Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #60

Dear KK---

Longer letter in progress/Read with fascination your blog entry regarding Irene Vilar & IMPOSSIBLE MOTHERHOOD. And now she has two children of her own!

Further comments on that and the rest of the blogs to follow. But reading about Ms. Vilar--I thought of the enclosed lengthy article from Newsweek about a month ago. Written following the murder of Dr. Tiller in Wichita...this is the story of Dr. Leroy Carhart and some things even I didn't know about "late-term" abortions.

In Africa, I saw all of the horrendous peripartum complications mentioned on pg. 3 / caused not by draconian abortion ban but by inaccessibility of timely Ob/Gyn care. But the results are the same: Dead & disabled women & newborns.

Not pleasant reading but should be required reading on the subject...

>Also enclosed: A tribute to William Safire. Politically, I really was not in agreement most of the time; but he knew the English language.

Take care, Kelly. Thinking of you in some interesting ways, and hope to hear from you again soon. Will catch up on multiple topics over the weekend. Stay healthy, sunshine.

Yours,
Michael

P.S. Hope you incorporate your eyepatch into any Halloween costumes. Soooo sexy with your raven hair...!

Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #59

Is it considered 'meta' when the sociopathic prisoner writes about a sociopathic prisoner?

Dear KK---

My apologies for the delay in getting this letter out to you. The good news is I can comment on your most recent letter received on Friday 10/23. Much to get to so let me dive right in. Order bears no relationship to importance, so stay awake, sunshine!

So you want ot make an investment and get a return over four thousand times the original investment? Make a horror film in your apartment! Over the weekend, that cult horror film, Paranormal Activity was #1. Made for $15K; it has now make over $64m.

[Ed.: omitting more movie talk.]

I know how interested you are in sociopathy, etc. May I suggest you looking closely at a truly fascinating [even to me, KK, and I rarely if ever follow these things.] and almost unbelievable murder case out of Toronto, Canada in the 1990s. To get its flavor, see the LIFETIME film, entitled KARLA. I'm sure it can either be downloaded from LIFETIME or found on NETFLIX or rental. The film stars the girl (now woman) from That 70s Show, Laura Prepon. She is very good, by far the best I've seen her. Prepon plays Karla Homolka, a very attractive young woman who falls in love with a true sociopath--Paul Bernardo, in the late 80s/early 90s around Toronto. Unknown to her, he is a serial rapist, but even when she finds out, she stays totally "loyal" almost (but not quite) to the end. In the interim, she helps him drug and rape her own teenage sister, who dies "accidentally". Later Paul kidnaps two teenage girls, brings them home, rapes & eventually kills them both--with Karla at his side.

The earlier serial rapes and then serial homicides were, as you can imagine HUGE news and media sensation in the 90s over all of Canada--which doesn't see this stuff every day like the Lower 48. Two even more bizarre circumstances took this to the next level:

1) The drugging/rape/death of Karla's sister; and the murders of the two girls were completely or partially on videotape, filmed by Bernardo himself who was a filmaker when he started.

2) Karla cut a deal with prosecutors for a 12 yr sentence--which was the subject of a massive media & public outrage. Because her involvement in all three deaths was believed to be much deeper & more "voluntary" than had been alleged.

3) Now the kicker : some of the videotapes were discovered after Bernardo's trial and after Karla's plea-bargain. OMG! More shock and outrage, etc.

Karla Homolka was released in 06. Haven't heard much since then.

Anyway, sorry I spent so much time on it. Given your vociferous OCD tendencies, you probably know all about it! Talk to me!

[Ed.: omitting more film talk.]

You take care--stay warm and stay well. Thinking of you; you are sooo Rachel as opposed to Quinn. Note: That means much more intriguing, more intelligent, sexier & more passionate & willing ot please.

XOXO,
Michael

Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #18

Kelly,

Thank you for you letter and enclousures. I wince at all the names people come up wtih for our sexual body parts. Especially women. Men aren't real creative with pussy, cunt, hole, pink... women, however, are a little too creative. Cookie. Bird. Nahnah. Little Girl. PeePee.

Never would I think of Wayne Gretsky.
Of all the Walter Gretskying euphemisms out there...

I did get a printout of my blog. I corrected the mistakes and sent it back out to my mom to fix. I am thankful she even know how to get on teh Internet. Could you help me out a little by organizing it? I see that the entries can be categorized, which would be real helpful. Also, the very beginning should have an intro and a photo, but she doesn't know how to do it. Would you be willing to do that, and give her instructions on how to catergorize future entries? I'd appreciate it.

I enjoy your blogs. I crack up at some of the shit you write. And the words you come up with! Reidtard. I just wrote an entry about my last week free, where I have this killer fling with the hot guy from down the street, and was describing how when we slept together on the couch, in front of the fireplace, we'd shift positions ever 20 minutes or so, in sync, and I remember the NIGHT DANCE. So, I wrote this sentence: "We fall asleep on the couch, in our underwear, firelight dancing across our skin, and spend the remaining hours doing the Night Dance, a term my friend Kelly coined to describe sychronized body repositioning when spooning with a lover."

May I use it? Is it accurately described?

It's nice to get back writing after a long dry spell. Depression just sucks. I knew you'd get it. They gave me Wellbutrin twice a day. It is working in that I feel better, have more energy, and everything doesn't seem so overwhelming. I can concentrate, and I'm not sad anymore. Still not to my perky, usual self, but after ten months stuck in a room, who's goin to be a constant ray of Walter Gretskying sunshine?

When someone needs mental health attention, they put in a medical request. The therapist comes to talk to you, and determines if your issues are serious enough to be forwarded to the psychiatrist. Many people get blown off. People who really need help. Who have major anger or bipolar issues are ignored. It's sad. There are some groups/therapy that people in open population can go to. Those are limited. Often, behavior problems are directly related to mental health, but this place won't focus on preventative medical care. It's all reactive. And all of it is old medicine. No cutting-edge technology/medicine here.

NO, they haven't explained to me about wanting to keep me in lock past my year, except that they "need to know what Sarah Pender is doing every moment of the day." Basically, it's because I am an escape risk based on previously escaping. With that logic, I'd never get out of isolation, which is pretty shitty, since the last woman brought back from escaping managed to avoid capture for 37 years (murder charge) and she spent 4 months in lock and then went into population. (She escaped from 1WP, so they sent her to Rockville, where I was.) Anyway, for some reason, they think I am so incredibly smart, that I can do anything. Like I am a magician. And they can do it, because it's within their discretion.

I don't currently have a lawyer. My last attorney doesn't involve himself in Dept. of Corrections stuff, and I haven't found a new one yet that I can afford. I'm on a limited budget.

No, I don't want to escape again. That stuff is over. If I was so crazy about not wanting to be here, I'd would have either killed myself or made the cops kill me when I was caught. It was a one-time deal, and I'm over it, but they'll always be afraid that I'll escape gain and get another job and not pay my taxes.

I am such a menace to society.

Yes, this a a different prison than the one I escaped from. And we're about to go to another prison next month. But none of that seems to matter really. They are seriously concerned about my risk of escapin, which kills me becaus that speaks VOLUMES about how the prison administration feels about their custody staff. Apparently they don't trust that their security is good enough to babysit me. Or maybe they are afraid that another guard will use me for sex and I'll use him back for things. Sex scandals happen in women's prison's a LOT. More than ever gets reported in the media.

When I craft, I use magazine pages or colored paper salvaged from envelopes sent to me. I can not have paste or glue, so I use toothpaste. You must be creative in order to accomplish anything here.

Commissary is the name of the process in which we order food, hygienes, mailing supplies, etc. Wefill out a Scantron bubble sheet on Monday, get it Friday. Except in lock, we can only order soap, toothpaste, stamps, paper, and cards. They make it hard up here, so people won't want to come back.

You probably already went to court by the time you receive this. I can not imagine what you are suing for, but it apparently has you very upset. Since you are suing, I am sure the defendant has attorneys that are going to attack your character, your story, everything they can to make you wrong and make them right. Try to remember that their power resides in YOU. You give them the right to judge you in your head, so when they start making you wrong, it affects you, hurts you, stresses you. If you remember that the judge, the attorneys, the jurors (if there are any) are all people, just like you, who wear ill-fitting underwear, have hemorroids, get bitched at for not taking out the trash or haven't been laid in a year---or perhaps bought a prostitute last weekend, it makes it easier to get throuhg the proceedings. I didn't understand this stuff til I was in prison a few years, when guards would confide in me, ask my advice, flirt w/me, and eventually, fuck me. We're all the same, all have strenghts & weaknesses and are insecure in one way or another. Don't let their POSITION equal POWER to you.

I look forward to when I can know what you're going through. I hope your day went well.

How do you pronounce "Dinges"? And what's it supposed to be? Glad you got some though!

LOVED the note passing. Too bad he turned out to be substandard for your tastes. Living with his 18-yr old stepsister? Weird for 37 years old. Maybe he let you go dutch to weed out goldiggers. I understand wanting to be w/someone who has more than you, but maybe he feels the same way.

I found something interesting about how you felt you belonged @ Hunter as opposed to Columbia because of your past and your present view of yourself.

Kelly. Do you think that your parent's financial situation determines your value? Do you think that those Columbia students deserve to be there because they had better SAT scores or a parent that donated a rare collection of books? you are smarter, better read and a better writer than most of the 500 other people that that room with you. It is in your head--your place value--therefore you control it.

I do not feel adequate.

I think you have felt this way since you were very young, and have worked the rest of your life living out that conversation. It controls you. And drives you. And depresses you. and is always in the back of your mind.

Is this accurate?

I actually have a friend who heads a student services department at Hunter. From knowing his idiosyncracies, and all the psychological issues by his staff there, I laughed when you described the college. It fits, or rather, he fits. I used to get the Hunter yearbook each year. How funny.

When I was free, I experienced a few really nice things, and although I had the label of being an escapee convicted of double homicide, I never felt out of place. I belonged in that 2007 Cadillac. In the jewelry store buying a diamond ring. In the theater. At a white-cloth restaurant. Just as much as any other human being looking for pleasure of the senses.

Wealth doesn't determine a person's value. Most of the rich guys I know are all a little nutty, and just looking for a pretty piece of ass. The same as a blue-collar schmoe.

I hope this finds you well. I enjoy our letters.

Sarah

Letters from the Inside, Thomas Whitaker, #16

Dear Kelly,

Hello. I'm sorry that it has taken me a little longer to write you back. A number of events came up all at once for me, and conspired to set me back by a week or two. I'm sorry to hear that you feel your performance was "cringe worthy" at the story presentation. Frankly, Kelly, you can be fairly tough on yourself, and I'm sure that you did better than you think. The drive to be better is a noble thing, but it can also do a person some real damage. Chalk it up to experience, and get out there and give it another go. I'm sure that you learned soemthing from all of this, right? I hope that you will participate in the SpeakEasy event. I'm sure that you will do brilliantly. :) Well, I got moved last this past week. It is always such a pain having to pack up everything. Fortunately, I dind't move off of the pod, just a few sections over, from 71 cell to 53 cell. I actually instigated this move, due to the mold in my old cell. I have been fiing grievances on that mess for a while now, and they finally got around to doing something about it. I've never seen mold grow so fast. I would clean it with soap and bleach I bought from the trustees, and within hours of the next rain, it was already growing back. That wall lieaked like a sieve. My new cell is so much better. No leaks (that I can se, at least), good radio reception (well, technically it still sucks, but tis better than it was in 71 cell), MUCH better neighbors (the importance of this cannot be understated), I am not in front of the damned dayroom anymore, I am not on one row anymore, and the toilet is brand spanking new. you can see the rust built up on the concrete where the old toilet apparently leaked for years, so I timed this one right on. If one HAS to move, all in all, this was not a bad move.
My lousy trial attorney is trying to save himself, at my expense. We filed on him for gross incompetence, and he is defending himself with far more vigor than he defended me, saying all manner of things. I have had to write a few affadavits in response to his claims, and it is ridiculous that I should even have to do this, because they TAPED the damned trial, and his inabilities were manifest, and commented on by many people. And you just know the Court of Criminal Appeals will eat his story up, because they are always looking for a reason to go against an inmate. Pretty sorry system we have here, Kelly. Haha, I wouldn't worry about the video of you at the story slam looking fat. I never believed those people who claimed that cameras add fifteen pounds, until I saw some screen shots of one of the interviews I did. Seriously, my face looked stretched out. I dont' know WhY this happnes, exactly, but it does. If it is any consolation, you look great in the photo you sent me of the dessert cart. Which was mean as hell, by the way :) I've read about some of the fancy food trucks you guys have in NYC. I doubt we have anything like that in Houston, besies the ubiquitous taco trucks which swarm like flies around construction sites. Some of those are actually pretty nice, with lots of flat screen televisions and wifi, but I doubt that you could call the level of food prepare there "gourmet". I...suppose...one could indeed put a little umbrella in a glass of Ensure, but there is something incredibly wrong with that line of thinking. Has Reid backed off you any since his return from the Carib? What happened with this guy you saw at the bar? Read anything good lately? I got a new book this week by Bart Erhman, called "Misquoting Jesus." It is very interesting. It shows how errors in the translation of the New Testament multiplied over the centuries. This author is head of religious studies at the University of NC, and he seems to know his business. Can you recommend anything good for me? You seem to be pretty connected to the literary world, especially wehn you consider my other pen pals.

You asked about the visit I had with my new step-mom. It was pretty much just getting-to-know-you type stuff. Nothing real deep. I am hoping they come back and see me next week when they are done moving back from Colorado.

Interesting that you wrote about the movie "An Education". I read the review of that one, and it looked interesting. I'm trying to think of what other movies Saarsgard has been in. I know I've seen him before. Maybe in "Suicide Kings". Whatever it was, he was sort of smarmy and elitist. Mor than that, I would love to see "Where the Wild Things ARe." I remember that book from 25 years ago. When I saw some of the screen-shots, it all came back to me. I guess I saw a lot of myself in Max, wanting to get away from home an disappear into this land of imagination. I'm glad to hear that they didn't make it a typical kid movie, but went with a darker, more arthouse feel...that is what the Sendak book deserved. Have the reviews been good?

What do you do when you have writers block? I don't feel like I could write anything right now to save my life. You seem to be able to write at least a few times a week, and I just can't manage it. So little happens here, maybe this is my problem. It's not just in writing, though. I can usually force myself to do my school work when I don't feel like it. I've been painting again lately, and even though I know that I have limited amounts of time before this paint goes bad, I can't seem to find the energy to work on anything. I feel like I sometimes need a huge kick in the head...figuratively, of course. Though maybe physically if thing don't turn around. Anyways. Hows work going? Did you ever force that deadbeat to cough up the dough? What are your attorneys saying about that?

I think I have the Craiglist thing figured out, so thank you for your advice. You asked what the "bigger goal" might be of the website, and there is no simple answer for that. I really believe that what they do here is immoral, and if I can add to the arguement in any way, I am going to leap for the chance. I dont' have an "ideal wish", as the only real option for me is a life sentence, which I am ambivalent about. Its not really about me, more about the movement to have the DP abolished. I haven't had a major effect on the issue, but I think I have had some minor effect, as I receive letters all the time from people who claim that mb6 has caused them to change their minds and position on the issue. I feel like the mroe poeple who read it, the more who will be challenged. Maybe most won't be altered in their stances, but some will. Maybe one day, this will all end, and whether or not I am here to benefit from thisis besies the opint. There IS a chance I could "get off completely" but it is important to understandthat I have not and would not press for this option. I recognize the wrong in my actions, and the need for society to have its justice. But, this justice does not require us as a society to engage in acts which are ethically reprehensible. And it does not give prosecutors and corrupt judges carte blanche to do whatever they feel like doing on any given day. Ultimately, if every one of us on DR was out there showing people the crooked hi-jinks that went on during their trial, people would be burning down courtrooms. Its that bad.

I had a visit this afternoon, which was quite odd. About two years ago I met this nice lady from Mexico, whose parents were Americans and moved down there to bring protestantism to Catholic Mexico, and ended up staying down there for good. So, she is white, but has lived in Mexico her whole life, until the last three years. Her husband is also Mexican, but looks white. So you had the three of us, all about as white as can be, speaking Spanish for two hours. People kept doing double takes; it was pretty funny. I had to concentrate hard not to speka in the dirty street lingo that passes for discourse back here, and it was more difficult than I had thought it would be to cut out all the "gueys" and "que chingaso" from my vocabulary for a change. Actually, that was probably one of the better visits I have ever had. Not a word about Jesus or church, just good conversation. Surprised me quite a bit.

Well, what is new in your life? I hope that you are doing well, and I look forward to hearing from you again. Your life is so much more interesting than most of the people who write me. Not a slam on them, just the truth. You have to forgive us rednecks for not living in that thar big city. Until next time, be safe.

T

Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #56

Dear KK,

"We covet what we see every day."

Before reminding you where the above quote comes from, consider it the classic explanation for Don Draper's reckless affair with the teacher Ms. Farrell, which even she realizes in not Don's usual M.O. [Be advised, Kelly: trying to give you the male point of view without (God forbid!!!) mentioning S-E-X: most men have a fatal weakness for attractive teachers of their children, especially young children. Several gay male friends have told me the same applies to gay elementary teachers. (See the Jennifer Aniston film where she falls in love with a gay school teacher!)]

More on tonight's "Mad Men" in a little while. Welcome to winter in the Rockies--and still early October. Had one of those 50-car pileups on an ice-coated I-25 just north of here yesterday. Closed for 3+ hours. And higher up in the elevation, major snowfall. A bit early, but not at all unusual. Knowing how much you love cold, dark, icy weather, I hope your Columbus Day weekend was a little more fall-like...

Much to get to, Kelly--from your most recent letter plus your earlier letters, plus tv and films. So with my "Kelly Addiction", let me get started:

Your Reid blog titled "ENSURE" was, I must say, most convincing, KK. You're right, no one buys "Ensure" let alone drinks it in public, who is under 75 years old! Let me see, the "episode" would probably end with a voiceover by Kristin Bell something like this: "Spotted at an Upper East Side Starbucks...If the look on her face is accurate, this will be "K's" last soiree with the once-eligible Reid. Not only is he still with "her" but what is that he's drinking? Probably good that "K" found out now... You know you love me/XOXO/Gossip Girl.

Once again mentioning the unusual number of celebrity deaths this past spring & summer: South Park's new fall opening did a brutally funny takeoff on this, with the soul of Michael Jackson preventing all the others from leaving Purgatory. David Carradine came off particularly badly-portrayed in black lingerie & fishnet stockings--with a noose around his neck.

Turning to your most recent letter... Begin where I left off: You are way too hard on yourself, but then, most of us are, especially when it comes to how we appear (or think we appear) in public. It is akin to listening to your own voice. I can assure you, Kelly, that as you go about your day, looking as you do in your photos, you are lusted after and thought about many times by many men. You are just fine, KK. I could tell you exactly what those men think about when they see you or meet you briefly, but that would cross your artificial line. Suffice to say that when one of these men turn into a relationship (non-Reid-like!) sexual chemistry & passion will not be a problem...

The middle paragraph of your letter regarding the Bush years was a perfect encapsulation of my feelings as well. And a majority of Americans. I am sure. I would add that as an ex-Marine, myself, and with a close relative recently out of the Marines---the incredible mismanagement and utterly needless thousands of dead soldiers & Marines in the Iraq War simply astounds me.

And now Obama has to deal with the colossal mess in Afghanistan--completely ignored by Bush & Rumsfeld for eight years. Despite my past, Kelly, the man I am today totally relates to each and every one of those "Names of the Dead" from Iraq & Afghanistan.

This is a topic I can "soapbox" on for quite a while. I will spare you that today.

***

[Ed.: the next section--which I am omitting--is about movies.]

The affairs consummated (Don) and unconsummated (Betty) are par for the course [in Mad Men]. Betty can't quite pull the trigger; Don't can't wait to pull the trigger (no pun intended!)

Final note: I hope no one has the image of Don & Ms. Farrell in a sedate missionary style sex act. With Don, Ms. Farrell will do thing she has never done with any other man; and I assure you, Don will insist on nothing less than total surrender & total access to every part of her body...

Hope to hear from you again very soon. Be well, be good and be safe. Thinking of you..don't get discouraged re the Slam!

Yours,

Michael

P.S. "We covet what we see everyday" is what Hannibal Lecter told Clarice. Starting to help her catch "Buffalo Bill" in Silence of the Lambs--both the book and movie.

The phrase is far more revealing than one realizes. Think about it...

Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Swango, #55

Hello,

I have a few letters here from you that I have not answered. I’m home, not feeling well (what do you know about Grape Seed Extract?), so now is a good opportunity to answer some of your questions and ask you some more. You know, because I KNOW you LOVE when I ask a billion questions. Ha!

First, I was wondering, how you get money in jail? You mentioned stamp shipments and pens…do you get a stipend? I know there are stores—commissaries—in jails, right? What are they like? How about food..you mentioned this before, albeit briefly. Please give me a run down of a full day’s meals and what exactly you were given to eat. I assume there may be ways you can eat non-delivered prison food, like buying chips at a commissary.

Can it be dangerous where you are? It’s a maximum security prison, right? So there must be some scary sorts there, no? Are there fights? Drugs? Bugs?

You asked what it is about True Crime shows—like First 48, 48 Hour Mystery, America’s Most Wanted---that I like. I find it fascinating when an ordinary seeming person kills someone else. The mystery of it. I’m not interested in gang members or drug crimes or murders out of robbery. I’m more interested in the bizarre murders. The ones that show no real reason why someone would do that. Like the Yale murder recently. The Essex House murder. The Craigslist murderer. All of these people were smart, worked at regular jobs, were educated… And YOU! You are a doctor! I guess it is that I mistakenly thought that criminals committed harsh crimes because they weren’t intelligent or educated enough. But these crime shows usually highlight someone who is very intelligent and educated. Look at you for example. You are super smart and well-read, have interests that are similar to most. Except for that ONE BIG THING. That’s what fascinates me.

Please understand I am fully against anything that breaks the law and think all those that do should be punished to the fullest extent. I’m not saying I LIKE these things. I actually hate the thought of loss of life. It repulses me. Yet, I want to understand why there is a compulsion, for some, to kill.

This is why I asked you what you felt when you killed someone. But you said you felt nothing. That there weren’t any real thoughts on it. But then the question begs to be asked: Why do it then? We tend to do things for a feeling of pleasure or a payoff of some sort. But it seems from your response there was no payoff for you…. Can you clarify?

In your very specific case, why do you think you did it? Do you think you had a mental illness? I think I asked before if you were evaluated by a psychiatrist and I believe you said you weren’t. You are also not medicated, so I assume they do not think you have an illness. But if there is no mental imbalance, then why?

You say that was then, not now and I get that you no longer have the desire to kill. (Let’s hope you don’t want to kill me after all these annoying questions and commentary…ha!) Ok then, if the compulsion is gone now, why was it there for all those years in the first place. Did you ever discuss this stuff with KK? I know from the book she had no idea what you were up to, but did you ever have deep talks with her where you let on you might not be exactly like everyone else? Again, I’m just fascinated with all of this. I mean no harm.

When you first got arrested—I think you were detained in an airport---what happened? What happened to all of your stuff? Did you have an apt? If so, what happens then? When you were first brought in for questioning, and then fully committed to prison, what do they tell you? Are there prison rules they go over? Was it hard to adapt to this strange new living space and life?

I often wonder how I’d do in jail. I am pretty wimpy so I assume I’d get beat up a lot. Although I’m pretty funny, so maybe I could entertain the others? Not sure how it works, but it all sounds overwhelming.

We keep coming back to your desire to talk more deeply about sex. Can you be more specific about what you want? If there is something you want to share, go ahead. I’ll let you know what I think about it when you write and send it.

As I mentioned I am involved in a court case (I am the plaintiff) and because of its high profile and very sensitive nature, I must be extremely careful about what I say/write. This is one of the primary reasons I no longer keep a public blog, write sex/dating columns, date very little, etc.

That article on miniature art should have been called: It’s a Small World. It thrilled me! What an amazing thing. What a weird and awesome talent this man has. What paper is this from?

I have never seen Gossip Girl.

I’m dying to see Paranormal Activity! I do not want to see it alone though so I will wait for one of two guy friends to take me. Probably some time next week. Hope it is still playing by then.

This school teacher Don Draper is with it way too clingy. She annoys me. I’d rather the ice princess, Betty. Such a great show! Curb Your Enthusiasm begins the Seinfeld reunion stuff next week!!!

I have never seen Silence of the Lambs. I thought it would be way too unnerving. Pls. tell me what it is about. I know the title character is a diabolical serial killer…..right? One might think it ironic that you quote from there…

Well, I think we are all caught up on your letters now.

I have a huge stack of magazines to read through now while laying on the couch with a little dog…

Be well,

KK

Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #54

Ed: This is an interesting letter because of the portion where he answers the question of what it felt like to kill someone.

Dear KK---

Let me get right to "page 2" of your letter---still so much to talk about.

[Ed.: I'm omitting his writing about Kristen Chenoweth in Wicked and Glee and also omitting Breaking Bad commentary. The next portion is also omitted here; it discusses Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock and SNL]

What is it about these True Crime shows you watch that fascinates you so much? I find that to be a most interesting side of you, KK...

[Here is where he answers the question, "How does it feel to kill someone? What goes through your mind as you are doing so?"]

The short answer to your question is, "nothing at all." That's why it went on for so long. No deep thoughts, or confusion, or remorse or anything else. Let me think about what else I can say, and get back to you.... Again, that was then, not now...

[Ed.: I'm omitting the next section that discusses TV shows.]

RE your former high schoolmates, and your present-day comparisons in appearance...Kelly you ARE a supermodel! The one-eyed wolverine/smart, sassy and so sexy...Please don't think I say this because I've been in here for a while. You need to understand that those judgments and opinions and feelings and sensations do not diminish in any way... Again you do not wish to discuss (apparently) anything even remotely sexual or sensual, even in a clinical or historical sense, so it is difficult for me to make this point to you clearly: What each of us has done, has experienced--sexually, emotionally and lovingly (maybe!)---determines so much about who we are now and why we are the way we are. Whether one lives in New York City or Atlanta, GA or Florence, CO.

So my opinions concerning you are honest, and would be the same whether I was here or anywhere. If you care to delve much deeper, let me know. I thin you would find such conversations extremely interesting and satisfying. Your call, KK.

[Ed. I'm redacting more tv notes.]

Will resume this letter with "Part 3" later this evening. You take care, hot supermodel, one-eyed wolverine girl. Thinking about you, and hope to finish your letter before receiving your next one. Just to repeat what I said on page 4--let me know if you want to go a bit deeper/actually a lot deeper. I would rather know one person intimately than 20 people superficially...

Take care, Kelly

Yours,

Michael.

P.S. I see Drew Barrymore is hosting SNL this weekend. Hopefully she'll inject some life into the season.