Letters from the Inside, Sarah Pender, #74

Kelly Belly,
If I were free I would do two things for you send you a little box of Jelly Bellies and volunteer myself and a semi-attractive Italian man to haul your new couch up so you could have whatever couch you wanted, delivery option or not.

I think the ones with spindly legs would work better in your apt. aesthetically, but seems like a lot of hassle when the big black bulky one meets off of your needs. Have you thought about saving yourself the hassle and just getting new cushions for the one you already have?

I don't even have words for the Amir story. It's just WOW! Remember when you asked about what people would suggest you do to "burn the fucking house down" in order to get rid of Amir? I think you figured it out. Not that you intended her to extort him, but you get your intended painful infliction of woes unto him and it does seem to have kept you from poisoning yourself further with Amirion. I'm sure the withdrawal sucks and you, like so many of us, want a hand to hold and cute emails in your box, but at least you have swank parties and art museums. I'm lonely, live in a bathroom, and am collecting cobwebs.

Great party photos, by the way.

Yay! For the tree that survived 911! We love trees. The waterfall memorial is pretty. Water is life. We don't value either one enough.

Sometimes I am able to catch cooking shows on the public TV channel and there's one called America's Test Kitchen where they make wonderful stuff and explain why each thing works the way it does (food gastronomy or whatever) and they made a souffle that looked fabulous. I am hungry.

NO STABBING THE SOUFFLE!!

You will miss Reidtard when he's gone. Admit it. Just a little You need a Scrabble partner who doesn't cheat and a boyfriend who doesn't cheat and a girl fried who isn't a cunt. Maybe that's the next Big Three.

I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER SHAKES! I also want to perfect a peanut butter pie recipe for my friend so when he opens his restaurant, he will sell Pender's Peanut Butter Pie. Not PB Cream Pie. That's lighter. This is so rich and heavy, it's like eating a slice of Newt Gringrich. Only without the bad aftertaste.

Just exactly what kind of fun do you have at a creepy party with drunk douchebags? Rent a Netflix, make some yummy Amaretto/chocolate/PB ice cream drink, and curl up on your new couch with MINI. Maybe you should take a vacation to Maine. Don't they have nice men in Maine? Or there's lots of good ol' monogamous country boys lost out here in the cornfield of the Midwest. I'm just saying.

All of the interviews for Snapped went really well. We talked a lot about the events that lead up to the crimes, which included a lot about my relationship to men in my life. I went into the ordeal just wanting to be transparent, so I answered openly and honestly. It was freeing because I recalled how I felt about Rick without feeling like I had to villify him because of what he later did. To them and to me. At the time, I was face-busted fallen in love, but I realize that I, like many women, fell in love with an image of who I thought he was, of who I wanted him to be.

He had been captain of the football team in high school and had a scholarship to play at NY Syracuse. He'd been a wrestling champion and had aspirations of going professional. He had great manners with my parents, could be sensitive and sweet, put the toilet seat down, and allowed himself to cry in front of me twice. He laughed a lot of was good to his mom and sister. I already had us in a 2 bedroom ranch home in the suburbs with a fenced yard and dog and cookouts with neighbors and family over at holidays.

In my mind if I just loved him enough nagged him a little a gave him all he wanted, he'd want those things too. And it was working, I thought.

Hey! George Wright escaped from prison 40 years ago after a murder conviction and was found in Algeria this week. Just heard it NPR.

Anyway, so being able to speak openly made it issues to talk about why I made the choices I did around his crimes. The sound man later told my mother that I was one of the most personable, straightforward, and believable people he's ever seen interviewed. And for the first time, he believes someone was wrongfully convicted. It also helps that when they interviewed my co-defendant, the producer told me that he openly admitted that he was the person who shot the victims, that I had nothing to do with it, that I never once manipulated him in our relationship and the only things I asked for him to do was to stop selling drugs, get a real job and settle down with me.

My mom, sister Jeni, Jamie her husband, Larry, Kim, Pam and Bridgette all interviewed on my behalf and everyone said it went very well. The producer and crew were impressed with how much they loved and supported me. After all of the interviews, I was last. The producer said she left the prison and immediately called her editor and said, "I've got the story of your dreams."

It's supposed to air in January.

I got your letter late---there are no Kelly shout-outs. Maybe next interview. You are so funny.

I need to lose some weight so I am thinking about getting dehydrated vegetables for snacks. They sell the kind you boil to put in soups or whatever, but I like to eat them one by one with my front teeth. I used to use sunflower kernals but at 500 calories a bag, it sucked. I am over this anxiety that makes me want to chew. I gnaw my lip and my cuticles. It's ridiculous. It's this ROOM.

But I am not even whining. I just am happy that we are getting more awareness out there about my case. Once I find a lab that runs this software and can prove that I was convicted on false evidence, I'll get my convictions overturned and no jury would convict me on the real evidence. I'll finally get what I deserve and go home. Remember the anagram? PARDONS HER. That's right. The judge will do what amounts to a pardon. December 2013. The Universe told me so.

That's a reason to LIVE for sure!

Love songs make me thing of the days of my youth. What I wouldn't give to be 20 again, waking up to David gently humping my thigh at 2am. Or even 18 again in the all-girl dormitory at Purdue. I'd sure like ti all back to do over. I picture myself working a mile underground in a big particle accelerator, not writing hundreds of letters each year, stuck in a bathroom, eating bad food, plagued by mental illness, and under a sentence for crimes I didn't commit. WTF? This better do some real, serious good in the world to be worth all this bullshit. I want to make a positive difference to rival NLK Jr or something. I want a large cheese and pineapple pizza, too. And garlic butter for the pizza bones. I want a deep tub full of hot,milky water. I want a pet fish. A whole tank of them. And a job I love. And an MP3 player full of music I like. Iw ant to walk barefoot in the grass and feed the ducks. I want to smell apple wood burn in the fireplace. I want to plant mums by the front porch and make a wreath for the door. I want to eat fried biscuits and apple butter. I want someone I love to fix me biscuits and gravy Saturday morning and rub my feet. I want to experience the Third Entity again.

Take care,

Sarah