realize that relationship, job, and home ARE the center of her life.
[Not: Obviously for any woman attending school full-time--that is her job.]
And your stories and experiences, even if based in NYC, will resonate universally to any woman living anywhere in the USA or anywhere else for that matter.
Ok--so tell me where I am wrong. You cn do this--and I would be willing to help in any way I can. Talk to me, Kelly.
Again, I know you believe I was a sociopath 24/7for a long time. Not even close. I did talk--in depth and at length to many women about their views of men and sex. (Hence my theory on why gay men and straight women for such unique and powerful bonds. If anything I know of can be of help--no problem.
By the way, I would of course be willing to help write or edit any of the sexual passages that would inevitably arise in your relationship vignettes, etc.!
I am kidding, of course. I know that when you "felt it" you can and do write about that as well as you do everything else. However, KK, to be serious--I think you do underestimate the importance and power of sex in male/female relationships. And I don't mean "All men are dogs...that's all they think about..." Wrong and wrong.
What keeps a man in a committed, monogamous relationship with a woman is almost always NOT what women thing. Yes, sex is a huge part of it, but not in the way you think. From talking exclusively with women, I can also made some educated suppositions on what keeps a woman in such a relationship.
Three quick thoughts on this subject:
(Which clearly deserves much more detailed discussion.)
>Ask yourself what is it that causes a spouse or boyfriend (usually but not always male) or ex-spouse to KILL their significant other or ex-significant other in a rage or fit of passion/and often kill anyone else who is there...and often (but not always) then kill themselves.
> Ask yourself My story (personal) of "The Widow" (That's what she caleld herself) About that very imperative of emotion and sex and need of men and women (yes, her and I...)
No time to tell it today but again if you're interested I will discuss in detail along with the lovely and heartbroken and devastated flight attendant after the United crash.
My God, Kelly, I do so enjoy writing to you--as much as I enjoy receiving your amazing letters.
***
[Part Three tomorrow and also TEASER ALERT: I recently wrote to a fascinating sociopathic murderer and just got his first response. Boy, is it a doozy!]
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, Pt. 1
[Ed.: Wow! ONE HUNDRED LETTERS! I find this one particularly interesting. He says he wants to write something with me and seems to want to co-author a book with me.... This is an extremely long letter and as there is no mention of tv or movies, I'm typing the whole thing, so I have to do it in two parts.]
Dear Kelly,
Once again my apologies for taking so long to follow up my last letter. You know I would prefer several short letters to reduce the inteval but a cash flow/stamp problem this week. So let me try to pick up where I left off without preamble. :-)
Forget everything else about me except this: For quite some time now I have been doing a lot of reading. Reading of all kinds, all genres. First during my years in Africa, and then, of course, here.
I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of writing: brilliant, good, mediocre, awful and of its potential commercial appeal.
Which brings us to the writings and musings and bloggings of Kelly Kreth, Esq. First, KK, you have several huge advantages over hundreds of thousands (?) of people in the nation who are surely considering trying to publish or make a living via writing. You live in New York. Even in the web-centric world of today,Gotham is still the center of the publishing universe.
Second huge advantage--While you are not a household name (probably a good thing) LOTS of people know who you are.
Third: I don't know how many hits your blog receives daily or hourly, or how many people have read your thousands of pages in the last ten years and that you have been blogging frequently and regularly.
Third-and-a-half: Ergo, my lovely, sexy, irresistable friend: you are an intelligent and smart and funny and insightful and impulsively readable writer.
Now, since I have had the privilege to read only a tiny, tiny fraction of all that you've written, I am in no position to know what would bebest to try to turn/transform into a book or series of books with the purpose of making money--that is what we're talking about, am I right?
Thanks to the miracle of the internet and the "save" function---I would guess that everything you've written online is available to read and review and edit at the push of a button I was greatly moved and impressed by your post-9/11 blogs.
Again, from the little I've read--you write brilliantly about relationships. In fact, I an always tell when you're writing about something that you are passionate about (positive or negative) because your writing is scintillating (one of my favorite words, and one I dont' use often. See also: IRIDESCENT and INCANDESCENT) This awful and complicated court case you are involved with is riveting, even with the fact that I know you cannot approach the subject directly.
Let me tell you right now: When that case is done and you can fully and completely give all the details: That is a book that must be written. And/Or a fact-based novel. And/Or a book that would probably be a good one to be made into a film.
For that, I would even consider writing a chapter (s) on the spider-like way that unsuspecting women can be drawn into the complex and sophisticated and amoral --- NOT immoral; that's too easy--web of a man with sociopathic tendencies. Obviously from a past pespective. But quite honestly, Kelly, I have a much better viewpoint and analysis now that I would have then. When you're "in it" or "doing it" as you know, you often don't realize it is happening.
But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Let me say again what I said over a year ago: These are definitely enough stories/recollections/vignette/etc. in your thousands of blog entries...just on relationships alone...to create a book that people will buy. The e-book and Kindle were made for authors like you.
I don't care if an editor or editor friend has pooh-poohed the idea or told you no way. They are wrong. Find another editor or colleague or friend FOR GOD'S SAKE Kelly: See #1: You Live and Work in New York City!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Dear Kelly,
Once again my apologies for taking so long to follow up my last letter. You know I would prefer several short letters to reduce the inteval but a cash flow/stamp problem this week. So let me try to pick up where I left off without preamble. :-)
Forget everything else about me except this: For quite some time now I have been doing a lot of reading. Reading of all kinds, all genres. First during my years in Africa, and then, of course, here.
I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of writing: brilliant, good, mediocre, awful and of its potential commercial appeal.
Which brings us to the writings and musings and bloggings of Kelly Kreth, Esq. First, KK, you have several huge advantages over hundreds of thousands (?) of people in the nation who are surely considering trying to publish or make a living via writing. You live in New York. Even in the web-centric world of today,Gotham is still the center of the publishing universe.
Second huge advantage--While you are not a household name (probably a good thing) LOTS of people know who you are.
Third: I don't know how many hits your blog receives daily or hourly, or how many people have read your thousands of pages in the last ten years and that you have been blogging frequently and regularly.
Third-and-a-half: Ergo, my lovely, sexy, irresistable friend: you are an intelligent and smart and funny and insightful and impulsively readable writer.
Now, since I have had the privilege to read only a tiny, tiny fraction of all that you've written, I am in no position to know what would bebest to try to turn/transform into a book or series of books with the purpose of making money--that is what we're talking about, am I right?
Thanks to the miracle of the internet and the "save" function---I would guess that everything you've written online is available to read and review and edit at the push of a button I was greatly moved and impressed by your post-9/11 blogs.
Again, from the little I've read--you write brilliantly about relationships. In fact, I an always tell when you're writing about something that you are passionate about (positive or negative) because your writing is scintillating (one of my favorite words, and one I dont' use often. See also: IRIDESCENT and INCANDESCENT) This awful and complicated court case you are involved with is riveting, even with the fact that I know you cannot approach the subject directly.
Let me tell you right now: When that case is done and you can fully and completely give all the details: That is a book that must be written. And/Or a fact-based novel. And/Or a book that would probably be a good one to be made into a film.
For that, I would even consider writing a chapter (s) on the spider-like way that unsuspecting women can be drawn into the complex and sophisticated and amoral --- NOT immoral; that's too easy--web of a man with sociopathic tendencies. Obviously from a past pespective. But quite honestly, Kelly, I have a much better viewpoint and analysis now that I would have then. When you're "in it" or "doing it" as you know, you often don't realize it is happening.
But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Let me say again what I said over a year ago: These are definitely enough stories/recollections/vignette/etc. in your thousands of blog entries...just on relationships alone...to create a book that people will buy. The e-book and Kindle were made for authors like you.
I don't care if an editor or editor friend has pooh-poohed the idea or told you no way. They are wrong. Find another editor or colleague or friend FOR GOD'S SAKE Kelly: See #1: You Live and Work in New York City!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Monday, November 1, 2010
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #99
[Ed.: This is the most graphically obscene letter he has sent. Trust me when I say I NEVER encourage this, never write anything even vaguealy about romance or sex and have countless times told him not to.]
Dear Kelly,
Let me answer and discuss your most recent letter (just received) with a promise (ongoing and continuous) to write more--much more--over the long "holiday" weekend: Columbus Day. I'm sure you and ever other non-federal employee in America will be working. You have to wonder how, in our ultra-politically correct era, the day celebrating the "white genocidal colonist & Native American enslaver/slaughterer" has endured. Just kidding.
KK--when I feel some of your real pain in your letters, you have no idea how much I wish I could help you and comfort you as a friend and as a FWB. [Ed.: OMG!] Because you definitely need both right now. You need someone with you close to 24/7 to keep that astonishing and wonderfully sexy mind off of doom and gloom...and to focus on positive solutions to real problems. I certainly would and did, evenin the days when you believe I was a complete sociopath (which I was not, as I've patiently tried to explain even as I myself try to understand...) My story of the United Airlines flt. attendant is one example---will share.
Mainly we would discuss your brilliant and always entertaining writing, KK. That is in my humble opinion, the key to solving your financial problemss, which I know are devastating and 24/7 worrisome and life sucking. Trust me, been there.
I will expand on this in my weekend letter (making a note of it now.)
I know something else you need. Don't laugh or say, "there he goes again." I have had several FWBs during my life--and at least twice those intense but limited relationships were life-savers/once for her and once for me. Again, laugh if you will, but I am deadly serious. Wish I could be with you at night in those hours betw. 2400 & 0400, those hours when things can seem so hopeless and bleak. You need that hunger, that desire, the knowledge that a man who understands you, who "gets" you, who you cannot drive away with even your most obnoxious behavior. :-) That the man wants to be inside you, deep inside you, wants to feel your body, your mouth lovingly wrapped around him as he comes inside you, calling your name as you and he make love, as he feels your orgasm deep in your pelvis as he pumps his living seed inside your vagina and ass. [Ed.: WTF?]
I don't say this to be prurient--I say it to tell you the absolute truth. That I will always try to give you, even when you don't want to hear it.
***
Again, promise more on your writing. You can and will pay all the bills and more with your remarkable gift.
Now to your letter:
> I still want to see Catfish. Please tell me the great "twist" . Knowing these things before I see a film doesn't bother me in the least.
>Will put Shopgirl on my list. It's quie brief as books go, isn't it?
>I know what you mean about Shia LeBouf. Annoying to be sure.
>Your nightmare with the endless interviews for that PR job and the idiots you have to deal with...that's one enormous blessing of medicinc and nursing: If you have the skills, you will have a job, and one that pays well. None of these ridiculous games you described so well. Eff them, Kelly--you're better than they are.
Don't be miserable and scared. Stop the nightmares. You are not lost, and you are not rudderless...your anchor and life preserver is your writing. You just don't realize it yet.
Promise to follow up. Don't despair KK. I'm thinking of you a lot these days.
Your good friend and believer in you,
XOXO
--Michael
Dear Kelly,
Let me answer and discuss your most recent letter (just received) with a promise (ongoing and continuous) to write more--much more--over the long "holiday" weekend: Columbus Day. I'm sure you and ever other non-federal employee in America will be working. You have to wonder how, in our ultra-politically correct era, the day celebrating the "white genocidal colonist & Native American enslaver/slaughterer" has endured. Just kidding.
KK--when I feel some of your real pain in your letters, you have no idea how much I wish I could help you and comfort you as a friend and as a FWB. [Ed.: OMG!] Because you definitely need both right now. You need someone with you close to 24/7 to keep that astonishing and wonderfully sexy mind off of doom and gloom...and to focus on positive solutions to real problems. I certainly would and did, evenin the days when you believe I was a complete sociopath (which I was not, as I've patiently tried to explain even as I myself try to understand...) My story of the United Airlines flt. attendant is one example---will share.
Mainly we would discuss your brilliant and always entertaining writing, KK. That is in my humble opinion, the key to solving your financial problemss, which I know are devastating and 24/7 worrisome and life sucking. Trust me, been there.
I will expand on this in my weekend letter (making a note of it now.)
I know something else you need. Don't laugh or say, "there he goes again." I have had several FWBs during my life--and at least twice those intense but limited relationships were life-savers/once for her and once for me. Again, laugh if you will, but I am deadly serious. Wish I could be with you at night in those hours betw. 2400 & 0400, those hours when things can seem so hopeless and bleak. You need that hunger, that desire, the knowledge that a man who understands you, who "gets" you, who you cannot drive away with even your most obnoxious behavior. :-) That the man wants to be inside you, deep inside you, wants to feel your body, your mouth lovingly wrapped around him as he comes inside you, calling your name as you and he make love, as he feels your orgasm deep in your pelvis as he pumps his living seed inside your vagina and ass. [Ed.: WTF?]
I don't say this to be prurient--I say it to tell you the absolute truth. That I will always try to give you, even when you don't want to hear it.
***
Again, promise more on your writing. You can and will pay all the bills and more with your remarkable gift.
Now to your letter:
> I still want to see Catfish. Please tell me the great "twist" . Knowing these things before I see a film doesn't bother me in the least.
>Will put Shopgirl on my list. It's quie brief as books go, isn't it?
>I know what you mean about Shia LeBouf. Annoying to be sure.
>Your nightmare with the endless interviews for that PR job and the idiots you have to deal with...that's one enormous blessing of medicinc and nursing: If you have the skills, you will have a job, and one that pays well. None of these ridiculous games you described so well. Eff them, Kelly--you're better than they are.
Don't be miserable and scared. Stop the nightmares. You are not lost, and you are not rudderless...your anchor and life preserver is your writing. You just don't realize it yet.
Promise to follow up. Don't despair KK. I'm thinking of you a lot these days.
Your good friend and believer in you,
XOXO
--Michael
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #48
Kelly,
I've been reading Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, a huge book on physical and emotional health, as being interrelated. I read a section on interstitial cystitis and thought that is what you deal with, yes? A lot of women with IC also experience vulvadynia (chronic vulva pain). Have you ever tried a NACT allergy test? Or a high antioxidant det or supplements? What's interesting to me is that the most highly recommended treatment was behavior therapy or biofeedback. I guess it is sort of considered an autoimmune disorder even though they don't know what causes it. But I guess there's a huge correlation between psyche and physical health. "Any perception of invasiona in one's emotional life an result in increased permeability in one's immunite system boundaries. This is especially true in those women with a history of psychosexual trauma in early life. A wolman who has been in a sexually active love relationship and is rejected may perceive her rejection as a violation, and [lower abdomen] problems can result. If she can't feel or release her anger over this, she may develop recurrent urinary symptons. Studies have shown that women with chronic bladder infections have been found to have more free-floating anxiety and more obsessive personality traits and tend to experience emotions only through their bodily symptoms (somatoform disorder) compared to women without this problem. In one study, in fact, women with chronic cystitis had scores comparaab le to hose of psychiatric patients for levels of obsessionality. They were also prone to emotional states that were not balanced by their intellect. Several researchers have found that women who feel the need to urinate frequently but who dont' have infections are more anxious and neurotic than those without the problem."
They recommend antidepressants and therapy. :-)
I puloled out these pages when I was flipping thru some magazines looking for images to use for a project-- ("m finishing week six of my creative writing course.) And I found these ADORABLE pets in their costumes and wonder if you'll subject Mini to a costume this year? I love his little rain slicker--if he had a hook for a foot he could be that maniac on I Know What You Did Last Summer. I love the ferret. I was also thumbing through an Indianapolis Monthly and found this---IndySwank--a vintage-and-art shop. I've never been to it, but the place it took over was similar in theory. It was an old five and dime shop that had lots of neat older stuff, some antiques, and is in the old historic building just south of downtown. There's a small, old theater--the kind with an actual stage--down the street where DAve and I went to see the Blue Monkey Sideshow. There's a Sunshine or Rainbow Cafe--just a really neat artsy historical, charming area. A few minutes around the corner, a giant purple and orange house makes Smileys, a one-man eatery that serves really good, homemade food, aimed at the teenage generation--a leather couch and PlayStation/Xbox sit in front of a big screen tv, and local punk bands often play there.
Anyway, neat stuff. Those vintage and thrift stores always have interesting stuff because it has a history. Just like that amazing find at Goodwill. There's a story behind that KK pendant necklace. Who bought it for whom? Why was it never worn? How did it end up at Goodwill? And Diving Timing that you now own and treasure it. The Universe is so neat.
I am excited about your new article writing. You are getting more and more published and I think it is a nudge from the Universe telling you somethign about where your next career move is headed. You are an excellent writer with a unique sense of humor. Plus, the more good stuff that comes up when Googled, the better. Obviously, people pay attention to all of it, but look at Babe Ruth. He was a womanizer, a gambler, an out-of-shape alcoholic. He held the record for the most strikes/strike outs--yet he was an American hero for hitting hte most (714) home runs ever.
Do enough good and people forget, or care less, about your past. That's why Alec Baldwin and Mel Gibson are still standing after those tapes. And Tom Cruise. Keep doing good work! That's what I'm working on.
I haven't heard from Michele for Our Voice, so I don't have a contact address, so I'll probably send you the essays I wrote, if you don't mind forwarding them in some fashion. I am also working on a songwriting project with a Christian musician. If I am lucky, I'll be able to say I am a recorded songwriter!! I know that everything takes time and effort, good luck and good friends being supportive.
I liked your other pieces.
I know know what "bridge and tunnel club" is. Never heard of such a thing and it's not in the dictionary. Well written story---clear and funny. I'd love to see a few of the Best of Carbuncle Bar Mayhem. I looked up "carbuncle""--that's DISGUSTING. Just, ew.
Thank you for sharing your story about "John Doe". I was moved by it. There were several points where i found myself not only feeling empathy--but also sympathy as you recreated a part of my past. One thing I really admire about you, Kelly, is your willingness to share yourself, your feelings, and your failures. Exposing your stupid decisions, naivete, and tender needs without apology. Self acceptance or something. I spent most of my life weighed down by shame and I am only now learning tha tshame is bullshit. Thank you for sharing, because you help me grant mercy to myself for being myself.
And I absolutely enjoy the Kelly & Amir saga. Really! Since I have no active social life, your life does well to entertain me. :-)
I have legal research, letters, recordkeeping, exercise and readin gto do. My life is so exciting....Woo! [Party favor sound-bite.]
Peace,
Sarah
I've been reading Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, a huge book on physical and emotional health, as being interrelated. I read a section on interstitial cystitis and thought that is what you deal with, yes? A lot of women with IC also experience vulvadynia (chronic vulva pain). Have you ever tried a NACT allergy test? Or a high antioxidant det or supplements? What's interesting to me is that the most highly recommended treatment was behavior therapy or biofeedback. I guess it is sort of considered an autoimmune disorder even though they don't know what causes it. But I guess there's a huge correlation between psyche and physical health. "Any perception of invasiona in one's emotional life an result in increased permeability in one's immunite system boundaries. This is especially true in those women with a history of psychosexual trauma in early life. A wolman who has been in a sexually active love relationship and is rejected may perceive her rejection as a violation, and [lower abdomen] problems can result. If she can't feel or release her anger over this, she may develop recurrent urinary symptons. Studies have shown that women with chronic bladder infections have been found to have more free-floating anxiety and more obsessive personality traits and tend to experience emotions only through their bodily symptoms (somatoform disorder) compared to women without this problem. In one study, in fact, women with chronic cystitis had scores comparaab le to hose of psychiatric patients for levels of obsessionality. They were also prone to emotional states that were not balanced by their intellect. Several researchers have found that women who feel the need to urinate frequently but who dont' have infections are more anxious and neurotic than those without the problem."
They recommend antidepressants and therapy. :-)
I puloled out these pages when I was flipping thru some magazines looking for images to use for a project-- ("m finishing week six of my creative writing course.) And I found these ADORABLE pets in their costumes and wonder if you'll subject Mini to a costume this year? I love his little rain slicker--if he had a hook for a foot he could be that maniac on I Know What You Did Last Summer. I love the ferret. I was also thumbing through an Indianapolis Monthly and found this---IndySwank--a vintage-and-art shop. I've never been to it, but the place it took over was similar in theory. It was an old five and dime shop that had lots of neat older stuff, some antiques, and is in the old historic building just south of downtown. There's a small, old theater--the kind with an actual stage--down the street where DAve and I went to see the Blue Monkey Sideshow. There's a Sunshine or Rainbow Cafe--just a really neat artsy historical, charming area. A few minutes around the corner, a giant purple and orange house makes Smileys, a one-man eatery that serves really good, homemade food, aimed at the teenage generation--a leather couch and PlayStation/Xbox sit in front of a big screen tv, and local punk bands often play there.
Anyway, neat stuff. Those vintage and thrift stores always have interesting stuff because it has a history. Just like that amazing find at Goodwill. There's a story behind that KK pendant necklace. Who bought it for whom? Why was it never worn? How did it end up at Goodwill? And Diving Timing that you now own and treasure it. The Universe is so neat.
I am excited about your new article writing. You are getting more and more published and I think it is a nudge from the Universe telling you somethign about where your next career move is headed. You are an excellent writer with a unique sense of humor. Plus, the more good stuff that comes up when Googled, the better. Obviously, people pay attention to all of it, but look at Babe Ruth. He was a womanizer, a gambler, an out-of-shape alcoholic. He held the record for the most strikes/strike outs--yet he was an American hero for hitting hte most (714) home runs ever.
Do enough good and people forget, or care less, about your past. That's why Alec Baldwin and Mel Gibson are still standing after those tapes. And Tom Cruise. Keep doing good work! That's what I'm working on.
I haven't heard from Michele for Our Voice, so I don't have a contact address, so I'll probably send you the essays I wrote, if you don't mind forwarding them in some fashion. I am also working on a songwriting project with a Christian musician. If I am lucky, I'll be able to say I am a recorded songwriter!! I know that everything takes time and effort, good luck and good friends being supportive.
I liked your other pieces.
I know know what "bridge and tunnel club" is. Never heard of such a thing and it's not in the dictionary. Well written story---clear and funny. I'd love to see a few of the Best of Carbuncle Bar Mayhem. I looked up "carbuncle""--that's DISGUSTING. Just, ew.
Thank you for sharing your story about "John Doe". I was moved by it. There were several points where i found myself not only feeling empathy--but also sympathy as you recreated a part of my past. One thing I really admire about you, Kelly, is your willingness to share yourself, your feelings, and your failures. Exposing your stupid decisions, naivete, and tender needs without apology. Self acceptance or something. I spent most of my life weighed down by shame and I am only now learning tha tshame is bullshit. Thank you for sharing, because you help me grant mercy to myself for being myself.
And I absolutely enjoy the Kelly & Amir saga. Really! Since I have no active social life, your life does well to entertain me. :-)
I have legal research, letters, recordkeeping, exercise and readin gto do. My life is so exciting....Woo! [Party favor sound-bite.]
Peace,
Sarah
