Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #26

Dear Kelly,
My God, I needed your humor today, Kel. Really, you are one of my only sources of humor in my life. It's like eating a super loaded baked potato after months of greasy fries. Refreshing and good. Your blogs are always entertaining.

[Ed.: I sent her the blog entries I wrote on my CL Rant and about people with bad eyebrows.]

You think you don't have the talent or grammar skills to be a writer. Well, first off, you have been a writer, so that logic doesn't work. You have talent. Maybe it stems from your neuroses, but you've got it. And you have better grammer than 70% of Americans. And that's what an editor is for or a copy edit service. Easy. So now you have no valid excuse not to write. You choose not to write. Own your choice, don't give reasons. Reasons are for people too small to be responsible for their lives.

You crack me up. You included your Rant and said, "I hope you are not offended by the harshness of it." Kelly, I am in prison on a case that involved two murders by my boyfriend, a former drug dealer. I fucked a guard and trafficked contraband in order to escape a max prison. I use "dyke" and "hooker" as terms of endearment for my friends. I have had sex in a public establishment. Perhaps I don't use "obscene" language regularly in our letters, but it certainly isn't because I don't know how to use them. No, honey. I am certainly not offended. And you can use whatever language you want in your letters. We get read and sometimes censored for dangerous topics, but most of our free speech rights are intact. Curse freely. Use cock, dick, cunt, fuck. It doesn't matter.

FUCK. It does a body good. :)

You are so fun.

And clearly, you know how to tell a man about himself. I only wish all jerks could get one of these BRUTALLY honest notes from the women they've affected, and really, we all need one of these now and then. Do a check--to get how we occur to other people. We dohnt' have to take it all and crumble into an emotional wreck at our inadequacies, ut it could provide solme helpful guidance net time one is looking to do a little self-improvement, or wondering why one is unhappy, single, underappreciated, underpaid, or underemployed.

For instance, there's thsi guy who worked at the prison who had been therel ike 15 years and hadn't been promoted. He could really use one of those letters. I've learned that there are a lot of people who go around totally oblivious to their own shortcomings or offensive behavior. I am convinced that 2 of his problems were--

1) His breath linger in your nostrils long after you discovered you got too close.
2) He had these perpetual boogers flapping out at you, clinging to his overgrown nose hairs.

I remember when he was trying to get laid by me or my friends. I would try to help him out. Sometimes I'd say, "Hey," and rub the tip of my giner along my nostril. He' d blow his nose, then rub the tissue over his nose. And they'd still be there! Or I hand him a piece of tissue and say, "Here. You need this." Eventually, I lost all tact. "John you've got a bat in the cave." or send him to hte bathroom to dig it all out.

I didn't have the heart to address his breath. I don't even know how to bring that one up.

It's easier to do when you're angry. Even then,I just tell my friends, but never the offending party. It seems mean, but I see how it could be very helpful.

Whatever. That was some good stuff. Thanks for sharing it with me. I'm passing it on to a friend who needs a laugh.

Yay! For you to have one, possibly, two new clients. Stress is lifting a little, huh? But God, maybe not with a $1600 /mo rent. Jesus Christ. What kind of money do New Yorkers make? A four bedroom house on the lake can be had for that sort of money out there. Sheesh.

You've been getting migraines and nosebleeds. Have you had your blood pressure checked? Those aren't usually assocated with joint alignment. Tha'ts a concern. And migraines are so paralyzing---I get them too. That sucks.

When people are giving you shit about your OCD, etc. or complain because it affects them, it's because they realy don't know what it is like, over there, being you. I have no clue what it is like to NOT BE ABLE to comfortably leave w/o a shower. I can easily throw my hair in a hat, brush my teeth, put on a running suit and walk to the 7-eleven for a paper and an orange juice.l NOt a problem. Now, going on a date--totally gotta shower. My friend Heather must shower 3-5 times a day. It drives me nutty sometimes, but only if she's holding the rest of us up, because it is one thing for her to be OCD, it's another when she's inconsiderate about it.

What I did was I got that she is compelled to shower repeatedly. Ok. So when we have dinner plans, I know i won't get pre-dinner company. She shows up right as I"m serving food. If it's a short notice, I plate her food , cover it, and we go on eating. She eats when she is done showering. This is not a problem. Anyone who complains about it is letting circumstances run them. I am much bigger than my circumstances of having a friend who is late or spend time in the shower. It could just as easliy be her times w/her kids. Who are we to judge?

I saw a show where it revealed that Howie Mandell has severe OCD.l It was sad. He's a germaphobe. It really affected his family. He even built a house out back where he goes when it gets to be too much. But the family just created new norms and didn't let it lower their quality of life. HOwie was great on the show. A real guy.

Be assured that even if you mess up on your motions to the court, there are provisions that say if a person goes pro se, that the court will overlook or help guide in cases where mistakes are made. MOTION TO DISMISS DUMBASS LAWSUIT.

You know, I was real upset at first from being isolated longer than my year of punishment, but I got over it. It's just circumstances. Fuck it. I'll mj ake the best of whatever comes my way. Will it be better in open population? In some way, yes. In some ways, no. I"ll be able to see a few friends who are real good women. Intelligent. Fun. Supportive. I"ll be able to eat better. Have contact visits. Walk around Get a job. Make phonecalls anytime I want. Do programs. Sing in a choir. But I"ll also be arond more noise and have a roommate who m ay ormay not be pleasant. In 10 years, I've had some undesireable people I've lived with. They don't last long. They either go to lock, get moved, or go home. Almost all the assholes are short-term sentences. It is more dangerous? I guess. Women's prison isn't dangerous like the movies. Women only fight their girlfriends or after an ongoing argument. I rarely argue. If I do, the other person usually apologizes to me, or at least leavesm e the fuck alone. I am not physically intimidating, but am very convincing. Arguing with me is like trying to argue with your psychiatrist. It gets sorted out very quickly.

I am an eyebrow spotter. I don't require or suggest anyone have perfectly shaped, plucked, streamlined eyebrows. But there should be some shape. A little arch. And clean up errant hairson the bridge of your nose, or the ones that creep up your temple. I actually saw a model in a Vanity Fair ad - I"ll find it and put it in here, that had awful brows. It unnerves me.

My favoriate part: Tiny yellow Post-its over the brows. Face Flair. That's really good stuff. All of it-great.

Thanks for the laugh.

I hope you are well. I always look forward to the latest news in your world. Fun!

Best wishes,

Sarah