Thursday, April 16, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Thomas Bart Whitaker, #4
Dear Kelly,
First off, I want to thank you for sending me that excellent article written in The New Yorker. More often than I like to admit, I feel myself losing it in some ways, and it is somewhat comforting to know that these periods of loss of self-control are common to men held in isolation, and not something specific to me. It is a product of context, in other words, a function of simply being a human being. It is also nice to know that there are at least a few people out there willing to look at these types of issues... Lamentably, very few of them located south of the Mason Dixon line. Nonetheless, I will take progress, regardless of its form. I've been going through one of those...shall we say "off" periods lately, and I owe you an apology. I had a pretty close pen-pal )whom I had been writing for nearly a year) turn out to be a member of a pro-DP organization (the ridiculously named "Justice for All"), and have had to come face-to-face with the realization that our entire relationship was little more than a fact-finding expedition. If I had actually said something negative, I have no doubt that this data would have found its way into the hands of the Attorney General for Texas. I'm just...tired, so tired, of meeting [Ed: illegible] men/women, or people who flake out on me or disappear without a trace. I guess I have entered into all of my recent pen-pal relationships with a sense of fatalism, already imagining how you (or anyone) are going to screw me. Forgive me? It wasn't fair of me to do this. I guess I foresaw a version of your blog where you give me the same treatment you hit your ex with. Yikes. As for the rest of what I meant about my inane "colossal damage" comment, I guess we will cross that path if we come to it.
I guess I should note that my life has been pretty rough lately. I'm on edge. I keep getting kick-doored by the shakedown crew...eight times so far. its been a mystery to me as to why they are so bloody convinced I have some serious contraband, but one of the guards resolved this conundrum last night. Seems someone keeps calling up to the unit, claiming I am calling them on a cell phone. No proof of this allegation is required, indeed, all of these callers have asked to remain anonymous from the prison officials. Reminds me of the old days in the Inquisition when anyone could say anything without proof, and have them tortured. I think they know I don't have anything but...power unchecked does what it wants to the point now where anytime I hear the gate pop, I'm preparing to get run in on. All I would have to do to stop this is stab a guard. See the fucked up lesson they teach? And either way, I lose. Violence is not the path I went to take. And so I get my books torn up, my sheets stepped on, etc. etc. I lost my radio last Wednesday and they are not selling them in the commissary until "maybe" late summer...see why I get a little nuts sometime? Add to that the fact that I can't find an attorney to help me with my medical issues...meh. Pain is a tyrant, and I know I would win a lawsuit against them, but who wants to help an inmate? Certainly not the ACLU; they shot me down, as it wasn't a class action suit (i.e: not enough cash involved.) How much do you charge per hour of therapy? I can pay in Ramen noodles.
I hate pity parties...just trying to explain my last letter, I guess. Sometimes the armor we put on ends up betraying us.
My paralegal course is going pretty well. I'm about sick of contractual law by this point. I had to take a step back from completing my BA. Ordered a book on correspondence courses which was written by an ex-prisoner for prisoners, so maybe I can reboot the whole enterprise with some better data. I also (finally) received my FAFAS form from Uncle Sam, so maybe I can get my hands on a grant of some sort. The fed seems to want to pay for everything else right now :-) I think the possibility of a Texas convict getting a Pell grant to be roughly equivalent to Mahmoud Amzdinz---however-the-fuck-you-spell-this-fuckface's-name-jad deciding to spontaneously attend a Gay Rights parade. But, I would try rather than leave a possible option unsearched. Have you given some thought to maybe working on your Masters at another school besides Columbia? Seems like there ought to be plenty of options in a city like NYC.
What do I like to read? Hm...by this point, anything I can get my hands on. I generally keep my distance from the James Pattersons of the world, so I find books written solely for money or "market" share to be a little too pedestrian. My last order from Amazon consisted of "The Kite Runner" by Hosseini, "[Ed.: illegible] Key by King (a gift for my friend Jeff, whose bday is this week), something by Sagan, and something by [Ed.: illegible] Warrag. I really need to cut back on this shit, but boredom is king around here, and at some point you are going to bow down to him. Seems like I did read something by that author, David Sedaris...a book review, I think. Something about drug abuse? "Going Down in Flames" or something to that affect? Bleh, I am so disconnected, Kelly, it hurts. Every once in a while, you get some table crumbs tossed to you from the living, but otherwise life has pretty much passed you by. You do things to convince yourself otherwise, but the truth never really escapes you. Maybe its not so different in the real world, except the distractions are better.
"Alice" sounds entertaining. There was a pretty decent novella I sometimes watched in Mexico, which took place in Rio. They simply dubbed the Mexican over the Portuguese, also. Can't remember the name of it for the life of me... had a portion of the show filmed in Morocco, also. Most of the novelas were pretty trashy, and it is hard for me to accept a version of reality where everyonej is perfect looking, all the bloody time. It never ceased to amaze me how people with little more than a pot to piss in could become so engrossed in the tales of the ultra-wealthy, without one iota of anger. Didn't they understand that all the rich pretty residents of Mexico City attained their wealth at the expense of the populace? When I asked this, the answer surprised me: of course they knew. They also knew that that was the way things had always been and always would be. Made me sad.
Well, what's new in your life? Work going well? The weather has started to best up so I am staring to brace for the dog days of summer. Take care of yourself, Kelly, until next time.
TBW
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #8
Dear KK---
Sorry for the delay in responding to your series of sparkling letters! I could truly listen to you all day and then some... Unfortunately I had some legal letters to take care of--and they always take longer than one thinks. I had hoped to get this out to you on Thursday. Depending on time, this may or may not be another two-part letter. C'est la vie.
Let me begin by telling you that the stamps are amazing, with your (to me) "iconic" photograph! Do you know many people who take advantage of that unique option from the post office?
I'm actually not surprised at your comments re "SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK". Before it came out there was quite a bit of buzz over another film by Charlie Kaufman--whose body of work was fairly impressive: "Being John Malkovich"; "Adaptation"; "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".
A note on "Being John Malkovich"--to me just an amazing film--so original, and despite its totally bizarre premise-hung together very well. I barely recognized Cameron Diaz at first!
Anyway, then "SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK" went to the critics. And the Times Manohla Dargis gave it this astonishingly brilliant review-calling it one of the best films of the year, and giving Oscar nods to almost everyone in the film. However: the general criticism was summed up best by a reviewer I saw on TV, who said, that "if ten people saw the film: One would absolutely love it and nine would hate the film and probably walk out before it was over.
*Brief Digression: Because you mentioned a shared fascination wit names. Your name is delightfully alliterative-so I mist ask you -- what was your maiden name? Not so quick off the tongue? My name: not so much.
A name I think is also great: EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY I have the same fascination with words--some are just beautiful to see and pronounce, period: INCANDESCENT ++, MESMERIZE
* As you've probably learned by now, my letters & even sentences tend to wander & digress considerably. I guess I treat letters as more of a conversation. My role model must be Laurence Stern & Tristam Shondy!
Back to your most-appreciated comments on the film (you are the first person I know who has actually seen it). It sounds as though Kaufman became "too clever by half", to use a once popular phrase. My understanding was that as Hoffman/Cotard began building his "model" of New York City, it gradually grew larger and larger & more & more complex until it eventually consumed everything in his life. plus I gather there was a lot of self-referential circular logic; i.e.-A true-to-life "model" of Cotard's New York would also include Cotard building a model of New York, and so on...mirrors within mirrors.
Sounded very ambitious and very difficult to pull off. And I tend to believe your reaction than a single review by a clearly "smitten" Ms. Dargis.
Thanks-If I get a chance to see it, I will tell you what I think.
On the brighter side, it appears "Sunshine Cleaning" lived up to its good reviews. I did see "Junebug" and agree with you on the film and Ms. Adams. So many movies, so little time. I am impressed by the number you see. Then again, only in New York or L.A. would you even have the chance! : Regarding the ones you mentioned:
>I also saw a review of "Goodbye Solo" apparently the story of a Senegalese cab driver in Winston-Salem, NC and his interaction with a "mysterious white Southerner." Sounds original and well-written.
>"Education of Charlie Banks" - Fred Durst's directorial debut-the "At the Movies" reviewers seemed to like it.
>"Shall We Kiss?" (French). This one I have not heard of; but I am a huge fan of French cinema. Past & current.
Did You See Kristen Scott Thomas in the French Film
Kristin Scott Thomas is another actress who I will watch in almost any film. Here she is just riveting-playing her role obviously underweight, pale skin and no makeup. (It's on DVD now).
I hesitate to recommend it, since "PRIMER" was clearly not your cup of tea. :-) But that's one of the reasons. I am so intrigued & fascinated-you have strong & intelligent opinions & I love that.
Digression: Anything you wish to talk about is simply fine with me. It sounds like you've had enough of the "male perspective" on things to last you a lifetime-but despite being where I am presently, I've lived a very full life in every sense of the word--places, people (male & female) emoticons, travels. So feel free to go in any direction you want, KK, I'll follow.
Hope you don't mind me giving my personal reactions to your "Out of the Box" columns / and (when you send them!) your "Unbearable Heaviness of Being" diary-cum-blog. To me to whole point of what you write is to shine a light on the vast array of human experience for each person who read it.
Back to films: Thinks for the additional comments on "Two Lovers". It seems like Gwyneth Paltrow hasn't been in many films lately. "PROOF" '05 [film adaption of the play.] was interesting [I'm a mat geek, what can I say?]I have not seen "Possession", but wanted to beacause it was directed by Neil LaBute.
Joaquin Phoenix is always worth watching. Until he grew the giant beard in this latest incarnation [ is it a hoax, or not? ] I'm sure "the ladies" watched him on scrren for more than just his acting.
I think I'm the only person liked M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village" ...
Two fascinating Phoenix films-both under-appreciated in my opinion: "Clay Pigeons"; and the harrowing, brutal film, "8MM". You cannot make a film about a "snuff film" and not have it to be brutal & bleak & disturbing. But good-or so I thought.
"Walk the Line": I think the reason he wasn't more honored for his work in that film was because co-star Reese Witherspoon seemed to overwhelm the critics-and of course took home the Oscar for "Best Actress."
Ran acorss, the enclosed items concerning two current films:
>LYMELIFE-"the late - 70s set Long Island cousin of "American Beauty."
>"BAADER-MEINITOF COMPLEX" (German) (German cinema also a favorite of mine.) [Actually, as you can probably tell there are very few films I would not go to see with you or watch on DVD!]
***
In watching again the first & second seasons of "Lost" - I think the episode that clinched it for me was early in the 2nd Season: "ORIENTATION." That's the one where they showed that bizarre & utterly mesmerizing training film from The Dharma Initiative. To me, that opened up so many questions-and I haven't stopped asking since.
Not sure if you saw the most recent two episodes. There is a fascinating conversation about the island's time travel. Miles (or it it the other "scientist"?) Miles (or is it the other "scientist"?) believes that where they are NOW IS their "present" - but for the child Ben and all the others it is their "past". At the same time?! Clearly a logical contraction - or is it?
<Now you can see why I want to read the script of "PRIMER" to find out exactly what the director thought was going on!> The paradoxes of time travel are endlessly interesting...
I have not seen "9 1/2 Weeks" for quite some time, but I vividly recall the scene with the song "You Can Leave Your Hat On."
A couple of years ago. I saw some photos of Mickey Rourke and did not believe it was the same same-so radically had his appearance changed.
Sorry to drop that comment about Madoff without proper context. If you think of the federal system as a series of funnels--everyone is initially funnelled into intake centers like MCC-essentially pre-trial or pre-sentencing incarnation. Because of that these places are not set up for long-term stays. Once Madoff is sentenced, he will go to a "better" place from his point of view.
Actually, this goes to a larger issue which I want to discuss in greater detail. Let me get my thoughts together and share it with you in a future letter. Essentially it is this: Remember Orwell's famous line from ANIMAL FARM: "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others" ? To paraphrase: While it may be correct that "all prison is awful", it is also correct that "some prison" is far, far more awful than others. Indeed there are as many degrees of gradation in incarceration as there are degrees of freedom.
KK-Madoff & this subject are clearly much more "serious" than some others-but with no w/p editing possible-my letters often have no rhyme or reason, insofar as level of importance, etc. & order.
***
Continuing with your mini-series of letters.
>I do not know the photography of Cindy Sherman-although her name does sound familiar. Plus I've seen some photo spreads of particular actors/ actresses dressed as various personas. Send a couple of the photos from her exhibition. It sounds like she takes it to a whole other level.
>You know, it may not be Africa, but India is about as exotic as it gets. Do tell me more about that adventure. And it sounds like you have the rarest of all human creatures: someone you can travel with-for long periods of time-without throwing them of the cruise boat or train!
From some of your columns, I had the idea that you were quite the cook! You mentioned chicken curry-did you bring back any extra-special recipes or techniques from India/or has that always been a favorite?
My favorites? Can't name one but like you I will name several: Seafood: esp. scallops, crab, shrimp-whether broiled, sautéed, fried, etc. Those "unhealthy" meats-steak & pork. One thing I did in Africa was eat virtually every game meat you can imagine. Ostrich, giraffe, wildebeest. And no-they don't all taste like chicken! however, having lived in the south much of childhood-fried chicken is part of my DNA-the crispier & more deep fried the better. I know-amazing I'm still here; however, the diet here is actually quite balanced and healthy.
I must get this in the mail, but I still have more to talk about & discuss from your letters. Mainly those brilliant articles you so kindly sent: "Author, Author" by David Sedaris, "Hell Hole" and "Sex and the Single Bed" by KK.
By the way, I truly love the New Yorker. Feel free to share anything from that magazine at any time.
So I will get those comments out to you pronto. "Part 2"
I ran across this column by Michael Wilson from the Sunday NY Times. [I see it on occasion]. It reminded me so much of your column, I thought I would send it along. You've probably already seen it & read it, but on the off chance that was one of your busier weekends...
Like I said-More to follow shortly. Stay warm, stay safe, and hope to hear from you again soon. Look forward to more of your columns and your BLOG/diary (exactly what do I call it?!)
P.S. We must talk about these migraines.
[Ed.: He enclosed the aforementioned film reviews and this article from the NYT, which I had, indeed, already read: Who Ordered Gigli?
Friday, April 10, 2009
Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Swango & Whitaker
Recently I was asked what I write to these inmates and if I will include them in my Letters from the Inside project. I posted the first intro letter I send to most of them. After that I alternate between typing up letters of response to theirs--these I keep saved on my computer--and handwriting small cards. Obviously the cards I do not have copies of.
However, I will post my two latest writings to Thomas Bart Whitaker and Swango, respectively.
I try never to say anything about my feelings towards their crimes. To clarify, of course I have feelings about that and their writings, but it is not my intention to bad-mouth or exploit them either to them personally through letters or online. Hence my rule of trying not to editorialize. I post their writings (and my own) for you to have a reaction. Whatever it may be... I don't want to lead your opinions. That is what art is, isn't it? Letting the viewer feel whatever they are going to and not trying to dictate what the "right" response is?
***
Hello Thomas:
This letter will be written in fits and spurts. I am sitting here with the most dastardly migraine ever. In 2005 I was in a serious vespa accident with my friend Stefani (She was the driver; I was on the back.) A van hit us head-on, but luckily I saw it coming and just let go and flew off without being hit. My friend was not so lucky. She was actually hit by the van and flipped over the bars. Both of her arms were broken in so many places she has metal rods in them and was in casts for well over six months. She has had multiple surgeries and had brain damage. It has been years and she is almost back to normal. Her brain injury has cleared up considerably and she recently had a baby. I was in the delivery room as her birth coach. Because of this accidentI hurt my jaw in itI get awful migraines from TMJ. I have one now and am trying to distract myself by writing.
I am thinking of you because I am reading your father's book. I am almost finished. I assume you have read it. The part at the end makes total sense. About the masks, and all. Not feeling you had an identity or strong sense of self. Again, these seem to be your fathers words so Im not sure you exactly said that I just wanted to say that I will try to keep from having any expectations of you. Im sorry if my questions were heavy and stressful. We can keep it light
If anything I ask is upsetting or makes you feel that I am expecting somethingor too much of somethingjust ignore it or tell me to shut up.
I read you used to bicycle. I have never learned to ride a bike. I grew up really poor. We were on welfare. So I never learned. I also never learned to drive a car. I admire that you were so proficient at it (the bike riding), covering such long distances. I have tried but almost never can do it. However, oddly, once I was on a small, three mile island off the coast of Belize called Caye Caulker, and there were no cars. We rented bikes for $2 for the day. I got on, and miraculously I rode all around with no problem. It was really surprising. I guess it was of the sand and no traffic. The only hazard were chickens running about. When I returned home, that summer I got on a bike at the beach and immediately fell off. Try as I might I couldnt do it. The magic was gone.
I also learned you were engaged! Did you ever get to speak to the fianc again? Do you write to each other? This may be a touchy subject, so of course, feel free to ignore it
Actually my ex-husband and I are friends now. We both enjoy ribbing each other but our relationship is not contentious. We arent very close, but we keep in touch.
I keep going to your blog anxiously waiting for another posting. I assume it is quite time-consuming, especially with your schooling and others things like letters to write. Still, those blog entries are so well written.
I had promised to send some blog entries so Im going to paste in a sampling below.
Be well.
KK
***
Hello Michael,
Just got your 2nd letter. You are catching me with another migraine. I usually take Imitrex but my insurance doesnt cover anymore so they gave me a replacement, Relpax, which works. However, it seems that when I take it I get rebound headaches. Luckily today is a Saturday and I only had planned to run some errands and go to the used bookstore. There is this great bookstore in the basement of the local library that is housed in an old brownstone. I love that place. I am almost done with the Diane Arbus bio. So Im up for a new book. However, I literally have shelves of books I havent read that I want to. I hoard books like a demented squirrel would nuts.
So today I walked my little dachshund, Mini, and a lady informed me the famed Dachshund meetup in Washington Square Park is April 25th. I have never been but I am going to try. Mini would love it and I love weiner dogs.
Thanks for the kind comments on the samplings from Outside the Box. I need to clarify something though. The dating column is what you have been reading and what is referenced in the Observer article. The blog, The Unbearable Heaviness of Being, is not anything to do with dating/sex. It is merely a recounting of my days and quirky happenings I observe in NYC. I have been writing it for over 9 years and its premise is that a single woman in NYC cant have and keep these three things: a great job, an affordable, safe apt. and a stable relationship. The minute I try to get the third, the other one or two fall off. Its kinda mathematical. I sent you in the last letter that I mailed yesterday a sample blog entry. It is about a pigeon.
I read your Richardson info. with interest and have not heard even rumors of any kind of investigation. While I do know many NY journalists I specialize in doing PR only for the real estate industry so I have no access to those who would be doing serious investigative reporting. I am going to Google this later to see if there are any mentions on the web of an investigation or any inkling of error on the doctors/hospitals part.
As for Dexter, yes, it is on my list of things to rent. I have so many things I want to see that it will take time. Right now Im enthralled with a series called ALICE on HBO-L (Latin) that I can watch ON-Demand with English subtitles. It is my new fave show and I eagerly look forward to Mondays to see the new one. Youd like it Im sure b/c it takes place in Sao Paolo and the lead, Alice, is very pretty and interesting. I am also trying to rent the first season of In Treatment starring Gabriel Byrne. The new ones start tomorrow but I need to see the first season first. I didnt have HBO for a long time so I have a lot of catch-up to do now that I have it.
I will send more of my writing, of course, and am pasting in a blog entry below. Also, I will not send the Letter to Paul Janka for several reasons. It was forced upon me to write by the editor of the paper and I hated doing it. It was not well-written and way too graphic and completely inappropriate to send.
And quickly, yes, in 2005, I was fired for having a blog. It is a long story, but back then blogs were new things. I never wrote about my job or companyonly my own life and certainly nothing perverted, graphic, etc. I was wooed by another company to work for them and quit my job. My boss took it very personally and my newly hired asst. who I hated was promoted within one week to my job. No matter, I was gone. But then my old boss wooed me back with a much higher salary and I decided to go back. My evil asst. was livid that she was once again an asst. and hacked into my blog (it was passcoded then as it is once again) and passed it around the office. My ex-boss was angry at the disruption and fired me. He said Id never work in real estate in NYC again. It was daunting and I was very upset. He was working, however, on the assumption that Id want to keep my firing quiet, but instead I publicized it. The NY Post picked up the story, doing a full-page article on it; Crains followed. I was invited on tv shows, etc. I parlayed it into starting my own firm and the rest is history. It has been 4 years and it all worked out. From that I ended up getting a job filling in for a TV reporter for the biggest morning show in the UK on GMTV. I did some segments on wacky NY trends. It was great fun and the clips are on youtube, I believe.
Okay, enough for now, because my head is going to explode, and I need to head to the bookstore before it closes.
KK
However, I will post my two latest writings to Thomas Bart Whitaker and Swango, respectively.
I try never to say anything about my feelings towards their crimes. To clarify, of course I have feelings about that and their writings, but it is not my intention to bad-mouth or exploit them either to them personally through letters or online. Hence my rule of trying not to editorialize. I post their writings (and my own) for you to have a reaction. Whatever it may be... I don't want to lead your opinions. That is what art is, isn't it? Letting the viewer feel whatever they are going to and not trying to dictate what the "right" response is?
***
Hello Thomas:
This letter will be written in fits and spurts. I am sitting here with the most dastardly migraine ever. In 2005 I was in a serious vespa accident with my friend Stefani (She was the driver; I was on the back.) A van hit us head-on, but luckily I saw it coming and just let go and flew off without being hit. My friend was not so lucky. She was actually hit by the van and flipped over the bars. Both of her arms were broken in so many places she has metal rods in them and was in casts for well over six months. She has had multiple surgeries and had brain damage. It has been years and she is almost back to normal. Her brain injury has cleared up considerably and she recently had a baby. I was in the delivery room as her birth coach. Because of this accidentI hurt my jaw in itI get awful migraines from TMJ. I have one now and am trying to distract myself by writing.
I am thinking of you because I am reading your father's book. I am almost finished. I assume you have read it. The part at the end makes total sense. About the masks, and all. Not feeling you had an identity or strong sense of self. Again, these seem to be your fathers words so Im not sure you exactly said that I just wanted to say that I will try to keep from having any expectations of you. Im sorry if my questions were heavy and stressful. We can keep it light
If anything I ask is upsetting or makes you feel that I am expecting somethingor too much of somethingjust ignore it or tell me to shut up.
I read you used to bicycle. I have never learned to ride a bike. I grew up really poor. We were on welfare. So I never learned. I also never learned to drive a car. I admire that you were so proficient at it (the bike riding), covering such long distances. I have tried but almost never can do it. However, oddly, once I was on a small, three mile island off the coast of Belize called Caye Caulker, and there were no cars. We rented bikes for $2 for the day. I got on, and miraculously I rode all around with no problem. It was really surprising. I guess it was of the sand and no traffic. The only hazard were chickens running about. When I returned home, that summer I got on a bike at the beach and immediately fell off. Try as I might I couldnt do it. The magic was gone.
I also learned you were engaged! Did you ever get to speak to the fianc again? Do you write to each other? This may be a touchy subject, so of course, feel free to ignore it
Actually my ex-husband and I are friends now. We both enjoy ribbing each other but our relationship is not contentious. We arent very close, but we keep in touch.
I keep going to your blog anxiously waiting for another posting. I assume it is quite time-consuming, especially with your schooling and others things like letters to write. Still, those blog entries are so well written.
I had promised to send some blog entries so Im going to paste in a sampling below.
Be well.
KK
***
Hello Michael,
Just got your 2nd letter. You are catching me with another migraine. I usually take Imitrex but my insurance doesnt cover anymore so they gave me a replacement, Relpax, which works. However, it seems that when I take it I get rebound headaches. Luckily today is a Saturday and I only had planned to run some errands and go to the used bookstore. There is this great bookstore in the basement of the local library that is housed in an old brownstone. I love that place. I am almost done with the Diane Arbus bio. So Im up for a new book. However, I literally have shelves of books I havent read that I want to. I hoard books like a demented squirrel would nuts.
So today I walked my little dachshund, Mini, and a lady informed me the famed Dachshund meetup in Washington Square Park is April 25th. I have never been but I am going to try. Mini would love it and I love weiner dogs.
Thanks for the kind comments on the samplings from Outside the Box. I need to clarify something though. The dating column is what you have been reading and what is referenced in the Observer article. The blog, The Unbearable Heaviness of Being, is not anything to do with dating/sex. It is merely a recounting of my days and quirky happenings I observe in NYC. I have been writing it for over 9 years and its premise is that a single woman in NYC cant have and keep these three things: a great job, an affordable, safe apt. and a stable relationship. The minute I try to get the third, the other one or two fall off. Its kinda mathematical. I sent you in the last letter that I mailed yesterday a sample blog entry. It is about a pigeon.
I read your Richardson info. with interest and have not heard even rumors of any kind of investigation. While I do know many NY journalists I specialize in doing PR only for the real estate industry so I have no access to those who would be doing serious investigative reporting. I am going to Google this later to see if there are any mentions on the web of an investigation or any inkling of error on the doctors/hospitals part.
As for Dexter, yes, it is on my list of things to rent. I have so many things I want to see that it will take time. Right now Im enthralled with a series called ALICE on HBO-L (Latin) that I can watch ON-Demand with English subtitles. It is my new fave show and I eagerly look forward to Mondays to see the new one. Youd like it Im sure b/c it takes place in Sao Paolo and the lead, Alice, is very pretty and interesting. I am also trying to rent the first season of In Treatment starring Gabriel Byrne. The new ones start tomorrow but I need to see the first season first. I didnt have HBO for a long time so I have a lot of catch-up to do now that I have it.
I will send more of my writing, of course, and am pasting in a blog entry below. Also, I will not send the Letter to Paul Janka for several reasons. It was forced upon me to write by the editor of the paper and I hated doing it. It was not well-written and way too graphic and completely inappropriate to send.
And quickly, yes, in 2005, I was fired for having a blog. It is a long story, but back then blogs were new things. I never wrote about my job or companyonly my own life and certainly nothing perverted, graphic, etc. I was wooed by another company to work for them and quit my job. My boss took it very personally and my newly hired asst. who I hated was promoted within one week to my job. No matter, I was gone. But then my old boss wooed me back with a much higher salary and I decided to go back. My evil asst. was livid that she was once again an asst. and hacked into my blog (it was passcoded then as it is once again) and passed it around the office. My ex-boss was angry at the disruption and fired me. He said Id never work in real estate in NYC again. It was daunting and I was very upset. He was working, however, on the assumption that Id want to keep my firing quiet, but instead I publicized it. The NY Post picked up the story, doing a full-page article on it; Crains followed. I was invited on tv shows, etc. I parlayed it into starting my own firm and the rest is history. It has been 4 years and it all worked out. From that I ended up getting a job filling in for a TV reporter for the biggest morning show in the UK on GMTV. I did some segments on wacky NY trends. It was great fun and the clips are on youtube, I believe.
Okay, enough for now, because my head is going to explode, and I need to head to the bookstore before it closes.
KK
Poison
It has been days nows. I have a migraine that makes the whole left side of my head feel like someone kicked it in like a mushy melon. Sure, I get migraines. I have gotten awful ones since the Vespa accident. They come from my jaw not fitting together properly and spasming. I usually take Imitrex, but last year my insurance company would not longer cover it, instead offering up Relpax, which seems to work within an hour.
But these last 2 weeks I have had one every single day. The pill will alleviate it a bit for a while but then it comes back. My stomach hurts, I get diarrhea and light/sound/smells upset me.
Last night I felt so sick. Like I should be running to the ER kind of sick. I even went to get a massage hoping it'd help.
I was restless; laying down makes it worse because even something as soft as a pillow hurts.
I reread Swango's letters. Two in two days. Hm..they seem to be coming fast and furious. I sit back and think, what am I doing this for? How do I feel about these characters. It is this helping me understand and cope with what John did? I don't have answers yet, but I keep on, compelled.
My therapist thinks this book idea is genius and the dude is pretty fucking smart, so I will choose--right now at least--to believe in him even if I can't believe in myself.
God the pounding was and is something awful.
I decided to Google Swango and stare at his picture.
And I came across this passage in an article written about him in a book that chronicled his crimes:
Headaches began. Pounding, dizzying headaches. Always troubled by migraines, KK had never experienced anything as miserable as these. For a while she attributed them to tension but deep down inside she wondered if Swango was dropping chemicals in her food. She was a nurse, a good one, and she most likely feared the worst.
Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and rushed back to her mother's house in Virginia. Away from Swango, the headaches abruptly ended.
Gone from him, she continued to love him. Perhaps she continued to believe, meekly, that Swango was innocent and all would be right in the end. But, she couldn't, just couldn't, explain why those headaches vanished the day she left.
She weighed her emotions, separated her hopes from the obvious, until the obvious became too unbearable. And then she committed suicide.
At her apartment police found a note left behind, addressed to her mom and Al Cooper:
"I love you both so much. I just didn't want to be here anymore. Just found day-to-day living a constant struggle with my thoughts. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I feel that sense of peace, 'peace of mind,' I've been looking for. It's nice."
An addendum below, to Michael, read:
"I love you more! You're the most precious man I've ever known.
"Love, KK"
My Goodness! I knew he had affianced a woman named KK. (She would have been my age if not for that dastardly suicide.) But the headaches. And finding that passage about them, when his letters came so frequently that matched with the intensity of the migraines I am getting. I allowed myself to become paranoid and think maybe he is putting something on these letters to poison me.
I talked to a friend whose husband is a police sargeant. She said that maybe I wasn't being paranoid. I also noted that I have always thought it odd that he wraps a blank sheet of paper around his letters. Paper is hard to come by for prisoners and I have always thought it strange that he wastes a whole sheet of it in each envelope. His letters range from 5-11 pages, long hand, so there is no need to cover them in a blank sheet to hide the words from view through the envelope.
Later that night my friend called me and said her husband had said he thinks it is highly likely Swango is dousing them with some sort of cleaning agent or heavy metal and that I should get bloodwork done.
There is NO way I can go to my general practitioner and request she look for poison. She is the one I went to the day after I found out about the "poison" John exposed me for two years.
And then I came upon this:
She said arsenic was found in her daughter's body at the time of her death. Before her death, Ms. Kinney showed signs of arsenic poisoning, such as vomiting, migraine headaches, nausea and disorientation, Mrs. Cooper said.
We know that he poisoned Kristin Kinney, said Al Cooper, Ms. Kinney's stepfather.
Swango fiancee Kristin Kinney killed herself. Her parents believe arsenic poisoning caused mental disorientation that triggered the suicide.
For Your Reading Pleasure
But these last 2 weeks I have had one every single day. The pill will alleviate it a bit for a while but then it comes back. My stomach hurts, I get diarrhea and light/sound/smells upset me.
Last night I felt so sick. Like I should be running to the ER kind of sick. I even went to get a massage hoping it'd help.
I was restless; laying down makes it worse because even something as soft as a pillow hurts.
I reread Swango's letters. Two in two days. Hm..they seem to be coming fast and furious. I sit back and think, what am I doing this for? How do I feel about these characters. It is this helping me understand and cope with what John did? I don't have answers yet, but I keep on, compelled.
My therapist thinks this book idea is genius and the dude is pretty fucking smart, so I will choose--right now at least--to believe in him even if I can't believe in myself.
God the pounding was and is something awful.
I decided to Google Swango and stare at his picture.
And I came across this passage in an article written about him in a book that chronicled his crimes:
Headaches began. Pounding, dizzying headaches. Always troubled by migraines, KK had never experienced anything as miserable as these. For a while she attributed them to tension but deep down inside she wondered if Swango was dropping chemicals in her food. She was a nurse, a good one, and she most likely feared the worst.
Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and rushed back to her mother's house in Virginia. Away from Swango, the headaches abruptly ended.
Gone from him, she continued to love him. Perhaps she continued to believe, meekly, that Swango was innocent and all would be right in the end. But, she couldn't, just couldn't, explain why those headaches vanished the day she left.
She weighed her emotions, separated her hopes from the obvious, until the obvious became too unbearable. And then she committed suicide.
At her apartment police found a note left behind, addressed to her mom and Al Cooper:
"I love you both so much. I just didn't want to be here anymore. Just found day-to-day living a constant struggle with my thoughts. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I feel that sense of peace, 'peace of mind,' I've been looking for. It's nice."
An addendum below, to Michael, read:
"I love you more! You're the most precious man I've ever known.
"Love, KK"
My Goodness! I knew he had affianced a woman named KK. (She would have been my age if not for that dastardly suicide.) But the headaches. And finding that passage about them, when his letters came so frequently that matched with the intensity of the migraines I am getting. I allowed myself to become paranoid and think maybe he is putting something on these letters to poison me.
I talked to a friend whose husband is a police sargeant. She said that maybe I wasn't being paranoid. I also noted that I have always thought it odd that he wraps a blank sheet of paper around his letters. Paper is hard to come by for prisoners and I have always thought it strange that he wastes a whole sheet of it in each envelope. His letters range from 5-11 pages, long hand, so there is no need to cover them in a blank sheet to hide the words from view through the envelope.
Later that night my friend called me and said her husband had said he thinks it is highly likely Swango is dousing them with some sort of cleaning agent or heavy metal and that I should get bloodwork done.
There is NO way I can go to my general practitioner and request she look for poison. She is the one I went to the day after I found out about the "poison" John exposed me for two years.
And then I came upon this:
She said arsenic was found in her daughter's body at the time of her death. Before her death, Ms. Kinney showed signs of arsenic poisoning, such as vomiting, migraine headaches, nausea and disorientation, Mrs. Cooper said.
We know that he poisoned Kristin Kinney, said Al Cooper, Ms. Kinney's stepfather.
Swango fiancee Kristin Kinney killed herself. Her parents believe arsenic poisoning caused mental disorientation that triggered the suicide.
For Your Reading Pleasure
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Jo Pender, #4
[Note: clouds drawn on outside of envelope around "To:" and "From:" address.]
Kelly,
I received the New Yorker article, thank you. I used to subscribe to the New Yorker for several years before I escaped. Oddly, my favorite part was the Tables for Two restaurant reviews. The article were good too. Long and well written, but I have a thing for food and the nuances of cool restaurants.
Anyway, I read the article twice and was so moved, I wrote the Commissioner of Indiana Dept. of Corrections a letter to thank you.
[Ed.: the article she is referring to is an article in the New Yorker called HELL HOLE. It was a ten-pager chronicling the hazards of solitary confinement. They spoke with prisoners, psychologists, wardens, etc. It was a fascinating article and seeing that Pender has to serve a year in solitary, in her cell alone without any contact for 23 hours every day, I thought the article might interest her. Specifically, the Commissioner that deals with her specific state prison is quoted as saying how dangerous it is.]
Back in December, when I was returned to DOC and charged within the institution with ESCAPE, a class "A" offense. The maximum punishment for any class "A" offense is one year in isolation, and a loss of earned time of what equates to 3 1/2 years, and that's what I got.
In January, a memo came out and effective February 15, 2009, the Commissioner reduced the max time allotted in isolation to 30 days for a class "A" or up to 60 days if it includes battery of an officer.
This is not applied retroactively.
So, despite still having to serve one year up here, I wrote to thank him for acknowledging the severity of long term isolation and for having the courage to take an unpopular stand in a political environment.
I know what it's like to take an unpopular stand. Though, of course, I won't articulate that to him. A simple thanks is enough.
Oh, and thanks for cutting off the web address. No problem coming through.
[Ed.: Certain prisons do not allow prisoners to receive articles directly from the web if they have a url listed. I have to cut those off for her. Some other prisons allow it but only 2-3 pages of an article at a time.]
I now have three books on publishing, one that includes how to do a book proposal. I decided there were probably hundreds of books on the subject for a reason: It's not a simple task, so I had a few ordered.
But I'll worry about that a little later.
Thank you for your advice about magazine submissions, though. It will come in handy.
I hear several women talking loudly down the hall, about crude subjects and one in particular whose laugh reminds me of a sinister clown, reminiscent of "Hours of 1000 Corpses." I loathe loud noise unless it's supposed to be loud. The stereo playing a kick-ass song or a live concert. A garbage truck. A waste disposal. A lawn mower. Even those things are annoying if I'm not ready for them. Like my neighbor mowing his lawn at 7am on a Saturday while I'm recovering from one too many margaritas. Mostly I enjoy quiet. Not silence, but quiet. I like it to be quiet enough that I can hear the sound of graphic over paper as I write. [Ed.: She only uses pencil to write her letters to me.] That's why I stay up until one or two o'clock in the morning to sit at my door and write by the light that filters in from the hall lights. There's no talking and lights out by 11pm, so I get time to relax and delve into my consciousness and discover what is there.
Right now it's probably one in the afternoon and I see a delft blue sky without any cloud cover, and the fresh blooms of a flower garden. There's a little fat, brown-tailed squirrel walking slowly through the garden, stopping to investigate every few leaf shoots. He stops, and digs into the earth with his tiny hands and retrieves what may be a nut. A small, black, round object that he turns and turns in his mouth until he bites down on it and beings travelling again. A dozen leaf shoots later, he beings digging with his paws and places the nut into the groud, covering it back up feverishly. Satisfied, he moves on to another section of the garden until he finds another treasure and runs off to the nearest tree, out of sight.
Hey, at least I don't have to watch cockroaches. Although, we do have numerous little black bugs that resemble miniature moths. Larger than a gnat. Smaller than a fly. [Ed. She draws one.] <---That big. And I kill off anywhere between 2 and 4 of them daily.
I thin they are attracted to the mold in the shower room, and then migrate down the hall to our rooms.
Man, I miss my queen size bed, pink fuzzy slippers, and my entire bathroom, full of hot water to sooth, make up to zazz up, and great dental products for longevity.
Oh well. Onwards with a new future,
Take care,
Sarah
Kelly,
I received the New Yorker article, thank you. I used to subscribe to the New Yorker for several years before I escaped. Oddly, my favorite part was the Tables for Two restaurant reviews. The article were good too. Long and well written, but I have a thing for food and the nuances of cool restaurants.
Anyway, I read the article twice and was so moved, I wrote the Commissioner of Indiana Dept. of Corrections a letter to thank you.
[Ed.: the article she is referring to is an article in the New Yorker called HELL HOLE. It was a ten-pager chronicling the hazards of solitary confinement. They spoke with prisoners, psychologists, wardens, etc. It was a fascinating article and seeing that Pender has to serve a year in solitary, in her cell alone without any contact for 23 hours every day, I thought the article might interest her. Specifically, the Commissioner that deals with her specific state prison is quoted as saying how dangerous it is.]
Back in December, when I was returned to DOC and charged within the institution with ESCAPE, a class "A" offense. The maximum punishment for any class "A" offense is one year in isolation, and a loss of earned time of what equates to 3 1/2 years, and that's what I got.
In January, a memo came out and effective February 15, 2009, the Commissioner reduced the max time allotted in isolation to 30 days for a class "A" or up to 60 days if it includes battery of an officer.
This is not applied retroactively.
So, despite still having to serve one year up here, I wrote to thank him for acknowledging the severity of long term isolation and for having the courage to take an unpopular stand in a political environment.
I know what it's like to take an unpopular stand. Though, of course, I won't articulate that to him. A simple thanks is enough.
Oh, and thanks for cutting off the web address. No problem coming through.
[Ed.: Certain prisons do not allow prisoners to receive articles directly from the web if they have a url listed. I have to cut those off for her. Some other prisons allow it but only 2-3 pages of an article at a time.]
I now have three books on publishing, one that includes how to do a book proposal. I decided there were probably hundreds of books on the subject for a reason: It's not a simple task, so I had a few ordered.
But I'll worry about that a little later.
Thank you for your advice about magazine submissions, though. It will come in handy.
I hear several women talking loudly down the hall, about crude subjects and one in particular whose laugh reminds me of a sinister clown, reminiscent of "Hours of 1000 Corpses." I loathe loud noise unless it's supposed to be loud. The stereo playing a kick-ass song or a live concert. A garbage truck. A waste disposal. A lawn mower. Even those things are annoying if I'm not ready for them. Like my neighbor mowing his lawn at 7am on a Saturday while I'm recovering from one too many margaritas. Mostly I enjoy quiet. Not silence, but quiet. I like it to be quiet enough that I can hear the sound of graphic over paper as I write. [Ed.: She only uses pencil to write her letters to me.] That's why I stay up until one or two o'clock in the morning to sit at my door and write by the light that filters in from the hall lights. There's no talking and lights out by 11pm, so I get time to relax and delve into my consciousness and discover what is there.
Right now it's probably one in the afternoon and I see a delft blue sky without any cloud cover, and the fresh blooms of a flower garden. There's a little fat, brown-tailed squirrel walking slowly through the garden, stopping to investigate every few leaf shoots. He stops, and digs into the earth with his tiny hands and retrieves what may be a nut. A small, black, round object that he turns and turns in his mouth until he bites down on it and beings travelling again. A dozen leaf shoots later, he beings digging with his paws and places the nut into the groud, covering it back up feverishly. Satisfied, he moves on to another section of the garden until he finds another treasure and runs off to the nearest tree, out of sight.
Hey, at least I don't have to watch cockroaches. Although, we do have numerous little black bugs that resemble miniature moths. Larger than a gnat. Smaller than a fly. [Ed. She draws one.] <---That big. And I kill off anywhere between 2 and 4 of them daily.
I thin they are attracted to the mold in the shower room, and then migrate down the hall to our rooms.
Man, I miss my queen size bed, pink fuzzy slippers, and my entire bathroom, full of hot water to sooth, make up to zazz up, and great dental products for longevity.
Oh well. Onwards with a new future,
Take care,
Sarah
Letters from the Inside, Ann Miller Kontz
I recently watched 48 Hour Mystery about the Ann Miller poison case. Read about the case here
It was such an odd one that I decided to write to her. Today, she replied. An interesting thing to note is she sent me a greeting card. It is pink and had a cute kitten on it. The card says: "Purrfect Peace to You" and in the back there is a bit of scripture and a message about how "Pets are God's lovable creatures. We hope these furry friends brighten your day and bring a smile to your face!"
***
[Inside card]
Dear Kelly,
It was nice to hear from you. I appreciate your taking the time to write. Unfortunately, what you saw on TV was not my story--but that of people who don't know me or care to know the truth. I'm sure you noticed my family, friends and I neglected to participate. That has always been the case. Media can't be trusted to get it right. From the start they misquited my family and friends so no one entertains them. We all figure if we dn't say anything at all--it gives them nothing to twist. Perhaps one day I'll talk to someone but I assure you it will be special circumstances. Enough of that--My family and I didn't watch it and I don't even want to write about it except to say this:
I'm sorry--the person on TV wasn't really who I am-hopefully if we become "pen-pals" you'll get to know me. Since I didn't view it-I'm not at all sure about what they had to say---but please don't allow that to be your first impression of me.
Let me tell you a bit about myself... (contintued on paper)
[The inscription on the inside of the cards says: "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, who thoughts are fixed on You!" ISAIAH 26:3 NLT
[continued on green lined post-it type paper that has a picture of a little yellow chicken on it that says: PUT SPRING IN YOUR STEP!)
New York--cool--my favorite. In my opinioin it's the best city in teh world. I've always wanted to live there--since I was a little girl. Born in upstate NY and raised in Pennsylvania--my family frequeted the city 2-3 times a year.
As I grew older, I kept the tradition going. I could tell you the address of every single Coach store. That would be my weakness. :) I have remarried and my husband is also from NY (still has some family there) -- I's the first place we want to visit when I get out of here.
What part of NY are you from?
I'd love to hear some NY stories---maybe even see some pictures and travel down memory lane.
I am 39-just had my birthday last week. I am married & will celebrate my 6th anniversary this fall. My husband's name is Paul Kontz (so if you write back please address it to Ann Kontz--I am in the system as Ann Kontz.)
I have a 9 year old daughter who is the most beautiful little girl in the world. She is naturally joy-filled and she has a compassionate spirit. I have a 24 year old step-daughter about to get married. My daughter lives with my sister (of which I have two.)0
Prior to prison-I enjoyed jogging, water-skiing and traveling. Now my hobbies are walking (because we can't run) reading and Pilates/yoga.
Well-I'll close for now.
I pray you'll decide to write back adn I'll share more in my next letter.
God Bless,
Ann
P.S. The card was awesome. I gather the website on the back was how you made/ordered it? My sister would love that.
It was such an odd one that I decided to write to her. Today, she replied. An interesting thing to note is she sent me a greeting card. It is pink and had a cute kitten on it. The card says: "Purrfect Peace to You" and in the back there is a bit of scripture and a message about how "Pets are God's lovable creatures. We hope these furry friends brighten your day and bring a smile to your face!"
***
[Inside card]
Dear Kelly,
It was nice to hear from you. I appreciate your taking the time to write. Unfortunately, what you saw on TV was not my story--but that of people who don't know me or care to know the truth. I'm sure you noticed my family, friends and I neglected to participate. That has always been the case. Media can't be trusted to get it right. From the start they misquited my family and friends so no one entertains them. We all figure if we dn't say anything at all--it gives them nothing to twist. Perhaps one day I'll talk to someone but I assure you it will be special circumstances. Enough of that--My family and I didn't watch it and I don't even want to write about it except to say this:
I'm sorry--the person on TV wasn't really who I am-hopefully if we become "pen-pals" you'll get to know me. Since I didn't view it-I'm not at all sure about what they had to say---but please don't allow that to be your first impression of me.
Let me tell you a bit about myself... (contintued on paper)
[The inscription on the inside of the cards says: "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, who thoughts are fixed on You!" ISAIAH 26:3 NLT
[continued on green lined post-it type paper that has a picture of a little yellow chicken on it that says: PUT SPRING IN YOUR STEP!)
New York--cool--my favorite. In my opinioin it's the best city in teh world. I've always wanted to live there--since I was a little girl. Born in upstate NY and raised in Pennsylvania--my family frequeted the city 2-3 times a year.
As I grew older, I kept the tradition going. I could tell you the address of every single Coach store. That would be my weakness. :) I have remarried and my husband is also from NY (still has some family there) -- I's the first place we want to visit when I get out of here.
What part of NY are you from?
I'd love to hear some NY stories---maybe even see some pictures and travel down memory lane.
I am 39-just had my birthday last week. I am married & will celebrate my 6th anniversary this fall. My husband's name is Paul Kontz (so if you write back please address it to Ann Kontz--I am in the system as Ann Kontz.)
I have a 9 year old daughter who is the most beautiful little girl in the world. She is naturally joy-filled and she has a compassionate spirit. I have a 24 year old step-daughter about to get married. My daughter lives with my sister (of which I have two.)0
Prior to prison-I enjoyed jogging, water-skiing and traveling. Now my hobbies are walking (because we can't run) reading and Pilates/yoga.
Well-I'll close for now.
I pray you'll decide to write back adn I'll share more in my next letter.
God Bless,
Ann
P.S. The card was awesome. I gather the website on the back was how you made/ordered it? My sister would love that.
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Jo Pender, #3
Dear Kelly,
Thanks for your letter and enclosed articles. I got quite a kick out of them. I was surprised that a newspaper would publish articles with words like "fuck" and "ass." You must remember I am from the Midwest where all of our newspapers are Republican owned and still contain a daily Christian prayer. Of course I know that NY is a blue state and about a decade ahead of Indiana in just about any progressive category besides pig farming and hybrid corn methods.
Thank you for the information about magazine/newspaper submissions. When I get a kickass excerpt written, I want to submit it to a few magazines for publication in order to raise awareness/marketing. It's a fun project and a neat adventure.
I'd be interested in the latest chronicles of your life. You've got the apartment, you're still self-employed, so are you working on the dating portion? Again? Seems likely since you were home on Valentine's Day to see me on television. What on earth makes you interested in America's Most Wanted? You even mention it in an article from 2007. I guess I don't get what allure television has, unless you're stuck indoors and need to check out of reality for a while. But there's no learning value in AMW. It's not like the Food Network or the History Channel where there's some intrinsic value to their programs. And it doesn't provide laughter or joy. So what's in it for you? A way to live vicariously through the stories of others? Does it turn you on? Make you sick? What's so exciting about it?
Your questions:
I'm in lock down for one year from the day I arrived, so my official outdate to go back to open population is 12/20/09. Five days before Christmas. What a present, huh? It's possible if I'm good, a real, real good girl, that they may let me out a month early. But the flipside of it is that even if I'm a perfect angel, they could make one stay in lock longer, just because they can say I'm a threat to the safety and security of the facility. I've never dealth with these administrators before, so I don't know if they are fair-minded or slyly sadistic.
We shall see.
Yes, I have a few friends here, but most of them are at Rockville, the prison I escaped from. This prison is about 1/3 of the size of Rockville and has a different breed of offenders and staff. At Rockville most of the staff and officers are white country bred folks or from Terre Haute nearby. Some are racist, some are ignorant, most are pretty laid back and run a slower pace. It seems the staff here are a bit more highstrung and the racial profile of staff better matches the population, but I have a limited interaction with them. I figure I have an ugly stigma to overcome when I get down, and here, none of the officers know me, so it's like starting all over. At least at Rockville they know my character and what to expect from me. I'm not complaining, I know I did it to myself.
That's a big obstacle I have, both in here and out there. When I watched one of the AMW episodes (I did not care to see myself on tV) it was like watching someone else. They completely manipulated facts and desecreated my character. Especially after I was caught. They edited out the real message I was attempting to send, and sent that nancy faggot Joe Lieberman to talk to me like a total douchebag. "Let's poke sticks at Sarah Pender and see if she'll Jap out." That should've been the trailer of the episode.
Anyway, people see what they want to see through filters. It's goign to take a while of being good and positive before peopel change their mind. What's sad is that when I'm nice and good, they think its an act of manipulation. It never fucking occurs to them that I'm simply a nice person, well mannered, and well behaved that chose to do a few things out of character when put in a desperate situation. They believe I am a piece of crap because they want me to be a piece of crap.
How sad.
Our media has that much power over people.
That scares me more than all the murderers, robbers, thiefs, and prostitutes I'm locked up with.
So I'm making it my problem to deal with. It's natural for me to be good and well behaved, so the next step is publishing a book with both literary and social merit. And I go upwards from there, climbing the mountain of crap, heading for fresher and fresher air. It I can transform how a few people think along the way, then rock on!
Oh. Before I forget, I like your article on the Ball of Lint Theory. Here's a thought: Think of what you did for Mr. Ball of Lint's self-esteem. To land a beautiful and fun girlfriend (even if he never got laid) surely boosted his ego. Maybe you permanently enhanced his self image. Unless he read your article and figure he he was the Ball of Lint. Then you probably crushed his feelings and gave him a complex or social anxiety disorder or something. Oh, you're bad.
Are you dating now? do you still blog about it?
What made you write me? And have you ever written someone you saw on TV or AMW before? For some reason it seems an absurd thing to do, and at the same time, fun and ballsy. I dig it. Live in the moment, damn it. Soak up the excitement of life.
I'm listening to the BBC News and hearing the war crimes trial is starting today for the genocide of 1.7 million people 30 years ago. Wow, I can't imagine being in a country like Cambodia. I actually met a guy named Joe from Cambodia on night in a Chicago bar, and the most meaningful information I gleaned from him was that in Cambodia there was a feeling of peace and free love. Basically he drank and fucked a lot.
You told me to remind you to tell me about a book proposal.
I need to get to bed. It's cold in here, so I'll likely cuddle up to the ancient radiator. It's the best substitute for a warm body I got. :-( My butt is numb. Night night.
--Sarah
Thanks for your letter and enclosed articles. I got quite a kick out of them. I was surprised that a newspaper would publish articles with words like "fuck" and "ass." You must remember I am from the Midwest where all of our newspapers are Republican owned and still contain a daily Christian prayer. Of course I know that NY is a blue state and about a decade ahead of Indiana in just about any progressive category besides pig farming and hybrid corn methods.
Thank you for the information about magazine/newspaper submissions. When I get a kickass excerpt written, I want to submit it to a few magazines for publication in order to raise awareness/marketing. It's a fun project and a neat adventure.
I'd be interested in the latest chronicles of your life. You've got the apartment, you're still self-employed, so are you working on the dating portion? Again? Seems likely since you were home on Valentine's Day to see me on television. What on earth makes you interested in America's Most Wanted? You even mention it in an article from 2007. I guess I don't get what allure television has, unless you're stuck indoors and need to check out of reality for a while. But there's no learning value in AMW. It's not like the Food Network or the History Channel where there's some intrinsic value to their programs. And it doesn't provide laughter or joy. So what's in it for you? A way to live vicariously through the stories of others? Does it turn you on? Make you sick? What's so exciting about it?
Your questions:
I'm in lock down for one year from the day I arrived, so my official outdate to go back to open population is 12/20/09. Five days before Christmas. What a present, huh? It's possible if I'm good, a real, real good girl, that they may let me out a month early. But the flipside of it is that even if I'm a perfect angel, they could make one stay in lock longer, just because they can say I'm a threat to the safety and security of the facility. I've never dealth with these administrators before, so I don't know if they are fair-minded or slyly sadistic.
We shall see.
Yes, I have a few friends here, but most of them are at Rockville, the prison I escaped from. This prison is about 1/3 of the size of Rockville and has a different breed of offenders and staff. At Rockville most of the staff and officers are white country bred folks or from Terre Haute nearby. Some are racist, some are ignorant, most are pretty laid back and run a slower pace. It seems the staff here are a bit more highstrung and the racial profile of staff better matches the population, but I have a limited interaction with them. I figure I have an ugly stigma to overcome when I get down, and here, none of the officers know me, so it's like starting all over. At least at Rockville they know my character and what to expect from me. I'm not complaining, I know I did it to myself.
That's a big obstacle I have, both in here and out there. When I watched one of the AMW episodes (I did not care to see myself on tV) it was like watching someone else. They completely manipulated facts and desecreated my character. Especially after I was caught. They edited out the real message I was attempting to send, and sent that nancy faggot Joe Lieberman to talk to me like a total douchebag. "Let's poke sticks at Sarah Pender and see if she'll Jap out." That should've been the trailer of the episode.
Anyway, people see what they want to see through filters. It's goign to take a while of being good and positive before peopel change their mind. What's sad is that when I'm nice and good, they think its an act of manipulation. It never fucking occurs to them that I'm simply a nice person, well mannered, and well behaved that chose to do a few things out of character when put in a desperate situation. They believe I am a piece of crap because they want me to be a piece of crap.
How sad.
Our media has that much power over people.
That scares me more than all the murderers, robbers, thiefs, and prostitutes I'm locked up with.
So I'm making it my problem to deal with. It's natural for me to be good and well behaved, so the next step is publishing a book with both literary and social merit. And I go upwards from there, climbing the mountain of crap, heading for fresher and fresher air. It I can transform how a few people think along the way, then rock on!
Oh. Before I forget, I like your article on the Ball of Lint Theory. Here's a thought: Think of what you did for Mr. Ball of Lint's self-esteem. To land a beautiful and fun girlfriend (even if he never got laid) surely boosted his ego. Maybe you permanently enhanced his self image. Unless he read your article and figure he he was the Ball of Lint. Then you probably crushed his feelings and gave him a complex or social anxiety disorder or something. Oh, you're bad.
Are you dating now? do you still blog about it?
What made you write me? And have you ever written someone you saw on TV or AMW before? For some reason it seems an absurd thing to do, and at the same time, fun and ballsy. I dig it. Live in the moment, damn it. Soak up the excitement of life.
I'm listening to the BBC News and hearing the war crimes trial is starting today for the genocide of 1.7 million people 30 years ago. Wow, I can't imagine being in a country like Cambodia. I actually met a guy named Joe from Cambodia on night in a Chicago bar, and the most meaningful information I gleaned from him was that in Cambodia there was a feeling of peace and free love. Basically he drank and fucked a lot.
You told me to remind you to tell me about a book proposal.
I need to get to bed. It's cold in here, so I'll likely cuddle up to the ancient radiator. It's the best substitute for a warm body I got. :-( My butt is numb. Night night.
--Sarah
