Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #62

Kelly,
Wow, wow and wow in the life of Kelly KXXXX! I am happy that work opportunities and cash has pickd up, even if it is overwhelming, it must be better than worrying about how you will pay your bills. Plus, two other benefits: you have the opportunity to meet new people within your business interests, successful people, and you have so much on your TO DO list that you are a) distracted from yoru state-of-the-relationship stress and b) are less affected by Amir's long hours leading up to them movie premiere.

I think it's cool that Amir was on CNN talking to Eliott Spitzer about Donald Trump. New York is an interesting place. You will have a good time at the movie premiere and make good memories. Both you and Amir have to maintain a frenetic pace at work for a little while, which I think will be a good time for both of you to reboot, and give you time to really miss one another. I think that once, and life slows down a bit for Amir, he will more deeply feel the emptiness lingering where you once were. But it wont' be a game changer. Get your Amir fix when you can and buckle in for a long ride.

Tell Reidtard to please stick to Scrabble because he'll never score enough points playing you with his lame con ons and shabby charm to win the Kelly prize.
Doesn't he still live w/his girlfriend? Okay---your intuitive powers to Google John are scary good.

Even a better mystery: Who left the note - message- link to John's article? Clearly it is someone with whom John must work. or date. But likely an associate of some sort of company. Did you leave a reply note of confirmation? Good idea to alert the legal body. Why can't you confirm whether his name changes in legal or assumed illegally? Don't people have to give public notice of a name change? Maybe that's just an Indiana requirement. With John going to Haiti for company business, he would have buy the ticket in the name of his ID, right? And be paid payroll checks in his legal name. And pay incomne taxes and file a federal 1040 in his legal name. He's weasel. If he was worry for what he did to you, I would be sympathetic to him not wanting that stigma attached to his career life, especially if he were really being an agent of charge in world. But he's not sorry and that makes him a weasel. I think it would befit the situation for a made up person to call him by his actual last name, although in a non-chalent manner. If he's actively avoiding his sociopathic persona, the fact that people have found him out to be the weasel he is might put little fear in his heart. Let him worry about what may or may not be breeding... I have a real distate for men who sexually abuse women. You don't deserve this. If at some time you supsect that his boss does not actually know the full story, maybe a copy of article in her mail box would be appropriate. I DON'T KNOW...To call him a weasel insults weasels.

You mentioned that you never experience mania only depression. Are you chronically depressed? I listen to the NPR Sound Medicine and other interviews with scientists on the hung for cures and better treatment for all that ails us. This time I promise I heart it--I took notes. A few days ago, I heard an interview...son of a bitch. I started taking notes but now can't find them, I have notes on the effects of chronic sitting, reviewed books, activists, and can't find this one. Fuck it! The experiment had to do with Ketamine, the stuff the use tranquilize cats and horses. AKA Special K (Note: I am not sure what the difference is in Ketamine and PCP---which is also as an anesthestic in veterinary medicine. Both are used illegally.)

Basically, Ketamine has been found to alleviate chronic depression in patients who responded to no other drug or treatment. People who had not felt psychologically (or physically) well in years felt markedly better almost immediately.

I think this was an interview with Teri Gross on the show FRESH AIR. It was wirthin the past week on NPR. The interview was not about depression, it was with an an anesthesiologist. He was talking about how when you go into surgery, you don't get put to sleep, you actually get put in a reverse coma.

He talked about how brain relays work and how some anesthesic work on shutting down one area that essentially shuts down the others by its own silence (in some drugs). Anyway, some drugs are used in combination and ketamine is one of them. It seems counterintuitive because Ketamine is actually a stimulant. In small doses, it acts as a stimulant and i tis at this dose that chronic depression sufferers experienced relief. In much higher dosages it causes hallucinations and euphoria (which is why people use it illegally) and in even higher dosages, causes a coma. But the level used to alleviate chronic depression was referred to as "a tiny dose".

Since it is already approved in certain uses, it may be available to you as an option. I am almsot positive that it was FRESH AIR if you want to check it out. With all of your creativity and ability to make things happen, if you were relieved of the heavy blanket of depression, imagine it--your powers would be immeasurable. And perhaps if your moods were more stable, you could scare a REAL engagement ring. No mug joke.

Do you take medicine now? If so, what?

What the fuck are you going to do if you run into John? How is it that in a city---NEW YORK CITY--that big, you two are magnetized? Maybe the Universe is keeping you close so that when he does do another act of attempted murder, you'll know--and everyone else will know--hwere to find him or maybe your sleuth skills are somehow saving someone else's life...because he knows he can't hide from the almighty KK.

How did your coffee date go with Tim Kelly? I secretly want you to fall madly in love with each other (now that his wife left him for a woman lover!) and become semi-famous artists- you doing PR and managing exhibitiions and sales/auctions/galleries and contributing your own creative skilils when you please. You and Amir become honestly content being best friends and you live happily ever after as Kelly Kelly.

Why on earth would a man who has heated m arble floors cut his own hair before appearing on national television? Really, Amir? If his barbering is in anyway reflected by his gift-wrapping skills, only my appearancefrom the bowels of hell onto AMW could be worse... Okay, Okay. It could never be that bad!

Still, I'll never forget that your Scrabble dictionary was described as being wrapped by a handless elf.

Sorry about the paper; I'm recycling. Makes me feel better about eating meat.

I want you to tell me about your experience with the PunchDrunk theater performance. It sounds genius. I'm not into violence, but the rest...YES! In November, while I was out, my lover and i went to a swinger's club house for the first time. Had great fun. Anbd the carnival mask requirement is brilliant- to alllow the audience to watch with less self-consciousness or shame.

I look forward to seeing your 41st birthday puzzle piece and your AK+KK hand art. You two should get married. You will marry a man whose last name begins with K. The Universe would not have brought you the KK necklace with a fate of having to change your initials. NOPE.

Have you heard of ADELE? An amazing, powerful foice. "Rolling in the Deep" one of the lines talks about having despair and "making a home DOWN THERE". Reminded me of you so I listed and jotted down the chorus.
Take care,
Sarah