Letters from the Inside, Michael Swango, #88

This one is pretty interesting because he discusses poisoning. Also, it is the one in which a man who murdered 60 people tells me I'm a little nuts.

Dear Kelly,

Hi sunshine! I know these are the words of your beloved/despised Amir. And no man can hope to compete with his unique combination of infidelity, prevarication, and gourmet cooking. Oh yes, and perhaps a perceived lack of conscience...Hmmmm...could be just a bit of that trait (sociopaths) that you have studied more than most.

Yes, tongue firmly planted in cheek, KK. Relationships and attractions are complex and fascinating for sure.... I await your next update with interest.

No letters from you for a week or more. You are probably super-busy or out of town or finally spending several days with Amir exploring every conceivable sexual act beteween a man and a woman. In any event, hope to hear from you before the 4th of July weekend--more time to answer what I"m sure will be another scintillating letter from your very busy mind.

OK-now to a few outstanding questions and comments:

>I know this is not the answer you expect but it is honest nonetheless. There is really nothing to "open up" about [my murdering]. There was never an "uncontrollable" or "compulsive urge to do what was done. If you think for a moment, you would realize that makes sense. Someone with an "uncontrollable urge" very soon overrides any internal or external barriers. Whatever it was he or she was doing would not go unseen or undetected for very long at all.

Despite the dogma about sociopaths--that it is an all or nothing syndrome or disorder, with fairly rigid unchanging criteria...I've tried to make it clear to you that is not always the case.

No question in my mind that such actions would not ever be repeated. But again, it is not so simple as an off/on switch. It might make you feel better that such questions and lack of clear absolute answers is not only maddening to you, KK!

Professionals who make such acts and personalities their career work are similarly puzzled and maddened. So you're in good company.

In re: LADY GAGA "Telephone" song & video. First of all, I'm not fascinated by the video at all. I like Lady GaGa as we've discussed--all her videos are mini-films that spark the senses, especially "Paparazzi" and "Bad Romance". Her songs are highly original. Like everyone since Michael Jacksonthe dance world in the 1980s, her dance moves/choreography are borrowed heavily from Jackson & Madonna but because is GaGa, love to watch her and her entourage.

The mass homicide aspect of the "Telephone" video is clearly out there from a toxicological point of view; it's clear that whatever was used was easily disguised and very fast-acting. Probably along the lines of what Goering used in his Nuremburg cell---look it up! That would definitely "fit". Believe me, no extreme special knowledge needed...any medical or nursing or pharm student who's taken the pharm part of their training could say as much.

[Ed.: Someone on my facebook page knows I write to Swango and mentioned years ago her mother was asked out by him and that Swango had gone to school with her father. Later, Swango moved into the building they lived in. I relayed the broad details (no names) to Swango.]

NOW: Talk about "maddening": So--a woman you know from my home town [actually high school only--but close enough]: I asked her mother out on a date/plus went to HS years earlier with her eventual husband? Talk about six degrees of separation. Plus the bizarre footnote on the moving into the house?

Obviously, this is fascinating for many reasons. The very interesting: asked her out / doesn't say "went out"/ I have a sense there was much more than that... Again, because of your skittishness about exploring all aspects of human relationships, we haven't really gotten into many things we probably should. During that time a lot happened. Because of that "older woman" I mentioned, my entire emotional and sexual attitudes towards woman were formed. I am sure you had a man or men who went far in determining your future emotional & sexual attitudes & relationships...

NOLA was during that time ( and into the early 80s), as was apparently this wolman of whom you speak. I actually have an idea of who...if it was, there was far more (in a very powerful and beautifuil way) than "asking out". But again, I can't be sure. Again, an extremely fulfilling and rich time--with some powerful and intense and very clear (and at times, explicit) memories that I am sure you--as a writer and as a woman and as my friend -- I hope-- would find just as interesting.

Anyway, I would love to know more about this if you can.

I absolutely want to get this off to you before the long wekend--so I must get this in the mail.

1) However, in my next letter(s) -- I will address your green single page letter. [Warning: Probably no way to keep that PG-13.]
2) AND some thoughts on old technologies and lost information along the lines of your artist friend in Portland and his fascination with the recent but obsolete past i.e. phone booths, white pages, faxes.

Trust me, an amazing topic with many, many examples and ramifications. It will begin with a "warehouse in New Jersey".

Thanks and thinking of you in a good way. XOXO Gossip Girl (she lives near you by the way.)

Yours,

Michael

P.S. You really are amazing--hope my letters are not too maddening. You're a little nuts anyway, right? :-)