Dear KK--- April 13, 2009
I have your letter and your card* in front of me. You really are endlessly fascinating and entertaining; and if you think I've said that about many people either before or after I came here, you would be mistaken.
So, KK---when are you going to get your columns & blogs together for a book and write a NY Times Bestseller ala Chelsea Handler, et al? I do a lot of reading--even more lately thanks to you--and your columns deserve to be turned into Volume I and II and ... Just a thought, though, I'm sure it is not original with me!
Beginning with your card, which was written first: As often happens over the weekend I saw a brief but fact-heavy investigative report on CNN re the death of Natasha Richardson. The timeline is damning on several key points. First, it appears she languished in the ER at the small community hospital near the resort for over an hour. Critical time in an epidural hematoma. She should have been sent immediately to the trauma center in Montreal. But the real "killer"--possibly literally--was the 2 1/2 hour ground transport time to Montreal. No air transport available. The bottom line is this: She was apparently injured around 12:40...she did not ARRIVE in Montreal at the trauma center until 7:00pm: 6 1/2 hours post-injury. The report didn't say if she had immediate surgery on arrival---but with that type of injury, the brain damage may well have been irreversible and fatal by that time.
Yes, I did see the news of the suicide of Nicholas Plath. Given the historical irony, I was surprised the story was not covered more. It was barely mentioned, in fact. Sylvia Plath is not the literary & tragic icon she once was. On a more personal note, I have lost someone close to suicide. You never ever really know why... [Ed.: He is referring to KK.]
your reading the Diane Arbus biography reminded me of that most unusual film from 06---based on that biography:
"FUR: AN IMAGINARY PORTRAIT OF DIANE ARBUS" 06 Directed by Steven Shainberg Starring Nicole Kidman, Robert Downey, Jr. "Attempting to explore famed photographer Arbus' artistic awakening in metaphoric terms, this film (set in 1958) follows her evolution from a stifled upper-class N.Y.C. wife & mother to an artist who's open to a world of society's outcasts that her parents taught her to shun.
Downey plays a fugitive from a freak show with a furry body who moves in upstairs. He's a fictitious character in this "imaginary portrait" that tells us a little about a very intersting woman. Ambitious and intriguing, with Kidman perfectly cast, but a strange, unsatisfying film. "Inspired By" Patricia Bosworth's biography of Arbus. KK: Is this the biography you are reading, or another one?
Despite several other reviews similar to the above at the time, I reallyl wanted to see this film. Because of Kidman's lead role, it recieved a lot of buzz at the time---which made its critical demise all the more devastating.
Even a three-line entry in one of those omnibus encyclopedias makes you want to know more about her: "DIANE ARBUS (1923-1971)" U. S. photographer noted for her black & white photographs of the strangeness of ordinary people, particularly children. Born Diane Nemerov, she died a suicide. Her autobiography, Diane Arbus, was published in 1972.
So-as you can see from the above, I am only superficially familiar with Ms. Arbus--and I am most interested in everything you glean from reading her biography. The comment that you are a "literary" Diane Arbus...please tell me more! As I said, endlessly fascinating and entertaining :)
Speaking of her photos of children, I recall seeing a stunning photograh of a family in the 1950s that had eleven or twelve girls--no boys. And they were all lined up by height wearing the same exact outfit. The photo was by Diane Arbus. Not sure if it was meant to look like a happy family photo, but in the hands of Ms. Arbus my recollection is of something akin to a German eugenics film from the early 20th century. I've never forgotten that photo. Strange, the effect of a single image...
***
"Touched By A Pigeon" is a perfect example of a story/"slice-of-life" that belongs in that book with 50 or 60 others!
Not only did I learn about NYC pigeons, but very funny as I've learned to expect from most of your writings. A pigeon that loses his will to live... pigeon pox!...and the sad reality of [ahem] pigeon suicide...?! [Ed: He is referencing a blog entry I wrote years ago called, "Touched By A Pigeon," about how a friend was teaching me how to ride a bike back when I lived in Hell's Kitchen. Whilst waiting for him to get the bike, I came across a neighbhorhood guy holding a pigeon. He explained there was nothign wrong with the bird, except it had lost its will to live. He had me pet it and it was soft like a bunny. A passerby noticed and screamed at how dirty it was and I was zapped back into reality and started itching and breaking out into hives. We left for our bike ride and an hour later while crossing Ninth Avenue on my way home, I saw it---dead in the middle of the road. And I just knew it walked into traffic on purpose.]
That's just your card! Let me get this in the mail now, and delve into your letter. Part II to follow shortly.
Take care and stay safe in the big bad city. Write when you can--more from me tomorrow.
Yours,
Michael
P.S. Are all your Guggenheim & MOMA parties "invitation" only? I imagine you know lots of people in your line of work...
* Nice by the way: Fountain House Collection to enlighten the attitudes regarding the mentally ill. [Ed.: He is referencing the notecard I sent; it was made by a non-profit involving mental health research.]
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Books Written About These Inmates:
I specifically chose these people to write to without knowing very much about them except that they were called "sociopaths" by psychologists in their trials and that they were shown to have above average intelligence. They were known to be charming and good looking. I read just the basic information to know what they were convicted of and where they were being held. I specifically didn't want to read the books that were written about them and their crimes because I wanted to go in fresh and forge a pen pal relationship with them without knowing any of the back story. And that is what I did.
So now that I have a relationship with Pender, Swango, Whitaker and Smith, I decided to read the books written about them. I started with Ken Whitaker's(Bart's father) book, Murder By Family. Ken is a very religious man and the narrative is peppered with religious belief and sentiment. Juxtaposed with the incredibly intellectual voice Bart has, I noted how different father and son's styles were. Not too much stood out in the book except that towards the end Bart writes his father letters explaining his crime. I found it particularly interesting that he said something along the lines of, "I never respected people less smart than I am." It does seem from reading each of their writing, that Bart is way more eloquent, has a much bigger vocabulary and is far more well-read. The only other part that was really noteworthy was how Bart, in that typical sociopathic way, writes in circles about why he did this. His commentary about the "masks" he wore and the hole he had inside of him which made him incapable of feeling love, was enlightening.
Then I read James B. Stewart's bestseller, Blind Eye. Keep in mind I have already had a relationship with Swango for months before embarking on the reading of this book. I was really taken with how horrifying his actions and words were. I wanted to remember these things so they'd stick in my head when I read his letters. Swango writes about two letters a week to me, each around 10 pages.
The things that were particularly noteworthy about Swango were:
- Since he was very young he kept scrapbooks of clippings of murder, death and tragedy. Many people are quoted in this book as saying they'd see him cutting out articles about mass death with an eerie look of satisfaction on his face. He was also fascinated with serial killers. He was quoted as saying, "That's just great. I wish I had been there," in reaction to watching a story on the news about a man who went into a McDonalds and shot 21 people. "Every time I think of a good idea, someone beats me to it."
- He connected sex and death. He was quoted as saying, "Do you know what I'd like to do to you?" After describing in lurid detail what he called a "sexual fantasy" he said it would culminate with him plummeting a hatchet into the back of the woman's head.
- He was also quoted as saying, "The best thing about being a doctor is coming out of the ER with a hard-on to tell some parents that their kid died from head trauma."
- Swango said the ultimate call while being an EMT was to be called to the site of an accident in which a busload of children had been hit head on by a tractor trailer filled with gasoline. He said he'd like another bus to plow into the wreckage, causing a massive explosion throwing children's bodies into barbed wire fences.
- In this book, Swango also says, "Wouldn't that be great? To travel around the country killing people. Just moving on, killing some more--a great lifestyle!"
- He was married to a woman named Ruth Duma. The marriage lasted for 3 years.
- He said he hated fat people so much he dreamed of slicing them through with blades attached to his shoes.
- The book discusses how he was a big movie buff. So interesting that he still is. If you read his letters to me, they almost always discuss movies. Even many that he does not have the ability to see.
Probably the thing that stands out the most about this book, for me, is all the text about KK. Besides sharing her initials with me, she had the same look I do--the same coloring. She was supposedly very funny and Lucille Ball-like. My ex-husband Wm. used to actually call me "Lucy" because of sense of humor. Like me, she had been married before and her marriage only lasted a very short time. She had a very bad childhood. She kept a diary/journal during the last year of her life with Swango, chronicling events and her depression. She ended up killing herself. Once autopsied they found ample quantities of arsenic in her system that was said to explain her horrible migraines and breakdown.
I recently ordered three books on the Susan Smith murder case: One written by her mother, another written by her ex-husband and one written by a psychologist. I will write what stands out to me after I read them and get a few more letters from her.
There is currently no book about Pender yet, but she tells me she is working on one herself.
So now that I have a relationship with Pender, Swango, Whitaker and Smith, I decided to read the books written about them. I started with Ken Whitaker's(Bart's father) book, Murder By Family. Ken is a very religious man and the narrative is peppered with religious belief and sentiment. Juxtaposed with the incredibly intellectual voice Bart has, I noted how different father and son's styles were. Not too much stood out in the book except that towards the end Bart writes his father letters explaining his crime. I found it particularly interesting that he said something along the lines of, "I never respected people less smart than I am." It does seem from reading each of their writing, that Bart is way more eloquent, has a much bigger vocabulary and is far more well-read. The only other part that was really noteworthy was how Bart, in that typical sociopathic way, writes in circles about why he did this. His commentary about the "masks" he wore and the hole he had inside of him which made him incapable of feeling love, was enlightening.
Then I read James B. Stewart's bestseller, Blind Eye. Keep in mind I have already had a relationship with Swango for months before embarking on the reading of this book. I was really taken with how horrifying his actions and words were. I wanted to remember these things so they'd stick in my head when I read his letters. Swango writes about two letters a week to me, each around 10 pages.
The things that were particularly noteworthy about Swango were:
- Since he was very young he kept scrapbooks of clippings of murder, death and tragedy. Many people are quoted in this book as saying they'd see him cutting out articles about mass death with an eerie look of satisfaction on his face. He was also fascinated with serial killers. He was quoted as saying, "That's just great. I wish I had been there," in reaction to watching a story on the news about a man who went into a McDonalds and shot 21 people. "Every time I think of a good idea, someone beats me to it."
- He connected sex and death. He was quoted as saying, "Do you know what I'd like to do to you?" After describing in lurid detail what he called a "sexual fantasy" he said it would culminate with him plummeting a hatchet into the back of the woman's head.
- He was also quoted as saying, "The best thing about being a doctor is coming out of the ER with a hard-on to tell some parents that their kid died from head trauma."
- Swango said the ultimate call while being an EMT was to be called to the site of an accident in which a busload of children had been hit head on by a tractor trailer filled with gasoline. He said he'd like another bus to plow into the wreckage, causing a massive explosion throwing children's bodies into barbed wire fences.
- In this book, Swango also says, "Wouldn't that be great? To travel around the country killing people. Just moving on, killing some more--a great lifestyle!"
- He was married to a woman named Ruth Duma. The marriage lasted for 3 years.
- He said he hated fat people so much he dreamed of slicing them through with blades attached to his shoes.
- The book discusses how he was a big movie buff. So interesting that he still is. If you read his letters to me, they almost always discuss movies. Even many that he does not have the ability to see.
Probably the thing that stands out the most about this book, for me, is all the text about KK. Besides sharing her initials with me, she had the same look I do--the same coloring. She was supposedly very funny and Lucille Ball-like. My ex-husband Wm. used to actually call me "Lucy" because of sense of humor. Like me, she had been married before and her marriage only lasted a very short time. She had a very bad childhood. She kept a diary/journal during the last year of her life with Swango, chronicling events and her depression. She ended up killing herself. Once autopsied they found ample quantities of arsenic in her system that was said to explain her horrible migraines and breakdown.
I recently ordered three books on the Susan Smith murder case: One written by her mother, another written by her ex-husband and one written by a psychologist. I will write what stands out to me after I read them and get a few more letters from her.
There is currently no book about Pender yet, but she tells me she is working on one herself.
Cast of Characters:
I've decided to concentrate Letters from the Inside on these main prisoners. I have been posting letters from all and just wanted to take this opportunity to recap on who they are and why they are in prison.
1) Dr. Michael Swango - Swango was a doctor accused of killing up to 60 people via poison. He non-fatally poisoned even more. He is in prison in Colorado for life. There was a book written about him and his crimes called BLIND EYE by James B. Stewart. Click HERE for his Wikipedia entry.
2) Thomas Bart Whitaker - Whitaker is a young man accused of enlisting someone to kill his family. His father survived the attack and has very publicly forgiven him. Whitaker is currently on Death Row in Texas. He recently appeared on Oprah along with his father. His father wrote a book about Whitaker and his crime called: MURDER BY FAMILY Read a brief summary: HERE
3) Sarah Jo Pender - Pender is a woman who had her roommates killed. She was put in prison with a lengthy sentence. I believe eight years into serving her sentence she broke out of jail and was out on the lamb for months. America's Most Wanted profiled her and her escape and she was caught. She then appeared on the show discussing her crime. She is currently in prison for life in Indiana and serving a full year in isolation. You can read more about the case HERE
4)Susan Smith - Smith was convicted of killing her two young boys by putting them into her jeep and driving them into a lake. Read more HERE She is currently serving a life sentence in South Carolina with a possibility of parole in 2024.
***
In addition to these four main inmates, I also have written to:
- Richard Allen Davis - WIKIPEDIA ENTRY. He is currently serving life in California for kidnapping and killing 12-year old Polly Klauss. After receiving his first letter I decided to not to pursue writing back to him. Even so, he sent me another letter. I didn't respond.
- Raffaello Follieri - Most known for dating actress Anne Hathaway, Follieri got a four-year federal prison sentence for swindling people out of millions. I have decided not to include him in this project because he is not like the others. More HERE.
- Ann Miller Kontz - She was convicted for poisoning and killing her Aids-researcher husband. She is currently serving a 25-year sentence in North Carolina. You can read her story HERE
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Letters from the Outiside In, KK to Swango, #9 and #10
As I said before, I alternate between typing letters to prisoners and sending small handwritten cards. The typed ones I keep saved on my computer; the handwritten ones I do not have copies of. I won't post all I send to them, but occassionally I'll post what I have sent so you can see my tone and understand some of the topics they discuss in answer. So here are the two last ones I sent to Swango. I will post his letter of reply this week.
Hello Michael,
It is pouring out today. This is one of the few weekends I have nothing planned. I headed to the video store as I wanted to rent, I Have Loved You for So Long. Alas, the store didn’t have it, but it is my next Netflix coming and should be here Tuesday. Imagine my raised eyebrows when later, I opened your letter and saw you reference it. Likewise I was supposed to see Lymelife with a friend but he was detained at the airport and couldn’t make the movie. I will try to go next Friday to see that. It is the only movie currently in theaters I haven’t seen that I want to. Yesterday’s Netflix was Donkey Punch. Are you familiar with it? Three Irish girls are on vacation in Mallorca and meet 3 guys who take them on a yacht they work on. The girl gets accidently killed and the remaining ones battle it out. The boys want to dump her body overboard and say she was drinking and fell; the girls want to report the homicide.
On Saturdays I have a routine. At 8:30pm I walk the dog and pick up the first Sunday edition of the Times. Then I come upstairs and watch America’s Most Wanted and 48 Hour Mystery and onto Sat. Night Live if it isn’t a repeat. On the weekends I usually cook something big and special, but this weekend I’m not into it. I’ll just order something in. I think tonight maybe Peking Duck.
I finished reading the Diane Arbus biography—are you familiar with her and her photography---and tried to watch FUR a movie based on her life. It was so awful I stopped watching after 35 minutes. Ugh. Just ugh. I have to remember to Google her to see her famous photos. I would love to send you pictures from Cindy Sherman and Diane Arbus but right now my color printer doesn’t work and in black and white probably wouldn’t be as good. I may buy a new color printer in the next month or two so we’ll see…
I turn 39 next month. May 16th. I had this dream a few years ago that I was told I would die at 39. It keeps popping back into my head. I have some enemies out there…. I bought a ticket to see a Broadway show that I will see the week of my birthday. It is getting great reviews and a few friends saw it and loved it. It is called God of Carnage and stars James Gandolfini (of Sopranos fame), Hope Davis, Jeff Daniels & Marcia Gay Harden.
Here is the gist: Two ostensibly civilized married couples meet up to sort out a playground fight. The son of one couple (Jeff Daniels and Hope Davis) has broken two of the teeth of the son of another (James Gandolfini and Marcia Gay Harden). At first diplomatic niceties are observed, but as the meeting progresses and the rum flows, huge tensions emerge and the gloves come off, leaving more than just their liberal principles in tatters.
Funny you should mention M. Night Shmayalan. I LOVE all his movies. Most people have panned the last few, but I love him. He writes fairy tales for the old and disillusioned.
I would love to hear more about your incarceration. Why? What it is like there? I realize you are in for life, but if you could get out, what would you do? I have written to another prisoner who is in for life and she is not allowed TV, etc. It sounds like you have access to television and movies. You even mention the food isn’t awful. I suspect it all depends on which jail you are in, but from what I’ve read it is awful. What are your feelings about all of this. Clearly you are an extremely bright man, so you are very aware of the whys and hows and must have some serious feelings about this whole situation. You mentioned you can’t tell me certain things for legal reasons, and I understand about that. But tell me all you are allowed to.
Thank you for enclosing the clippings. I actually read that Times article about Netflix by Wilson when it came out. In this Sunday’s NYT one of my new clients is profiled in the real estate section. It is a very big deal and they are very happy about this.
I am enclosing another New Yorker article—this one written by Woody Allen about Bernie Madoff. It is funny.
I may want instantly on Netflix the old Paul Newman movie: The Drowning Pool (’75). Do you know it?
Are you familiar with the actor , writer and director Eric Schaeffer? He has a show on Showtime called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” Prior to that he wrote and starred in a great show on F/X called Starved, a Seinfeldesque comedy centered around 4 NYers with eating disorders. He did six movies: My Life is in Turnaround, Fall, If Lucy Fell, Wirey Spindell, Never Again and most recently, Mind the Gap. I am friends with him and went on a few dates with him. I wrote a very interesting piece about how when I first saw Fall in the early 90s I told my friends I’d date him someday. They rolled their eyes. When I married my husband it turned out his friends were a band that did the music for Fall. Still, they long since lost touch. Then after my divorce, the first blind date I went on was with an audio engineer who was approached by Schaeffer to do audio for his latest movie. The date said Schaeffer was an asshole and wouldn’t give me his number. Thirteen years and 2 close calls but still no meeting. Finally my ex-husband told me about Eric’s new memoir, a book called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” I messaged him on Myspace and we met and dated. I did some publicity for his book and we fizzled out. Then later while he was filming the series, I was actually included, mentioned on a few of the episodes. In one he calls me and you can hear my voice. Odd how life works. I got to go to the premiere of the show which was really fun. Anyway, wondered if you knew his work and what you thought of it. He has another season of his show coming out on Showtime.
I entered my dachshund, Mini, in a contest for Pet of the Month and he won! His picture will be in the paper starting on Thursday and run for 4 weeks. When it appears I will try to cut it out for you to see.
You asked about India. I wrote something about my trip that got published. I’ll paste it in here and sign off for now.
--Kelly
***
[Next letter I sent him.]
Hello Michael,
Just got your letter. Today is April 18th. In response to your letter, I have seen Tell No One. Great flick. Very spooky. I always see French movies like that. Love them. I am very familiar with KST’s work. She is such a good actress. I cannot, however, ever get into anything about vampires. I find that ridiculous, even if well-written. I am not about fantasy or willing suspension of disbelief. I have still not seen the Education of Charlie Banks. I think I’m opting to wait until it comes out on video in June.
As for the article I wrote with and about my husband, yes, we had a very volatile relationship once we lived together. Prior, things were very good. I am SO Type A---glad you can see that from my letters---and very anti-drug. That article, while harsh, was something Wm. willingly participated in and those quotes from him were verbatim. He and I had that type of dynamic. He sort of even liked being written about, even if unfavorably. We had similar senses of humor. One of the problems was that my ex-husband was not into reading, studying, etc. I am very exact, on top of bills and goals and quite neurotic. He is very laid back and likes to take shortcuts. Just two different types of people.
Now how about you? I asked in a previous letter---I’m assuming you haven’t gotten it yet---if you were married or had children. Prior to your incarceration did you date much? Did you have a “type?”
Are you familiar with David Sedaris’ books? If not, they are hysterically funny. He writes about his gay life, his wacky family, his travels, etc. I love his stuff. In fact, he just had another published this week in the New Yorker. I’d send it but I’m not sure how you feel about him. This one was about how he was traveling by train, years ago when smoking was acceptable, and how he met a low-life type man who he got a crush on.
In this letter I’m enclosing a piece from New York Magazine—a small snippet from Cindy Sherman, that photographer that I just saw the movie about. I wish you were familiar with her work, and as I said I will try to print some of her famous stuff out when I get access to a color printer. New York Magazine did an issue about famous people and their stories about the first week they moved to NYC. Cindy’s was interesting. I remember mine. The day I moved into NYC to a sixth floor walkup, I lost my job and my boyfriend. Typical NY story. NY knocks you on your ass and only the strong figure out a way to stay here. I’ll never leave. I also lose a bit of respect for those that leave.
I’m glad you appreciated Hell Hole. Clearly you know more about the jail experience than I ever will, but I found it interesting. How does your facility compare? Do you have friends there? Roommates? I want to hear more about what you experience in jail.
You mention a Cistercian monastery which made me wonder if you have a religion. What are your thoughts about God and religion?
I am not familiar with THE KINDLY ONES but will Google and find out what you are referencing.
I am also enclosing a clipping of my dog Mini and the article about him winning PET OF THE MONTH. Cheesy, but so cute.
Lastly, I’m enclosing a blurry snapshot of me I happened upon whilst cleaning out my desk drawer. I send it, even though it is a few years old, so you can see what I look like. I have tons of recent pictures of me on the computer, but again, no color printer, so this is one of the few hard copies I own, aside from a wedding picture, which I would send if you were interested in seeing it.
--Kelly
Hello Michael,
It is pouring out today. This is one of the few weekends I have nothing planned. I headed to the video store as I wanted to rent, I Have Loved You for So Long. Alas, the store didn’t have it, but it is my next Netflix coming and should be here Tuesday. Imagine my raised eyebrows when later, I opened your letter and saw you reference it. Likewise I was supposed to see Lymelife with a friend but he was detained at the airport and couldn’t make the movie. I will try to go next Friday to see that. It is the only movie currently in theaters I haven’t seen that I want to. Yesterday’s Netflix was Donkey Punch. Are you familiar with it? Three Irish girls are on vacation in Mallorca and meet 3 guys who take them on a yacht they work on. The girl gets accidently killed and the remaining ones battle it out. The boys want to dump her body overboard and say she was drinking and fell; the girls want to report the homicide.
On Saturdays I have a routine. At 8:30pm I walk the dog and pick up the first Sunday edition of the Times. Then I come upstairs and watch America’s Most Wanted and 48 Hour Mystery and onto Sat. Night Live if it isn’t a repeat. On the weekends I usually cook something big and special, but this weekend I’m not into it. I’ll just order something in. I think tonight maybe Peking Duck.
I finished reading the Diane Arbus biography—are you familiar with her and her photography---and tried to watch FUR a movie based on her life. It was so awful I stopped watching after 35 minutes. Ugh. Just ugh. I have to remember to Google her to see her famous photos. I would love to send you pictures from Cindy Sherman and Diane Arbus but right now my color printer doesn’t work and in black and white probably wouldn’t be as good. I may buy a new color printer in the next month or two so we’ll see…
I turn 39 next month. May 16th. I had this dream a few years ago that I was told I would die at 39. It keeps popping back into my head. I have some enemies out there…. I bought a ticket to see a Broadway show that I will see the week of my birthday. It is getting great reviews and a few friends saw it and loved it. It is called God of Carnage and stars James Gandolfini (of Sopranos fame), Hope Davis, Jeff Daniels & Marcia Gay Harden.
Here is the gist: Two ostensibly civilized married couples meet up to sort out a playground fight. The son of one couple (Jeff Daniels and Hope Davis) has broken two of the teeth of the son of another (James Gandolfini and Marcia Gay Harden). At first diplomatic niceties are observed, but as the meeting progresses and the rum flows, huge tensions emerge and the gloves come off, leaving more than just their liberal principles in tatters.
Funny you should mention M. Night Shmayalan. I LOVE all his movies. Most people have panned the last few, but I love him. He writes fairy tales for the old and disillusioned.
I would love to hear more about your incarceration. Why? What it is like there? I realize you are in for life, but if you could get out, what would you do? I have written to another prisoner who is in for life and she is not allowed TV, etc. It sounds like you have access to television and movies. You even mention the food isn’t awful. I suspect it all depends on which jail you are in, but from what I’ve read it is awful. What are your feelings about all of this. Clearly you are an extremely bright man, so you are very aware of the whys and hows and must have some serious feelings about this whole situation. You mentioned you can’t tell me certain things for legal reasons, and I understand about that. But tell me all you are allowed to.
Thank you for enclosing the clippings. I actually read that Times article about Netflix by Wilson when it came out. In this Sunday’s NYT one of my new clients is profiled in the real estate section. It is a very big deal and they are very happy about this.
I am enclosing another New Yorker article—this one written by Woody Allen about Bernie Madoff. It is funny.
I may want instantly on Netflix the old Paul Newman movie: The Drowning Pool (’75). Do you know it?
Are you familiar with the actor , writer and director Eric Schaeffer? He has a show on Showtime called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” Prior to that he wrote and starred in a great show on F/X called Starved, a Seinfeldesque comedy centered around 4 NYers with eating disorders. He did six movies: My Life is in Turnaround, Fall, If Lucy Fell, Wirey Spindell, Never Again and most recently, Mind the Gap. I am friends with him and went on a few dates with him. I wrote a very interesting piece about how when I first saw Fall in the early 90s I told my friends I’d date him someday. They rolled their eyes. When I married my husband it turned out his friends were a band that did the music for Fall. Still, they long since lost touch. Then after my divorce, the first blind date I went on was with an audio engineer who was approached by Schaeffer to do audio for his latest movie. The date said Schaeffer was an asshole and wouldn’t give me his number. Thirteen years and 2 close calls but still no meeting. Finally my ex-husband told me about Eric’s new memoir, a book called, “I Can’t Believe I’m Still Single…” I messaged him on Myspace and we met and dated. I did some publicity for his book and we fizzled out. Then later while he was filming the series, I was actually included, mentioned on a few of the episodes. In one he calls me and you can hear my voice. Odd how life works. I got to go to the premiere of the show which was really fun. Anyway, wondered if you knew his work and what you thought of it. He has another season of his show coming out on Showtime.
I entered my dachshund, Mini, in a contest for Pet of the Month and he won! His picture will be in the paper starting on Thursday and run for 4 weeks. When it appears I will try to cut it out for you to see.
You asked about India. I wrote something about my trip that got published. I’ll paste it in here and sign off for now.
--Kelly
***
[Next letter I sent him.]
Hello Michael,
Just got your letter. Today is April 18th. In response to your letter, I have seen Tell No One. Great flick. Very spooky. I always see French movies like that. Love them. I am very familiar with KST’s work. She is such a good actress. I cannot, however, ever get into anything about vampires. I find that ridiculous, even if well-written. I am not about fantasy or willing suspension of disbelief. I have still not seen the Education of Charlie Banks. I think I’m opting to wait until it comes out on video in June.
As for the article I wrote with and about my husband, yes, we had a very volatile relationship once we lived together. Prior, things were very good. I am SO Type A---glad you can see that from my letters---and very anti-drug. That article, while harsh, was something Wm. willingly participated in and those quotes from him were verbatim. He and I had that type of dynamic. He sort of even liked being written about, even if unfavorably. We had similar senses of humor. One of the problems was that my ex-husband was not into reading, studying, etc. I am very exact, on top of bills and goals and quite neurotic. He is very laid back and likes to take shortcuts. Just two different types of people.
Now how about you? I asked in a previous letter---I’m assuming you haven’t gotten it yet---if you were married or had children. Prior to your incarceration did you date much? Did you have a “type?”
Are you familiar with David Sedaris’ books? If not, they are hysterically funny. He writes about his gay life, his wacky family, his travels, etc. I love his stuff. In fact, he just had another published this week in the New Yorker. I’d send it but I’m not sure how you feel about him. This one was about how he was traveling by train, years ago when smoking was acceptable, and how he met a low-life type man who he got a crush on.
In this letter I’m enclosing a piece from New York Magazine—a small snippet from Cindy Sherman, that photographer that I just saw the movie about. I wish you were familiar with her work, and as I said I will try to print some of her famous stuff out when I get access to a color printer. New York Magazine did an issue about famous people and their stories about the first week they moved to NYC. Cindy’s was interesting. I remember mine. The day I moved into NYC to a sixth floor walkup, I lost my job and my boyfriend. Typical NY story. NY knocks you on your ass and only the strong figure out a way to stay here. I’ll never leave. I also lose a bit of respect for those that leave.
I’m glad you appreciated Hell Hole. Clearly you know more about the jail experience than I ever will, but I found it interesting. How does your facility compare? Do you have friends there? Roommates? I want to hear more about what you experience in jail.
You mention a Cistercian monastery which made me wonder if you have a religion. What are your thoughts about God and religion?
I am not familiar with THE KINDLY ONES but will Google and find out what you are referencing.
I am also enclosing a clipping of my dog Mini and the article about him winning PET OF THE MONTH. Cheesy, but so cute.
Lastly, I’m enclosing a blurry snapshot of me I happened upon whilst cleaning out my desk drawer. I send it, even though it is a few years old, so you can see what I look like. I have tons of recent pictures of me on the computer, but again, no color printer, so this is one of the few hard copies I own, aside from a wedding picture, which I would send if you were interested in seeing it.
--Kelly
A Message to Readers
I am not happy with the Tumblr platform. It is not showing the images of the scanned letters,even though I have included them. Pender draws pictures like flowers and clouds on her envelopes and letters; Swango underlines incessantly all over the page. Tumblr isn't showing my formatting of underlining.
I will be moving this to Blogspot shortly. Once I have time to do this and set up a LetterfromtheInside.blogspot.com I will send the few I have given access to this, passwords to get onto to that one.
One other thing. A few entries down, I reference this great recent article in the New Yorker called HELL HOLE. I cannot link to it as you would need a subscription to that magazine to read it. However, if you can get your hands on a copy of it, do so. I have sent hard copy of this article to each of the prisoners I write to and several of them comment on it in their return letters to me. The gist of the 10-page article is that solitary confinement---which my prisoners face---is psychologically damaging and could be considered torture.
I will be moving this to Blogspot shortly. Once I have time to do this and set up a LetterfromtheInside.blogspot.com I will send the few I have given access to this, passwords to get onto to that one.
One other thing. A few entries down, I reference this great recent article in the New Yorker called HELL HOLE. I cannot link to it as you would need a subscription to that magazine to read it. However, if you can get your hands on a copy of it, do so. I have sent hard copy of this article to each of the prisoners I write to and several of them comment on it in their return letters to me. The gist of the 10-page article is that solitary confinement---which my prisoners face---is psychologically damaging and could be considered torture.
Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Whitaker
Dear Thomas,
Hello! I just got your letter and am always so anxious to read them. It sucks that you had someone you wrote to for a year who was being deceptive. What did this pro-Death Penalty fellow hope to gain by writing? How did he finally tell you? Was he mean?
I can only reiterate that I enjoying writing to you and getting your responses so I’m not going to “flake out” and stop writing. There are periods when I’m busier than others so I may not always be so prolific or swift. You owe me no apology. Dude, I’m just the type of person who is going to question and push and all you have to do is tell me to politely cut it out or that you are uncomfortable discussing certain things. I’m very curious by nature. But I am not malicious. I was just trying to understand why you did what you did.
I know that article about my ex-husband was mean and very snarky. However, my ex-husband knew full-well what I was going to write. He agreed to be interviewed for that and his quotes in it are verbatim. We also interacted with each other like that. It was just the nature of our relationship—our dynamic. I was paid to editorialize about my relationship with him. However, you and I do not have an intimate relationship like I had with my husband. Semi-good natured ribbing in the press was something he expected and even kind of enjoyed. This is what I was getting at when I said I may post your letters or parts on my blog, but that I’d offer no editorialization. I didn’t mean that I don’t care or have thoughts, feelings, opinions….What I meant by that is that I wouldn’t ridicule them, agree or disagree, or insert myself into them or your experience at all. If I posted anything you said, it’d stand alone and anyone who read could draw their own conclusions without me trying to sway opinion in one way or another. I entered into writing to you with a very open mind, and I am committed to continuing to do so. I am not going to say anything bad about you either privately or publicly. No reason for me to.
Clearly, I do not condone murder, violence or crime of any sort. But beyond that, you are simply Thomas to me. Someone I think is incredibly intelligent but also very flawed. I’m both of those things too.
As for me, I do not want to get an MFA all that much. I enjoyed applying to Columbia and if on a miracle of a chance I got in, I’d feel like I won the lottery. I didn’t, and so I have no desire to apply elsewhere, like NYU, the New School, etc. I am, however, taking a writing course this summer---a short one—on how to get non-fiction published and how to write a non-fiction book proposal. Speaking of writing, I keep checking MinutesBeforeSix and there hasn’t been anything new there from you in months. What’s up with that?
I’m also signed up for a cooking class. I studied the basics of French cooking a year ago and would like to continue. I enjoy cooking and do it often. It is very relaxing. The classes are fun because they are also social. At the end of the five –hour session you sit together and drink wine and eat the five-course meal you have worked to prepare together.
I went to a Knicks/Nets game last night and had a hot dog. It was fun. I saw Spike Lee pacing courtside. The Knicks won. Tomorrow night I’m going to the Public Theater to see a play. Saturday night a visit with an ex-boyfriend—someone I dated before I was married. Life chugs along. I get bouts of sadness and gloom. I’ve always been like that.
I don’t read supermarket-lit like James Patterson either. And I try to stay away from anything that the masses love. Oprah book club picks=FAIL! I finished the Diane Arbus bio—she was a very famous photographer who committed suicide in the early 70s and was known for photographing “freaks.” I finished your father’s book. I’m now starting on another book—fiction this time—but can’t seem to get into it. I like non-fiction way better than fiction. Reality is always more interesting than fantasy.
I have this continual sense of loss and longing. Always waiting for something that seems like a bit of dust in the corner of my eye. I can’t never focus on exactly what it is. Arghhh… Just so restless all the time.
I entered my little dog in a Pet of the Month contest (this is what soon-to-be 39 year old single women do) and he won, so MINI will be in the local paper. I’ll try to get a few copies and send you the little write-up on him.
My birthday is May 16th, and I cannot believe I’m going to be 39. It sounds so old, yet I feel like I’m caught between being 12 and 100. I thought by 39 I’d feel I was a responsible adult. I just feel like an idiot most of the time. An idiot capable of paying rent, but an idiot nonetheless. I look around and think, “How did I get here?”
Anyway, I hope your arm isn’t causing you any pain right now and that you somehow get another radio. Do you keep letters that are written to you or do you throw them out? Or do the guards take them from you when you are done reading them? Who else do you write to?…I am assuming you have friends from home or people who reached out after reading about your case. I guess you must get hate mail too…
I’ll close by pasting in a piece I wrote about my trip to India. Hope it helps you pass a bit of time.
Be well, --KK
Hello! I just got your letter and am always so anxious to read them. It sucks that you had someone you wrote to for a year who was being deceptive. What did this pro-Death Penalty fellow hope to gain by writing? How did he finally tell you? Was he mean?
I can only reiterate that I enjoying writing to you and getting your responses so I’m not going to “flake out” and stop writing. There are periods when I’m busier than others so I may not always be so prolific or swift. You owe me no apology. Dude, I’m just the type of person who is going to question and push and all you have to do is tell me to politely cut it out or that you are uncomfortable discussing certain things. I’m very curious by nature. But I am not malicious. I was just trying to understand why you did what you did.
I know that article about my ex-husband was mean and very snarky. However, my ex-husband knew full-well what I was going to write. He agreed to be interviewed for that and his quotes in it are verbatim. We also interacted with each other like that. It was just the nature of our relationship—our dynamic. I was paid to editorialize about my relationship with him. However, you and I do not have an intimate relationship like I had with my husband. Semi-good natured ribbing in the press was something he expected and even kind of enjoyed. This is what I was getting at when I said I may post your letters or parts on my blog, but that I’d offer no editorialization. I didn’t mean that I don’t care or have thoughts, feelings, opinions….What I meant by that is that I wouldn’t ridicule them, agree or disagree, or insert myself into them or your experience at all. If I posted anything you said, it’d stand alone and anyone who read could draw their own conclusions without me trying to sway opinion in one way or another. I entered into writing to you with a very open mind, and I am committed to continuing to do so. I am not going to say anything bad about you either privately or publicly. No reason for me to.
Clearly, I do not condone murder, violence or crime of any sort. But beyond that, you are simply Thomas to me. Someone I think is incredibly intelligent but also very flawed. I’m both of those things too.
As for me, I do not want to get an MFA all that much. I enjoyed applying to Columbia and if on a miracle of a chance I got in, I’d feel like I won the lottery. I didn’t, and so I have no desire to apply elsewhere, like NYU, the New School, etc. I am, however, taking a writing course this summer---a short one—on how to get non-fiction published and how to write a non-fiction book proposal. Speaking of writing, I keep checking MinutesBeforeSix and there hasn’t been anything new there from you in months. What’s up with that?
I’m also signed up for a cooking class. I studied the basics of French cooking a year ago and would like to continue. I enjoy cooking and do it often. It is very relaxing. The classes are fun because they are also social. At the end of the five –hour session you sit together and drink wine and eat the five-course meal you have worked to prepare together.
I went to a Knicks/Nets game last night and had a hot dog. It was fun. I saw Spike Lee pacing courtside. The Knicks won. Tomorrow night I’m going to the Public Theater to see a play. Saturday night a visit with an ex-boyfriend—someone I dated before I was married. Life chugs along. I get bouts of sadness and gloom. I’ve always been like that.
I don’t read supermarket-lit like James Patterson either. And I try to stay away from anything that the masses love. Oprah book club picks=FAIL! I finished the Diane Arbus bio—she was a very famous photographer who committed suicide in the early 70s and was known for photographing “freaks.” I finished your father’s book. I’m now starting on another book—fiction this time—but can’t seem to get into it. I like non-fiction way better than fiction. Reality is always more interesting than fantasy.
I have this continual sense of loss and longing. Always waiting for something that seems like a bit of dust in the corner of my eye. I can’t never focus on exactly what it is. Arghhh… Just so restless all the time.
I entered my little dog in a Pet of the Month contest (this is what soon-to-be 39 year old single women do) and he won, so MINI will be in the local paper. I’ll try to get a few copies and send you the little write-up on him.
My birthday is May 16th, and I cannot believe I’m going to be 39. It sounds so old, yet I feel like I’m caught between being 12 and 100. I thought by 39 I’d feel I was a responsible adult. I just feel like an idiot most of the time. An idiot capable of paying rent, but an idiot nonetheless. I look around and think, “How did I get here?”
Anyway, I hope your arm isn’t causing you any pain right now and that you somehow get another radio. Do you keep letters that are written to you or do you throw them out? Or do the guards take them from you when you are done reading them? Who else do you write to?…I am assuming you have friends from home or people who reached out after reading about your case. I guess you must get hate mail too…
I’ll close by pasting in a piece I wrote about my trip to India. Hope it helps you pass a bit of time.
Be well, --KK
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Susan Smith, #2
Dear Kelly,
Hi to you! Yes, I did get your letter along w/the card of your dog on the front. I do so apologize for not writing sooner. I have been going through so much the last couple of months. I've been very stressed and depressed. I got moved on March 12 to a building I hate. Anyone under mental health care was moved to either Phoenix A or Phoenix B. They want all of us living together. I was not happy about the move and though I have adjusted, I still don't like it. On Montague, where I lived before, I lived in a quad with 35 others. I had springs on my bed, I could turn my room light on & off when I wanted, I could use the bathroom in privacy, the locker was bigger. On this building, there's a toilet & sink in the room, the room light stays on from 5:30am until 11:00pm every night, the lockers are 1/2 the size from Mont., the beds are hard metal, and 127 other people share the dayroom. It's 100% different. The only good thing is I only have one roommate whereas I had 2 in Mont. I would rather deal with an extra person than to live back here. Nothing is padded and there are no chairs anywhere except in the game room. It's a hard way to do time. We are stuck here as long as we take medication and I need my meds. We are going to work on making improvements where we can, starting with the light situation. It's ridiculous for these lights to be on 17 1/2 hours a day.
I've really been dealing with some other issues as well and it's just been difficult. Please forgive me for not writing. I'm going to respond to your letter. I do not have access to a computer, but I do have a television. No cable. Just your basic networks. I watch a good bit of tv due mostly to boredom. I watch "Dancing with the Stars," "Cold Case," "Ghost Whisperer," "Castle," "American Idol," "CSI," and "Prison Break." Those are the main shows. Do you watch much t.v.?
I also read The Glass Castle and it was quite interesting. I like to read those type books, too. I haven't read Running With Scissors, though. Is it good? I loved Marley and Me and want so much to se the movie. Have you seen it?
Like you, I love to travel. Unlike you, I haven't really had the opportunity to do much of it. It's a dream of mine to travel all over the world. I love the beach so I want to go to Hawaii, The Virgin Islands, Cayman Islands, anywhere exotic. I'd also like to go to Australia. Love the accent. :)
You mentioned in your letter you were enclosing a story from "Our Town" you had published, but you didn't include it. It was not with your letters. Will you re-send it?
Have you met anyone special in the last 2 months? What happened to your marriage? I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Marriage is tough and I don't know that I'll ever marry again. He would have to be pretty special.
Today is Easter so Happy Easter to you! Holidays are always hard. It's so beautiful outside & warm. A perfect day for hiding eggs and having fun outside. We always played softball or badminton when the family was all together. I sure miss those times, you know?
I'll close here. Hope all is well with you. I apologize again for not writing sooner. I'll do better. Take care and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Smiles & hugs,
Susan
[Ed.: There is a sticker of a dog pasted onto her stationary. I will take a photo and attach shortly.]
Hi to you! Yes, I did get your letter along w/the card of your dog on the front. I do so apologize for not writing sooner. I have been going through so much the last couple of months. I've been very stressed and depressed. I got moved on March 12 to a building I hate. Anyone under mental health care was moved to either Phoenix A or Phoenix B. They want all of us living together. I was not happy about the move and though I have adjusted, I still don't like it. On Montague, where I lived before, I lived in a quad with 35 others. I had springs on my bed, I could turn my room light on & off when I wanted, I could use the bathroom in privacy, the locker was bigger. On this building, there's a toilet & sink in the room, the room light stays on from 5:30am until 11:00pm every night, the lockers are 1/2 the size from Mont., the beds are hard metal, and 127 other people share the dayroom. It's 100% different. The only good thing is I only have one roommate whereas I had 2 in Mont. I would rather deal with an extra person than to live back here. Nothing is padded and there are no chairs anywhere except in the game room. It's a hard way to do time. We are stuck here as long as we take medication and I need my meds. We are going to work on making improvements where we can, starting with the light situation. It's ridiculous for these lights to be on 17 1/2 hours a day.
I've really been dealing with some other issues as well and it's just been difficult. Please forgive me for not writing. I'm going to respond to your letter. I do not have access to a computer, but I do have a television. No cable. Just your basic networks. I watch a good bit of tv due mostly to boredom. I watch "Dancing with the Stars," "Cold Case," "Ghost Whisperer," "Castle," "American Idol," "CSI," and "Prison Break." Those are the main shows. Do you watch much t.v.?
I also read The Glass Castle and it was quite interesting. I like to read those type books, too. I haven't read Running With Scissors, though. Is it good? I loved Marley and Me and want so much to se the movie. Have you seen it?
Like you, I love to travel. Unlike you, I haven't really had the opportunity to do much of it. It's a dream of mine to travel all over the world. I love the beach so I want to go to Hawaii, The Virgin Islands, Cayman Islands, anywhere exotic. I'd also like to go to Australia. Love the accent. :)
You mentioned in your letter you were enclosing a story from "Our Town" you had published, but you didn't include it. It was not with your letters. Will you re-send it?
Have you met anyone special in the last 2 months? What happened to your marriage? I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Marriage is tough and I don't know that I'll ever marry again. He would have to be pretty special.
Today is Easter so Happy Easter to you! Holidays are always hard. It's so beautiful outside & warm. A perfect day for hiding eggs and having fun outside. We always played softball or badminton when the family was all together. I sure miss those times, you know?
I'll close here. Hope all is well with you. I apologize again for not writing sooner. I'll do better. Take care and I look forward to hearing from you again.
Smiles & hugs,
Susan
[Ed.: There is a sticker of a dog pasted onto her stationary. I will take a photo and attach shortly.]
