Letters from the Inside, Barton Corbin, #5

Kelly,

You doing good? Sorry for my tardiness (again). It's pretty dull here these days also. It has been m ore mental fatigue here from detail and the services and classes I attend, besides trying to do my usual.

It was nicer here also for a minute, but the cold and wet are back since this is close to the mountains. I miss an occasional massage also. I would discuss what we eat here but most of the time I can't tell that either. :)

Prison is stressful (what's why we smoke) but maybe in different ways than the public knows. Boredom is #1. It can be dangerous but alot of that depends on how one carries himself. As in the outside world, the weak are picked on first and the old. Luckily I am not small or young anymore (I guess). Also, like the outside world, there is an infatuation with celebrity. As much as I hate notoriety I started out with "rep", confirmed it in some instances, and have had little problem since. I'm not tough, but you just have to let them know you aren't going to lay down from the beginning. That can be problematic with some of these younger, faster ones these days.

Punishment is a large element, but correction should include proportioned rehabilitation. Very little is available here. The fact remains that most here will see outside again and what? A stronger, smarter criminal?

Since this is a maximum security prison of course many are violent offenders and education level in general is low. A dentist, like anyone else, needs to be humble or some "hater" upstart may "try" them. You have many here who were never anything in the real world but prison is like their "makeover" opportunity and they think they are going to be some tough stereotype. Posers abound.

I don't usually (ever) discuss my case, especially in specifics. I plead because I was scared into it by a death penalty threat. It's coercion and anything the DA said are their made-up conclusions. People's idea of justice today is really just choice for closure's sake; many times at the expense of fairness. Some things don't have an obvious answer, can't be solved. People's small minds can't contemplate "what" or "why" without appealing to their deductive abilities. Of course that is dependant on their intelligence and experience also. I can't elaborate on my case for I am exploring issues in it and am not free to do so. I never have and anyone who claims otherwise is a liar. Others talk; I maintain. They pose; I"m for real.

I like yoga (what little I've taught myself in here) but they took my book of it when I left county jail. It's good for you. It's meditational, calming, and I need the core and flexibility work. I don't teach it here like Martha Stewart, but this is a real prison. :)

We have some good officers here (but they are still the police) but we have some whose self-esteem is dependant on their abusing their authority. This can be expected but unfortunately the cowards exercise it on the more civilized population and are a no-show with the more troublesome population. If you just try to do your time and stay out of problems you can be seen by the ignorant ones as "soft" or that you have all the money and they don't. If you are in certain dorms the chow hall workers will short you on your servings or talk trash because they hate based on their own misconceptions.

Then they have the nerve to think and accuse you of bias towards them. My sense is that they have in general always been screw-ups and their families just finally quit on them.

This is not for everyone; of course we probably have some real poor. But everyone has a story, but none ever start with that they messed up. In many ways it is a grown-up, violent kindergarten. Even I like to see the snitches and child molesters get it but it doesn't happen enough. That is when I wish it was more "chain gang" than it is. Violence usually is grounded in some mitigating circumstance, theft, retaliation, etc. It is seldom random.

I am not reading any books now. I am waiting to watch The Bourne Ultimatum and Super Bad tonight. I guess it is movie night. No popcorn or candy though. I miss my Jordan Almonds. :)

With the new warden they are going to audit our prison in March so they are reviewing everyone's security. I am medium but several I know have been reduced to minimum who have my same charges and work record and have disciplinary reports. I have none. It is only significant to me now to keep myself eligible for any special details or program that I might miss out on w/ a higher security disqualified me. I can't be any better than I am and don't snitch. :)

Well it is close to show time so I will cease here. Thanks again for thinking of me and I apologize for boring you. Maybe that gives you a sense of how I feel here. Be good or good at it and write sooner than me. :)

Bart