Read about escapee, Ronald Tackmann, and be sure to check out his amazing artwork.
I'm fascinated with this guy. His prison sculptures made from toilet paper, bread and salt are genius. So are his drawings and paintings and inventions.
The Escape Artist
Ronald Tackmann’s ingenious prison breakouts— and his jailhouse sculptures of soap and toilet paper—have made him a legend of the penal system. It’s freedom he can’t handle.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Thomas Whitaker, #17
Dear Kelly, the exceedingly patient,
Hello. Sorry its been awhile, I know. Some existential crisis battered me about for a bit, but I slogged my way through. Just for once, I would love to feel like I really won a conflict, rather than just muddling through. Maybe that is the true existential conflict of our time: redefining what it even means to win.
Odd that you should mention Mr. Sells. [Ed.: Tommy Lynn Sells is an inmate that is housed with Bart on Death Row. I didn't realize this until just recently. 48 Hour Mystery did a Live to Tell segment recently about two little girls who had their throats slashed by a mysterious intruder. One died immediately and the other witnessed the whole thing. When the killer realized she was on the upper bunk, he slashed her throat too. She assumed everyone in the house was dead so she ran a quarter mile to the nearest house and banged on the door. She couldn't speak because her vocal chords were slashed. She lived and ended up testifying against Sells, putting him on death row. Turns out he was a serial killer who murderered others, including other children. When I realized Sells was housed with Bart, I wrote to him asking what he was like.] I know him quite well. I actually referred to him (unnamed), when I mentioned I had gone outside with a guy who murdered children. There is a lot more to that story than has ever made it to the news, of course. I would never even think about condoning what he did, or how he lived his life, but there is a lot of the story of his childhood that was ignored, and these years pretty much explain exactly what happened later on. They usually do. In Tommy's case, he has actually tried to discuss what happened, but nobody wanted to listen. In other cases, including my own, people have simply decided that it doesn't bear mentioning. I think anyone who read my psych profile knows something happened. We all have to make peace with the past in our own ways, and I've chosen mine. He's not a horrible guy, sometimes. He would never rat you out, for one. That means something, in my world. He's devoted to his wife, which should indicate something, as well. She's the first person who ever loved him, and this experience has been transformative. He is also mentally retarded, with an IQ hovering around 65, so they may never end up killing him, though they are doing their damnedest to try. If you do end up writing him , please make sure that you keep our correspondence between us. I would rather he not know. Then again, he may not even write you back. Like I said, he's devoted to his wife, and I get the picture that she does not approve of him having pen-pals. To answer your question of why people seem to kill just to kill, the answer is: they don't. It is an important point to note. There is ALWAYS a reason for the things we do. You may not get it. you may not even know about it. It may not make sense to anyone but the person committing the act. But it is always there. There is this fantasy that the movies and tv likes to run with, that there are certain people "born to kill," who have zero consciences, etc. This is a myth. It is simply easier to sell this, than to get into the ocmplicated world of psychology, or to actually research an individual. Everyone here is a murderer, minus those who are factually innocent. You know how many truly conscience-less individuals I have met? None. I suppose that I do have some feelings of repulsion towards people like him, just like everyone else. I do my best to suppress this, because they are just another hairless ape, doing what they can with a badly damaged computer. Mostly, I pay attention to the, because they are also fascinating. In their own broken ways.
Hey, congrats on getting your money from the deadbeat! Too bad you can't put a brick through his Jag's window. Guess that would be "wrong". Pfft. Ethics.
What happened with these clients that you are possibly losing? I am sorry to hear that, and I wish I could do something to help. What are you planning to do about this? You can't get a refund on the ticket to Japan? I am sure that you have looked at all of your options, but surely there is a market somewhere other than NYC where real estate is selling? I know the thought of having to move somewhere that is not NYC is probably revolting to you, but I don't think the market is nearly as bad here in Texas. There must be other hot-spots.
I hope that you do have a good time in Japan, though. I've never been there. I had a friend who went to Tokyo once for a semester of study, and she really liked it, though she was constantly lost. Take me a few photos!
In reference to Lindsay's comment that you mentioned [Ed.: On his blog, a friend of his named Lindsay left a note saying that she knew if they decided to kill him on Death Row that he'd commit suicide before they could] I think it is best that I don't really get too far into that in these letters. My life sucks enough, without having them put a watch on me for that. What she wrote was extremely accurage, however. I would look upon such a thing as a protection of dignity, but I am waiting until the court process runs its course. I look at this in the same way as I would if I had a terminal disease: once the docs give me their final prognosis, then I believe that I have the right to determine how to the end of things comes about. All sentient creatures have this right, and if a prolonged death seems offensive to one's dignity, then there are clear and decisive options. I think the whole death-chamber spectacle is a tawdry affair, and serves only to act as a mirror by which we all see our inherent nastiness. I think I will take a pass on the drama, thank you.
Haha, that Santa Card was a little creepy. He looks like a pedophile sitting on a bench in Central Park, trying to get some kid to take a chocolate from his conveniently placed box. I tend to find most Xmas cards baffling. I have oft wonderered why we don't have any Yahweh-themed holiday cards. You know, loving, uplifting scenes of the Jews committing atrocious acts of barbarism to a degree that any modern ethnic cleanswer would raise a brow, or maybe a family huddling down in their mud shangy as an immense wall of water comes crashing upon them. Ha ha, I'm going to have someone draw those up. You want to market my atheist cards for next year? Might be kind of fun. "Thank god there's no god." Too easy.
You asked a few questions about my present attorney. He is a guy out of Austin, and he is court-appointed. He's not exactly a brilliant lawyer, but we do have a decent repore. [Ed: Spelling error is his.] He pretty much told me from the beginning that the State wasn't paying him shit, and if I wanted to do my own legal work, he wouldn't mind it. So when I wrote that "we filed", what I really meant was that I did some work, and he did some work, and what we put together was what he officially turned into the courts. You can probably guess the portions that I wrote. In the motion I just posted, there is a quote from Hamlet, for instance. not something you usually see when an attorney writes the motion. [Ed.: You can read the motion he is referring to on his blog: www.minutesbeforesix.com. I immediately noticed the Hamlet quote when I first read it, not realizing Thomas wrote this portion. I did take note, though, because it is so unusual to see literary quotes in legal motions.]
Haha, Frey's next book is a fictional depiction of Leviticus? That, I will have to read. No, I haven't really noticed how big the atheist moviement is. I am awash in fundamentalists, down here in Texas. There aren't too many of us here on the Row, either. There is a lot of...ah, shall we call it, "studying for the final?" going on around here. People all convinced that on the other side of the needle is a fairy land where there is no misery. Frankly, they are half right, as religious people tend to be: even the rotting ground is a step up from this place. Shrug. I'm indifferent.
Haha, you are a Seinfeld character, totally. I've said this before, if you recall. I laughed over NoteGuy's liberal use of pictionary tactics to carry a conversation. That would annoy me, I must admit. Turns out, I might actually know the correct sign for getting rid of him. :) I supposed we all have our little foibles. This girl I once liked used to cover up her mouth when she smiled or laughed, with her hand or a cup of coffee, or whatever was handy. Always annoyed me, because she had a nice smile. Just so long as he doesn't eat his peas or corn one at a time. :)
I think it si kind of sweet that he kissed you on the forehead, though. It's hard to tell the exact level of sarcasm you meant to infuse the whole 12 year old comment, but I thought it was nice. MOst of us would have tried for more than that, since the gates were pretty well bypassed. Also, it was hard to tell if he did that out of respect for you, or if he was just too meek to do anything else. What do you WANT him to do? I guess this is the balance though which we judge his ations. It usually is, with women.
I was sorry to hear that you didn't receive the Teaching Fellow position. That sounds like an awesome concept. Not sure why you felt down that you dind't get the position -- since you dind't want it to begin with. Or are you just telling yourself that now? Maybe you lack of true desire shone though your writing. Nope: merely a computer error. That's what I get for missing a paragraph. Ha, I'm a retard. So, you shall be the representative of the semicolon...a most incorrectly used grammatical device, if there ever was one. I like the "match.com" analogy, very cute. Ha, I could have used a semicolon there, couldn't I? Maybe I need the class msyelf.
You mentioned seeing the Kandinsky exhibit at the Guggenheim. Do you like him? I am somewhat ambivalent, I guess. I actually saw what I believe to have been an authentic one make up almost entirely of circles at a house in Mexico. I was just sort of acing as a driver for a guy, and we had to sotp at a place up in the mountains overlooking San Pedro. Serious, serous money. The guy I was driving ended up getting in to a longer discussion than we had lanned , so I roamed the house (maybe not the smartest move). He had some serious selections in the cellar, including more Sine Qua Non, one of which I ended up opening (it was a 97 Imposter McCoy, maybe the best bottle of blended Syrah I have ever tasted). They say crime doesn't pay, which may be true on a long enough time line (what does, on a long enough time line?, but on the short-term, some people manage to live pretty fucking good.
I wasn't aware that they sold absinthe in the states. That is new. I imagine that the type you had was somewhat light on the wormwood, which is what they consider to be toxic in high levels. I had some in Spain, once, in an attempt to honror literary heroes, Hemingway's Robert Jordan, protagonist of "For Whom the Bell Tolls." I didn't care for it much, because, like you, I don't really care for anise. Was fun to prepare, though. Got some great looks.
I had a bit of a rough time lately with some people, and I need to ask something of you, Kelly. I hate doing this, but I am at the point where I don't have much choice. I am asking that everyone I write to be a little more conscious of stamp costs. I have made a habit of not asking for things from the people I write. I know that times are tough. But a couple of bucks every once in a while to help me offset some of these costs are starting to become a necessity. I just don't have the means anymore, with school fees draining me of what little I have. Think about it, please.
Have you read "Wicked" by Gregory Maguire? Someone sent this to me recently, and I have found it to be pretty enjoyable. I had not heard of it, but apparently they have made a musical of the thing. What have you read of late that was decent? Well, I'm off. I hope that this finds you well, and that you have a great holiday season. Have a great time on your trip and be safe.
Until next time.
TBW
Hello. Sorry its been awhile, I know. Some existential crisis battered me about for a bit, but I slogged my way through. Just for once, I would love to feel like I really won a conflict, rather than just muddling through. Maybe that is the true existential conflict of our time: redefining what it even means to win.
Odd that you should mention Mr. Sells. [Ed.: Tommy Lynn Sells is an inmate that is housed with Bart on Death Row. I didn't realize this until just recently. 48 Hour Mystery did a Live to Tell segment recently about two little girls who had their throats slashed by a mysterious intruder. One died immediately and the other witnessed the whole thing. When the killer realized she was on the upper bunk, he slashed her throat too. She assumed everyone in the house was dead so she ran a quarter mile to the nearest house and banged on the door. She couldn't speak because her vocal chords were slashed. She lived and ended up testifying against Sells, putting him on death row. Turns out he was a serial killer who murderered others, including other children. When I realized Sells was housed with Bart, I wrote to him asking what he was like.] I know him quite well. I actually referred to him (unnamed), when I mentioned I had gone outside with a guy who murdered children. There is a lot more to that story than has ever made it to the news, of course. I would never even think about condoning what he did, or how he lived his life, but there is a lot of the story of his childhood that was ignored, and these years pretty much explain exactly what happened later on. They usually do. In Tommy's case, he has actually tried to discuss what happened, but nobody wanted to listen. In other cases, including my own, people have simply decided that it doesn't bear mentioning. I think anyone who read my psych profile knows something happened. We all have to make peace with the past in our own ways, and I've chosen mine. He's not a horrible guy, sometimes. He would never rat you out, for one. That means something, in my world. He's devoted to his wife, which should indicate something, as well. She's the first person who ever loved him, and this experience has been transformative. He is also mentally retarded, with an IQ hovering around 65, so they may never end up killing him, though they are doing their damnedest to try. If you do end up writing him , please make sure that you keep our correspondence between us. I would rather he not know. Then again, he may not even write you back. Like I said, he's devoted to his wife, and I get the picture that she does not approve of him having pen-pals. To answer your question of why people seem to kill just to kill, the answer is: they don't. It is an important point to note. There is ALWAYS a reason for the things we do. You may not get it. you may not even know about it. It may not make sense to anyone but the person committing the act. But it is always there. There is this fantasy that the movies and tv likes to run with, that there are certain people "born to kill," who have zero consciences, etc. This is a myth. It is simply easier to sell this, than to get into the ocmplicated world of psychology, or to actually research an individual. Everyone here is a murderer, minus those who are factually innocent. You know how many truly conscience-less individuals I have met? None. I suppose that I do have some feelings of repulsion towards people like him, just like everyone else. I do my best to suppress this, because they are just another hairless ape, doing what they can with a badly damaged computer. Mostly, I pay attention to the, because they are also fascinating. In their own broken ways.
Hey, congrats on getting your money from the deadbeat! Too bad you can't put a brick through his Jag's window. Guess that would be "wrong". Pfft. Ethics.
What happened with these clients that you are possibly losing? I am sorry to hear that, and I wish I could do something to help. What are you planning to do about this? You can't get a refund on the ticket to Japan? I am sure that you have looked at all of your options, but surely there is a market somewhere other than NYC where real estate is selling? I know the thought of having to move somewhere that is not NYC is probably revolting to you, but I don't think the market is nearly as bad here in Texas. There must be other hot-spots.
I hope that you do have a good time in Japan, though. I've never been there. I had a friend who went to Tokyo once for a semester of study, and she really liked it, though she was constantly lost. Take me a few photos!
In reference to Lindsay's comment that you mentioned [Ed.: On his blog, a friend of his named Lindsay left a note saying that she knew if they decided to kill him on Death Row that he'd commit suicide before they could] I think it is best that I don't really get too far into that in these letters. My life sucks enough, without having them put a watch on me for that. What she wrote was extremely accurage, however. I would look upon such a thing as a protection of dignity, but I am waiting until the court process runs its course. I look at this in the same way as I would if I had a terminal disease: once the docs give me their final prognosis, then I believe that I have the right to determine how to the end of things comes about. All sentient creatures have this right, and if a prolonged death seems offensive to one's dignity, then there are clear and decisive options. I think the whole death-chamber spectacle is a tawdry affair, and serves only to act as a mirror by which we all see our inherent nastiness. I think I will take a pass on the drama, thank you.
Haha, that Santa Card was a little creepy. He looks like a pedophile sitting on a bench in Central Park, trying to get some kid to take a chocolate from his conveniently placed box. I tend to find most Xmas cards baffling. I have oft wonderered why we don't have any Yahweh-themed holiday cards. You know, loving, uplifting scenes of the Jews committing atrocious acts of barbarism to a degree that any modern ethnic cleanswer would raise a brow, or maybe a family huddling down in their mud shangy as an immense wall of water comes crashing upon them. Ha ha, I'm going to have someone draw those up. You want to market my atheist cards for next year? Might be kind of fun. "Thank god there's no god." Too easy.
You asked a few questions about my present attorney. He is a guy out of Austin, and he is court-appointed. He's not exactly a brilliant lawyer, but we do have a decent repore. [Ed: Spelling error is his.] He pretty much told me from the beginning that the State wasn't paying him shit, and if I wanted to do my own legal work, he wouldn't mind it. So when I wrote that "we filed", what I really meant was that I did some work, and he did some work, and what we put together was what he officially turned into the courts. You can probably guess the portions that I wrote. In the motion I just posted, there is a quote from Hamlet, for instance. not something you usually see when an attorney writes the motion. [Ed.: You can read the motion he is referring to on his blog: www.minutesbeforesix.com. I immediately noticed the Hamlet quote when I first read it, not realizing Thomas wrote this portion. I did take note, though, because it is so unusual to see literary quotes in legal motions.]
Haha, Frey's next book is a fictional depiction of Leviticus? That, I will have to read. No, I haven't really noticed how big the atheist moviement is. I am awash in fundamentalists, down here in Texas. There aren't too many of us here on the Row, either. There is a lot of...ah, shall we call it, "studying for the final?" going on around here. People all convinced that on the other side of the needle is a fairy land where there is no misery. Frankly, they are half right, as religious people tend to be: even the rotting ground is a step up from this place. Shrug. I'm indifferent.
Haha, you are a Seinfeld character, totally. I've said this before, if you recall. I laughed over NoteGuy's liberal use of pictionary tactics to carry a conversation. That would annoy me, I must admit. Turns out, I might actually know the correct sign for getting rid of him. :) I supposed we all have our little foibles. This girl I once liked used to cover up her mouth when she smiled or laughed, with her hand or a cup of coffee, or whatever was handy. Always annoyed me, because she had a nice smile. Just so long as he doesn't eat his peas or corn one at a time. :)
I think it si kind of sweet that he kissed you on the forehead, though. It's hard to tell the exact level of sarcasm you meant to infuse the whole 12 year old comment, but I thought it was nice. MOst of us would have tried for more than that, since the gates were pretty well bypassed. Also, it was hard to tell if he did that out of respect for you, or if he was just too meek to do anything else. What do you WANT him to do? I guess this is the balance though which we judge his ations. It usually is, with women.
I was sorry to hear that you didn't receive the Teaching Fellow position. That sounds like an awesome concept. Not sure why you felt down that you dind't get the position -- since you dind't want it to begin with. Or are you just telling yourself that now? Maybe you lack of true desire shone though your writing. Nope: merely a computer error. That's what I get for missing a paragraph. Ha, I'm a retard. So, you shall be the representative of the semicolon...a most incorrectly used grammatical device, if there ever was one. I like the "match.com" analogy, very cute. Ha, I could have used a semicolon there, couldn't I? Maybe I need the class msyelf.
You mentioned seeing the Kandinsky exhibit at the Guggenheim. Do you like him? I am somewhat ambivalent, I guess. I actually saw what I believe to have been an authentic one make up almost entirely of circles at a house in Mexico. I was just sort of acing as a driver for a guy, and we had to sotp at a place up in the mountains overlooking San Pedro. Serious, serous money. The guy I was driving ended up getting in to a longer discussion than we had lanned , so I roamed the house (maybe not the smartest move). He had some serious selections in the cellar, including more Sine Qua Non, one of which I ended up opening (it was a 97 Imposter McCoy, maybe the best bottle of blended Syrah I have ever tasted). They say crime doesn't pay, which may be true on a long enough time line (what does, on a long enough time line?, but on the short-term, some people manage to live pretty fucking good.
I wasn't aware that they sold absinthe in the states. That is new. I imagine that the type you had was somewhat light on the wormwood, which is what they consider to be toxic in high levels. I had some in Spain, once, in an attempt to honror literary heroes, Hemingway's Robert Jordan, protagonist of "For Whom the Bell Tolls." I didn't care for it much, because, like you, I don't really care for anise. Was fun to prepare, though. Got some great looks.
I had a bit of a rough time lately with some people, and I need to ask something of you, Kelly. I hate doing this, but I am at the point where I don't have much choice. I am asking that everyone I write to be a little more conscious of stamp costs. I have made a habit of not asking for things from the people I write. I know that times are tough. But a couple of bucks every once in a while to help me offset some of these costs are starting to become a necessity. I just don't have the means anymore, with school fees draining me of what little I have. Think about it, please.
Have you read "Wicked" by Gregory Maguire? Someone sent this to me recently, and I have found it to be pretty enjoyable. I had not heard of it, but apparently they have made a musical of the thing. What have you read of late that was decent? Well, I'm off. I hope that this finds you well, and that you have a great holiday season. Have a great time on your trip and be safe.
Until next time.
TBW
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Check In:
It has almost been a year since I started this project. I started this last year as an attempt to understand sociopaths. Having had an extremely upsetting experience with someone I now to believe a sociopath, I knew it was dangerous for me to interact with him further. I cut off our two year relationship and set about finding ways to heal. I got a personal trainer, I went to therapy and I read as many books as I could on people like him. But still, there was a need to understand sociopathy further---in a way that cannot be garnered from merely reading a book or discussing it with a therapist--so I came up with the idea to write to fairly well-known, but incarcerated sociopaths. While I have a billion questions that I want to ask my own sociopath, I know it is not safe for me to interact with him. Further, I know that they tend to lie compulsively anyway, so talking to him would only harm me further.
I figured that because all of the prisoners I write to are in for life (one is on Death Row), I could safely interact with them.
Now that a year of doing so has gone by, I'm not sure what conclusions, if any, I have come to. I was hoping for some resolution--some sort of epiphany. But none has come. I see much of my sociopath in many of the inmates I write to. They are very charming and intelligent. They are well-read and have senses of humor similar to my own. There is an attractiveness to each one and it is hard not to get drawn in by them. But then again, that is the nature of the sociopath. They are extremely seductive.
I am not a doctor, nor have I studied sociopathy at an advanced level. I am just a person trying very hard to gain some closure and understanding into what happened to me.
More and more, I realize that my own story is far more compelling than the letters. I had hoped the letters could stand on their own and that Letters from the Inside would become a non-fiction book--a curation of letters from five or six of the US's most interesting sociopathic inmates.
I have enough material now, for a book, but nothing I find compelling enough to make it something that would sell. I have tried very hard not to editorialize. I wanted the letters to speak for themselves. They have, but I fear, not loudly enough.
So instead of being a writer who had begun to write a bestseller, I am just a weird woman who has stacks upon stacks of letters from prisoners. What I had hoped would be a compelling and enlightening art project is nothing more than the equivalent of a woman who has 25 cats and hoards old newspapers.
I figured that because all of the prisoners I write to are in for life (one is on Death Row), I could safely interact with them.
Now that a year of doing so has gone by, I'm not sure what conclusions, if any, I have come to. I was hoping for some resolution--some sort of epiphany. But none has come. I see much of my sociopath in many of the inmates I write to. They are very charming and intelligent. They are well-read and have senses of humor similar to my own. There is an attractiveness to each one and it is hard not to get drawn in by them. But then again, that is the nature of the sociopath. They are extremely seductive.
I am not a doctor, nor have I studied sociopathy at an advanced level. I am just a person trying very hard to gain some closure and understanding into what happened to me.
More and more, I realize that my own story is far more compelling than the letters. I had hoped the letters could stand on their own and that Letters from the Inside would become a non-fiction book--a curation of letters from five or six of the US's most interesting sociopathic inmates.
I have enough material now, for a book, but nothing I find compelling enough to make it something that would sell. I have tried very hard not to editorialize. I wanted the letters to speak for themselves. They have, but I fear, not loudly enough.
So instead of being a writer who had begun to write a bestseller, I am just a weird woman who has stacks upon stacks of letters from prisoners. What I had hoped would be a compelling and enlightening art project is nothing more than the equivalent of a woman who has 25 cats and hoards old newspapers.
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #69
Ed.: I suppose it is appropriate that in his 69th letter he get sort of pervy.
Hey Kelly---
With you leaving for Japan in (I'm guessing) about a week, this will probably be the last letter with a chance of reaching you before you sojourn in the Far East. Even if it doesn't....the New Year begins...So--what I didn't get to from your last letter:
>OK-in high school & college (not so much after) you have your "Quinns" and your "Rachels". I agree, Quinn is stunning. She represents the blonde cheerleader type that always seems to "have it all" in school. See also: "Ten Things I Hate About You:" where Bianca is the cute blonde & Katerina is the disliked non-conformist (played by Julia Stiles). Rachel is the usually brunette, not-so-cool, non-conformist, usually more intellectual, non-cheerleader type.
"Quinns" attract the men early, but we all know it is the fiery "Rachels" who are smoldering volcanoes of brilliance, passion, & raw sexuality!
Anyway-that's how Hollywood & TV see it. There is some truth to it--although we're not talking about en exact science here.
>Most interesting that you shy away at least a little from "depressing films". You & I differ significantly in that area. Iwould must rather see a "White Ribbon" or "Precious" or "Antichrist" than a cookie-cutter romantic comedy, or mindless action-adventure. But I know you are an aficionado of the dark & complex and offbeat. You'd see "Precious" or "White Ribbon" or "And the Band Played On" with me, wouldn't you?
>Given my circumstances, you know you can't use the phrases "too long to get into" or "too long and strange..." to avoid describing your relationship with someone at work--and the ending which was the "strangest experience you have ever had." THAT is saying a lot, given your quite remarkable and dramatic life. Would love to hear it in detail. Can I tell you a similar story?
You say you "miss him still" .. Here's a question for you, KK: Before I went to Africa, I was with a young widow, who had lost her husband to a terrible illness two years before...When you got past the platitudes she had to use with her relatives, do you know what she missed--truly missed far & away the most? Think about it, and you know what I mean by the "usual platitudes". What she said and why and my comments in the New Year...
>NoteGuy. No passion. That says it all. You must have heat and passion and intense desire early on. He needs to want her in every possible way sexually, and emotionally--and she needs to want him inside her everywhere. Can't say more without getting into those topics which you shy away from--but there is more, much more, KK.
>Sorry, Actually this time I had no intention to be cryptic. If and when we do read a book together--whether it be Bernard/Homolka--or any other one of your choice---by discussing & analyzing in such detail you inevitably learn far more about each other. This I know to be true, KK.
However, it is not easy, to be sure.
The truth is that it's not in our DNA these days to do so. It is slow and tedious and takes a long time. But is does work, amazingly.
i.e.--Go through CLOSER by Patrick Marber, line by line, and we will learn so much about how we feel and think about relationships, toxic and otherwise...Go through a Bernard/Homolka book, and we learn how we think about sociopathy and very toxic relationships--and much more.
The truth is---you write so much with your blogs, etc. I don't know if you have time, period!
>Reviews of a Single Man and Lovely Bones from USA Today.
>Comments on "The Good Wife". It's a good show, period. Chick TV or not.
>A brutal cartoon, but it says exactly what I think about those ridiculous new guidelines for mammograms. Deadly too.
Go wild on your trip to Japan...or welcome back, Kelly. Write again soo. I will hope to have a few letters waiting for you when you return... You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl. (It also returns in January!)
Yours,
Michael
Hey Kelly---
With you leaving for Japan in (I'm guessing) about a week, this will probably be the last letter with a chance of reaching you before you sojourn in the Far East. Even if it doesn't....the New Year begins...So--what I didn't get to from your last letter:
>OK-in high school & college (not so much after) you have your "Quinns" and your "Rachels". I agree, Quinn is stunning. She represents the blonde cheerleader type that always seems to "have it all" in school. See also: "Ten Things I Hate About You:" where Bianca is the cute blonde & Katerina is the disliked non-conformist (played by Julia Stiles). Rachel is the usually brunette, not-so-cool, non-conformist, usually more intellectual, non-cheerleader type.
"Quinns" attract the men early, but we all know it is the fiery "Rachels" who are smoldering volcanoes of brilliance, passion, & raw sexuality!
Anyway-that's how Hollywood & TV see it. There is some truth to it--although we're not talking about en exact science here.
>Most interesting that you shy away at least a little from "depressing films". You & I differ significantly in that area. Iwould must rather see a "White Ribbon" or "Precious" or "Antichrist" than a cookie-cutter romantic comedy, or mindless action-adventure. But I know you are an aficionado of the dark & complex and offbeat. You'd see "Precious" or "White Ribbon" or "And the Band Played On" with me, wouldn't you?
>Given my circumstances, you know you can't use the phrases "too long to get into" or "too long and strange..." to avoid describing your relationship with someone at work--and the ending which was the "strangest experience you have ever had." THAT is saying a lot, given your quite remarkable and dramatic life. Would love to hear it in detail. Can I tell you a similar story?
You say you "miss him still" .. Here's a question for you, KK: Before I went to Africa, I was with a young widow, who had lost her husband to a terrible illness two years before...When you got past the platitudes she had to use with her relatives, do you know what she missed--truly missed far & away the most? Think about it, and you know what I mean by the "usual platitudes". What she said and why and my comments in the New Year...
>NoteGuy. No passion. That says it all. You must have heat and passion and intense desire early on. He needs to want her in every possible way sexually, and emotionally--and she needs to want him inside her everywhere. Can't say more without getting into those topics which you shy away from--but there is more, much more, KK.
>Sorry, Actually this time I had no intention to be cryptic. If and when we do read a book together--whether it be Bernard/Homolka--or any other one of your choice---by discussing & analyzing in such detail you inevitably learn far more about each other. This I know to be true, KK.
However, it is not easy, to be sure.
The truth is that it's not in our DNA these days to do so. It is slow and tedious and takes a long time. But is does work, amazingly.
i.e.--Go through CLOSER by Patrick Marber, line by line, and we will learn so much about how we feel and think about relationships, toxic and otherwise...Go through a Bernard/Homolka book, and we learn how we think about sociopathy and very toxic relationships--and much more.
The truth is---you write so much with your blogs, etc. I don't know if you have time, period!
>Reviews of a Single Man and Lovely Bones from USA Today.
>Comments on "The Good Wife". It's a good show, period. Chick TV or not.
>A brutal cartoon, but it says exactly what I think about those ridiculous new guidelines for mammograms. Deadly too.
Go wild on your trip to Japan...or welcome back, Kelly. Write again soo. I will hope to have a few letters waiting for you when you return... You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl. (It also returns in January!)
Yours,
Michael
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #23
Dear Kelly,
What a great card! For Christmas, I love all things glittery, shiny or soft. I got glittery and shiny cards--yours is the first soft and velvety one. Yes, Yes, I am a believer. Santa Claus, come rescue me!
I got a letter from you a couple of days ago but figured you'd be on your way to Japan by the time I responded, so I didn't hurry, but now you may not be going after all! Wow! 4 million, Kelly? I can't imagine anything you've done worth that much money. People are totally fucking ridiculous. A kid gets molested by her father, beat by her mother, totally fucks her whole childhood up and gives her issues for life and nothing happens. Maybe one of them goes to jail for a couple of years. But you don't see kids suing their parents for millions and they SHOULD, if anyone should. What the fuck is wrong with people today? RIDICULOUS!
It's good to hear you are working p/t for the chiropractor. At least you can make ends meet for now. I know how hard things are right now. I have been there, in a dark place with an uncertain future and wishing a meteor would fall out of orbit, not burn up, and flatten me on impact. No pain, just oblivion. And i've thought of a hundred other scenarios, some where I am a little more in control. It hurts.
No matter what happens, Kelly, you will survive it. Anything, ever, always, is temporary. Wealth, happiness, anger, depression, poverty, fear, people, jobs, dogs--all temporary. Power-temporary. Nothing lasts forever except energy. And even with it, it's form is constantly changing--it's temporary.
There is nothing in the future that you cannot handle. I believe it. You are resourceful.
Reid annoys you, yet you go back for more. NoteGuy is a douchebag, and still, you accept excuses for his behavior. Punk musician was a nice distraction for a fleeting moment. You deserve so much better. Where oh where is your Romeo?
Despite NG being a self-absorbed douchebag (I hadn't heard that term in years until a lady here cam and was fond of using it. Glad it's still alive and well), you had fun at the Guggenheim, and have fun memories and photos to show for it. What I see there, and in many of your stories is that youa re the one with great imagination and humor. A sense of adventure! You are a prize. Always remember that when dealing with men. They are playing the lottery and you are the prize.
The prison name is the same; we moved the entire facility. Packed it up. Plopped it down. I have seen most of the land out here when I went to visit with my mom. It's a lot bigger. I hope they'll let me out when I'm scheduled (Sunday). I see that one of the Administrators is here, which only means one thing: interviews/meetings to let people out, because usually the bad news comes with one piece of paper. They've too ____ (something) to deliver that in person.
There are several new officers/staff. Some are nice. Some are mean.
So it goes.
I wonder if you will still do an impromptu art show for NoteGuy. Hell, that could end up in another retardedly large lawsuit. This world has no sense of humor. Good luck!
I am pleased to annouce my ladybug hostel has been occupied. 20 or 23 nights. I love watching these bugs. The other day I fed it applesauce, then witnessed it poop while crawling up my wall. Then I wondered what happens when it's crawling on the ceiling above my bed (where it usually is) and relieves itself? Nice thought.
I just finished reading Adventures of Huckleberry Finn--I enjoy the classics. I wonder waht the late 20th centure will be remembered for in literature?
I'm off. Hopefully they'll see me, too, and SET ME FREE!
Take good care and have a Merry Christmas!
Sarah
What a great card! For Christmas, I love all things glittery, shiny or soft. I got glittery and shiny cards--yours is the first soft and velvety one. Yes, Yes, I am a believer. Santa Claus, come rescue me!
I got a letter from you a couple of days ago but figured you'd be on your way to Japan by the time I responded, so I didn't hurry, but now you may not be going after all! Wow! 4 million, Kelly? I can't imagine anything you've done worth that much money. People are totally fucking ridiculous. A kid gets molested by her father, beat by her mother, totally fucks her whole childhood up and gives her issues for life and nothing happens. Maybe one of them goes to jail for a couple of years. But you don't see kids suing their parents for millions and they SHOULD, if anyone should. What the fuck is wrong with people today? RIDICULOUS!
It's good to hear you are working p/t for the chiropractor. At least you can make ends meet for now. I know how hard things are right now. I have been there, in a dark place with an uncertain future and wishing a meteor would fall out of orbit, not burn up, and flatten me on impact. No pain, just oblivion. And i've thought of a hundred other scenarios, some where I am a little more in control. It hurts.
No matter what happens, Kelly, you will survive it. Anything, ever, always, is temporary. Wealth, happiness, anger, depression, poverty, fear, people, jobs, dogs--all temporary. Power-temporary. Nothing lasts forever except energy. And even with it, it's form is constantly changing--it's temporary.
There is nothing in the future that you cannot handle. I believe it. You are resourceful.
Reid annoys you, yet you go back for more. NoteGuy is a douchebag, and still, you accept excuses for his behavior. Punk musician was a nice distraction for a fleeting moment. You deserve so much better. Where oh where is your Romeo?
Despite NG being a self-absorbed douchebag (I hadn't heard that term in years until a lady here cam and was fond of using it. Glad it's still alive and well), you had fun at the Guggenheim, and have fun memories and photos to show for it. What I see there, and in many of your stories is that youa re the one with great imagination and humor. A sense of adventure! You are a prize. Always remember that when dealing with men. They are playing the lottery and you are the prize.
The prison name is the same; we moved the entire facility. Packed it up. Plopped it down. I have seen most of the land out here when I went to visit with my mom. It's a lot bigger. I hope they'll let me out when I'm scheduled (Sunday). I see that one of the Administrators is here, which only means one thing: interviews/meetings to let people out, because usually the bad news comes with one piece of paper. They've too ____ (something) to deliver that in person.
There are several new officers/staff. Some are nice. Some are mean.
So it goes.
I wonder if you will still do an impromptu art show for NoteGuy. Hell, that could end up in another retardedly large lawsuit. This world has no sense of humor. Good luck!
I am pleased to annouce my ladybug hostel has been occupied. 20 or 23 nights. I love watching these bugs. The other day I fed it applesauce, then witnessed it poop while crawling up my wall. Then I wondered what happens when it's crawling on the ceiling above my bed (where it usually is) and relieves itself? Nice thought.
I just finished reading Adventures of Huckleberry Finn--I enjoy the classics. I wonder waht the late 20th centure will be remembered for in literature?
I'm off. Hopefully they'll see me, too, and SET ME FREE!
Take good care and have a Merry Christmas!
Sarah
Monday, December 21, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Chris Porco, #4
Dear Kelly,
Sooo feel free to yell, scream, curse, etc. at me for being terrible about writing for lets say the past 2 months or so. I am not even sure when I actually wrote last, but I know it hasn't been recent. There's no great excuse, but there was a perfect storm type deal the past couple of months that may have interfered with correspondence. (Not just with you.) .. I had several school deadlines in November that I came very close to missing. And more importantly my oral arguments for my appeal were on November 30th, and I was basically a wreck leading up to them. Add all that to the time warp bubble of prison, and you get two months without a letter. I'm truly sorry...
So that's my mea culpa. Far from adequate, I suppose, but believe me, I've gotten several heated letters in the past couple of weeks wondering where I am. So I am taking a day or two to catch up with everyone.
I have always wanted to go to Tokyo. It is cool as hell you are headed there soon. I hope you get this before you go, I am not sure of your departure date. Have you done the Craigslist route before when traveling? It sound like you found a great place, Tokyo real estate is definitely not cheap. Have a safe, fun trip, have you been to Japan before? It is on my top ten places I'd like to go.
I have to tell you, I think it is hilarious that you apply for positions/jobs just for the process of it. I don't know you all that well, but it seems to fit your personality perfectly. Clearly you are well read and intelligent. I bet you are qualified for a whole host of positions you haven't tried for yet. How often do you do this? would you consider taking one of the jobs? I am 26, and still not confident that I use semicolons correctly. Just the fact that you would even think of that as a potential lesson says a lot about you. When it is? Any thoughts of doing it full time?
My oral arguments were held in Brooklyn on November 30th. I was anxious as hell for several weeks beforehand, it felt like my trial all over again. I think I usually am fairly even tempered, but I had that knot thing in my stomach, and couldn't stop thinking about it. It is very unsettling to know your life is in someone else's hands, and there isn't much you can do to affect the result. So at present, theree old white men and one woman are deciding if I should be sprung outta here, or rot for 43 more years. Routine for them, but sort of a big moment in my life, you know?
Anyway, it went really well. In general, oral arguments in criminal appeals take five to ten minutes per side; mine took 40 for us and 15 for the DA. (Like the semicolon?) We had requested 20 minutes, but there minutes in the judges started asking my lawyer questions, and didn't stop for the next 40 minutes. They clearly had read everything, and had come up with a lot of things to ask. That isn't as common as you might think... They didn't ask my lawyer anything he couldn't answer, and at times were making comments and asking rhetorical questions that seemed to prove our points for us. It is impossible to tell how things look at this point, but hte lawyers were thrilled with how it went.
My mom went down with a few friends, and I was calling her every hour to check in on the status of everything. Two of my dad's lawyer friends went with her, and they talked to me on the car ride hom about some of the more complicated parts that my mom didn't pick up on. The next morning I talked to my lawyers for an hour or so, and went through it all in detail. A local news station broadcast it live in Albany, (slow news day), and then posted most of it online. So I was able to hear a lot of it over the phone which was nice. There is no court reporter in the appellate courts, so the video is the only record of what happened. My friend works at the station, Capital 9 News, (sort of like NY1 in Albany) , and she is trying to get the full copy for us. If you have interest, it is online somewhere inside capital9news.com
The DA took 15 minutes or so, and clearly was not well prepared. I am a biased party, obviously, but everyone I talked to said he didn't have command of the trial record of the relevant case law. The judges corrected him on things multiple times, and seemed to get frustrated at the amount of repition of points they had already discredited. They admonished him a couple of times to stop quoting irrelevant case law off of note cards. I wish I could have seen that, he is an ass.
Generally the decision take a month or so to come out, but the length of our briefs and the holidays throw a wrench in that timeline. So end of December would be a surprise more likely January some time. We will see, keep your fingers crossed.
There isn't a whole lot else going on here, I have my Latin final tomorrow, I am semi prepared. I almost got in a fight earlier today too. I've been here three years, and only had one other fight, some guy who decided to wave at me, (not with his hands). There can't be any tolerance for things like that in here...Anyway this guy is a former NYPD who thinks he is still a cop. His name is Lau or something, he is here for shooting another cop in a road rage type incident. We found out today that he is keeping written files on people here in the hopes that he can offer information to some DA to get time off his sentence. That does not make you a popular guy, as you can imagine. So he and I were chatting about his behavior, and another guy I am friendly with decided to punch him, so I just sorta watched. The cops, (Correction Officers), were all standing around laughing, they hate the guy too. I am not sure where he is now, either the hospital or protective custody. Lovely, right?
I am about to go outside and work out, so I will end here for now. We had a lot of snow the past couple of days, so it can get a little dicey pushing a lot of weight that is covered in ice. I guess that's why normal people work out indoors in gyms.... Take care, ok? Safe trip. I am jealous, it sounds wonderful. I'll be in touch soon, I promise. And yes, I would love to read more of your writing... Bye!
Chris
Sooo feel free to yell, scream, curse, etc. at me for being terrible about writing for lets say the past 2 months or so. I am not even sure when I actually wrote last, but I know it hasn't been recent. There's no great excuse, but there was a perfect storm type deal the past couple of months that may have interfered with correspondence. (Not just with you.) .. I had several school deadlines in November that I came very close to missing. And more importantly my oral arguments for my appeal were on November 30th, and I was basically a wreck leading up to them. Add all that to the time warp bubble of prison, and you get two months without a letter. I'm truly sorry...
So that's my mea culpa. Far from adequate, I suppose, but believe me, I've gotten several heated letters in the past couple of weeks wondering where I am. So I am taking a day or two to catch up with everyone.
I have always wanted to go to Tokyo. It is cool as hell you are headed there soon. I hope you get this before you go, I am not sure of your departure date. Have you done the Craigslist route before when traveling? It sound like you found a great place, Tokyo real estate is definitely not cheap. Have a safe, fun trip, have you been to Japan before? It is on my top ten places I'd like to go.
I have to tell you, I think it is hilarious that you apply for positions/jobs just for the process of it. I don't know you all that well, but it seems to fit your personality perfectly. Clearly you are well read and intelligent. I bet you are qualified for a whole host of positions you haven't tried for yet. How often do you do this? would you consider taking one of the jobs? I am 26, and still not confident that I use semicolons correctly. Just the fact that you would even think of that as a potential lesson says a lot about you. When it is? Any thoughts of doing it full time?
My oral arguments were held in Brooklyn on November 30th. I was anxious as hell for several weeks beforehand, it felt like my trial all over again. I think I usually am fairly even tempered, but I had that knot thing in my stomach, and couldn't stop thinking about it. It is very unsettling to know your life is in someone else's hands, and there isn't much you can do to affect the result. So at present, theree old white men and one woman are deciding if I should be sprung outta here, or rot for 43 more years. Routine for them, but sort of a big moment in my life, you know?
Anyway, it went really well. In general, oral arguments in criminal appeals take five to ten minutes per side; mine took 40 for us and 15 for the DA. (Like the semicolon?) We had requested 20 minutes, but there minutes in the judges started asking my lawyer questions, and didn't stop for the next 40 minutes. They clearly had read everything, and had come up with a lot of things to ask. That isn't as common as you might think... They didn't ask my lawyer anything he couldn't answer, and at times were making comments and asking rhetorical questions that seemed to prove our points for us. It is impossible to tell how things look at this point, but hte lawyers were thrilled with how it went.
My mom went down with a few friends, and I was calling her every hour to check in on the status of everything. Two of my dad's lawyer friends went with her, and they talked to me on the car ride hom about some of the more complicated parts that my mom didn't pick up on. The next morning I talked to my lawyers for an hour or so, and went through it all in detail. A local news station broadcast it live in Albany, (slow news day), and then posted most of it online. So I was able to hear a lot of it over the phone which was nice. There is no court reporter in the appellate courts, so the video is the only record of what happened. My friend works at the station, Capital 9 News, (sort of like NY1 in Albany) , and she is trying to get the full copy for us. If you have interest, it is online somewhere inside capital9news.com
The DA took 15 minutes or so, and clearly was not well prepared. I am a biased party, obviously, but everyone I talked to said he didn't have command of the trial record of the relevant case law. The judges corrected him on things multiple times, and seemed to get frustrated at the amount of repition of points they had already discredited. They admonished him a couple of times to stop quoting irrelevant case law off of note cards. I wish I could have seen that, he is an ass.
Generally the decision take a month or so to come out, but the length of our briefs and the holidays throw a wrench in that timeline. So end of December would be a surprise more likely January some time. We will see, keep your fingers crossed.
There isn't a whole lot else going on here, I have my Latin final tomorrow, I am semi prepared. I almost got in a fight earlier today too. I've been here three years, and only had one other fight, some guy who decided to wave at me, (not with his hands). There can't be any tolerance for things like that in here...Anyway this guy is a former NYPD who thinks he is still a cop. His name is Lau or something, he is here for shooting another cop in a road rage type incident. We found out today that he is keeping written files on people here in the hopes that he can offer information to some DA to get time off his sentence. That does not make you a popular guy, as you can imagine. So he and I were chatting about his behavior, and another guy I am friendly with decided to punch him, so I just sorta watched. The cops, (Correction Officers), were all standing around laughing, they hate the guy too. I am not sure where he is now, either the hospital or protective custody. Lovely, right?
I am about to go outside and work out, so I will end here for now. We had a lot of snow the past couple of days, so it can get a little dicey pushing a lot of weight that is covered in ice. I guess that's why normal people work out indoors in gyms.... Take care, ok? Safe trip. I am jealous, it sounds wonderful. I'll be in touch soon, I promise. And yes, I would love to read more of your writing... Bye!
Chris
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Letters from the Inside: Ann Kontz & Susan Smith
Both sent me photocopied Xmas greetings that dealt with the Lord. Apparently they both are on the All Jesus All the Time Diet.
From Susan Smith:
May Jesus, our Savior
who was born on Christmas Day,
Bless you at this season
in a very special way.
May the beauty and the promise
of that silent night
Fill your heart with peace and happiness
and make your new year bright.
Then in her handwriting she wrote:
Dear Kelly,
Hope you have a merry & bright Christmas. I'm blessed to know you. You're a great person. Happy New Year too!
Love, Susan
***
Ann sent me an actual Xmas card that has a picture of a tree on it and says: Every Gift of the Season Comes Wrapped in the Love of Jesus.
It is signed: Paul & Ann [Paul is her new husband. She is in jail for poisoning her first one.]
Cards and stamps can be nearly impossible to come by in here--so once again I am thankful to have Paul's help in sending out my Christmas blessings.
2009 has been a good, busy, fruitful and productive year. I've met some new people--both in here and out there. I've formed beautiful and lasting friendships. god has blessed me. Two women that I've met have truly inspired me. One is my accountability partner and we help each other through the rough spots & celebrate though the joyful times. The other has grown to be my best-friend in here. She is my prayer partner---she encourages me, studies with me and we enjoy our time together bringing God's glory. We are there for each other through thick and thin. I never expected to find such beautiful people in prison.
Having said that, I've learned a great deal about people in general this year--God has blessed me with a spirit of discernment. While He has revealed the beauty of people to me, He has also shown me that the opposite exists. Many in here are only self-serving. While learning this doesn't ever come easy in life--I am thankful to God for the growth that came from it.
My family is wonderful. Clare is loving school. Reading is her favorite & she enjoys reading to me when I call. She is so expressive and gifted. Jessica got married this past June to a wonderful man named Owen--God is blessing their union.
After two years in Horticulture I earned an Apprenticeship in Landscape Design from Wake Tech Community College. I've moved into a new job working in the Store. It's a busy job. When I'm not serving customers, I'm stocking shelves, etc. It's 7 days a week and I have little free time. I work on holidays and I find it helps to pass time quickly and keep me distracted.
I pray for you and your family to have a wonderful holiday.
I'd love to hear back from you--hear how you're doing--you're in my prayers.
I love you,
Ann
From Susan Smith:
May Jesus, our Savior
who was born on Christmas Day,
Bless you at this season
in a very special way.
May the beauty and the promise
of that silent night
Fill your heart with peace and happiness
and make your new year bright.
Then in her handwriting she wrote:
Dear Kelly,
Hope you have a merry & bright Christmas. I'm blessed to know you. You're a great person. Happy New Year too!
Love, Susan
***
Ann sent me an actual Xmas card that has a picture of a tree on it and says: Every Gift of the Season Comes Wrapped in the Love of Jesus.
It is signed: Paul & Ann [Paul is her new husband. She is in jail for poisoning her first one.]
Cards and stamps can be nearly impossible to come by in here--so once again I am thankful to have Paul's help in sending out my Christmas blessings.
2009 has been a good, busy, fruitful and productive year. I've met some new people--both in here and out there. I've formed beautiful and lasting friendships. god has blessed me. Two women that I've met have truly inspired me. One is my accountability partner and we help each other through the rough spots & celebrate though the joyful times. The other has grown to be my best-friend in here. She is my prayer partner---she encourages me, studies with me and we enjoy our time together bringing God's glory. We are there for each other through thick and thin. I never expected to find such beautiful people in prison.
Having said that, I've learned a great deal about people in general this year--God has blessed me with a spirit of discernment. While He has revealed the beauty of people to me, He has also shown me that the opposite exists. Many in here are only self-serving. While learning this doesn't ever come easy in life--I am thankful to God for the growth that came from it.
My family is wonderful. Clare is loving school. Reading is her favorite & she enjoys reading to me when I call. She is so expressive and gifted. Jessica got married this past June to a wonderful man named Owen--God is blessing their union.
After two years in Horticulture I earned an Apprenticeship in Landscape Design from Wake Tech Community College. I've moved into a new job working in the Store. It's a busy job. When I'm not serving customers, I'm stocking shelves, etc. It's 7 days a week and I have little free time. I work on holidays and I find it helps to pass time quickly and keep me distracted.
I pray for you and your family to have a wonderful holiday.
I'd love to hear back from you--hear how you're doing--you're in my prayers.
I love you,
Ann
