Dear KK---
Much to get to in your two letters, so let me plunge right in: Beginning with two "heavy" subjects-I very much appreciate your sharing:
I can totally understand your thoughts on children. However, I would add only one caveat. I have seen women and men more set against wanting children than you---who have changed their minds when circumstances changed. But you do seem fairly certain.
And I respect your thoughts on HIV and AIDS: But you are so right even though it is the leading cause of death among 3-=40 y/o African-American men in Washington DC you wouldn't know HIV/AIDs still existed in the US.
Again, my immersion in the disease and its devastating toll in Africa probably pushes me to keep it on everyone's radar. My apologies. For now I will demur on inflicting some of my harrowing stories from those years, out of respect for your feelings.
Well, that's a cheery start, isn't it?! I guess you're still waiting for your topic for your "Story Slam" on 28 SEP. How do they choose topics and who chooses them? Seems as though that could make a huge difference especially with HBO Specials & Hollywood careers apparently now in play!
Was able to re-read the article after you so kindly sent me a copy. It really is an entire sub-culture. Fascinating how these things develop. Now I have a much better idea of your surroundings when you perform at one of these. Takes guts, Kelly. Kudos.
Two more things about your "Slam Life". Did you or will you go to the "Moth Ball"? And I stand by my opinion (for what it's worth!) on your potential guy who lives with the ugly girl: The amount of attention he is paying to you shows he is quite interested and wants more. Unfortunately, one can be in a relationship and by coincidence or serendipity meet someone who just blows you away. It ain't pretty, it ain't convenient, but it happens. This is of course as obvious as it is true. Good luck--I will say again--you have everything going for you, Kelly: looks, intelligence, twisted sense of humor (the best kind!)...and (don't get upset please, I call 'em as I see 'em) and intense & inventive sensuality that explodes like a volcano for the right man...When you do find him, whether it's online scrabble guy or someone else, he will be very lucky if he has the energy to keep up!
***
(Ed.: The next part of the letter discusses MAD MEN and various movies. I'm cutting that out of the transcription here.)
***
Yours,
XOXO
Michael
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #15
Dear Kelly,
I enjoyed the Cuban witchcraft story and the "coincidental" meeting with Alan Streets, but my favorite part was that Mini shoplifted a pack of Rolos. What a precious sight, you wrenching the pack from his mouth and paying for a slobbery, teeth marked pack of Rolos, shoplifted by a wiener dog. Fucking perfect. I love dogs. They are second best to children. I am not familiar with Duane Reade. Obviously it's a retail store, but one that you can take your pet inside with you?
Have you ever considered doing yoga or meditating to help with your PMS? Or perhaps an herbal medicine? It really works, and since you are prone to down moods, you could really use it.
What are you depressed about anyway, Kelly? What don't you have besides a significant other? I am curious.
My mom was supposed to set up the blog and link it to my Myspace page. her and my friend are working on. It's in its infancy stage, but slowly it's coming along. I guess you can Google it.
You are going to do GREAT! at the GrandSlam. And hey, maybe there will be a good subject and perhaps an agent out there will notice you, since you want to write a book. I think you should focus on something like that, and it will manifect. I said it was "coincidence" that you ran into Alan because I think we do manifest things with our thoughts and focus. You didn't just run into him in your daily life, you INTUITIVELY deviated from your norm, and led yourself to him. I think you can do more of this if you follow your intuition and focus. Did you say anything to him? At all? When he turned and sneered would have been good, even if he was less than thrilled to have people behind him. (At the height of my anxiety issues, I had a full attack b/c a man stood behind me (I was seated) talking loudly.) Even if you didn't speak, you see how you can manifest good things.
Does Mr. Whitaker list who his agent is? Who is the publisher?
Why wouldn't the g/f agree to let the guy take you to the MothBall if she doesn't want to go? If you both would have fun, I don't see why not? Wait. You have to stop talking to him b/c he has a g/f? Is it that stressful for you to be his friend? wow. That seems like it's really hard for you. Perhaps he could tell his g/f he'd liek to date other people. If they were agreed, would you date him? Most men don't stay single for long in a town where women greatly outnumber the men, but your man will come. Maybe he'll keep seeing you at events and feel compelled to break free of his commitment to pursue you. But by cutting him of, you lose out on the opportunity to show him why he should do just that.
OMG. I totally didn't get your client was still married. I thoguth he was divorced and simply bringing up the subject. your so funny. Like a magnet for men in committed relationships. I totally understand. While I was free, even in my life of generally avoiding people and being anonymous, I was pursued by four married and successful men. Strange.
Regarding my preference. I'd say I'm 85% gay. Although I'm really good at pleasing men, I enjoy the feminine connection, body, mind, and spirit much better. When I choose to be a man, I love every part of him, but I secretly feel superior. Even with a man who had many worldly successes, I felt superior. I guess I see how their sexual weakness has led them (as a gender) to commit molestation and rape and to cheat on their wives. I still worship them and adore them when together. Treat them with great respect. Perhaps I do so because I am full of love and empathy. It is out of their genes that they cause war and death and corruption. Sure, women do, too. But the ration of men & women who are mean, negative, hateful destructive, is big. Women are nurturers, lovers, creative and intuitive beings. Women are full of joy and understanding. And they are soft. They are beter. Men are good. Women are better.
My wife was Jamie, the woman who helped me escape. Before I escaped, we telephones 2X per week, she visited monthly (it's a 3 hour round trip drive) and corresponded weekly. We have been close for eight years. Intimate. The wife status grew out of our close friensdhip. It is not an ownership or control title, just a description of how committed we are to one another's happiness and well being. We encouraged each other relationships, sexual or otherwise, that bought each other happiness, and were open about these relationships. In solitary, contact with other offenders is not possible. It doesn't bother me. I am okay being sexually inactive. I rarely have a physical relationship. I value friendships above all. Sex is a side not (But really nice at times.)
I got through phases of activity. Generally, I am happy to play volleyball, guitar, read, learn, laugh, job, write, and sing.
I ready your brujeria blog to a lady up here. Wild. Obviously, Umberto was on target. Ever gone back to a psychic? (Sans cockroaches). Over the 8 years I was locked up, 3 different psychics told my mom and a friend I'd be out in 2008 or by 2008. Funny, huh?
It's late. Time for bed. Hope you are well and enjoying life.
Life is good.
--Sarah--
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #44
Dear KK--
Wow! Much to get to. After receiving your letter late Thursday (8/20), I received another one on Friday...so interesting and sparkling. Since subject matter intersects in both letters I will go back & forth. Needless to say, it will take several letters to cover everything..so let me make a brief beginning today:
The season opener of "Mad Men" was brilliant. Obviously, the scene with Salvatore Romano & the bellboy in the motel room will get a lot of attention, but to me the writing shines through in the follow-up scene on the airplane: Clearly on the flight back, Romano is very nervous, and we can surmise that Don Draper has said nothing so far about what he saw at the hotel. It seems like he is about to, when he instead shows Romano his idea for the new "London Fog" campaign...with the tag line: "LIMIT YOUR EXPOSURE". But we know there is a whole subtext in those three words. Draper is telling Romano- simply be talking to him as before, like two ad-men--that what he saw will not affect their professional relationship, and will stay with Don. But these three words are also his strong advice to Romano: "Limit Your Exposure". In 1963, such a revelation would destroy Romano in the macho world of the MAD MEN. Don is telling Romano "you must be more careful--much more careful. I'm not judging, just advising.
So much is communicated in that brief interaction on the plane...Brilliantly done.
Please feel free to share your comments & opinions on MAD MEN--the first episode and as the season progresses. I am very interested in what you think, Kelly. AND if you see any critical analysis of "MAD MEN" on-line, do send me whatever you can. There must be multiple web-sites devoted to "MAD MEN." Thanks!
Well KK--at least you went to see "District 9". Have to give you credit for that!! You & science fiction really, really don't get along, do you?! Given the extremely positive reviews of "D9" from multiple sources, calling it only brilliant sci-fi, but also a very good film, I thought it might be one you would like. Oh well.
By the way, I have no patience for bad science-fiction, any more than lame comedy, turgid drama, or mindless violence. And as we both know so well, there is an awful lot of garbage out there in all film genres.
Anyway, I won't be looking for your glowing review...but so many more films upcoming...
Wanted to be sure to talk about "Mad Men" and "District 9". Now on to your many other items of interest:
Thanks for your brief comments on some other films. "Public Enemies" did sound like a rehash of 20 other films--but sometimes performances can overcome that. Sounds like Depp * Bale didn't quite make that happen.
Glad that the highly original film "HUMPDAY" was a great movie. I've not seen many of the "MUMBLECORE" films--but they sound like films I'd like to see. Original, talky, filled with ideas.
Once again, your marvelous mind read my own. Thanks for the copy of the "Going Solo Gets Crowded" --now I can read it in more detail. Plus they often condense articles, reviews & op-eds when they reprint them.
And "Assault in the Ring" -- the HBO boxing doc. Did sound good---glad you confirmed.
KK-Did you see that other boxing documentary I mentioned and saw- The Death of Bernie Parr...(sp?) in the ring in the early 1960s at the hands of Emile Griffith.
Must get this in the mail--will write more tomorrow (Sunday). But wanted to briefly mention something we have barely mentioned--the Michael Jackson case. I am quite familiar with Propofal & medications like it--and it is mind-boggling that his "concierge doctor" used it to help Jackson sleep. Talk about playing with fire. And now we see the timeline that shows Jackson was given three powerful sleep meds before the Propafol.
This has all the elements of a mini-OJ if it goes to trial, which I think is doubtful...
You take care, sunshine. Will write more tomorrow, and probably Monday. Much more to talk about.
Be good, Kelly
Yours,
Michael
Wow! Much to get to. After receiving your letter late Thursday (8/20), I received another one on Friday...so interesting and sparkling. Since subject matter intersects in both letters I will go back & forth. Needless to say, it will take several letters to cover everything..so let me make a brief beginning today:
The season opener of "Mad Men" was brilliant. Obviously, the scene with Salvatore Romano & the bellboy in the motel room will get a lot of attention, but to me the writing shines through in the follow-up scene on the airplane: Clearly on the flight back, Romano is very nervous, and we can surmise that Don Draper has said nothing so far about what he saw at the hotel. It seems like he is about to, when he instead shows Romano his idea for the new "London Fog" campaign...with the tag line: "LIMIT YOUR EXPOSURE". But we know there is a whole subtext in those three words. Draper is telling Romano- simply be talking to him as before, like two ad-men--that what he saw will not affect their professional relationship, and will stay with Don. But these three words are also his strong advice to Romano: "Limit Your Exposure". In 1963, such a revelation would destroy Romano in the macho world of the MAD MEN. Don is telling Romano "you must be more careful--much more careful. I'm not judging, just advising.
So much is communicated in that brief interaction on the plane...Brilliantly done.
Please feel free to share your comments & opinions on MAD MEN--the first episode and as the season progresses. I am very interested in what you think, Kelly. AND if you see any critical analysis of "MAD MEN" on-line, do send me whatever you can. There must be multiple web-sites devoted to "MAD MEN." Thanks!
Well KK--at least you went to see "District 9". Have to give you credit for that!! You & science fiction really, really don't get along, do you?! Given the extremely positive reviews of "D9" from multiple sources, calling it only brilliant sci-fi, but also a very good film, I thought it might be one you would like. Oh well.
By the way, I have no patience for bad science-fiction, any more than lame comedy, turgid drama, or mindless violence. And as we both know so well, there is an awful lot of garbage out there in all film genres.
Anyway, I won't be looking for your glowing review...but so many more films upcoming...
Wanted to be sure to talk about "Mad Men" and "District 9". Now on to your many other items of interest:
Thanks for your brief comments on some other films. "Public Enemies" did sound like a rehash of 20 other films--but sometimes performances can overcome that. Sounds like Depp * Bale didn't quite make that happen.
Glad that the highly original film "HUMPDAY" was a great movie. I've not seen many of the "MUMBLECORE" films--but they sound like films I'd like to see. Original, talky, filled with ideas.
Once again, your marvelous mind read my own. Thanks for the copy of the "Going Solo Gets Crowded" --now I can read it in more detail. Plus they often condense articles, reviews & op-eds when they reprint them.
And "Assault in the Ring" -- the HBO boxing doc. Did sound good---glad you confirmed.
KK-Did you see that other boxing documentary I mentioned and saw- The Death of Bernie Parr...(sp?) in the ring in the early 1960s at the hands of Emile Griffith.
Must get this in the mail--will write more tomorrow (Sunday). But wanted to briefly mention something we have barely mentioned--the Michael Jackson case. I am quite familiar with Propofal & medications like it--and it is mind-boggling that his "concierge doctor" used it to help Jackson sleep. Talk about playing with fire. And now we see the timeline that shows Jackson was given three powerful sleep meds before the Propafol.
This has all the elements of a mini-OJ if it goes to trial, which I think is doubtful...
You take care, sunshine. Will write more tomorrow, and probably Monday. Much more to talk about.
Be good, Kelly
Yours,
Michael
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #43
I am not transcribing this letter here because it is relatively short and pretty much is just a quick accompaniment to the articles he has clipped and sent me. There is nothing noteworthy in this one.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #42
[Ed.: I am now omitting things in his letters that are mundane, like excessive talk of movies or tv when in no greater context.]
Dear KK---
Ahhh...the lives and loves of of Kelly K!!! Who says "it" can't happen, with your Story Slam/guy/major crush? Maybe it can't happen TODAY, but let's look at the evidence you presented:
>Common interest. Story Slam
>Mary LIKES Billy! "major crush"
>He says he has "fallen for Mary"
>You two live a few blocks away--always good for late night interaction...
KK: I did see the romantic comedy "He's Just Not That Into You" At times very clever with some good scenes. Your situation brings it to mind.
>AND you & he are doing all the requisite electronic communicating...
Hey, I've been "out of the game" for a while, but even I know as a man that this guy is not living with his soulmate at the present time.
It can happen--probably will happen with patience--just not now...
I've got no dog in this fight but I do know you are brilliant, funny, lovely, very sexy, and more. Your my dear, are a catch, period. Like I said, wish I had met you around 1993...C'est la vie...
Unfortunately so many men are dogs/and you've been burned like everyone else...But it will happen, Kelly. I'm sure of it.
However, one place we would not have gone is a gourmet Mexican restaurant---where you were last Saturday. Unless they served other entrees! Almost any other restaurant...
You are a true gourmand & gourmet cook.
VERY much hope you are not getting another upper resp. infection or flu. The word still is they expect swine flu & seasonal flu to hit hard beginning in a week or so when everyone is back at school & work.
Your blog "Such an Odd Coincidence" was interesting on many levels--to me the idea that the same event can be seen and/or experienced so differently by two people, in this case yourself and Alan Streets.
And as usual, it made me think--as most everything you write does...in this case about the subject of coincidences and the "Laws of Large Numbers", a truly fascinating mathematical concept integral to game theory. Writing to you and receiving your letters is a true education.
You take care--stay healthy--and hope to receive your next letter very soon.
Yours,
Michael
Dear KK---
Ahhh...the lives and loves of of Kelly K!!! Who says "it" can't happen, with your Story Slam/guy/major crush? Maybe it can't happen TODAY, but let's look at the evidence you presented:
>Common interest. Story Slam
>Mary LIKES Billy! "major crush"
>He says he has "fallen for Mary"
>You two live a few blocks away--always good for late night interaction...
KK: I did see the romantic comedy "He's Just Not That Into You" At times very clever with some good scenes. Your situation brings it to mind.
>AND you & he are doing all the requisite electronic communicating...
Hey, I've been "out of the game" for a while, but even I know as a man that this guy is not living with his soulmate at the present time.
It can happen--probably will happen with patience--just not now...
I've got no dog in this fight but I do know you are brilliant, funny, lovely, very sexy, and more. Your my dear, are a catch, period. Like I said, wish I had met you around 1993...C'est la vie...
Unfortunately so many men are dogs/and you've been burned like everyone else...But it will happen, Kelly. I'm sure of it.
However, one place we would not have gone is a gourmet Mexican restaurant---where you were last Saturday. Unless they served other entrees! Almost any other restaurant...
You are a true gourmand & gourmet cook.
VERY much hope you are not getting another upper resp. infection or flu. The word still is they expect swine flu & seasonal flu to hit hard beginning in a week or so when everyone is back at school & work.
Your blog "Such an Odd Coincidence" was interesting on many levels--to me the idea that the same event can be seen and/or experienced so differently by two people, in this case yourself and Alan Streets.
And as usual, it made me think--as most everything you write does...in this case about the subject of coincidences and the "Laws of Large Numbers", a truly fascinating mathematical concept integral to game theory. Writing to you and receiving your letters is a true education.
You take care--stay healthy--and hope to receive your next letter very soon.
Yours,
Michael
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #41
Dear KK---
I learn more about the nitty-gritty of life in New York City by reading your blogs...Part 2 of my letter in response to yours/now getting to your most interesting enclosures:
>"A Moving Day" was your scintillating writing [don't stop pursuing a book proposal/deal: I will say it again: What & how you write is perfect for a collection of essays a la Chelsea Handler; or the true original Isaac Asimov* ] at its best. First of all, it is a Kelly K "origin story" telling me how you came to live in your present digs. Thanks for that. Second-it reinforces a true stereotype of urban living--the person who is born and dies in the same apartment or home. It also says something poignant about the peculiar relationship of neighbors in urbanized society.
Best lines: "I threw his gym bag out the window four stories down. Surely not my most shining moment but at least I didn't stab him in the balls like I wanted to. I also left him with two working eyes. Total success."
KK: Why do women always want to mutilate men for life? Don't they know that no man is worth that? Lorena Bobbitt redux. Kelly-Clearly I understand that your blog exaggerates emotions at time to make your point...Right?!! ;-)
>The blog entry re the "incident" at Starbucks is remarkable for the intelligence of the two police officers who called off the dogs of paranoia and found a BAG OF EFFING CLOTHES!
>Despite all the media frenzy over the "Miracle on the Hudson", there were a few more details in the story you sent me.
>The cybercrime "avatar murder" story was most interesting. A couple of season ago "Law & Order" had a story about an avatar murder followed by the murder of an actual person... SVU has had the rape of an avatar... And though I didn't see it, one of the "CSIs" did an entire show essentially trying to solve a case by infiltrating a SIMS-like world with a detective avatar undercover.
Hope to hear from you again soon. Thinking of you and hoping you stay well and tan!
Yours,
Michael
*Known mostly for his prolific science-fiction output, the late Mr. Asimov also published several books each containing 17 essays on absolutely fascinating scientific topics. With your ravenously curious mind, you would love them.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Letters from the Inside, Thomas Bart Whitaker, #13
Dear Kelly,
Howdy. I think thi sone is going to be just for us today, ok? I am feeling like there might be a rant incoming at some point, and I'd rather not have that publicized. How are you? I hope this finds you well. I've had a rather annoying week, and its only Monday afternoon. Not a good sign. Anyways, yes, the prison authorities know about mb6. I have had my typewriter broken, been hit by a shakedown crew with teh same frequency as major confirmed gang members, and had many officers threaten me for what I have written there. (I don't actually think I have ever written anything too damning, but whatever.) I would say that none of them like the fact that for the first time in history, we prisoners have an easily accessible means of parting the curtain for the world to see in. They don't want that. Nobody who wields power arbitrarily wants oversight. Rule of the universe: If someone resists having their work inspected, it means they aren't doing something right. I certainly wasn't showing the site off, but word went around pretty quickly, I guess. Not much they can do about it, thanks to that pesky little thing called the First Amendment.
I am highly annoyed by the circus that I stirred up by posting my stupid psych report. I had hoped that people would find themselves horrified that a state cuold seek and acquire a sentence of death without having ever completed such a review. But nooo! People simply want to gossip. Fucking pathetic. I really do not understand the fear in this country over the issue of gay marrage. WHO FUCKING CARES what someone does in the privacy of their own lives? Are we really so desperate for attention that we have to go around gtting into each others business like this? I think most of this is due to the slow, inevitable death of christianity in this nation. The ignorant masses of the faithful see people unafraid of Yahweh, and they feel slighted, and maybe just a little concerned that all of these people living free of the tyranny of the OT might be right. I wish we could just send them all to Alabama or something and let them in-breed and praise Jeee-suuuus!!! to their hearts content. Sexuality is so much more complicated than the masses think, anyways. I am capable of having a very intense intellectual relationship based on respect and learning with a fay man without suddenly wanting to drag him to bed. I am sexually attracted to women, and that is not going to change just because I work with or associate with people who choose differently. God help you if you say such things in Tejas, though. I once hired a few gay men and women when I was the manager of a restaurant. Even some of my fellow managers wondered about me after that, until they saw that these four people were easily the best staff we had.
No, they don't allow us sleep aids. Not things like Ambien, at any rate. They would be more than happy to put me on Haldol, Prolixin, and/or Thorazine, which would, technically, make me sleep but I'd rather not be a zombie, if its all the same with you. We don't have a staff psychologist, but there is som echick with a masters, I think. Not that she gives a rats ass about us, or even comes around except once every 90 days to ask if we are suicidal. Not--again--because she cares, but to iliminate liability by having the staff take away all your property if you are foolish enough to say "yes." I guess their thinking is that if you dn't have any sheets, you can't hang yourself, and if you don't have any food, you can't...uh...chose yourself to death, or something. It doesn't have to make sense. This is Texas.
The lady who posts stuff to the blog is a friend from north of Sydney, Austalia. Her name is Tracey. Very nice, cool, lady. Very efficient, which is what I was missing before she came on the scene. She just stumbled across the blog, and a monster was born. Muwaha! That was supposed to be evil laughter, by the way. Anyways, she has really gotten involved in the abolition movement, which is pretty rewarding to see. It's nice to think that at least one person has had their consciousness raised by little old me.
Do I have "crushes"? Um, not so much, no. I don't think I'm really the crush type. That said, you don't hand in your manhood when you get locked up. I've had marriage proposals. I've had a stalker or two. I have even met a few girls that I would seriously be interested in, had i met them under different circumstances. I am a realist, though. I dont' know that I am really wried to fall in love from this place. I just...need more than letters and the occassional visit. What could I really offer anyone, you know? I"m broke, so I can't do all the stuff that was normal for me in the freeworld, like surprise dinner dates or a weekend trip to Austin or San Antonio. I can't even promise that I will be here in a few years. Why would I drag someone that I care about down with me? No, I dnt' think I would say a word if I fell in love with someone. Maybe I'm wrong on this. A lot of my neighbors have married during their time here. They seem to enjoy the situation. Secretly, I think they do it so that they have some money coming in each moth, but whatever. That is another thing I couldn't do...I hate living like a welfare case. I'd rather go hungry than to beg.
Hey congratulations for winning the story slam! That had to feel pretty good. You are an interesting lady and certainly have some good stories, so I am sure you will do fine in Oct. at the GrandSlam deal.
I got a chuckle from the "rug breathing" acid story. I haven't dropped acid since high school. Actually, I have a story about that...in my calculus class, there were 5tests, including the final. I had an A going itno the finale so it really dind't matter how I did, so me and some of my idiot friends did acid before school. By the time I go sit for the exam, the floor had turned into water and I'm falling all over myself trying to figureout how to walk like Jesus. A friend later told me that the whole class knew how messed up I was, but I think I pulled it off. Anyways, I love/loved calculus. Which isthe only way I can explain to you what happened: I scored a fucking 98 on my final. I swear to you I was seeing equations in my head. I probably couldn't have done that well sober. Later, I attracked the red light in the photo dark room, which ended a perfectly awesome day at school.
I've heard of Brighton Beach, and about how it is a predominantly Russian enclave. Where is it, compared to some other landmarks I might recognize? I liked the story of finding the bag of booze, though kind of sad how even such a happy day can fade away some quickly. I'm glad I don't have any old photos of past friends. Don't think I could bear to look at them. I guess I'm am about as far from a pack rat as possible. I don't keep much around...a minimallist, I guess. Or maybe I just prefer to live in the now, than in a million moments where I should have acted differently.
Thanks for sending the stamps, by the way, Nice to not have to worry about that so much. Let me know how you are doing. Did you ever get your money from that deadbeat? I hope so.
Be safe, Kelly.
T
Howdy. I think thi sone is going to be just for us today, ok? I am feeling like there might be a rant incoming at some point, and I'd rather not have that publicized. How are you? I hope this finds you well. I've had a rather annoying week, and its only Monday afternoon. Not a good sign. Anyways, yes, the prison authorities know about mb6. I have had my typewriter broken, been hit by a shakedown crew with teh same frequency as major confirmed gang members, and had many officers threaten me for what I have written there. (I don't actually think I have ever written anything too damning, but whatever.) I would say that none of them like the fact that for the first time in history, we prisoners have an easily accessible means of parting the curtain for the world to see in. They don't want that. Nobody who wields power arbitrarily wants oversight. Rule of the universe: If someone resists having their work inspected, it means they aren't doing something right. I certainly wasn't showing the site off, but word went around pretty quickly, I guess. Not much they can do about it, thanks to that pesky little thing called the First Amendment.
I am highly annoyed by the circus that I stirred up by posting my stupid psych report. I had hoped that people would find themselves horrified that a state cuold seek and acquire a sentence of death without having ever completed such a review. But nooo! People simply want to gossip. Fucking pathetic. I really do not understand the fear in this country over the issue of gay marrage. WHO FUCKING CARES what someone does in the privacy of their own lives? Are we really so desperate for attention that we have to go around gtting into each others business like this? I think most of this is due to the slow, inevitable death of christianity in this nation. The ignorant masses of the faithful see people unafraid of Yahweh, and they feel slighted, and maybe just a little concerned that all of these people living free of the tyranny of the OT might be right. I wish we could just send them all to Alabama or something and let them in-breed and praise Jeee-suuuus!!! to their hearts content. Sexuality is so much more complicated than the masses think, anyways. I am capable of having a very intense intellectual relationship based on respect and learning with a fay man without suddenly wanting to drag him to bed. I am sexually attracted to women, and that is not going to change just because I work with or associate with people who choose differently. God help you if you say such things in Tejas, though. I once hired a few gay men and women when I was the manager of a restaurant. Even some of my fellow managers wondered about me after that, until they saw that these four people were easily the best staff we had.
No, they don't allow us sleep aids. Not things like Ambien, at any rate. They would be more than happy to put me on Haldol, Prolixin, and/or Thorazine, which would, technically, make me sleep but I'd rather not be a zombie, if its all the same with you. We don't have a staff psychologist, but there is som echick with a masters, I think. Not that she gives a rats ass about us, or even comes around except once every 90 days to ask if we are suicidal. Not--again--because she cares, but to iliminate liability by having the staff take away all your property if you are foolish enough to say "yes." I guess their thinking is that if you dn't have any sheets, you can't hang yourself, and if you don't have any food, you can't...uh...chose yourself to death, or something. It doesn't have to make sense. This is Texas.
The lady who posts stuff to the blog is a friend from north of Sydney, Austalia. Her name is Tracey. Very nice, cool, lady. Very efficient, which is what I was missing before she came on the scene. She just stumbled across the blog, and a monster was born. Muwaha! That was supposed to be evil laughter, by the way. Anyways, she has really gotten involved in the abolition movement, which is pretty rewarding to see. It's nice to think that at least one person has had their consciousness raised by little old me.
Do I have "crushes"? Um, not so much, no. I don't think I'm really the crush type. That said, you don't hand in your manhood when you get locked up. I've had marriage proposals. I've had a stalker or two. I have even met a few girls that I would seriously be interested in, had i met them under different circumstances. I am a realist, though. I dont' know that I am really wried to fall in love from this place. I just...need more than letters and the occassional visit. What could I really offer anyone, you know? I"m broke, so I can't do all the stuff that was normal for me in the freeworld, like surprise dinner dates or a weekend trip to Austin or San Antonio. I can't even promise that I will be here in a few years. Why would I drag someone that I care about down with me? No, I dnt' think I would say a word if I fell in love with someone. Maybe I'm wrong on this. A lot of my neighbors have married during their time here. They seem to enjoy the situation. Secretly, I think they do it so that they have some money coming in each moth, but whatever. That is another thing I couldn't do...I hate living like a welfare case. I'd rather go hungry than to beg.
Hey congratulations for winning the story slam! That had to feel pretty good. You are an interesting lady and certainly have some good stories, so I am sure you will do fine in Oct. at the GrandSlam deal.
I got a chuckle from the "rug breathing" acid story. I haven't dropped acid since high school. Actually, I have a story about that...in my calculus class, there were 5tests, including the final. I had an A going itno the finale so it really dind't matter how I did, so me and some of my idiot friends did acid before school. By the time I go sit for the exam, the floor had turned into water and I'm falling all over myself trying to figureout how to walk like Jesus. A friend later told me that the whole class knew how messed up I was, but I think I pulled it off. Anyways, I love/loved calculus. Which isthe only way I can explain to you what happened: I scored a fucking 98 on my final. I swear to you I was seeing equations in my head. I probably couldn't have done that well sober. Later, I attracked the red light in the photo dark room, which ended a perfectly awesome day at school.
I've heard of Brighton Beach, and about how it is a predominantly Russian enclave. Where is it, compared to some other landmarks I might recognize? I liked the story of finding the bag of booze, though kind of sad how even such a happy day can fade away some quickly. I'm glad I don't have any old photos of past friends. Don't think I could bear to look at them. I guess I'm am about as far from a pack rat as possible. I don't keep much around...a minimallist, I guess. Or maybe I just prefer to live in the now, than in a million moments where I should have acted differently.
Thanks for sending the stamps, by the way, Nice to not have to worry about that so much. Let me know how you are doing. Did you ever get your money from that deadbeat? I hope so.
Be safe, Kelly.
T
