Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #76

Kelly,

I think the search for the perfect couch was on This American Life. I bet you could go to their website and keyword search for the episode and its follow-up. The show is produced by WBEZ in Chicago with Ira Glass as its host.

Amir just wants to be loved. He needs a whole lot of love and by having multiple partners, he hedges his bets so he'll never be alone. It's in his Persian blood---generations of men with five wives. If he moved to Utah and became a polygamist Mormon, he could have 20 or 30 wives openly.

I'm not sure why the commissioner got fired, but I think it had to do with how he handled several riots/violent incidents in that state system. I finally got the first set of questions answered (25 pages of answers) and 175 pages of supporting documents sent out. I doubt that it will go to trial. The evidence is pretty clear that they are violating my rights and making me mentally ill. I have been struggling with another bout of depression this past 6 weeks, and it only gets worse. I lay in bed for hours, sometimes 14-16 hours a day and can't get out. When I do, I easily tire and get right back in. I have no motivation to do the things that I want or need to do. I hate it. I hate it. I feel like a bum. I've only been up for three hours and I'm nearly propping open my eyelids with toothpicks just to write this. I crawled into bed yesterday at 4:30 and didn't get up until 10:30 am today. What's worse is that I only sleep 1/2 the time. The rest I spend daydreaming about my future free life. The sad part is that I have to get out of bed to get things done in order to go home, yet I'm glued to the bed dreaming of home.

Are all of your clothes black, white and red? What if you change your last name so when people Google you that old stuff wouldn't show up? Your employer would know, but wouldn't have to divulge it to customers. Or are you so well known that it would be useless to change your name.

Maybe you should move to Los Angeles.

The UN Reporto n Torture and Abuse said that all members of the UN should stop the use of solitary confinement or at least severely limit its use to 15 days or less because of the long-lasting mental effects. Great! i'll be in therapy until I'm 50. These people are clueless about what it is like to be locked in a room for months without end. They must be. How can you do this to another human being?

I vote you sell the video to TruTV. People should be responsible for their actions in public. She has the right to feel and think whatever she wants about other people, but by openly saying these racist comments to someone on a bus and treating her tenants badly because of their color, she only gets away with it because she has no consequences. If she loses her job and is humiliated, she did it to herself. You aren't doctoring her words or reporting them out of context. she needs to be responsible for being hateful. Selling it to TruTV is doing the world a favor. Racism persists when we cover it up and let it keep happening.

I like reading your blogs.

My flower story is too long to rewrite by hand, but if it wins and gets published, I'll get an extra copy to you. I'm tired. Back under the covers I go...

Sarah