Letters from the Outside, In, KK to Swango, #30

Sept 25, 2009
FRIDAY

Dear Michael:

Wow! Feast or famine. For the whole week no letters and then today THREE from you!

So much to discuss. How overwhelming! I have a little dog at my feet; he turned five last Friday. Such a cute, but annoying, animal. I got home late last night from a slam and stayed up even later watching taped Project Runway. I had a drink so I was tired and wanted to sleep late, but of course, a stupid fucking telemarketer called me at 8am! Then the dog was awake and barked for the next hour. Ugh.

The slam last night was on the theme the Dark Side. I was planning on telling my Brujeria story but my name was not selected so now I know that I will tell that story for the GrandSlam on Monday. The theme of that is TRANSFORMATION and the story fits well as I was given the chance to change my life and remove the darkness by washing myself in steak blood, but opted not to. I aborted the chance of transformation.

I have still not gotten the Blackberry or new laptop, but have plans to do so in early Nov. Windows 7 comes out Oct. 22nd, so a month after that seems appropriate. Blackberry in time for holidays too.

So much darkness lately: DJ AM, all these celeb deaths, the Yale girl murdered and now the Essex Hotel murder—did you hear about it? I passed it just last week after the murder. I fear I will be murdered. In fact, on my blog a few times a year I do an update about if I’m found murdered or dead under mysterious circumstances, I list all those who’d be suspects. You know, just to be safe…

There is much to tell about Reid, and I know you are enjoying your own little lit version of “Gossip Girl” so I’ll recount it all to you later in the letter after I address some of the other things you’ve asked or commented on in the three letters I just got. I’m trying to type quickly as I have many things I must do today. I am trying to head out to lunch shortly---starving!---and then see September Issue. Have you heard about it? Only reason I’m seeing it is, because it has come to the theater by my house.

I will read this Times migraine article later. I had not seen it, so thank you for sending it along.

I have been loving Mad Men. The loss of the foot to the Deere tractor was so darkly funny! Such amazing writing.

I will also read this ovarian cancer article; I have had several ovarian cysts. When I was 15 I actually had to have laporospic (sp?) surgery to remove one. Not fun.

I have been watching Glee and while I hate musicals there is something endearing that makes this show very easy to watch. Very relaxing.

I have recently seen: Jennifer’s Body (dumb!) & the Informant (just ok). I was disappointed with Jennifer’s Body b/c I found Cody’s first, Juno, so good. I think she may be a one-hit wonder. Maybe she should try a dark sitcom next instead of long form. I want to see Coco Before Chanel. I will probably go see it on Sunday. It’s playing at the Angelika in Soho. I would also like to see Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, the movie based on the David Foster Wallace collection. However it is playing at only one theater in an inconvenient location so I will have to wait for the DVD. I would also like to see Bright Star, but again, I think I will wait for the DVD.

I’m sure you will be pleased to know I have started watching Breaking Bad. It is a very good show. Very dark. The only issue I have is the meth head who helps Cranston out by partnering with him---the actor is overacting the part. It seems inauthentic. Still, I have heard he gets better in Season Two. I have only watched the first 3 eps of Season One so I have a long way to go. I’ll let you know if it remains compelling viewing.

The NY Comedy Festival is coming in November to Carnegie Hall and I got a ticket to go see Tracy Morgan perform. Bill Maher, Ricky Gervais, & Andy Samberg are also performing but I can’t afford to get those three other tickets. I’d love to see them all though... 30 Rock is going to start again soon. I like that show a lot. SNL is also debuting its new season this weekend. Do you watch that show?

I continue to enjoy America’s Most Wanted and 48 Hour Mystery. A friend turned me onto a new true crime show called First 48. It’s live and real-time coverage of gruesome crime scenes. I really love watching True Crime stuff but it creeps me out. I wonder if I have ever met anyone who has actually killed someone else. You have---and this may be inappropriate to ask, but I am wondering if you could tell me what it feels like to take another’s life. I know it’s a dark, creepy question, but I’m very curious how you feel about this. I know you cannot give details of any crime b/c of legal reasons. I’m not asking for that. I’m just asking for the deep thoughts, psychological pinings, you have regarding this. How did you decide to first do it? What did you feel as you were poisoning someone? Afterwards was there guilt? Remorse? Confusion? Again, I’m not judging, although I am firmly against anything that is illegal in any way, but still you are one of the few people I have access to that can tell me these things first hand.

Speaking of death—how’s this for a segue?---I watched the new HBO series, Bored to Death. It was boring. It takes place in Williamsburg, a place I hate only less than the people that inhabit it. I also hate Jason Schwartzman with his disconcerting hair and garish features. I’ll watch one more ep. to see if it gets better. The critics seem to like it…

I have a copy of Rachel, Rachel on dvd and it reminds me of the Seinfeld movie reference---a young girl’s erotic journey from Moscow to Minsk! Ha! I tried to watch Night at Marienbad but it was just bad sans Marien. Just saw the Drowning Pool starring Paul Newman. So sexy he was! Saw Sugar---boring. And the Valentino documentary---beautiful clothes and kinda funny how he and his boyfriend interacted with each other.

I do not like that show Curb Your Enthusiasm. It’s always the same boring formula, but I am going to try to watch this season just because there are five eps. that include all the Seinfeld characters as a sort of reunion. Can’t miss that! Still, Larry David’s everlasting curmudgeon of a character bores me. Oh, and I have Flash Forward taped. Can’t wait to watch it later. I’ll let you know what I think. Did you get to watch it? What are your thoughts on this?

Gosh, still so much to say! Recently I started looking for some people I went to grammar school and high school with. A few have friended me and man, it’s amazing. In those years I was nerdy and ugly and made fun of. I had thick glasses, spaced teeth and a big nose. But man, I look at what these people who were so cool and popular look like now and it is shocking. They are all old and dumpy. Compared to them I am a supermodel. Sounds immodest, I know, but I’m NOT exaggerating. I have style for miles and am trim, up to date and well groomed. Up on culture, pop and otherwise, and am quicker than ever. I know I’m tooting my own horn, but I am just shocked at how different we are now. I think they are shocked too. Several commented on how how different I look and how they didn’t recognize me without my glasses. Ha!

And in closing, I’ll give you the Reid update. So since the Ensure incident the crush is OVER. I told him so and he didn’t believe me so I had to get a bit harsh and tell him about the Ensure. He laughed it off and says he still thinks if he breaks it off with his g/f he and I will be dating in a minute. Not true. I’m so totally turned off by him now—not just b/c of the Ensure---but he won’t take no for an answer. He has become quite co-dependent and I think I really dodged a bullet. I can’t believe how enamored I was for two months and how quickly it has gone completely in the other direction. I find him slow and annoying like an old wash woman. He second guesses me and is always proven wrong. It’s exasperating!


He keeps trying to flirt and I keep telling him very honestly I want no part of that anymore. That it’s dead now. He doesn’t get it. I told him he had a two-month window and that window is sealed shut now. I’m SO glad he didn’t leave his g/f for me b/c then I’d be stuck with him and he’d annoy the shit out of me.

Last night he came to a slam with me b/c his g/f cancelled like she always does. I’m beginning to think she is happy to get rid of him for a night. Either that or she is even more annoying than he is. He likes to complain about her and his life with her and the cats but does nothing to fix it.

I have OCD and like to get to non-reserved events an hour early. The Moth slams fill up quickly and have a limited number of seats. At almost 40 I want an actual seat. I like to get online at 6pm and be one of the first 10 to ensure a seat. Anyway, b/c of him being late last night we were 200th in line and it was awful. I was sweaty and panicked and he suggested just leaving but I really wanted to tell a story. Luckily he found two small tables so we moved them and sat on them. But really…so annoying.

Then afterwards I mentioned I was really hungry and would love a small fries. I rarely eat fast food but was in the mood… And he said no and started lecturing me about how bad they were yet he had just had a GIANT BROWNIE for dinner in front of me. WTF?! And then drank a coke. Couple that with the Ensure drinking and I eat way healthier than him. Jeez. So I didn’t get my fries but told him when I got home all I wanted to do was kick back with a Smirnoff Ice --- it was the only cold alk beverage I had at home--- and he was hemming and hawing how alcohol dehydrates you. Duh, I know this but I was going to be HOME where there is tons of water too. I do not want someone trying to control what I do or offer constant commentary about it, and I am pretty dominant myself and do not like being monitored.

Anyway, enough venting. I think you get my drift.

I have to run and get some Mexican food and see that movie. I hope you are doing well and that you will write me again soon!

--- KK